Series: Fifth and final part of the Reincarnation Arc
Spoilers: Deja Vu All Over Again, Fallen Angel
Summary: Annie begins to regret giving Mattie to Harry, and decides to give Mattie a call.
Note: I began writing this story prior to seeing Soul Possession, so Annie's feelings toward Mattie aren't the same as they are in that episode. Let's just say that a person's attitude can change in a year and a half. ;) This story takes place in October of 1999, a few months after the events of Deja Vu All Over Again, so Joxer is still Annie. I also write from the POV of both Joxer (the first half of the story) and Annie (the second half).
Disclaimer: Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Harry, Mattie, Annie, and any other familiar characters don't belong to me, they belong to Rob Tapert and company. This is a G-rated fanfic: no violence, no sex. However, there is some subtext in this story, which can't be avoided. References are made to the previous stories in this series, as well as Deja Vu All Over Again and Fallen Angel.

In over 2000 years of being reincarnated, it was the hardest thing Joxer had ever had to do. Giving up the woman he had followed for so long to her real soulmate had been like losing a vital part of himself.

But he had to do it.

As Annie, he had been watching Xena's show faithfully from the first episodes on Hercules. The story seemed familiar, but he couldn't place why. He'd seen himself on screen, and didn't like what he saw. It was all so confusing now.

But the one thing the show had shown him was what Xena and Gabrielle's relationship was like. He'd been unaware of anything going on between them back in the old days, but now he saw that they belonged together. Letting Gabrielle and Xena be together was the right thing to do.

At least that's what he kept telling himself, again and again. Then why did it hurt so much?

He'd loved Gabrielle. It had taken awhile for him to realize it, but he loved her. He didn't want to be apart from her forever. They'd had wonderful times together in other lives. Gabrielle had returned his love finally, something she'd never done in ancient Greece.

Maybe it was time to finally move on. He'd gotten the happy times with Gabrielle that he wanted, and he'd made the big sacrifice by giving Gabrielle to Xena.

He didn't feel complete, though.

He felt embarrassed by the misadventures he'd had with Xena and Gabrielle. He'd cringed at all the falls and mistakes and screwups he'd seen himself doing on the show. All he'd wanted to be was a warrior that others could love and admire. He certainly wasn't a warrior in this time. Annie was very much like the Joxer he used to be. That didn't make him very happy.

At least he'd gotten some respect. He'd helped the amazon tribes survive in Central America. Gabrielle asked him to do it for her, and he did. He got to help the people against Alti in England. He even got to hit Ares. But he still wasn't much of a warrior.

Didn't Eli say something about following his heart? He did by following Gabrielle to this reincarnation thing. He went to rescue- or try and rescue- Xena and Gabrielle from prison. He did it to save the woman he loved. Yeah, and it accomplished a lot, right. Trying to save them from the bomb Ares set up didn't accomplish anything either.

Maybe he still had a chance to become a great warrior. He'd done everything he wanted with Gabrielle. They'd fallen in love and gotten married several times before, and now they'd moved on.

Maybe he should keep going on. Maybe he'd still run across Xena and Gabrielle a number of times in the future. Well, he could hope.

Annie sat back on the couch, wearing her Xena T-shirt. Even knowing who she was now, she wasn't going to give up watching the show. She had a whole new perspective on the show now, after all. Except for a few obvious differences that the producers made to the scrolls, she'd lived through this.

The season premiere of Xena was just starting. She saw Joxer walking through the snow in Rome. She sat forward. Wait, this is where the whole thing started, she thought. This is when Jox- I mean, I asked Eli about joining Gabrielle. She got up and walked into the kitchen.

It brought up the pain of losing Gabrielle again. Who was she kidding? She'd be lying if she said she wasn't upset about losing her to Xena, at least a little.

Annie grabbed a bag of cookies and starting munching, feeling very upset. She paced the kitchen. I've got to do something. I can't just let them run off together and not say anything. She'd already eaten six cookies by the time she decided to phone Mattie at her home. She left the still-open bag of cookies on the kitchen table, ran to the living room, and grabbed her cordless phone. Mattie should be home right now on a Sunday.

The phone rang three times before it was finally picked up. "Hello, Mattie and Harry's place," Mattie answered cheerfully.

Annie cringed, but she cleared her throat. "Hey, it's me, Annie."

"Annie? Oh, hi, how are you doing?" asked Mattie, a little surprise in her voice. Apparently she hadn't been expecting to hear from Annie anytime soon. They hadn't spoken since Annie went to the clinic convinced she was Xena in a past life.

"I'm, uh, I'm okay," said Annie. She cleared her throat. "Listen, um, I wanted to talk for a bit."

"Okay," said Mattie. "What's on your mind?"

Annie sighed. "I, uh, I was just thinking about bringing you and Harry together. I mean...." She took a deep breath. "I keep wondering if I did the right thing."

Mattie sighed. "Look, I'm happy. It doesn't matter that Harry is Xena. I love him for other reasons. He's smart, hard-working, a snappy dresser-"

"He doesn't go around dressed as Xena anymore, does he?" asked Annie.

Mattie laughed. "No, not in a long time. Except for... well, never mind."

Annie didn't even want to think what that meant. She cleared her throat again. "Listen, the reason I got in this cycle thing was to be with you. Now that you're with Xena, I... I don't know what to do next."

Mattie sighed. "We had a lot of great times together too. I do love you, Joxer. Honest, I do. I will always love you."

"Are we going to be 'just friends' again?" asked Annie evenly.

"We can keep in touch," said Mattie. "Hey, you're part of the team. We've been a team for centuries. We don't have to break up the group."

Annie sighed. "I think I should try and become a warrior, you know? I mean, if you're with Xena now, I don't see why I should stay."

"Joxer, wait, listen," said Mattie. "I think it's great that you want to improve yourself. But I wouldn't mind if you stayed with us. I know it's been a long time coming for me to say this, but I don't want to lose you for eternity either."

Annie brightened. "You mean it?"

"Yes," said Mattie. "You, I, and Xena make up a great time. You don't have to be my husband, or my wife, you can just be our friend."

Annie lit up in a big grin. "Thanks, I'd love that."

"I hope to see you again soon, Annie," said Mattie more softly.

"You too," said Annie, and she hung up the phone. In better spirits now, she headed back to the living room in time to see the scene where Joxer and Amarice were in the crypt talking about burying Xena and Gabrielle's bodies in Rome. At least she knew how the story had turned out.

Please take the time to write to trfan at zimamcfru@hotmail.com, and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Harry, Mattie, Annie, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 2001 by trfan and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.