DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

Xena, Warrior Princess
Gabrielle, the Bard of Poteidaia, Xena's best friend
Joxer, the Mighty, would-be hero, in love with Gabrielle
Aphrodite, Goddess of Love
villagers and bandits

Rating: G.
Genres: Xena: Warrior Princess, romance.
Violence: A group of bandits is thrashed.
Sex: Aphrodite's clothes are revealed to be revealing.
Language: Squeaky clean.
Subtext: A little. Xena and Gabrielle are friends.
Spoilers: None.

She's So High
by Tal Bachman

She's blood, flesh and bone,
No tucks or silicone.
She's touch, smell, sight, taste, and sound.

But somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen.
I know where I belong,
And nothing's gonna happen.

Chorus:
'Cause she's so high,
High above me, she's so lovely.
She's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite.
She's so high, high above me.

First class and fancy free,
She's high society.
She's got the best of everything.

What could a guy like me ever really offer?
She's perfect as she can be.
Why should I even bother?

(repeat chorus)

She calls to speak to me;
I freeze immediately,
'Cause what she says sounds so unreal.

'Cause somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen.
I know where I belong,
And nothing's gonna happen.

(repeat chorus)

It seemed that it just didn't pay to be a warlord any more. There were still fat villages to be looted, and many men seeking wealth and adventure, it was true, not to mention the depraved few who went in for torture and the like. Oh, sure, there were mighty heroes who could take out an army by themselves, but most of them stuck to the big cities, and even Hercules was predictable, usually keeping to the area around Corinth.

Xena was different. She could be, and often was, anywhere. There had been reports of her in Asia Minor, Gaul, Phoenicia, Britannia, Rome and India, let alone Greece, Epirus, Macedonia, Thrace and the islands. Ever since Xena had turned to the greater good, any warlord aspiring to the name had to keep a sharp lookout over his shoulder for the Warrior Princess and her little blonde friend.

Nor was her friend a shrinking daisy, as so many discovered when their heads rang from the not-so-subtle caresses of Gabrielle's long staff. In some respects, the bard was an even greater threat than her chakram-wielding partner, as her tales of Xena inspired many people to stand up to bullies and the weaker bandit groups. If a farm girl could set aside her fears, anyone could.

Still, there were those who were brave, foolish, or greedy enough to take on the two women, and in the single street boasted by the village of Arta some of them were trying to overwhelm Xena and Gabrielle with sheer numbers. The heroines had an ally in this fight, a tall man dressed in the odds and ends of armor and equipment the poorer adventurers collected. It was clear that he wasn't much help; his awkward blows rarely hit, and often his opponents struck him so hard that he spun completely around. By accident, his flailing limbs would contact a foe, who would go down.

The clash of metal on metal pierced the din of throaty grunts released by the men as they concentrated effort into their attacks, and the higher pitched sounds of Xena and Gabrielle doing the same, as well as the meaty 'thunk' of wood striking limbs, ribs and skulls. Man after man was laid low by a kick from Xena, a swing from Gabrielle or a lucky blow from their friend Joxer. Six were still disentangling themselves from an awning Xena had dropped on them when she threw her chakram to sever the awning's support.

Xena grabbed a ruffian by the front of his tunic, flipped over him without releasing her grip, and kicked two men in the chest as she came down. Using her momentum to pull him up and over her, she threw him into the last two men facing Gabrielle. Then she kicked behind, catching a man in the groin, and spun around to flatten another with the hilt of her sword. Gabrielle ran to Joxer, who was losing his fight, and struck his opponent in the ribs. The man doubled over and fell. All that remained was for the good citizens of Arta to tie up the bandits and lock them in the gaol.

"Phew," Gabrielle said. "Those guys stank to high Olympus! Which reminds me. I need a bath. A nice, long, hot bath."

Xena put her arm around her most beloved friend's shoulder and led her toward the public house. "Me, too," she agreed. "And a rubdown afterwards. We still have some of that olive oil with the aloe in it?"

"I think so," the bard said. "Don't forget me!"

"I won't," Xena replied. Something nagged at her for a second. Then she realized what it was. "Joxer, you take charge of locking up these guys, okay?"

"Okay."

Without looking back again, Xena and Gabrielle headed for their baths, chatting about nothing in particular.

Joxer watched them go. When the last glimpse of Gabrielle's brown skirt had disappeared into the doorway of the public house, he turned to the task he had been set. Bustling about importantly, he shoved surly prisoners in the general direction of the gaol, but he soon realized that the villagers had everything in hand and didn't need him. All the talk was of Xena and Gabrielle.

"Nobody cares," he said to himself. "Gabrielle bailed me out again, I might as well be invisible to those people, and even my friends don't want me around."

The would-be warrior took off his quirky helmet and sat down heavily on a low block of stone, one of two flanking the entrance to the pantheon. For a moment he considered making a sacrifice, but rejected it as an exercise in futility.

Gabrielle is so high above me, like Aphrodite is. Why did I ever think she could love me? Half the time she barely tolerates me. The gloom of his thoughts settled over him as a shadow might suddenly loom above someone.

The shadow turned out to be real. "Hey, studmuffin, why so glum?" a familiar voice asked. "You just beat on some baddies, didn't you?"

"Hi, Aphrodite," Joxer said, not looking at her.

"Okay," the Goddess of Love replied in a singsong voice. "This is not good. You're supposed to be staring at me with your baby brown eyes bugged out. What's wrong? Tell Nurse 'Dite." She sat next to him.

Joxer looked up, took in Aphrodite's long, flowing blonde hair, her translucent robe and minimal undergarments, her well-rounded body and spectacular cleavage, and looked back down again at his legs. "Gabrielle, what else?"

"She didn't tweak your nose again, did she?"

"No."

"She didn't call you 'stupid' again, did she?"

"No."

"She didn't laugh at you, did she?"

"No."

"Then you're ahead of the game!"

"No, I'm not. She ignored me. Aphrodite, you know I love her. Who couldn't? She's as perfect as she could be. Gabrielle is a real woman, not one of those golddiggers or scheming husband-catchers. She's touch, smell, sight, taste and sound all in one. I had her once, but it was only Cupid's arrow. It wasn't real. It has to be real, Aphrodite."

"So what are you doing hanging around here? You can't win her heart if you're moping around while she's having fun somewhere else."

"I'm not poking my head in when she's taking a bath! The last time I did that, she gave me a black eye!"

Aphrodite laughed and tousled his short dark hair. "Eww, don't you ever wash up?" She glanced at her hand and the grease disappeared. Then she pointed at Joxer, and in a flash of light cleaned him up, too. He felt like he had just taken that hot bath Gabrielle was enjoying.

"Thanks," he said, giving her a wan smile. "But maybe the rose scent is a bit much?"

"Hey, it comes with the service. Now it's time to show Little Miss Gabrielle what you've got, kid."

"What's the use?" he sighed. "What could a guy like me ever really offer? I'm not much of a warrior, Gabby hates my cooking, she's smarter than I am, she's got Xena for a companion... heck, they both can do everything better than I can. She's got the best of everything. Why should I even bother?"

The Goddess of Love cupped his chin in her hand and made him face her. "Because you love Gabrielle, you idiot! That's what you have to offer her. What you need is a plan, big boy."

"No, thanks. I took your advice and she choked me half to death. I don't even know if she kept the necklace I gave her. Look, I know where I belong, and nothing's gonna happen."

"This is different. Wait until she's done with that bath, then you tell her..."

"This had better be good, Joxer," Gabrielle warned him. "I'm very hungry, and it's getting dark."

"Relax, Gabby," he replied. "You'll be able to eat just as soon as I show you this. But it's a surprise." He pulled out a cloth.

"Oh, no," the bard balked. "You are not blindfolding me. The way you lead, you'll have me trip over every rock in the area, and we'll probably get lost."

"Xena's coming with us. She can lead you."

"That's right," the Warrior Princess said in a soothing voice. "I won't let you stumble." She gave Joxer a wink. When he had first suggested that there was something just outside the village that Gabrielle must see, he had managed to glance in Xena's direction and shoot an intense look into her water-blue eyes for a fraction of a second without Gabrielle noticing. This convinced Xena that Joxer was serious, whatever he had found.

"Fine," Gabrielle said. "Let's get this over with."

Because she could not see, the walk seemed longer to the bard than it was, but she did notice that the dirt road under her boots quickly gave way to springy grass. Hearing running water, she guessed that they were following the stream that stretched south of the village. They stopped.

"This is the place," Joxer announced.

"I see what you mean," Xena said, impressed. She removed her best friend's blindfold.

Gabrielle gasped in wonder. She stood in a meadow full of daisies that seemed to stretch forever, though she knew that it was bounded by the stream and a few farmsteads. The setting sun was just reaching the tops of the mountains some twenty miles away, sending shafts of red, yellow and white light in their direction. A cool breeze from the north caressed them and drove away the smells from the swamp to the southwest. The bard wasn't sure, but there seemed to be a hint of roses in that breeze.

A dinner had been laid out for them on a blanket, covered dishes holding still-warm joints and venison pasties, with herbs, olives, roots and all the other usual fare. Wheat bread was not usual fare, but when Gabrielle peeled back the cloth over its basket, that was the aroma that rose from the small loaves. A small vase served as a centerpiece, and held a dozen red roses.

Does Joxer have any idea what red roses mean? Gabrielle thought. Probably not. We both know that the two of us together is a ridiculous idea. Well, not as ridiculous as me and Autolycus, maybe. I guess Joxer meant to say that he likes me and wants to be my friend. But he already is my friend...

"You couldn't have done this all by yourself, Joxer," she remarked. "Especially not the food."

"I had help," he admitted.

"Guess those villagers were even more grateful than we thought," Xena said as she mixed the wine.

"Still, this is very sweet of you," Gabrielle told Joxer. "I'm sorry I blew you off back at the village. I really was looking forward to that bath, but we should have at least let you know that you did a good job today. After all, I car... you're my friend." She kissed his cheek.

Aphrodite had done all the work, of course, but Joxer had suggested the daisies, which pleased the goddess, because she liked them, too. The picnic in the meadow came about by mutual agreement.

"Why are you doing this for me?" he had asked her. "You don't even like Gabrielle all that much."

"Okay, she gets on my nerves, but she's got so much love in her, she scares me sometimes. And love, honey, is my business. She shares her love with Xena and all sorts of people that she meets, and she needs to share some more of it with you. I know how much you love her. You love her almost as much as Xena does. If she doesn't let you love her, you're gonna burst someday, and that isn't gonna be pretty. A lot of guys are frightened off by her 'cause she's so strong and independent, but you take her as she is. Gabrielle needs you, Joxer. She just doesn't know it yet."

That little pep talk sobered Joxer considerably. He wouldn't mess this up.

As the sun sank below the mountaintops and the sky turned an ever-deeper blue, Joxer lit candles instead of the usual fire. Gabrielle leaned back, resting her head against Xena's shoulder. The Warrior Princess stroked her friend's long, strawberry blonde hair.

"Even with the fighting, this was a perfect day," Gabrielle said. "A good bath, a wonderful rubdown, Joxer got us this great meal, and we saw a beautiful sunset in a field full of daisies. Come on, Xena, you have to admit that this makes it all worth it."

"You're right, Gabrielle. Even warriors get to enjoy the good life sometimes. But you're forgetting something."

"What?"

"The company of good friends, like Joxer here."

"I did it again, didn't I? Come here, Joxer," the bard invited. "I'm going to give you a back rub."

He immediately froze. What Gabrielle had said sounded unreal. Gabby never did that for me before. Then he roused himself. Grateful for the attention, he snuggled up where Gabrielle could reach him. Joxer having divested himself of his armor earlier, she had no trouble probing his back muscles with skilled fingers.

"You're so loose," Gabrielle observed. "How much of this work did you actually do?"

"Not too much. My friend took care of a lot of it. One of the people I met in the village. Got me a quick bath and a rubdown, too."

Gabrielle frowned, but kept kneading his muscles anyway. She liked the feel of his smooth skin. "It wouldn't happen to have been some girl, would it, Joxer?"

"Nope," he denied truthfully. Aphrodite wasn't "some girl."

I don't believe it, Xena thought. Gabrielle sounds jealous.

"Well, you thank him for me, will you?" the bard asked.

"Okay." Gabrielle says, 'thanks,' Aphrodite! So do I.

Night settled on the group, and the companions reluctantly rose and packed up the remains of the picnic. Xena and Gabrielle insisted on helping, especially because Joxer kept dropping things, and they slowly walked back to Arta, where rooms awaited them. As they walked, they sang a few songs, silly bits about lonely goatherds and getting by on a little bit of luck. Their hearts were considerably lighter than when they had awakened that morning.

Joxer's spirits in particular were very bright. She's so high, he thought, but I can climb.

Or learn to fly.

The End

Disclaimer:
The good day enjoyed by Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer had no direct bearing on the fact that the bandits had a very bad day.

Author's notes:
This story was written as part of the third Lyrics Story Challenge. Boo sent me the lyrics.

Boo presented a true challenge, as Joxer would be subject to frequent bouts of despair (see my story "Owner of a Lonely Heart"). He could very easily have given up, but I wanted this story to fit in my sequences as well as the broadcast series. As written, it could be almost anywhere between The Quill Is Mightier... and the India arc which began with Paradise Found, excepting only the time from Sacrifice through A Family Affair.

The song holds out some hope. The woman in the song speaks to the singer, and it sounds unreal. Apparently, she likes him in some fashion, but he doesn't believe it, for why would such a perfect woman be interested in him? It often seems the same way with Gabrielle and Joxer, but the question follows: why does she let him hang around? The show's writers will tell you it is only friendship, and perhaps that is the only answer the series can give, but it just as easily could be something Gabrielle has hidden inside herself. Somehow, she does need him. Not his sword or his silliness, but his friendship, and, yes, his love.

Tal Bachman's music and lyrics are very powerful. I recommend his first album, Tal Bachman, by Columbia Records. I saw a clip of the video for "She's So High." The girl in the video was very bright and alive, rather like Gabrielle.

Not only are daisies Gabrielle's favorite flowers, but like roses, they are sacred to Aphrodite.

Arta is a real town, located in the modern Greek province of Epiros, close to the west coast. I can't verify any meadows of daisies, but otherwise the description of the area is accurate (it was taken from a Michelin map).

Episode references:
A Comedy of Eros and The Quill Is Mightier...

Other song references:
"The Lonely Goatherd" (The Sound of Music) and "A Little Bit of Luck" (My Fair Lady).

Please take the time to write to Phil at BroadwayPhil@yahoo.com and let him know how you liked the story!