DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

Xena, Warrior Princess
Gabrielle, Bard of Poteidaia, Queen of the Amazons, Xena's best friend
Herodotus, Gabrielle's father
Hecuba, Gabrielle's mother
Lila, Gabrielle's sister
Joxer, the Mighty, would-be hero
Hope, Gabrielle's daughter, evil spawn of Dahak

Rating: G.
Genres: Xena: Warrior Princess, drama.
Violence: None.
Sex: None.
Language: Squeaky clean.
Subtext: None.
Spoilers: A Family Affair.

Note: This story begins during A Family Affair and continues beyond the end of that episode.

A tall, dark-haired warrior ran toward the village of Poteidaia. Not that anyone would ever mistake the lumbering Joxer for Xena, Warrior Princess. The noise from his armor would have been enough to alert everyone even if he hadn't been shouting, "Hurry! Light torches!" Somehow he managed not to stumble over his own feet as he ran.

Herodotus, Gabrielle's father, shook off his other daughter Lila and emerged from his house.

"What is it, young man? What's wrong?"

"The monster! Xena's luring it out to kill it. If she fails-"

"Then we're rid of her."

"Father, how could you?" Lila demanded. "Gabby is out there, too. She's in danger."

"That's not Gabrielle," Joxer said quietly. "It's Hope."

"No, Joxer," Lila replied. "Gabrielle came back tonight, the real Gabrielle, and said it was her daughter Hope who was staying with us." She turned to her father. "Hope tried to kill me. Xena saved my life. I owe her."

"Not Gabrielle?" Hecuba asked, puzzled, as she joined them.

"I didn't have time to explain, Mother."

"And there's no time now," Herodotus agreed. "Lila, find torches for yourself and your mother. I'll get my sword." In a matter of seconds he had re-entered the house, pulled one of his swords from the wall and returned to help Joxer rouse the rest of the village.

One person kept to the shadows. A curse on Xena, Hope thought angrily. No more playing around. First she dies, then I'm feeding my mother and her family to my darling, one by one. Dahak's plan must be fulfilled. She started to search for her child, the Destroyer. I hope Mother doesn't give him indigestion.

With the villagers organized, Herodotus and Joxer set off to find Gabrielle. Their swords drawn, they carefully searched for signs of the monster's passage.

"Here's something," Joxer cried, pointing to some recent marks on the ground.

Herodotus bent to examine the spoor. "Yes," he agreed. "A pair of booted feet, running. Clawed feet following - that must be the monster. Then - this is strange - it looks like the same person, twice, but at different paces."

"Gabrielle and Hope! They look alike; they're dressed alike. Same boots."

"That must be it. They're headed back to town."

"How come you can read a trail like that?"

"I was a soldier once. Had more than my fill of it. Home was always better. That's why I don't want my Gabrielle following - shhh- I think they're in my barn!" The farm was up ahead, and the trail pointed so clearly in that direction that even Joxer could read it.

They approached cautiously, but everything seemed quiet. Two women were sitting outside. One was Xena, and by elimination the other had to be Gabrielle. If it were Hope, Xena would not now be comforting her.

"Gabby?" Joxer asked when they looked up.

"Yes, Joxer," the bard replied. "For real this time." She smiled and stood. "Daddy."

Herodotus handed torch and sword to Joxer, wrapping his daughter in powerful arms. As father and daughter hugged, Joxer glanced at Xena, eyebrows raised in a question.

"The Destroyer is dead," Xena said calmly. "It killed Hope."

"But...how?"

"It thought she was Gabrielle. No more questions now. Gabrielle needs her family."

Herodotus, still holding his daughter to him, addressed Xena formally. "This would not have happened if Gabrielle hadn't run off with you, but you saved our lives. I won't turn you out."

"Father, it was my choice to leave. Don't blame Xena."

"We can talk about that later. All I understand is that you're home. There is something else. I have failed in my duty to our guest. Xena, you are hurt, and no one has cared for you."

"That doesn't matter," the Warrior Princess replied.

"Yes, it does. Come inside, and we'll tend to your injuries. Tonight, at least, you'll have a home-cooked meal to eat and a soft bed to sleep in."

"Thanks, Herodotus, but the barn is good enough for me."

"Not this time." He gritted his teeth and went on. "Lila told me you saved her life today. Since you didn't give me this big an argument when I threw you out, I suppose that was Hope sitting there all bruised, and you knew something I didn't."

"Hope would have killed all of you if I had stayed a second longer."

"Whatever I may think of you, I know you're not a liar. You didn't just save Lila's life but Hecuba's...and mine. It's settled, then. Neither of us likes the idea, but you will stay in my house tonight."

Xena nodded in agreement. "I have a duty to perform first. The bodies must be buried outside of town. I'd burn them, but Dahak has a way with fire. Safer this way."

"It's my duty, too," Gabrielle said quietly. "They were evil, but they were my own flesh and blood. I'm responsible."

"Then I shall help you." Herodotus was firm about that. "It is also my duty to my...family. Joxer, take Xena into the house. No arguments."

"How about we do it together?" Xena proposed. "As you said, if Gabrielle hadn't followed me-"

"Very well."

The four went into the barn, only to discover the bodies of Hope and the Destroyer were rapidly decaying. Already blackened, they fell into dust. Then even that was gone, leaving only the faint outline where a girl and a monster had fallen, inextricably locked together.

They dug up the dirt where the bodies had lain and put it into sacks. Joxer took these and carried them off to dump them and rip up the sacks while the others returned to the house.

"I don't like this," Gabrielle warned. "Maybe they're not really dead."

"You could be right," Xena agreed. "But they won't come back to Poteidaia. Everyone will remember."

Relieved, Herodotus let out a long breath. "Then Hecuba and Lila will be safe. Gabrielle, you should stay-"

"No, Father. I can't." She kissed him. "But I understand. I love you, too."

Torn with emotion, he managed a smile. "Let's get Xena fixed up. After thatƒwell, I'm sure you're both hungry."

Gabrielle wasn't, but after they had taken care of Xena's cuts, bruises and lacerations, applying salves and rubbing down her sadly-abused muscles, it was a different story.

The meal proved awkward. Gabrielle's family was uncertain about what to say.

"It's all Hope's fault, dear," Hecuba explained. "We thought she was you, and what she said matched up with what Serafin said when she came back. Now we know why you - I mean she - was so distant at times. Cold. I thought it was because you - she-well, you, too - were hurt so badly."

Lila thought she could hit on something new. "So tell us, Gab, how long have you been seeing Joxer?"

Gabrielle nearly choked.

Joxer blushed. "Umm-well-"

"We've known him for a couple of years or so," Xena said to rescue them. "He's a good friend."

Still trying to swallow, Gabrielle nodded. She gulped down some cider.

"Dear, are you all right?" Hecuba wanted to know.

"Yes, Mother," Gabrielle gasped. "Just-swallowed- wrong."

"Don't eat so fast," Herodotus advised. He decided he would try to be affable. "So, Xena, as much as Gabrielle can pack away at one sitting-"

"Oh, Daddy."

"-I'm surprised you have time to do anything besides hunt for her meals."

"Gabrielle is my secret weapon." She gave Hecuba a wink. "I keep her half-starved, then when we run into a warlord I sneak her into his camp. She eats all their food and the whole army surrenders." Even Herodotus smiled at that, though Gabrielle pretended to be indignant.

"Really?" Joxer was surprised. "I've never seen you do that."

"Joxer, Xena was just kidding," Gabrielle said patiently.

"Oh. I get it." He laughed at the spoiled joke, just a little too loud for comfort. Gabrielle looked up at the ceiling and rolled her eyes.

Lila stole a glance at Xena, who only shook her head.

"We'll need to set up a cot or something for you, Xena," Hecuba observed. "Joxer is staying in town, but Herodotus told me he wants you with us tonight."

"Mother, Xena could have my bed," Lila offered. "If Gabby doesn't mind sharing hers with me. It'll be just like when we were kids."

"I don't mind," Gabrielle replied. "How about it, Xena?"

"I'd rather not impose. It's a generous offer, Herodotus, but I know you must be very uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable, yes, but not ungrateful. And I wronged you, even if I did mistake Hope for Gabrielle. I know you are capable of hurting my daughter - as you must be aware, she writes us, so we know what you've done. We were sorry to hear about your son."

Xena held her peace.

"Then Serafin told us you were about to die rather than let Hope live to harm us all, but Gabrielle sacrificed herself for you. Now that I have seen for myself, I will not insult my daughter by offering you further insult." Despite his partial reconciliation the words did not come easily. "Please...stay with us...whenever you are here."

The Warrior Princess looked Herodotus in the eye, her expression one of respect. "I would be honored to be your guest."

Gabrielle ran to her father and hugged him once more.

When everyone had finished eating, Hecuba insisted Xena get some rest, and led her to Lila's room. Herodotus went to lock up the barn and Joxer headed back to town and his own bed. Lila, detailed to do the dishes, drafted Gabrielle to help.

"Finally, we can talk," Lila said. "All right, Gabby, give. I want to know all about that cute Joxer of yours."

"Cute? Joxer? Mine? What did Hope tell you about him?"

"Not much. She introduced him, and he was very nice. Just like at dinner. Daddy approves of him."

"Daddy approved of Perdicas, too." Gabrielle loved her father, but not his taste in husbands for her.

"So? You married him."

Gabrielle dumped a load of dishes into the tub of soapy water. "Perdicas had to grow up first. Joxer isn't anywhere near where Perdicas was when I left here." Taking up a brush, she began to scour out a bowl as though she had never gone away and washing the family dishes was still her chore. "Didn't you read what I wrote about him in my letters?"

"Sure. But he didn't look clumsy or inept to me. I'll admit he doesn't seem very bright, but he's sweet."

"Are you sure we're talking about the same Joxer? Tall, dark hair, brown eyes, pale, funny armor, stupid helmet, calls himself 'Joxer the Mighty' - he didn't sing his song, did he?"

"No, he didn't sing to us, but things have been a little hectic around here. Same guy, though. You must like him a lot to remember all those details."

"Lila!" Gabrielle's mouth flew open in shock. "I'm a bard. I'm supposed to remember the details. The whole idea of me and Joxer together is ridiculous. It'd be like...well...Father marrying Xena instead of Mother. Besides, Joxer doesn't love me, either."

"Somebody ought to tell him that."

"He told me so! When I said the idea was ridiculous he agreed with me."

Sure he did. What else could he have done after you told him that? Lila bit her lip to keep from blurting out her thoughts. He's been around you too long not to love you, Gab. A couple of years now, sister mine, if I remember your letters right. You're too quick to deny his love. I wonder why you won't admit you love him. "So what's wrong with him?" Lila finally asked.

"Why, everything! He's dumb, obnoxious, overprotective, a typical man. He can barely tie his bootlaces without tying his boots together. In fact, I even saw him do that once. He fell flat on his face."

"Come on, Gab, there has to be something you like about him, or he wouldn't be your friend."

Gabrielle hesitated. Then she realized Joxer wasn't there to get a swelled head from her words. "Yeah, he's my friend," she reluctantly admitted. "He tried to save my life a couple of times. Not that he was very successful at that, either."

"You don't look dead to me."

The bard patted herself. "I guess I'm not dead, am I?" she chuckled. "I'll give him one thing. When my life or Xena's is in danger, he's very brave. I'll give him another. He listens to my stories and never seems to get tired of them like Xena does. He's even helped me once in a while with them. As dumb as he is, he gives me good feedback." Gabrielle paused again, gathering difficult thoughts. "He's the kid brother we never had, Lila."

Now I understand. It's the perfect defense.

"Say...if you like him so much," Gabrielle continued, "he's all yours."

Nice try, Gabby. "No, thanks. I don't want any of your castoffs. He seems perfectly happy wandering around with you. I'd rather stay home."

Seeing that Lila had finished drying the last of the dishes, Gabrielle splashed a huge gout of dirty, soapy water at her sister. Lila expertly rolled up the towel and snapped it, catching Gabrielle on her bare thigh.

"OW!" She splashed more water as Lila jumped back, avoiding it. Her sister snapped her towel again but missed. Both squealed with mock fright.

Herodotus came in. "I'm not sure whether to scold you or just be happy my pretty girls are together again."

"'Happy' works," Gabrielle said as she and Lila rushed into their father's arms.

This was just too somber, Xena decided, and so chose to lighten things up by telling about her own return to Poteidaia the day before. When she mentioned how Hope greeted Joxer, Gabrielle laughed.

"He thought I was kissing him! Oh, that's good, Xena!"

"He must have laid there unconscious for a good five minutes before I remembered he fainted."

"That's when you suspected it was Hope and not me, right? I would never kiss him like that."

Xena paused for the tiniest fraction of a second. Gabrielle, still in denial, missed it. Lila didn't.

Aha! Xena knows, and she doesn't have a problem with it. The plot thickens...

"What about when you got hit with Cupid's arrow?" Xena teased her best friend.

"That doesn't count!"

"Lila, she was all over him like honeybees over a bear."

Gabrielle buried her head under the covers as her sister chuckled. "The truth is out," Lila joked. "And you were going to pass that hunk off to me!" All three dissolved into laughter, Gabrielle's somewhat muffled as she dug deeper into the bedclothes.

"Keep that up and you'll be under the bed," Xena remarked to more laughter.

Eventually the talk quieted down, though Lila and Gabrielle kept whispering for a couple more hours after Xena drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Joxer returned, but over breakfast he announced that he didn't want to get in the way of Gabrielle's homecoming.

"I should get back to what I do best," he said. "Joxer the Mighty, he roams through the countryside..." he began to sing.

"I see what you mean," Lila giggled to her sister.

"We'll miss you," Herodotus said. "Thank you for all your help yesterday."

"It wasn't much, sir."

"Nonsense. Anyone can see you're a good man." Herodotus glanced at Gabrielle, who looked away, distinctly uncomfortable. "Feel free to visit us any time you're in the neighborhood." The two men clasped hands, and both Hecuba and Lila gave Joxer friendly hugs. Reluctantly, Gabrielle got up, went over and hugged him too. It was a quick hug; Joxer was uncomfortable himself. Xena offered to see him out.

"I want to make sure Joxer has all his equipment. He forgets to check sometimes."

Outside, Xena looked at him quizzically.

"I can't fool you, Xena. You know I don't like to talk about..."

"...Gabrielle. I understand. You're afraid she'll turn you down flat. I don't want either of you getting hurt. You're not ready for her...and she's not ready for you, either. Gabrielle has been through a lot of pain."

Joxer nodded. "The way Lila was talking..."

"You decided, 'out of sight, out of mind.' Good move. Some day you'll have to tell her you love her, though."

"I...I...can't."

"You have to risk being rejected. It's going to hurt. I'll be there for you. It's the least I can do for a friend who's been there for me - and especially for Gabrielle."

"Do you think there's any chance at all?"

"Yes, Joxer, I do, but you have a lot of growing up to do first. You've taken the first steps already."

"Thanks, Xena."

"Don't mention it. Good luck."

Joxer straightened up from his slouch, clasped hands with Xena and set off in the direction of Olynthus. Xena stared at him for a while. Suddenly she noticed Gabrielle standing next to her.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Joxer has everything he needs," she replied enigmatically.

Over the next several days Herodotus tried everything he could think of to convince Gabrielle to stay for good, but finally resigned himself to the facts. At least Xena isn't interfering, he realized. This has been between me and Gabrielle all along.

"I can't stay in Poteidaia, Father. I know you're worried about me. Sometimes I worry about Xena, too. She can be so dark...but she's my friend...and if I stayed here...it's a good life for you and Mother, but it's not for me."

"I suppose not. You write so well, pretty one. You could write about Poteidaia, you know, like when you were a little girl. Call it 'Little House on the Peninsula' or something."

"Who would read it? It's not exactly an epic adventure."

"Gabrielle, I was only joking." He smiled at her.

She smiled in return. "It's a good idea. I might try it. But not that name," she chuckled.

"May the gods protect you, my daughter. Humor your poor father and come back once in a while." He kissed her forehead, then Gabrielle went back into her house for a last tearful farewell to her mother and sister.

Herodotus walked over to Xena. "If she hadn't followed you she would have followed someone else or run off by herself eventually. I still don't like you, and I don't trust you completely, but you've done a fair job of looking after Gabrielle. I meant what I said. You can stay with us whenever you're in Poteidaia."

"Gabrielle does a fair job of looking after all of us, I think."

"You're not the type that looks to the gods for protection. I can't exactly wish you a safe journey, either...you seem to seek out danger. I wish you well, though."

"And you, too."

Gabrielle emerged, wiping her eyes. Hecuba and Lila stayed by the door. She gave her father one last hug, then she fell into step alongside Xena as she had so many times before. This time she looked back, to see her family waving at her. She waved to them in return. Too soon, the house was out of sight.

The End

Disclaimer:
It was not necessary to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on Gabrielle during the writing of this story, but Joxerphobes may need it during the reading thereof.

Author's note:
Poteidaia is located at the narrowest point of the westernmost of three peninsulas extending south from Chalcidice, which in turn is south of Macedonia and southwest of Thrace. Olynthus is roughly eight miles away to the northwest. Originally known as Cassandrea after one Cassander (presumably the founder), Poteidaia was a colony of Corinth but eventually allied with Athens. It was occupied by the Persians under Xerxes but successfully revolted after the battle of Salamis. A dispute between Athens and Corinth over Poteidaia's fortifications was one of the causes of the Peloponnesian War. Poteidaia was later besieged and taken by Philip of Macedon, and went into decline as Thessalonika became a major seaport. Today the town of New Poteidaia occupies the site. Although "Poteidaia" is one correct spelling, it is usually rendered "Potidaea," with the same pronunciation.

Episode references:
Sins of the Past, Return of Callisto, A Comedy of Eros, The Quill Is Mightier..., Sacrifice II, and A Family Affair.

Other references:
Little House on the Prairie. The title is a play on "the second coming of Christ," and represents the fact that A Family Affair marked Gabrielle's second return to Poteidaia (the first time was in The Prodigal) as well as the fact that she appeared to return twice during the episode.

Please take the time to write to Phil at BroadwayPhil@yahoo.com and let him know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT NOTICE:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1998 by Philip D. Hernández and is his sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.