"But I don't fix the competitions!" the magistrate protested. "Hercules taught me that lesson a long time ago. Besides, it was the best thing that ever happened to that stuck-up niece of mine. Now she has to earn her laurels. Usually Althea beats the pants off her."

"Some people have long memories," Xena replied. "We're here to see they forget."

"I'm glad for that. I'm a little worried what people will think tonight. Someone slipped Althea's partner Keli a spoiled fish in his dinner yesterday, and now he's laid up sick."

Xena glared at the merry twinkle in Gabrielle's eyes.

"Luckily," the magistrate continued, "another good dancer turned up. Name's Astaer. They're working with Widow Twanky right about now. They should make my niece and Travoltus look like beginners."

They discussed the plan. Joxer and Gabrielle would enter the competition as new dancers, while Xena joined the spectators. The guards were alerted, and the three companions then dressed for the competition, taking a hasty meal in the magistrate's office.

The lights were bright, the music soft and the atmosphere crackled with excitement for the PanAthenia Preview. The hopeful couples gathered at one end of the hall for their introductions.

"Lila!" Gabrielle exclaimed, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry," the girl who had been addressed replied. She was young and pretty, about Gabrielle's height, with brown hair. "I'm Althea, and this is my partner, Astaer." Althea indicated an older man standing next to her.

"Oh, I thought you were my sis- ter's friend from Po- Olynthus."

"What's your name?"

"I'm Ga- latea, and this is Jared." Joxer and Astaer clasped hands.

"Well, I'm pleased to meet you both," Althea said. "You're a little nervous. Your first competition?"

"Yes, it is."

"It's all right, Galatea. When the music strikes up you'll be too busy dancing to be afraid. You'll do just fine."

The couples were introduced, each taking a turn alone on the floor before gathering in one huge formation and dancing back to their original place. Then the competition began. Gabrielle grew suspicious of Astaer, catching him in several sidelong glances at her. Wonderful. She'd blown her introduction badly and he suspected something. This was very bad. It was time to go out there with Joxer. She hoped Xena would be able to cover everything for those few short minutes.

"And now, couple number thirteen, Galatea and Jared!"

The music was the Aesop Fox Trot, and Joxer strode out quickly. "You can hold me closer," Gabrielle whispered. "I won't bite."

"What about my nose?" he whispered back.

"I won't bite your nose, either," she told him, and pulled him closer so she could feel his lead better. There was something in the way Joxer held her- but all too soon the music was over and the next couple was on the floor.

Others showed off their skills with twinkles and pivots, press lines and hip action. The more advanced dancers took their turns. As the next-to-last couple danced, Astaer turned to Gabrielle and Joxer.

"Oh, I've dropped a tunic stud," he lamented. "Could you help me find it?" They bent down to search, and without anyone seeing Astaer chopped them both at the base of the skull with his hands. They fell as the announcer called: "Couple number one, Althea and Astaer!"

Xena saw her friends go down, but not who had caused it. She moved as quickly as she could to the competitors' area, collecting two guardsmen as she went.

Althea showed top notch form in the sexy bolero as she twirled and spun, now in Astaer's arms lifted to the sky, now gathering her leg under her as she slid down the floor. As she executed a series of leaps, Astaer turned in one smooth motion, drew a hidden dagger and threw it at the magistrate, every person but one seeing only the fluid arm styling and not the weapon.

With a whoosh and a clang Xena's chakram struck the dagger out of the air. The chakram caromed off the music console, a guardsman's fez and back to Xena's hand. Pausing only to verify that Gabrielle and Joxer, who were getting up groggily, were not hurt, she leaped out onto the dance floor. Tynis - who had been masquerading as "Astaer" - drew a second dagger. However, he had forgotten Althea, who kicked the weapon out of his hand. He grabbed the girl and threatened to choke her.

"AI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-EEEE!" With her battle cry Xena flipped over Tynis, kicking him in the back of the head as she flew, made a perfect landing behind him and kicked him in the back of the knees, knocking him down. Althea, released, prudently fled, and Xena grabbed Tynis by the hair, pulling him up painfully.

"Last dance is over, Tynis. Who hired you?" Xena demanded.

The assassin wilted under "the look." He pointed at a tall, curly-headed youth. "It was him. He was tired of losing to Althea and Keli. The magistrate had turned honest and Travoltus wanted to go back to when the competitions were fixed in favor of his girlfriend."

Travoltus tried to run, but the only exit was by way of the dance floor. Gabrielle, Joxer and several guardsmen pursued him. Xena struck Tynis, cutting off the flow of blood to his brain. Unlimbering her leather whip, she cracked it at the fleeing Travoltus. The whip wrapped itself around his arms, pinning them to his sides. The Warrior Princess swung him around where he was met by Gabrielle's and Joxer's fists in quick succession. As Travoltus dropped, Xena jabbed the correct pressure points so Tynis would not die; he collapsed, too.

Guardsmen hauled the criminals off while Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer left the floor. Althea was weeping as the magistrate gently held her.

"I'm sorry, dear, but I've got no choice. I have to disqualify you."

"I understand," she sobbed.

"Wait!" a new voice commanded. Pale as death, Keli appeared at the entrance. "Let me dance with her."

The judges nodded, the magistrate smiled and led her to Keli, and they were announced.

"Couple number, er, one-alpha, Althea and Keli!"

Their bolero was better than the previous one. Time and again Keli lifted her, drawing Althea around his body and spinning her as she regained her feet. Gliding up and down the floor, executing intricate changes in position, they astonished the spectators, who had already seen a great deal of fine dancing tonight. Even the magistrate's niece couldn't deny they were the best couple of the evening.

The surprise came later, as the prize was announced in the newcomers' competition.

"And our top newcomers, winning this beautiful statuette of Aphrodite donated by Xena, are - Galatea and Jared, I mean, Gabrielle and Joxer!"

"I told you, I told you," the Widow Twanky remarked to Xena as her friends strode up to accept their prize. "Just remove the fiber and the tart pomegranate seeds just pop out!"

Gabrielle took Joxer in her arms. "Don't get any ideas. But you earned this," she told him. Then she kissed him. He fainted dead away.

The End

Disclaimer:
No fish were killed by Xena's washing her panties during the writing of this story. Joxer did step on Gabrielle's foot, but that was her own fault, as the Widow Twanky pointed out. Gabrielle's intelligence was in no way diminished by Joxer's presence.

Author's notes:
"Astaer" and "Keli" are named for Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly respectively. Except for the two boleros, all dance steps shown are accurate, though not all the details are given. The city of Olynthus is near Poteidaia.

Save the Last Dance for Me was my response to the Joxerite Fan Fiction Guild's "super challenge." Required elements were Xena's black panties, dead fish, a frying pan, three goose eggs, a statue of Aphrodite (naked), a mirror, a pomegranate, a pair of dance shoes, the Widow Twanky, a leather whip and a very old dinar.

This story is dedicated to Sari Tolpen, my dance teacher for the past five years, and the staff of the Arthur Murray dance studio in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Episode References:
A Day in the Life, For Him the Bell Tolls, Been There, Done That, The Quill Is Mightier, A Tale of Two Muses, and from HTLJ ...And Fancy Free. Note that the same actress plays Althea and Gabrielle's sister Lila. This may very well be the first Xena fan fiction story ever to reference an episode that had not yet aired at the time the story was written.

Other References:
The birth of Aphrodite and NASCAR's fall "silly season," during which drivers and sponsorships shift with the winds and other strange things happen.

Please take a moment to write to Phil at BroadwayPhil@yahoo.com and let him know how you liked this story!

COPYRIGHT NOTICE:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Hercules: the Legendary Journeys, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in either series, together with the names, titles and backstories are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1998 by Philip D. Hernández and is his sole property along with the story idea. The characters of Astaer, Tynis and Keli are his own creations. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.