by Susan Owens
Jett carefully placed Xena on the cot. He then looked up at Gabrielle. "We need to get the poison out before it travels thought her body. Do you have a knife?"
Gabrielle nodded as she took it out and gave it to him. Jett stared at it for a minute then took it. "This may make you queasy."
"No, it's okay. Just do it!"
"Okay. Now you need to go get that follower. He might know what the antidote is for the type of snake that poisoned Xena." Gabrielle stared at him. "Look, I know that you're scared, but it's got to be done before it's too late for her!"
"Do you really know what you're doing?"
"Yes."
Gabrielle stared at Xena for another moment then ran to get the follower. She returned with the man shortly afterwards to find Jett putting a bandage on Xena's arm. "I think I got the poison out," he said to them in a soft and raspy voice.
The follower went over with a bowl in his hands. "She must drink this. This will help her," he explained.
Gabrielle took the bowl and sniffed it, her nose wrinkling at the smell. "What will it do?"
"As I said, it'll help her. She'll sleep for the rest of the day, but by morning, she should be all right," the follower said.
Gabrielle lifted Xena's head up and she gave her the medicine. "I hope this works."
"I'm sure it will. Xena's a strong person."
Gabrielle looked at Jett. "Are you worried about Joxer?" she asked quietly.
Jett nodded slowly. "Yeah. I'm worried about him," he admitted.
"Maybe one of us should've stayed with him," Gabrielle said as she turned away to gaze around the room.
Jett was silent for a moment, taking in her words. "I can stay with Xena if you want to go to him," he said finally.
"Did I say I wanted to?"
"No. I just thought you did. Sorry for making assumptions."
Gabrielle sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "No, I do, but I also want to be with Xena."
Jett stared up at the bard, frowning. "Look, Gabrielle. There's not much you can do for Xena except to wait. Maybe Joxer's the one who could use some support."
Gabrielle nodded slowly. "I guess you're right. Okay. I'll go back to Joxer. You look after Xena."
"I will. When she's back on her feet, we'll join you."
"Deal."
"Great! Then we better get a move on! Mom's fit to be tied!" another voice broke in.
Both of them turned around as Cupid appeared in the middle of the room. "Cupid, what's wrong and why are you here?" the bard asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.
"What's the matter? I'll tell you what's the matter! Joxer challenged Apollo to a musical duel," the winged God informed them.
Gabrielle's eyes blazed with anger at Cupid's words. "He did what?"
The God raised his arms in the air as Gabrielle approached him. "Look! I don't have time to repeat myself! Let's go."
Gabrielle suddenly found herself in a room. Cupid pointed over to where Joxer was sitting on a bed tuning the harp. "Maybe you can talk some sense into him! He hasn't bothered with listening to me!" the God sighed.
"Joxer... What were you thinking?"
"Oh! Hi Gabrielle," Joxer replied with a weak smile as the bard approached him.
"'Hi Gabrielle?' Is that all you've got to say?"
"Oh, sorry! How's Xena?"
Gabrielle sat down on the bed next to him and barely managed to keep herself from bopping the warrior wannabe hard on the arm with her fist. "She's resting. Joxer... Gods, why did you challenge Apollo? He's the God of Music!"
"I know. I can beat him, Gabrielle."
"How? He's the one that gives you the ability to play."
"Gabrielle, if he takes that away from me then he's cheating, and I don't think the other Gods will allow that," Joxer pointed out.
Suddenly a pink flash of light appeared and when it dissolved, Aphrodite stood in front of the two sitting on the bed, looking rather ticked off.
"Mom! It's about time you showed up!" Cupid exclaimed. "Maybe you can talk some sense into Joxer. I give up!"
"Studmuffin...." The Goddess' blue eyes lit upon Joxer, who shrunk back a little at the angry look on her pretty face.
"Uh... Hi, 'Dite," the warrior wannabe mumbled.
"Are you out of your cotton picking mind challenging 'Pollo to a musical duel like that?!" Aphrodite scolded Joxer as if he were a naughty child, wagging a perfectly manicured finger at him.
"Hey! I'm here for a good cause!" Joxer's lips pursed up stubbornly. "It's not right what he's doing, holding a girl prisoner and trapping all those guys!"
Aphrodite's scowl softened and she sat down on the opposite side of Joxer. "True, but still... Hi, by the way, Miss Bard."
Gabrielle nodded and rolled her eyes.
Joxer's face grew serious. "Aphrodite, I have to try," he said softly. "It's the right thing to do."
Aphrodite sighed and shook her head. "I know... Sometimes, I wish you weren't such a dorky but cute goody-goody, Studmuffin."
"Hey! This idiotic mortal challenged me in my own temple! Do you think that I'd actually turn him down, 'Dite? Do you know what would happen if I said forget it?" Apollo suddenly appeared in the room and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'd never live it down! I'd be the laughingstock of Mount Olympus because I didn't compete against Jerkster the Not-So-Mighty!"
"You!" The Love Goddess rose to her feet and stormed over to the Sun God. She flicked his ear with her fingers before he could move away from her, making him howl.
"Somebody's in trouble!" Cupid said in a singsong voice, giggling.
"Be quiet, Cupie!" The Goddess tossed her gorgeous curls over her shoulder then turned back to her brother. She continued her abuse of Apollo's ear with relish, twisting the appendage mercilessly. The God's eyes widened at the pain shooting through his body and he yelled again. "Are you gonna lay off my boy Joxer or what? Well? Or am I going to have to get really rough?"
"Aphrodite, stop it!" Joxer put the harp down and rose to his feet.
Gabrielle sat on the bed, not saying a word. The bard watched in silent astonishment and more than a little discomfort as Aphrodite gave Apollo a little taste of what she used to do to Joxer on a regular basis.
The Goddess turned around, still holding Apollo's ear between her fingers. "Why should I? One wrong move and you're like his totally brain-dead lackey for the rest of your life! Do you really want to spend part of it washing those wicked skanky feet of his? EWWW! I'm not gonna let that happen to you, Studmuffin!" She twisted the God's ear again, making Apollo screech.
"Aphrodite, I appreciate what you're trying to do. I really do," Joxer said softly. "But I challenged Apollo fair and square to this contest so I can free Princess Meliai, and I won't go back on my word."
"What's to say that he won't and cheat just to get his way, huh?" Aphrodite queried. "This is the guy who used to like to put gum and glue on the seats when we were kids! Totally icky!"
"I won't!" Apollo squeaked. "I promise to compete with the mortal fairly!"
The Goddess gazed into her brother's eyes and she loosened her grip on his ear slightly. "Are you totally giving me the goods, 'Pollo?" she asked suspiciously.
"Yes! I promise to compete with Jerk-Joxer..." The God of the Sun and Music amended his words hastily when Aphrodite's grip tightened on his ear again. "...fairly. I won't take away his playing ability. Now please let go of my ear!" he finished with a whimper.
The Love Goddess glared at him for a moment before she gave one final twist of the ear before letting Apollo go. She watched as her brother rubbed at his ear before turning to look at Joxer. She gazed at the warrior wannabe for a long time, not saying a word, just staring into his dark brown eyes until he blushed and lowered his gaze.
Aphrodite's face softened again as she took in what she had seen in Joxer's eyes, and she sighed. "All right! You two can have this totally grody competition, but I still think that it sucks!" she agreed, throwing her hands up in the air. She turned back to her brother and snapped, "One wrong move, and it'll be more than an ear twist for you, comprende, 'Pollo?"
"Okay! Okay! I get the idea already!" Apollo held up his hands in surrender.
Before Aphrodite could retort a smart-aleck remark, the room started shaking with the sound of thunder.
"Oh wonderful! Here comes more trouble!" Gabrielle mumbled under her breath as Zeus and Hera appeared.
"I have had enough of this!" Zeus bellowed. "I permit you to have this contest with the mortal Joxer, my son. I've chosen three Gods and one mortal to judge."
Apollo looked surprised. "A mortal?"
"Yes, to be fair. I have chosen Ares, Hermes, Athena, and the mortal I have chosen is Hercules." Zeus looked at Aphrodite, who was about to say something. "Don't say anything, my daughter. You were not chosen for this contest because you have a strong attachment to this human." He gestured at Joxer before continuing. "However, you may stay to support him." He then motioned towards Gabrielle. "Xena's young friend may also stay to witness this contest and support her friend."
"But why Jerku... him? Why not somebody else?" Apollo protested. "Dad..." he whined.
Zeus glared at Apollo and the young God said no more. "I have chosen him, Apollo, and that is my final word on the subject. Now, are you two ready?"
Joxer bowed respectfully in Zeus' and Hera's direction. "I'm ready."
Gabrielle reached out and took Joxer's hand. Joxer turned around to face the bard. "Gabrielle, there's something I need to tell you," he said quietly.
"Joxer, can't it wait?"
Joxer shook his head. "No, it can't. Gabrielle, I want you to know that no matter what happens, you will always now and forever be in my heart."
Gabrielle smiled sadly. "Come on. If you're going to do this, then let's go."
"Well, it's about time you got a clue!" Aphrodite sniffed as she watched the two.
Gabrielle's head turned in the Goddess' direction. "What did you say?" she snapped.
Aphrodite giggled, but sobered up when Cupid joined her at her side and scowled. "I said that I was wondering how my boy Joxer was going to do!" she quickly fibbed.
Gabrielle nodded. "Okay." She turned around and continued walking next to Joxer.
"Mom..." Cupid whispered in his mother's ear.
"I know! I know!" Aphrodite sighed and they followed behind Gabrielle and Joxer.
The Gods all turned and looked as Apollo and Joxer came into the great hall from opposite directions. Some of the Gods cheered while others jeered. Apollo raised his hands and the cheering increased. "Come on, Apollo! Show that stupid human what real music sounds like!" a God yelled. The jeering and insults increased in volume.
Zeus stood up and suddenly it became silent in the great hall as everybody turned to face him. "This mortal named Joxer has challenged Apollo to a musical duel. These three Gods- " he said, pointing to Ares, Hermes, and Athena, "- and my son Hercules, to represent the mortals, will act as judges. They have all agreed to be fair and impartial during this contest."
Zeus turned to Apollo and Joxer. "These are the rules. You each will play three songs - one song apiece during three days of competition. Each day will have a theme that your songs must be based upon. The first day's theme is joy. The second day's theme is sadness, and the final day's theme is hope. The one that can make all the judges laugh, cry, and believe in the impossible will be the winner. Do either of you have any questions?"
Apollo and Joxer both shook their heads.
Zeus inclined his head forward. "Very well. The first part of the competition will commence, then. Who wishes to go first?"
Apollo step forward. "I do, Father. Joxer's the one who challenged me. It is my right to."
"Very well. Apollo, you may go first," Zeus agreed.
Ares leaned over to whisper in Athena's ear. "This should be a barrel of laughs! I can't wait until that jester loses this challenge."
"We do have to judge fairly. You know what Father said would happen if we didn't."
Ares sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know. Do you really think he'd make us mortals?"
"I wouldn't put it past him, so if I were you, I'd judge fairly. Besides, haven't you learned your lesson after you were temporarily mortal, Brother?" Athena observed quietly.
"Hey! Not a problem. There's no way that Jokester the Mighty Doofus is going to beat Apollo anyway!" Ares said with a huge grin.
Hercules looked towards Ares and Athena suspiciously but said nothing. Apollo took out his harp and began to play. As he played a fast and lively tune, the judges listened.
Suddenly Hermes began to laugh. Athena soon followed but only with a small chuckle. However, neither Ares nor Hercules changed expression.
Eventually Zeus raised his hand. "Enough! Joxer, it is your turn."
Gabrielle squeezed his hand. "Good luck."
Joxer smiled at her quickly, walked up to the center of the room and began to play. The four judges listened as the harp seemed to sing out with laughter and joy as Joxer played. Ares tried his best to keep a straight face but a smile broke out followed by a chuckle and soon Hercules began laughing too. Hermes and Athena were also laughing at Joxer's song.
"The first round goes to Joxer," Zeus announced. "The second round will be at the same time tomorrow."
Apollo stared angrily at Joxer, not believing that he had actually lost to a mortal. Joxer shuddered a little but turned around and left the hall to prepare himself for the next round, Gabrielle walking next to him.
"Xena! Please, you need to rest!"
"If you don't let me up, I'll tear you apart!"
Apollo's follower backed away. Jett smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "She can be a bit of a grouch sometimes," he said for an explanation.
Xena grabbed Jett by his tunic collar. "We need to get to Mount Olympus!"
Jett had explained everything to Xena when she woke up the next day and he stared at her as she reacted to his explanation. "And how do you propose that we do that, huh?"
Before Xena could answer him, they both found themselves sitting next to Aphrodite. "Yo! I never thought I'd turn into a mortal transportation service, but I figure that Studmuffin could use all the positive karma he could get up here!" she said to them with a gorgeous smile.
Xena gave no reply as they sat and watched but her eyes were bright and alert.
Apollo was staring at Joxer, wondering how such a lowly mortal could have beat him in the first challenge. He knew that he had to do better this round. Making a God cry, especially Ares and Athena, was going to be hard and he needed a song that would work. He closed his eyes and began to play.
Hercules tried his best not to cry but a tear escaped his eyes. Hermes also cried. Ares and Athena stared for some time at their brother, but then Athena sniffed. Ares remained unmoved.
Zeus ordered Joxer to go next. Joxer reached into the recesses of his very soul, reliving memories of his childhood and allowing those feelings to influence his playing. The soft, haunting, yet sweet melancholy of his song filled the hall. Gabrielle felt her heart jump into her throat and her eyes began to burn. Everyone in the great hall fell silent as they listened to Joxer's playing and tears came to their eyes. However, Joxer's playing resulted in the same reaction that Apollo had gotten: all wept except for Ares.
Zeus raised his hand to indicate that Joxer should stop playing. "Since neither of you made Ares cry, this round is a draw."
Gabrielle stepped forward. "Joxer made all the other Gods in this hall cry!" she protested.
Zeus looked at her sternly. "They are not judging this contest, mortal, and I suggest that you keep quiet."
"But how can you say it's a draw?" she protested.
"Because it is. The final round is tomorrow."
The four friends returned to Joxer's room. Joxer looked at Xena and smiled in relief. "Xena, you're all right!"
Xena returned the smile and nodded. "I still feel a little weak, but yeah, I'm all right."
"A little weak?" questioned Jett. "I'd hate to see you totally weak!"
"Xena, what are we going to do? Joxer's been doing great up there, but this last challenge was a draw. If Apollo wins the next round, then what?"
"I don't know." Xena turned to Joxer. "Explain what the rules are."
Joxer and Gabrielle told Xena everything. Xena thought for a moment. "The last round will be the hardest. Gods don't believe in faith and it will be very hard to convince them."
"I just don't understand why Ares didn't cry," Joxer said quietly.
"Because he has no heart," replied Gabrielle.
"No, Gabrielle. He does have a heart. In his own way he loves Xena, and you need a heart to love," said Joxer.
His friends and his brother stared at him in surprise. "You're right, Joxer."
"Thanks, Xena!"
Xena saw that Gabrielle still had her chakram. "Gabrielle, could I have that back?"
The bard looked at her and sadly shook her head. "No. Not until Apollo takes the spell off, and he won't unless Joxer beats him."
Xena nodded as Joxer sat down on the bed to practice.
Apollo paced up and down in his chamber. "How could that idiot beat me in the first round and then everything ended in a draw in the second round?"
"Calm down, will you?"
"Don't tell me to calm down, Ares! I've got to win this or I'll be the laughingstock of Mount Olympus!" Apollo shouted.
"And you will... Look. This helps me too," Ares said in a soft voice.
Apollo frowned. "How?"
"If Joxer loses to you - and he will, you get him as a mindless slave. I get him out of Xena's life. Then, without him, his brother goes back to his old ways and eventually gets his ass hauled back to prison and I'll get Xena."
"I don't see how you can say that. Joxer's playing is great!"
Ares placed his arm around Apollo, who shook him off. Ares just smiled before he replied, "Joxer plays well because of you, my dear brother. You were the one that gave him that ability in the first place. All you've got to do is take it away from him," he pointed out.
Apollo stared at him. "I said I would win this fairly, and I will. If I can't beat Joxer without having to resort to tricks, I don't deserve to win."
"I'm glad to see you decided to play fair, Apollo."
Both Gods looked up as Hercules entered Apollo's chamber. Ares growled at him. "No one asked you to be here! I can't believe that Mother could possibly be glad to see you here! I know I'm not!"
"I could care less what Hera thinks. I'm here for my friends."
Suddenly the room began to shake and a very angry Zeus appeared in the middle of the room. "ARES!" Ares gulped at the furious glare on his father's face. "Do you think I'm deaf and can't hear what you're planning? I had thought that you would be fair, but I see I was wrong."
"Hey! I'm the God of war, not music. What do I know about music?"
"I chose you because you are one of my higher Gods but I will not tolerate cheating of any kind during this contest! You do remember what I said, don't you?"
"Father, I can't survive as a mortal!"
"You brought this upon yourself, my son."
"Zeus, wait! Why not just take him off the judging committee and pick another God?"
"I don't need your help!" Ares growled at Hercules.
Hercules rolled his eyes. "I'm not helping you. I'm helping mankind. You're not a pretty sight as a mortal."
Zeus rubbed his chin, considering Hercules' words. "Very well. Ares, I have decided upon the following punishment for you. Your powers will be removed while the contest goes on. This way I can insure that you do nothing to disrupt the competition. I will return them later - at a time of my choosing." Before Ares could say anything to protest, Zeus held out his hands and a bright light surrounded the God of War. Ares gasped as his powers were taken away and his body sagged forward. "Now Ares may judge."
"Is that wise? He might still cheat," Hercules pointed out.
"I've heard Joxer play and I'm glad I'm not judging. I must return to Hera now. She, well, let's just say it was the only way she agree to behave herself while you were here, son." Zeus winked at Hercules and then vanished.
They all watched as Zeus left. "That was something that I just didn't need to know!" the demigod mumbled. Apollo nodded in agreement, making a face.
Ares picked up a vase and threw it against the wall, where it shattered into several pieces. "DAMN HIM!" he bellowed.
Suddenly they heard a strong and angry voice. "Ares, that was one of my favorite vases! I want to see you right now!"
"But Mother...!"
"NOW! AND STOP THAT WHINING!"
Hercules shook his head "You should have known better," he said as he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Oh shut up, you half breed!" Ares snarled as he stormed from the room.
"Well, there went Dad's nookie out the window," Apollo observed as he watched Ares leave. Then he shuddered, realizing what he said. "Oh, ick!"
When Ares came into the throne room, he saw that his parents were seated on their thrones. Hera's ice blue eyes flashed with anger as she stood up and pointed at Ares. "Zeus was easy on you, but I will not be so merciful!"
"M-M-Mother?"
"Zeus took your powers away to punish you, but I'll do more than that! No one breaks something of mine, not even my son, and gets away with it!"
"Aw! Come on!"
Hera raised her hand. Sparks flew from her fingertips, engulfing Ares. When the sparks went away, a raven stood in the place where the temporarily mortal God of War had been standing. She reached down, grabbed him before he could fly away, and put him in a cage. "Zeus, I believe that you will need to pick another judge due to extenuating circumstances." She then gazed at her transformed son. "Oh, and by the way, even if Joxer does leave and Jett goes back to prison, that will not bring Xena running back to you."
Zeus turned to one of his servants. "Please ask Hestia to come and see me now."
The servant bowed and left the throne room. He searched for a bit but eventually he found the Goddess. "Zeus wishes to see you," he told her.
Hestia nodded and followed the servant back to the throne room.
Hestia walked in and bowed in Zeus' direction. "Yes, my brother? How may I assist you?"
"Ares is no longer one of the judges for the music contest between Apollo and the mortal Joxer. I have chosen you to take his place for the final round tomorrow."
Hestia bowed again and replied, "It will be done by your command."
"Thank you. You may leave," Zeus said. He turned to face Hera as Hestia left. "What chance do you think Joxer has against Apollo in the last contest?"
Hera studied her long nails before answering him. "Why do you ask this, my husband? We already know who will win. After all, we are the King and Queen of the Gods. I will be waiting for you in my chambers." She rose to her feet and began to leave the room, but turned around to look at Zeus as she stood before the threshold. "Do not fail to show up, or I may have a new trophy head on my wall." She walked over the threshold and continued with a soft, "And Zeus, make sure that you feed Ares."