Author's Notes: The characters of Xena, Gabrielle, Callisto and Joxer belong to Renaissance Pictures. Wolfric is my creation. In keeping with the spirit of the show, there are anachronisms aplenty.

"Come on lazybones," said Xena, nudging Gabrielle.

"Just five more minutes, pleeeaaaze!" the Bard protested.

"We gotta get on the road," Xena said, "We need to be in Padathes by noon."

Gabrielle grudgingly pushed aside her blanket. Xena handed her a steaming bowl.

"What's that?" Gabrielle asked.

"This is something I picked up in the market in Athens," Xena replied, "The man said it's called 'Kafay'. You roast the beans, then you smash 'em and boil it all up. When you drink it, it gives you energy."

"Smells great," Gabrielle said, taking the bowl and inhaling deeply. She took a sip, "Urgh! But it's so bitter!"

"Drink it down," Xena urged, "It's a bit of an acquired taste."

"Anyway, tell me what's going on in Padathes that you have to disturb my beauty sleep!" Gabrielle asked.

Xena gathered up the bedrolls and her coffee pot and loaded them onto Argo.

"I must've told you three times already," Xena chided, "We've been asked to help judge the village sports day."

"Pah!" grunted Gabrielle, handing Xena the empty coffee bowl, "You mean you drag me outta bed and rush me along—without any breakfast I may add—just to see some village sports day!"

"It's not merely a sports day. The best three competitors are traditionally sent on the Corinth Academy to train as elite guards to King Rhomenon. They're taught swords and spears with Mennaces, philosophy with Plato and oration with Homer."

"Homer!" exclaimed Gabrielle, impressed.

"Not the Homer," Xena said, "He's been dead awhile now. I mean Homer Simsones."

"Doh!," groaned Gabrielle, disappointed.

"Still, it's an honour to have been asked to be this year's visiting judges," continued Xena, "So, be polite. Besides, I'm sure they'll lay on a lunch that'll fill up even you."

The two women strode along the path, with Argo trotting along happily beside them. After a while, Gabrielle started singing and began running ahead, spinning around and even cartwheeling from time to time. Xena covered her ears and smiled at her friend's antics.

"Oh Xena!" cried Gabrielle, "I feel so good."

"It's the kafay," laughed Xena, "It livens you up."

"Let's stop and have some more," suggested Gabrielle.

"Oh no!" Xena said, "I'd say you'd had enough!"

At that moment, a ragged little boy came running out the shadows, sobbing wildly. He collided with Gabrielle.

"Hey there little fellow!" Gabrielle gasped, taking hold of the boy's arms. She looked at his face, "What's the matter?"

The boy looked up into the tranquil green of Gabrielle's eyes and began to calm down. Eventually, he stopped sobbing enough to blurt out his story.

"The m..men," he stammered, "They came...killed my dad...took the village."

"Padathes?" asked Gabrielle.

"Yes," replied the boy.

"Gabrielle," Xena ordered, "You make a camp here and look after the boy. I'm gonna ride ahead and see what's going on."

In the wave of compassion they felt for the child, neither woman stopped to ask herself how the boy came to be so far away from his home village. It was a good hour's gallop yet from Padathes.

Xena leapt onto Argo and urged her into a gallop. As she sped away, she heard Gabrielle scream. Turning around, she saw Gabrielle struggling with the boy, who seemed to have grown several feet in height and to have sprouted tusks. With a cry, she drew her sword and somersaulted toward her friend.

"AIEYIYIYIYI!"

The warrior princess struck at the monster's back, but the demon child span about and swept at her feet with a twirling low kick. It took all of Xena's reactions and skill to avoid being bowled over. And then, as she sought an opening to strike again, the creature sprang away deftly as a net fell from the trees above. Both Gabrielle and Xena were caught, and the more they scrambled, the more tangled the net became around their arms and legs.

A beautiful blonde woman, wearing black armour and a crazed grin, stepped out of the shadows.

"Ah, good morning Xena," said Callisto sweetly, "And how are you today?"

Xena snarled from underneath the net.

"I see you've met my associate Wolfric," gloated Callisto.

With demented enthusiasm, Callisto dragged Gabrielle from under the trap and lashed her hands and feet together behind her back, like a Solstice turkey. Laughing, the evil warrior then built a fire and suspended the helpless Bard over it, while Xena despairingly struggled to get free of the net. Then, having gagged Gabrielle with a dirty handkerchief, Callisto rolled the still-struggling Xena around until she was completed immobilised by the net. Then, having made certain that Xena could not resist her, Callisto dragged the her to a tree and tied her around its trunk.

"Oh, Xena!" giggled Callisto, "I never dreamed it would be so easy. You fell for the oldest trick in the book—the crying boy routine. Hee hee."

Callisto thrust her face to Xena's, and kissed her on the forehead. Then, she stood back and twirled around in delight.

"Ooh," cooed Callisto, "I say. I've just had a lovely idea."

Callisto skipped over to Gabrielle and daintily pulled her gag aside.

"Now, Xena," said Callisto, "You'll be able to hear the little girlie squeal while she cooks. Won't that be nice? Then I can feed her to Wolfric here and then...then I think we shall deal with you."

However, in her insane joy, Callisto did not hear Xena emit a short whistle, and neither did she notice Argo responding to it by slipping away.

A fair distance further back on the road, a clumsy man in a strange-looking helmet and home-made armour was striding merrily along, singing to himself.

"Joxer the Mighty,
He's extra feisty,
Full of wit and attitude,
Every woman wants to see him in the nude."

The man stopped singing when he noticed Argo, alone, coming the other way. He stepped up to the horse and gently patted her on the nose.

"Hello Argo, what's happening?"

He saw the look in the horse's eyes. He realised that he had not simply caught up with Xena and Gabrielle, but that the horse had got away from them. And that meant something was wrong—very wrong. Joxer was not a very clever man, but he was extremely brave, and he didn't need a second longer to decide what he was going to do.

"Come on Argo, take me to Gabby and Xena," said Joxer, stumbling onto the palomino's back.

Argo would normally have thrown a strange rider into the next clearing, but she recognised Joxer's funny scent and kind voice. She knew he was good and she trusted him. She turned around, and began trotting carefully back up the road, seemingly realising that if she galloped, then her rider would certainly fall off. Even so, Joxer slipped several times, and the horse wished that he wasn't quite so heavy, his many bags of gear being slung unevenly across his back.

When they got close, Argo stopped and tipped forward slightly. Joxer lurched, and only just managed to avoid falling flat on his face. Getting up, the would-be warrior noticed Callisto and a hairy, tusked creature dancing around a strawberry blonde girl who was tied up over a smoking pile of wood.

"Oh, it won't be long now," laughed Callisto, "The pain will kick in and you'll be squealing and screaming."

"Never!" hissed Gabrielle, "I won't give you the satisfaction."

At that moment, Joxer burst onto the scene, drawing his sword.

"Ha-hah!" cried Joxer, courageously stepping up to face Callisto while Wolfric crept around his back and prepared to pounce.

"Oh, Joxer," sighed Callisto, "Joxer the Half-wit! When will you ever learn?"

Wolfric launched himself at Joxer's back. Joxer swung his sword up and aimed a blow at the top of Callisto's head, but the blade flew off. By some miracle, it landed squarely in Wolfric's forehead, and, with an agonised cry, the beast fell short of Joxer's back, its claws just catching the man's heels. As Joxer instinctively glanced behind him, Callisto unsheathed her sword and went for Joxer with a piercing shriek. Joxer was so shocked that he lost his balance and fell forward, causing Callisto's blow to come glancing off his helmet. Her sword continued in its arc, and sliced through the rope which suspended Gabrielle. Gabrielle fell onto the fire, and Joxer, seeing this, and completely forgetting about Callisto, flung himself forward to push Gabrielle onto the grass. Callisto recovered, and aimed another sword stroke at Joxer's neck, but this time she was thwarted when Joxer accidentally caught his foot on a hot ember and hopped to one side. Joxer pulled out his knife and turned to face Callisto again. Using her sword, the blonde lunatic knocked the knife out of Joxer's hand and the delivered a shattering roundhouse kick to his jaw. The would-be warrior, seeing stars, collapsed in a heap.

However, in the melee, Gabrielle's left hand had come free of its bonds, and now she managed to rid herself of the remaining ropes. While Callisto was occupied with Joxer, she rushed up to Xena and freed her from the tree.

"Alright Callisto!" rasped Xena, getting to her feet just as Callisto was about to behead the prostrate Joxer, "The party's over."

Callisto turned around, and saw an enraged Xena coming for her, with an almost equally angry-looking Gabrielle a step or two behind her. She knew that this round was lost.

"You win, this time," cried Callisto, still grinning weirdly, "But next time I see that bumbling fool by himself, I'm going to rip his head off and turn his skull into a drinking horn!"

With that, Callisto flipped backwards into the shadows, and disappeared.

Later that day, Padathes welcomed its guests of honour. They had missed the opening ceremonies, but they were in time to see the contests. There was also just about enough food leftover from lunch to satisfy Gabrielle's stomach, which had been growling even louder than usual as the warrior princess and her friends had completed their journey. And, for the first time ever, there were not four, but five judges: the village chief and his deputy, Xena, Gabrielle, and—on Xena's recommendation—an additional guest judge, Joxer the Valiant.

Please take the time to write to Tristan at xenafan@btinternet.com, and let them know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Callisto, Argo, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. The character of Wolfric was created by the author for use in this fiction. This story is copyright © 2001 by Tristan Jones and is the author's sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.