Rated: PG
Summary: Joxer and Jett get into trouble after meeting up with Salmoneus.
Timeline: AU Season 6, second year of Jett's parole from Maramis prison. Takes place a few weeks after the events chronicled in "Sweet Poison."

Joxer watched as his brother angrily kicked a clump of dirt. "Jett?"

His brother turned around and gave Joxer a glare that made Joxer stop in his tracks. "What do you want?" Jett snapped.

"Uh, are you okay?"

"No! I'm not okay! I'm tired of being told what to do by that ... that woman!" Jett snarled.

Joxer came up to his brother carefully. "You know that Xena's only trying to help you change."

"Xena? Did I say anything about Xena?"

Joxer looked confused. "No, but that's who I figured you were talking about."

"Well, I wasn't!" Jett snapped. "I was talking about your girlfriend, Gabrielle."

Joxer's eyes grew wide. "Jett, please! Not so loud. She'll hear you."

"So what?" Jett turned away from Joxer and said as loud as he could, "JOXER LOV..." Before Jett could finish what he was going to say, Joxer placed his hand over Jett's mouth. Jett's eyes grew wide then narrowed in anger. He mumbled, "Joxer, take your hand off my mouth or else!"

Joxer swallowed as he stared into his brother's eyes. "I will if you calm down. I know I'm taking a chance, but I want to be the one to tell her when I'm ready."

Jett gave Joxer another warning look. Not sure what Jett would do to him, Joxer removed his hand. Jett stared at him with a raised eyebrow. "Joxer, don't do that again. First of all, it's gross and your hand's full of germs, and second of all, I hate it!"

Joxer gazed at Jett and shook his head. "Honestly, you have the worst mood swings!"

"I don't have mood swings!" Jett protested.

"Yes you do! You're worse than Gabrielle and Xena are when it's their cycle times!" Joxer's cheeks flushed red.

"Hey! Them's fighting words!" Jett cried as he grabbed Joxer and gave him a noogie.

Joxer pulled away from Jett. "Knock it off! I hate that! How would you like it if I did that to you all the time?"

"All right already! Gods, you're such a baby."

All traces of good humor left Joxer's face. "I'm not a baby, Jett," he said quietly.

Jett stared at Joxer for a moment. "Yeah, I guess you're not. You've grown up quite nicely, Jox." He paused for a moment before he said, "Hey, look. I'm sorry."

Joxer gazed at Jett suspiciously. *"You're sorry?"*

Jett nodded. "Yeah." He held his hand out to Joxer. "Uh... friends?"

Joxer thought for a moment and shook his brother's hand. "Yeah. Want to go to town? Gabrielle wants me to pick up some new scrolls for her."

"Sure, like Xena would let us two go to town together."

"Why not? She has before. She trusts me to watch you." Jett rolled his eyes. "Hey, she does!" Joxer exclaimed when he saw Jett's reaction.

"Jox, I could take advantage of you if I feel like it."

Joxer smiled at him. "Yeah, you could, but you won't. Now, are you coming or not?" Joxer placed his hand on his brother's shoulder. "And you, my brother, need to relax. I heard that Meg's in town."

"Meg? Oh, do you mean that tramp that looks like Xena?"

"Jett, she's not a tramp. Meg helped me through a lot of things."

"Really? Then why do you love Gabrielle?"

Joxer thought for a moment before answering him. "It's not the same thing. Meg's fun but we don't love each other - and it's been a long time since... Besides, Meg only has eyes for one person anyway."

"Yeah? Who's that?"

"Don't know, but I can tell in her eyes that she loves somebody."

Jett rolled his eyes. "You're such a romantic!" Joxer made a face at him and Jett laughed. "Okay we'll go, but not to see Meg. I'm really not in the mood for that kind of company and Jox, tell Xena that we're going. I don't want to go back to prison."

Joxer nodded. "Okay. I'll be right back."

Joxer went looking for Xena and eventually found her by the lake fishing. "Xena, can I talk to you?" Xena was so busy fishing that she hardly paid attention to Joxer but she nodded and Joxer thought she was. "I was wondering if Jett and I could go to town. Gabrielle asked me to pick up some scrolls for her. I know that we can go into town but I just wanted to make sure and ask you first."

"Boy, he's a big one! We are going to eat so good today!"

"Uh, Xena?"

"What, Joxer? I'm busy fishing here!"

"Can we?"

"Yeah! Sure! Go ahead."

Joxer gave Xena a hug and then ran back to his brother. Xena looked confused for a moment then shook her head. "I guess Joxer really loves fish." She then went back to getting that fish. "You're mine, sucker!" she cried as she brought the fish to shore. "Oh yeah, we're gonna to eat great tonight!" she exclaimed as she held up her catch. "I caught them, Gabrielle can clean them and Joxer can cook them!" Xena thought for a moment. "Hmm, wonder what Joxer wanted..."

Xena returned to the campsite and saw that Jett and Joxer were gone. She turned to Gabrielle, who was busily writing down something on her last scroll. "Hey Gabrielle, where's Joxer and Jett?"

The bard looked up at Xena's question. She brushed her long hair away from her forehead as she answered, "They went to town. I asked Joxer to buy me some new scrolls. I've only got one left."

"Oh. Well, they should've asked me first. After all, I'm in charge of Jett."

The bard stood up and placed her hand on Xena's shoulder. "Why? Can't I give them permission? And you've let them go to town before," she pointed out.

Xena's eyes widened as she tried to remember what Joxer said to her while she was fishing. Finally, she nodded. "I know I've let them go before, but I wish you would've double-checked with me first. This town is known for its trouble and Joxer and Jett loose together could be asking for even more trouble."

"What kind of trouble?" the bard asked curiously.

"Oh, you know. Lots of fighting... Meg and her girls... The kind of trouble that used to find Joxer."

Gabrielle's face fell. "Oh, that kind."

Xena nodded. "Yeah, that kind."

"So, are we going after them?"

Xena thought for a moment. "Not right now. Let's just wait and see what happens."

Gabrielle nodded slowly, hoping everything would be all right and the brothers would come back soon with her scrolls.

Jett turned around when he heard Joxer coming, leading their horses. He saw that his brother had a huge goofy grin on his face. "Xena said yes - we could go."

Jett looked at Joxer. "She actually said we could go?"

"Yeah, she did."

"Okay!" Jett replied, giggling at the same time. He then mounted Thunder. "Then let's go. Oh, can that uh, horse of yours keep up?"

Joxer mounted Speckle and Jett was amazed yet again at how quietly Speckle stood while his master clumsily mounted him. Once seated on the gelding, Joxer took the reins. "Don't you mean can Thunder keep up with Speckle?" He made a clicking noise and Speckle started off in a slow walk.

Jett rolled his eyes and made Thunder move forward. Thunder danced around, wanting to do more than walk. He whinnied at Speckle, who flipped his right ear back and began to move a little faster. Suddenly, Thunder nipped Speckle on his left flank. Speckle made a strange noise, reared up slightly and took off in a gallop, Joxer holding on for dear life.

"DAMN IT! JOXER, I'M COMING!" Jett knew Joxer was in trouble and he made Thunder go into a gallop to catch the runaway gelding. Jett was able to catch up with Joxer after a few minutes. It took a few tries, but eventually Jett was able to grab Speckle's reins and pull him to a stop. He looked at Joxer, who was slumped over the gelding's neck. "Jox! Are you all right?"

Joxer slowly raised his head and gazed at his brother, his eyes a little unfocused for a moment and then a big, goofy grin surfaced. "I told you Speckle could outrun Thunder."

Jett laughed and grabbed Joxer's head, giving him a noogie. Joxer squawked in protest and pushed Jett away from him. "He didn't outrun him. We caught up. But I will say this for him - he sure can run when he wants to. Come on, let's walk the rest of the way."

Joxer nodded as he dismounted and took Speckle's reins and walked alongside his brother. "I hope I don't goof this up."

"Goof what up?"

"You know... Getting Gabrielle her scrolls." Joxer's eyes flashed and his face lit up. "Hey, I know! I'll get her some ink too."

Jett turned to him. "Did she ask you to get her some ink?"

"Well, not really. It'll be a surprise."

"Jox, trust me on this. Don't do it."

Joxer looked at his brother. "Why not? Gabrielle will love it."

"Because she may use a special kind of ink."

"Jett, I know what kind she uses - and I've gotten it for her before whenever she's asked me to."

"Jox, just get her the scrolls like she asked. Whenever you do something on your own - " Jett paused, "- it just gets you into trouble."

Joxer faced forward and remained quiet as he walked faster, away from his brother. Gee, thanks so much for your faith in me, Jett! Gods, I'm SO sick of being treated like a child by everybody! he thought to himself resentfully.

Jett sighed and followed Joxer, realizing that he had managed to stick his foot in his mouth but said nothing. They eventually arrived at the town's gates and Joxer looked around, surprised that there were no guards posted at the entrance. He turned around and gazed at his brother. "I wonder where the guards are?"

Jett shook his head, mystified. "Don't know. Come on, let's get those scrolls and then get something to drink. I don't know about you, but I'm thirsty after all this walking."

"Jett, I can get those scrolls by myself. Why don't you go ahead and get a drink and I'll meet you at the tavern?" Joxer suggested.

Jett nodded in agreement. "Okay. I'll meet you at the tavern. And Jox?"

"Yeah?"

"Just get the scrolls."

Joxer rolled his eyes but nodded and the two brothers separated. As Jett was about to enter the tavern, a big, bulky body went sailing past him. The man landed with a loud thump but got right back up. He hurried back inside, attacking the men who threw him out and this time they went came out the door. Jett stepped aside as he looked around. The place was in a shambles. Men and women were both fighting each other. Only one man was not fighting. He was standing on the bar trying to say something through all the fury. "People! People! Please! Can't we come to an agreement? There's no need for all this fighting. I promise everyone will get a share!"

Jett stared at the short, portly, bearded and balding man standing on top of the bar. He knew the man but only from what he heard. He had never had the "pleasure" of meeting this particular con man - Salmoneus. He thought to himself that someone had once tried to pay him for killing Salmoneus, but he had refused, giving the man the excuse that the little weasel wasn't worth his time.

He watched as one of the men headed towards Salmoneus. "You're a dead man, Salmoneus! I want my money back! I don't want a share! Now give me my money or else!"

"Yeah, give us back our money!" several people yelled in agreement.

Salmoneus looked around, wishing that he had never stopped in this town. These people were dangerous - and danger was something he tried to avoid at all costs. Maybe I should've retired after that stint in jail for tax evasion after all... "People, please! I promise this will work! Trust me!" he said with a huge, fake smile.

"Give us back our money, you quack, or we're going to string you up!" someone yelled at the rear of the tavern. Jett ducked as a chair went flying over his head.

Salmoneus began to look pale. "Gentlemen, please be reasonable!" he squeaked, holding his hands up before him.

The man who was speaking cried out, "Let's get him!"

Salmoneus tried to get away as the angry crowd approached him, but slipped on some ale that had been spilled on the bar and he fell onto the bar with a loud thud. Just as they were about to grab him, a dagger went sailing by and hit the wall behind the bar. The men turned around and looked at Jett, who was smiling at them smugly. "I guess you all know who I am, huh?" he growled.

One of the men stared at him and gulped loudly. "You look like the King of Assassins, but he's in prison!"

Jett's smile widened. Good. They didn't know about my parole. This will be a big help. He walked over to the man and grabbed him by his dirty tunic. "Do you really think a prison will hold me?" he hissed in his best low and raspy voice.

The man gulped, his eyes wide with fright. "No."

Jett let the man go and the man ran from the tavern. Salmoneus watched in amazement. Everybody in the tavern was afraid of this man and all the men aside from himself were twice his size, yet they were absolutely terrified of him. One man bravely stood forward and said, "This man cheated us out of our money."

Jett stared at the man coolly. "And hanging him will get it back?" The men now just looked at each other, puzzled. Jett smiled coyly at them as he walked over to where the dagger was sticking from the wall and pulled it out. "Look, I've got a job to do. You're not the only ones this man's cheated, but I'm being paid for this, not you."

"You mean you're here to kill him?" asked one of the men.

"That's what I get paid for," replied Jett, his eyes gleaming as he ran his finger along the backside of the dagger.

"Can we watch?" the same man asked.

"No. I don't like people to watch me."

"What about our money?"

Jett looked at Salmoneus and leered menacingly at him. "Give these people back their money or I'll make an exception and kill you right in front of them."

Salmoneus looked at the man and nodded, giving everybody their money. Maybe later I can find a way to get myself out of this mess, he thought to himself. When all the money was returned, Jett grabbed Salmoneus by the front of his shirt and pulled him off the bar. "Hey, watch it! I bruise easy," he squealed.

Jett said nothing. He placed the dagger against Salmoneus' back and shoved him out the door. Once outside, he growled into Salmoneus' ear, "Do you know where the marketplace is? If you do, go there and look for my brother. You can't miss him. He looks exactly like me."

Salmoneus didn't wait for the man to change his mind. He was off and running to find the man's brother. The conman ran as best as he could, but he was too out of shape and soon became winded. He stopped and leaned against a tree, panting.

"Hey, are you okay?" a voice asked and Salmoneus felt a gentle hand placed on his right shoulder.

Salmoneus looked up into the same dark eyes and face of the assassin he met earlier only this time, the dark eyes and face had a gentle look to them. "Excuse me, but are you the brother of The King of Assassins?" Salmoneus squeaked nervously.

Joxer shook his head. "Not any more."

Salmoneus' light blue eyes widened in shock. "You're not?"

"Nope."

"Good! I mean that's - wonderful! Would it be okay if I join you?"

Joxer stared at the man then nodded. "Sure. I've just got to go buy some ink to go with these scrolls and I'll be ready."

Salmoneus smiled. "Ink? Did you say ink? My good man, I sell ink!" He rubbed his hands together in anticipation of making some quick cash.

Joxer's face brightened up. "You do?"

"Yes! The finest in all of Greece Ð and at prices you'll love."

"Wow! Can I see it?"

Salmoneus was just about to reach into his pocket when he was interrupted by a voice. "Hey Jox!" Salmoneus' mouth dropped open as the King of Assassins approached them. "I see you managed to find my brother after all," Jett said with a smirk on his face.

Salmoneus turned to Joxer. "Your brother? I thought you said that the King of Assassins wasn't your brother?"

"I did and Jett's no longer the King of Assassins."

"But he said he was! He said he was hired to kill me!" Salmoneus pointed a stubby finger in Jett's direction. Joxer looked at his brother with a hurt and confused look.

Jett rolled his eyes and threw his arms up in exasperation. "Oh, for crying out loud! Jox, don't look at me that way. I had to do something to get that crowd off this idiot! They were about to hang him."

"So, what did you do?" Joxer asked with a worried look on his face.

Salmoneus interrupted before Jett could reply. "He threw a dagger at them."

Joxer's mouth dropped open in shock. "A dagger! Jett, you're not supposed to have a weapon! How and when did you get a dagger?"

"Chill, Jox! I borrowed it from you."

Joxer's eyes narrowed in anger. "More like you took it from me when I wasn't looking! What is the matter with you?" Joxer held out his hand firmly. "Give it back, Jett!"

Jett took out the dagger and stared at it for a few minutes. "You know, it'd all be so easy to just take care of you two and then I'd be free," he said in a faraway voice as he continued staring at the blade gleaming in the sunlight. Joxer stared at his brother with wide, worried eyes. Jett turned the dagger around so that the handle faced Joxer and held the weapon out to his brother with a faint smile on his lips. "But I've come too far to go back to that life," he continued as he gave the dagger to Joxer.

Joxer smiled and sighed at the same time. "Thanks Jett," he said as he put the dagger away.

Jett nodded and circled Salmoneus. "Now, why don't you show us what you tried to get those people to buy, you nitwit?"

Salmoneus held his hand up. "Not buy, invest in."

"Invest?"

"He means buy into, Jox."

The three began walking to where Speckle and Thunder were waiting. Salmoneus nodded ferociously in agreement. "Yeah! Buy into! They would have made a lot of dinars too." Salmoneus motioned his arm across the sky. "Imagine if you could fly up to Mount Olympus without wings or even by magic. What would you think?"

Joxer and Jett looked at each other before Joxer turned back to gaze at Salmoneus with a raised eyebrow. "I'd think you had too much ale, my friend!" Joxer laughed. Jett nodded in agreement.

"No, no, no! I'm serious, and I've got just the thing," Salmoneus said eagerly.

"So, where is this thing of yours that can supposedly fly without wings?" asked Jett.

"I've got it hidden." The brothers exchanged glances. "Hey, I don't want anyone to take my idea! Come on, I'll take you there!" Salmoneus exclaimed.

Jett sighed and waved his hand in dismissal as they came to a stop in front of the two animals. "Fine! You can ride with Joxer."

Salmoneus looked at Speckle and the gelding looked back at him and whinnied a friendly greeting, swishing his tail and pointing his ears forward. Salmoneus jumped back at the strange noise the gelding made. "I'll walk, if that's okay with you," he said nervously.

"Suit yourself. Now, how far is it?" Joxer asked as he mounted Speckle.

"It's not far. This way," Salmoneus pointed forward and Jett made Thunder go into an easy trot.

Joxer rode up to Jett as they watched the conman walk away. "Do think we should do this?"

"Sure. Why not? It may be interesting."

"What about Gabrielle and Xena?"

"Jox, if it really works, then we'll tell them and Xena can use it to go up to Mount Olympus and kick a certain God's butt."

"Oh okay... Hey! Jett, that's not what I meant and you know it!"

Jett chuckled a little and rode up to Salmoneus. "Hey, how much further? My horse hates walking."

"It's just around the bend in that valley," the conman replied.

When they finally came to the valley, both brothers stared at the contraption with their mouths open and huge eyes. Joxer managed to find his voice first. "What is it?" he asked in a whisper.

Salmoneus smiled widely at the two brothers and waved his arms around in excitement. "This, my friends, is the thing that can fly without wings! I call it: The Salmoneus Bird!"

They stared at it for quite some time. "Uh, what is that thing?" asked Jett.

"This baby will take us to the air," replied Salmoneus. "Just as soon as I fire her up. I've just got to get this fire started. The fire will expand the balloon and then she'll go up."

"Right," Jett said skeptically. Joxer glared at Jett and he fell silent.

The brothers watched in silence as Salmoneus prepared The Salmoneus Bird. The process was slow but eventually the strange thing was ready. Joxer started to approach it when Jett grabbed him by the arm. "What are you doing?"

Joxer turned to face him. "I want to see what it would be like to sit in it."

"Are you nuts?"

Joxer shook himself away from Jett's grasp. "No, and I'm tired of you saying that! I'm getting in and I'd like you get inside too."

"No way, Jox! Forget it."

Joxer gazed at his brother sternly. "Jett, either you get in or I'll tell Xena you took my dagger and threatened to kill someone with it."

Jett looked stung. "I didn't threaten to kill anyone!"

Salmoneus cleared his throat. "Uh, that's not true. You did threaten me."

Jett turned around and gave Salmoneus a look. "You stay out of this! If it wasn't for me, you'd be dead, you doofus-brain!" Jett turned back around. "Joxer, you wouldn't dare."

Joxer stared at Jett calmly. "Try me, Jett." Jett blinked in surprise at Joxer's tone of voice. "Come on, we're just going to sit in it, nothing more. Right, Salmoneus?"

"Yeah, right! Nothing more! There's nothing to be scared of, my good man!"

"I'm not scared of anything!" Jett replied indignantly as he climbed into the basket and sat down, making himself comfortable. "Say, this isn't so bad after all."

"See? Told you," Joxer said with a smile as he joined Jett inside the basket.

Salmoneus slowly backed towards one of the ropes and talked as he untied it, "See? There's nothing to it. Just relax. Why don't you take a little nap? It's really nice to sleep in," he suggested.

Joxer yawned. "I am kind of tired now that you mention it. Maybe a little nap might be a good idea."

Jett looked around warily. "I don't know, Jox."

"I will keep an eye on things," said Salmoneus in a soothing voice.

Jett looked at Joxer, who was already asleep. "Okay, but if there's any sign of trouble, wake me up."

Salmoneus nodded furiously. "Okay, I will! Don't worry about a thing!"

Jett soon found himself drifting off to sleep, Salmoneus chattering happily all the while. Salmoneus watched the two brothers carefully and as soon as he was sure they were both sound asleep, he untied the other ropes. The balloon slowly rose into the air. Salmoneus smiled as the balloon drifted slowly out of sight. He stared at Thunder and Speckle then decided against taking either one of them and simply walked away, whistling to himself. Speckle, sensing that something was wrong and not smelling his gentle master anywhere nearby pulled and bit at his reins until they were undone and trotted away to find help. Thunder whinnied and pulled on his reins until he got loose and followed Speckle.

Joxer woke up to the sound of someone being sick. He sat up to see Jett leaning over the side of the balloon. "I'm going to kill him! I don't care if I go back to prison. That man is dead meat!" the oldest triplet moaned.

Joxer slowly got up and saw that they were high up in the air and slowly floating over the green countryside. He carefully made his way to his brother. "Jett, are you okay?"

"No! I'm not okay! Jox... I'm sick... Oh, Gods! I just want to die," Jett moaned miserably. He got sick again over the side. He then sank down to his knees, his face deathly pale. "Jox, we've got to get down. I can't stand this. Please find a way down. Please!" he whispered, his dark eyes huge and glassy as he stared up at Joxer.

Joxer returned the stare, shocked. He had never seen Jett this way before. He was not only sick, but he was scared.

Gabrielle was gathering wood for the night's campfire when she heard Speckle's strange voice. She looked up to see both Speckle and Thunder returning without their masters. She dropped the wood, took the horses' reins and led them back to the campsite. "Xena! Xena!" she called out, dropping their reins as she ran up to Argo. Xena looked up to see that Gabrielle's eyes were huge and that she had a very worried look on her face. "Thunder and Speckle came back alone. Something bad must've happened in town!" she gasped.

Xena didn't answer her. She had turned away and was looking in the sky at a very strange thing. Gabrielle looked up too and pointed at the object. "Xena, what is that thing?"

"I have no idea, Gabrielle, but if Joxer and Jett are missing, you can bet they're right in the middle of that," Xena replied.

Gabrielle looked back at Xena. "Do you think they're up in that?"

Xena nodded as she leapt up on Argo. "Come on. We've got to catch that... whatever it is."

Gabrielle quickly mounted Amber and the two friends went after the strange object floating in the sky.

Conclusion >>>