Rating: G
Characters: Joxer, Meg
Spoilers: End of Season 5
Summary: Go figure, another "story" from me that's too short to summarize.
Thanks: Findle, for the great lyrics (though, I don't think I did what I was supposed to do... another "go figure")

Not Enough
words and music by Van Halen (c) 1995

To love somebody naturally
To love somebody faithfully
To love somebody equally
Is not enough
Is not enough
It's not enough

To love somebody secretly
And never touch
To love somebody honestly
And always trust
To love somebody tenderly
The tender touch
It's not enough
It's not enough

Love hurts you sometimes
It's not so easy to find, no
Searchin' everywhere
You turn and swear
It's always been there

To love somebody foolishly
Can happen once
To love somebody hopelessly
It hurts so much
To love somebody equally
Is not enough
Is not enough
It's not enough

Love takes a little time
It's not so easy to find, no
Searchin' everywhere
You turn and swear
She's always been there
Standin' there...oh

And if it don't come easily
One thing you must believe
You can always have trust in me
Because my heart will always be
Yours honestly

Yeah, love hurts you sometimes
Not so easy to find, no
Searchin' everywhere
Then turn and swear
It's always been there
Standing there

Love hurts you sometimes
Not yours, not mine, no
Love is only to share
Turn and swear
It's everywhere
Standing there
'Cause it's always been there

The sun ducked below the horizon as the prone figure patted the loose earth with both hands. He rose slowly to his feet and brushed the dirt from between his fingers. Cringing as his legs finished unfolding, he dropped a hand to his left side to rub at a crudely bandaged knee. With a shake of his head, he eased himself back down to the ground and leaned against the base of the tree. The man let his eyes follow the sun's last rays as tears fell through red, swollen lids.

He awoke in the dead of night, cold and confused. His heart raced as he frantically tried to force his eyes to adjust to the darkness surrounding him. The half-moon dropped its veil of clouds to reveal, first, his worn boots, then the thick roots of the tree he had fallen asleep resting against, and finally, the softly packed earth of the grave he had painstakingly dug, filled, and covered.

"I can't do this anymore. I ran us both into the ground." He lowered his head to his good knee. Rubbing at his overgrown hair, he stifled a laugh. "Well, I ran you into the ground, at least." He paused to sniff back the start of a sob. "Xena'd kill me." A shaky laugh slipped past his lips. "I don't think I'd really mind the feel of her chakram sticking in my chest." He struggled to his feet. "Maybe that would stop this... this--" He pushed his hand beneath his pitted breastplate.

The countryside and small villages blurred together as he slowly made his way back to the only place he could call home at this point. As he walked beneath the pair of sais and the chakram into the packed tavern, he almost felt as if it were home. So many memories in things that had, at one time, been so commonplace; a staff, sais, scrolls. Scrolls, always scrolls. Stained fingertips. A smeared brow. He fell onto a stool at the end of the bar as a young man walked unsteadily toward the swinging doors. A full tankard was set down in front of him and a familiar voice greeted him. "Hiya, Joxer." He looked up at an even more familiar face, as she asked, "Still no luck?"

"No, Meg. And now I've lost Argo. She did her best, but- She just couldn't hold out any longer." Joxer raised the ale to his lips, but didn't drink, returning it to the bar untouched. "I did my best." His shoulders dropped and his head slumped forward as he hunkered over the tankard. "My best just hasn't ever been enough. It's not enough."

Her hand felt blissfully cool against his sunburned neck, as she eased him from the stool. "Well, Jox. It looks like someone needs a lie-down."

"Meg... I really--" Joxer began.

She took a swat at his backside before adding, "Not that kind of lie-down."

At the back of the tavern, she edged a door open with her elbow and pushed him toward the bed as she helped him pull off his armor, then dropped to the floor to take off his boots.

"What kind of girl do you think I am?"

He looked down at her smiling face with its lopsided grin. "The best, Meg. The best."

He lay back on the bed and she covered him with a blanket, tucking it in around his shoulders. She walked back into the light and as the door closed behind her, she whispered, "But that's not enough."

Author's notes:
I began writing a (very different) story for these lyrics the day that I received them... right there at work. I wrote some more the next day... right there at work (pattern?) Then the holidays hit me full force. Last night, I couldn't sleep (no, not "right there at work"), so I started to gather the different parts of the story I'd begun to write so I could finish it up. Instead, I ended up with this. For some reason I couldn't get out of my head the picture of Argo going and dying on Joxer--a fairly vivid, fantasy book cover type picture, mind you. This snippet pales in comparison. I'm reminded of the tortured artist in Hounds of the Baskervilles that sees beauty in his mind's eye, but can't get his hands to shape it.

Please take the time to write to Raye at summrbrez@thebookcase.org, and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Joxer, Meg, Argo, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. The lyrics to "Not Enough" are owned by the appropriate copyright holders. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 2001 by Raye and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.