CHARACTERS:
Joxer
Gabrielle
Xena
Eve
Callisto (mentioned)

Usual Disclaimers: This is a very G-rated fanfic. No subtext, no violence, no swear words, no real action. Just mainly thoughts and conversation. It was originally intended as just a thought piece, but my muse demanded some live action as well. :)
Focus: Gabrielle/Joxer, some Meg/Joxer
Summary: Joxer ponders what to do next after the events of Eternal Bonds.

Joxer sat apart from Xena and Gabrielle, watching as Xena sang Eve to sleep. Gabrielle was already asleep a few feet away, her back to the rest of the group.

The pain in Joxer's arm had dulled to a low throb. Now that he was cured of the poison, the residual pain was nothing. It would still take several more days for his arm to heal from the sword cut, but Xena had assured that he should heal completely.

It wasn't the wound that made him so distracted that night, though.

Gods, this has been one of the worst days of my life, he thought. First that poison was making me miserable, and now my heart is broken. I wish Xena would put me out of my misery.

I'm so glad Xena and Gabrielle were there for me today. I hope Xena forgave me for sending those wise guys to her. I was so stupid to think they were doing something good for her. At least she didn't bring it up again.

If only that was my only problem.

Gabrilele. She only likes me as a friend. A *friend*. I'm glad I'm at least that to her, but doesn't she know I wanted more? I've loved her for so long. I don't know when it started. I know I was mean to her when we first met, but that changed. I don't even know when it changed. The first time I knew I felt something about Gabrielle was right before she went after Callisto. It wasn't until Cupid's son made her fall for me that I knew I loved her.

I- I just thought if I proved to her that I love her, that I'd do anything for her, that I want us to be together, I thought I'd win her over. At least I finally told her I love her, but... gods, why did I wait so long?

I guess I should've figured out how she feels a long time ago. I knew she didn't really like me, but I thought we had something going.

No we didn't. She still treated me like the annoying kid brother she doesn't want hanging around. Just like Jett did.

I don't know why I ever thought we had a chance. Gabrielle would never date me or marry me or anything. I'm just wasting my time.

I can't help it, though. I love her.

Gabrielle's been the light of my life. She's so beautiful, so smart, so... I just want to take her and make her happy. She's had so many bad relationships. I just want her to know that I'd never hurt her. I'd be the perfect husband to her. If only she'd let me.

What am I going to do now? Gabrielle's probably never going to love me. If I'm not with her, who else do I have? Well, there's Meg, she's terrific, but I don't know if we'd work out. I mean, she at least loves me no matter what, but... gods, I'm torn. I don't know what to do now.

Maybe Xena will help. She always has the answers.

"Xena, can I talk to you?" Joxer asked then.

"Sure, Joxer," said Xena, after shifting a sleeping Eve to a more comfortable position on her arm. "Look, Joxer, if it's about what happened at the cave, I've already forgiven you." She smiled at him. "I know you were just trying to be nice."

Joxer gave a small smile. "Thanks, Xena, that means a lot." He looked down. "Actually, there's something else I wanted to talk about."

Xena looked over at Gabrielle's sleeping form. "Is this about Gabrielle?"

"How'd you know?" asked Joxer, surprised.

"I heard you two on the way back," said Xena. "It sounds like you two had a real heart-to-heart while I was gone. Anything you want to talk about?"

Joxer sighed and sat down, and lowered his voice so he wouldn't wake Eve. "I don't know what to do, Xena. I mean, I've loved Gabrielle for years, and I thought we were meant for each other-"

"And now you're not so sure," Xena finished.

"Yeah," said Joxer dejectedly.

Xena placed her free hand on Joxer's shoulder. "Joxer, every relationship changes. Your relationship with Gabrielle changed when you told her you love her, even if you don't realize it. It's made you more open, much closer to her. I bet you would never have asked her a year ago why she doesn't love you."

"And look where it got me," he said bitterly.

Xena looked sympathetic. "Joxer, I think it was right for you to ask her. You may not think so now, but it will help in the long run. It should give you some closure, now that you know how she feels."

"So what do I do now?" asked Joxer.

"Accept it," said Xena. "I know it's hard, and I know you want a happy ending, but things don't always work that way." She sighed. "You have to move on. If you and Gabrielle really are meant to be together, it may not work out for years. But there's always the chance that there's someone else out there for you."

"Like Meg," Joxer said.

Xena smiled. "Like Meg. Or any other nice woman. You have a good heart, Joxer, and I just know that there's someone out there for you. Don't let a broken heart set you back."

"Okay," Joxer said, getting up. He felt much better. "Good night, Xena."

"Good night, Joxer," said Xena. "I am glad you're still with us."

Please take the time to write to trfan at zimamcfru@hotmail.com, and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Eve, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 2000 by trfan and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.