Spoilers: King Con, Forget Me Not
Summary: Joxer deals with deep depression and tries to overcome it after King Con.
Pairing: Gabrielle/Joxer
Disclaimer: Joxer, Gabrielle, Xena, and those goons from King Con don't belong to me, they belong to Rob Tapert and company. Everyone else is mine, except for Rafe and Eldon. This story includes non-descriptive violence and martial arts, and it has a lot of gloom and doom (but humor too). Read at your own risk.

"Hey, Mr. Lucky, where's the money you won from the casino?" asked Leo.

"W-well, um," stammered Joxer, "I, um, gave it away."

Another guard grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him close to his face. "You GAVE it AWAY??"

"Well, yeah, to these two guys. You see-" began Joxer.

Leo punched Joxer hard. "You gave it away, huh? No one's that stupid to give it away in just two minutes."

Joxer shook off the blow. "Well, they wanted to make change..."

He was answered with another sharp blow. "You're lying. Tell me the truth." Leo pushed Joxer away, and the other guard caught him. Leo moved closer. "Tell me the truth."

"I am," Joxer whimpered, but Leo landed another blow. And another. And another. And another.

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" said Joxer, blindly flailing his arms at empty air, rising from the bed.

Gabrielle raced to his side. "Joxer, calm down. It's all right, it's only a nightmare."

Joxer hugged Gabrielle firecely, too fiercely for Gabrielle's sake. "Gab, it was terrible. Those two guys were beating me. I couldn't stop them."

"It's okay, Joxer," said Gabrielle. "It's over now. They won't hurt you. Xena made sure of it."

Joxer pulled away suddenly. "Gabrielle, I can't stand this. Those guys started beating me, and I couldn't do a thing to stop them. I feel so...." He hung his head.

Gabrielle knew what Joxer was trying not to say. Joxer was notorious for not being able to fight at all, but he'd never been seriously hurt. Now his lack of skill was catching up with him. In the two weeks since the beating, Joxer was well on his way to healing outside, but the inside wounds seemed to have run much deeper. Gabrielle and Xena were there to help him recover, but it was obvious it would take some time.

Joxer's whole personality had changed as well. He had gone from his usual cheery self to being more sullen, angry, and gloomy. Gabrielle hadn't seen him smile since the small reassuring smile he gave her when she refused to let him leave the temple. It was all very unlike Joxer, and she was beginning to worry. Xena had assured her that Joxer would snap out of it eventually, but it might take some time.

"I can't stand the fact that I couldn't help myself," said Joxer, turning away.

Gabrielle put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "It's all right, Joxer. You've done well before, though. Remember you tried to protect me from Xena a few months ago?"

"Yeah, but she still got you anyway," Joxer sighed deeply. "How can I still be 'Joxer the Mighty' if I get beat up all the time?"

"Joxer, I know you could be a great fighter. I saw that when you were under Aphrodite's spell. All you have to do is work on defending yourself."

"Easier said than done," Joxer mumbled.

Gabrielle stood up from the bed. "Come on, I'll take you out for some breakfast. It might help if you put this out of your mind for awhile."

Joxer shook his head. "No thanks, I think I'll just head home for awhile."

"All right," said Gabrielle sadly as Joxer shuffled out the door. Gabrielle wanted to stay with him for comfort, but he apparently wanted to be alone. She'd give him that.

Joxer made his way home slowly, crashing through brush and not really caring about food or distance. I don't even know why Xena and Gabrielle hang out with me, he thought gloomily. I'm just an idiot that can't fight. I'm not like Xena. I'll never be like Xena. She may as well forget about me. Gabrielle doesn't like me either. She doesn't love me, she's always punching me around. Who'm I kidding? She'll never go for a klutz like me. Not even Meg likes me that much anymore.

And my dad. He wants me to be a warrior. How can I? I'm just the clumsy one. At least Jett can kill. I can't do anything.

Joxer sat down to rest. He saw a deer just a few feet away. He picked up a rock and threw it at the deer, but it missed wide and the deer fled. Great, I can't even hit right. He got up again and continued toward home.

An hour later, he was passing a small camp when he heard strange sounds, sort of like "hyahs" or "oofs". Curious, he picked up his pace to see what was going on.

He came upon a group of young men who were practicing punches and kicks, while an older man gave them instructions. Hey, maybe they can help me, thought Joxer. He made his way to the camp.

He went up behind the leader and tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse me, my good man."

The leader abruptly turned around, causing Joxer to stumble back, almost falling. The leader's face relaxed into a smile. "Yes, may I help you?"

"I-I," Joxer stammered, "I'd like to join your club."

The leader looked amused. "Any particular reason?"

"I want to learn how to fight back," said Joxer.

The leader nodded. "All right, then. Show me what you can do."

Eager, Joxer took out a small knife. "Okay, watch this." He swung the knife around, making it look nifty, but he accidentally lost his grip. It flew a few feet, and gave a guy with a long mustache a really close shave.

The leader chuckled. "Yes, you really do need work. All right, you can start tomorrow. I'll show you where you can stay."

"Thanks," said Joxer, falling into step behind him. "I'm Joxer, better known as Joxer the... um, never mind," he said, not willing to say he was mighty if he really wasn't.

"Nice to meet you, Joxer the Nevermind. I'm Moritanous. We'll teach you all we can. And maybe you can finish shaving Grouchous. I've been asking him to trim that mustache for weeks...."

It didn't take too long for Moritanous to figure out Joxer's capabilites, or the lack of them. Joxer was not very good at all at fighting, but he was pretty good at finding any way out of a situation. They helped him the best they could. As soon as Joxer's face was completely clear of the scars from the beating, they got rougher on him. It didn't help Joxer's self-esteem very much when nine times out of ten he landed on his back.

They helped him out in other ways. When one of the members saw that Joxer could barely read, he spent a few weeks teaching him. Now at least he could impress Gabrielle the next time he saw her.

It was after one particularly bad day that Joxer lost his nerve. After hitting the ground yet again, he got up and stormed to his place. Moritanous, noticing Joxer's distress, followed him after telling the others to stop for a few minutes.

Joxer sat on his bed with a groan. He'd been at the camp for over a month, and he hadn't learned a thing. Well, now he could read well, but what good would that do him in battle? 'I might as well face it. I'll never be as good as dad or Jett. Gods, I don't know what to do now.'

"May I come in?" asked Moritanous from the door.

Joxer shrugged. "Sure, go ahead."

Moritanous came and stood by the bed. "I can see something is troubling you, Joxer the Nevermind. Care to talk about it?"

Joxer couldn't help smiling at the mistake, but he quickly covered it. "I hate being tossed around all the time."

"I take it you're not only referring to this class," observed Moritanous.

"No," said Joxer. "Before I came here I was beat up because I gave away something I shouldn't have. I could have died, and I didn't do anything."

"I see," said Moritanous. "You've had a terrible blow to your ego, and you realized just how vulnerable you are."

Joxer nodded. "Yeah. I've been kicked around a lot, but never so..." he found it difficult to spit out. "I always laughed it off, especially if Xena or Gabrielle did it, but this was different."

Moritanous nodded. "Maybe it happened for a good reason." When Joxer gave him a hurt look, Moritanous quickly covered. "Maybe because ou were never hurt badly, you began to think it could never happen to you. Now you know that you can be hurt just like anyone else."

Joxer nodded, the gloom starting to ease. "So... how do I get past it?"

"Just find what skills you do have," said Moritanous. "I've seen you swing a weapon well, but learn to grip it better. You can talk your way out of things. Try talking instead of fighting. If you start with the small things, eventually you can become a good fighter."

Joxer nodded, feeling better with the insight. "Okay. Okay, I'll do that." He grabbed his bag and headed for the door."

"Where are you going?" asked Moritanous.

"I'll try these guys one more time," said Joxer with a sly look.

Pray Zeus they don't kill him, thought Moritanous.

Joxer stepped in front of his fellow classmates. "My good friends," said Joxer, lowering his voice to his braver level. "I challenge you to a rematch."

"Is that a fact?" asked one particularly big guy.

"Um, yes," said Joxer, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat. "I want to... fight you. Then I'm leaving."

"Well, I'm up for a challenge," said the man, rolling up his sleeves.

Joxer gulped, but dropped down to fight him. He saw the guy barreling toward him, and his knees turned to jelly. Quickly he dropped to the ground, and the giant ran right past him.

Realizing Joxer had escaped, the guy stopped and turned around. "Chicken, huh?"

The guy started toward him again. Joxer decided to run this time. Run for his life. Spotting a tree in front of him, he jumped up and climbed fast. The other guy hit the tree and was knocked out.

The others stood stunned, but Moritanous broke the silence with applause. "Good job, Joxer," he said, looking up in the trees. "You did just what I asked. I commend you."

"Thanks," said Joxer from halfway up, "but can someone get me down?"

About fifteen minutes later Joxer was back on terra firma, and he hoisted his bag on his shoulder, ready to leave.

"Goodbye, Joxer the Nevermind," said Moritanous, bowing. "You've been a good student, and I hope you become a good fighter."

"Thanks," said Joxer, "but actually it's Joxer the Mighty." He grinned, and then jauntily waved goodbye as he set out.

It was several hours later that he spotted Xena. "Hey Xena!" he called out.

Xena looked over and smiled. "Joxer, it's great to see you," she said, walking over to him. "Gabrielle told me what happened before."

"It's okay, Xena," said Joxer. "I've learned a lot, and I'm ready to join you guys again."

"That's great, Joxer. Maybe you just needed time to regroup." She put an arm around his shoulder. "Come on, I'll take you to Gabrielle. She'll be glad to know you're feeling better."

Please take the time to write to trfan at zimamcfru@hotmail.com, and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1998 by trfan and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.