Darkness engulfed the eerie forest, for that night had no moon. He ran through the thick brush, heart pounding in his chest as he heard the deadly screams of pain. Faster and faster he sped, racing towards the tormented cries, and yet it seems he was going nowhere. One last scream pierced the cold night, and then there was no more, silence fell all around him and his heart seemed to stop. Just for an instant though, then suddenly the tall trees that stood before him melted away in to nothingness. He heard his breaths, coming in short pants, but there was nothing else, only total void, emptiness, like barrenness he felt in his heart.

Suddenly a face appeared before his eyes, her face. Then slowly came the rest of her lean body, her arms spread outwards, and her legs crossed at the ankles and limp. A cross, she was tied to it, nailed to it. The blood seeped from the wounds on her hands and feet. Her eyes opened, showing no emotions, and then filled with grief.

"Why?" She whispered, and he could feel her breath on his face. "You let me die." She told him.

"No!" He heard his voice cry, it sounded so far away. Stepping forward, he reached out to her. "I love you." He called from the depths of his soul, and then she disappeared. "No!" He screamed again as he sat up into the night. Cold sweat clinging to his skin mingled with tears shed for his one love. It had been another dream.

Joxer pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. Rocking himself gently, he let the tears continue to pour. It had been months since he had heard of their deaths, and every night was a torment, full of endless nightmares. He was lost now without them; Gabrielle and Xena had been his life. Now he sat in the cold bitterness of the night, Xena's chakram and Gabrielle's scrolls lay beside him, the only thing he had left of them. He had snuck into the roman camp to retrieve them, not caring about the danger, only wanting to help keep their memory alive. It was one time in his life that he actually didn't mess up or get himself nearly killed; he nearly laughed at the thought.

He roamed blindly around the countryside, going nowhere, not wanting to. He walked into fights, hoping someone might kill him and end his misery. To free him from the broken shards of emptiness the consumed him. Everywhere he went he could see her, he could see her in a blooming flower, he could hear her voice in a gentle breeze, and he could smell her sweetness in the morning dew. Everything brought memories, but he found that even the good ones were much too painful to think of, yet it was all he had now.

He thought about how many temples he had gone to, how many times he yelled, pleaded and begged the Gods for their help, only to get their silence. He shook his head, he had to get sleep, he had gone too long without, trying to hide from the guilt-filled dreams of the night. He lay back down and sighed heavily, letting his hand rest on his friends' belongings.

Gabrielle sat beside her best friend; Xena lay in peaceful slumber, as Gabrielle thought of him again. She let herself remember back to when they had died. It started out so peaceful, the Elysian Fields was a beautiful place and every one was pleasant, though the bard's peace was short lived when she had started hearing Joxer's thoughts. It soon became too much to handle, listening to his thoughts of love, and him thinking he could have done something. She knew she had begun to have feelings for him after she had gotten back from India, Now her heart swelled with the emotions she felt for him. She wanted to reach out to him, to hold him close like a frightened child and tell him it's ok. She thought of him constantly, almost as much as he thought of her. I know you can't hear me Joxer, she thought, but I love you, be brave.

Looking again at her best friend sleeping, she sighed. She was able to tell something was wrong with Xena as well, though as usual she didn't want to talk about it. Laying down she let herself slowly drift to sleep.

Joxer looked around at the same darkness, knowing it was the beginning of the same nightmare. But wait there was something different; a soft glow was coming from just ahead of him. He walked toward it, the screams quieted and the forest no longer felt eerie.

Suddenly his surroundings changed, from night to day. He saw a lake, there was green all around, the sun shined in the clear blue sky and there she was, fear paralyzed him. She was sitting at the waters edge and looking at him. She smiled and beckoned him closer with a slender finger. He obeyed and walked to her slowly, he sat beside her and she smiled warmly, he couldn't help but smile back. Silently she gathered him in her arms, holding his head to her chest and stroked his hair. They stayed there like that for a long time, until she gently pulled his head back and looked into his eyes, almost lovingly, he thought.

"Be brave and know that I care." She told him it looked like she wanted to say more, but she slowly disappeared.

"Gabby... don't leave me..." He cried as the lake and the beautiful day changed to a dark tavern. He could see Autolycus sitting alone at a table in a far corner, then Gabrielle's voice came again, "Go to him." She said, "Find him..." Her words drifted off as Joxer woke up to a bright sun and the crisp breeze of morning.

He got up and quickly packed his things. If Gabby want him to find Autolycus he would. The dream had felt so real, he closed his eyes momentarily and he could swear he still felt her with him. Feeling a little less alone and barren, Joxer traveled to do his love's bidding.

8 days later...

"Another tankard please." Autolycus slurred to an older man behind the bar.

"Haven't ya had enough, sir?" The man asked with a concern.

"No!" He slammed his fist down, "I still remember..." He words drifted off as a new set of tear came to his eyes. The man gave him another with a sigh.

"Ya know, all the ale in the world ain't going ta make it go away. I know how you feel, I've been there myself." He said understandingly.

"No... you don't know how I feel!" He looked up at the man with bloodshot eyes. "Did you love a woman with from the depths of your very soul, but were to scared to tell her?" He asked the man angrily. "Now she's dead, DEAD!" He yelled. "Now she'll never know... never..." His words softened on his last sentence.

"Yes... she already does." The man told him slowly. "The dead can hear our thoughts," He paused, "She knows ya care." Autolycus looked up with a thoughtful gaze, but remained silent. Xena... he thought as he looked at his mug, I miss you... I love you.

Just then the tavern swung open, letting a gush of cold air blow in. He turned slowly, letting his thoughts subside for the moment. Joxer stood in the doorway, spotting the thief, he walked in. "Hello Autolycus." Joxer greeted him flatly.

"Hello Joxer." He returned, as his blundering friend sat beside him. "By how bad you look, I'm guessing you know."

"Yes, same for you."

"So what brings you to this part?" The thief asked, though he really didn't care.

"I had a dream." Joxer told him, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. "Gabby told me to find you. So here I am."

Autolycus stared at him a long moment before replying. "You having strange dreams too, huh?"

"Really?" This intrigued Joxer, "What was your about?"

"Oh nothing."

"Well, it has to be something!" He told him with an angry tone. "Maybe there's someway we can get them back."

"Don't you think I thought about that?!" Autolycus yelled as he stood up. "If there was anyway! Don't you think I would do it?!" A tear slipped down his face, and Joxer realized he had never thought Autolycus cared about anything but himself, he knew now he was wrong.

...More coming soon!

Please take a moment to write to Tabs at fairywoodqueen@sbcglobal.net and let her know how you like this story so far!

COPYRIGHT NOTICE:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Autolycus, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1999 by Tabs and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.