The faint trail Joxer now took proved to lead into a forest. It felt familiar to him, and he wondered if maybe he had entered Amazon lands. He didn't have long to find out.
A single Amazon dropped from a tree and stood before him. She doffed her mask, revealing her to be one of the younger warriors.
Either they don't think I'm any threat, or maybe they remember me.
"Hello, Joxer. What brings you here? Queen Gabrielle is travelling with Xena."
"Lysis, isn't it?" She nodded. "Just roaming through the countryside, like I sing about."
"I'm sure Eponin will make you welcome. I'm supposed to escort you to her."
"That's right, Amazon law. I could use the company."
"Thanks!" she replied brightly. "So many men have weird ideas about us. They're either scared, or they've got to try to bully us, or impress us."
"I suppose I would have been like that too," he told her honestly, "but there was something else on my mind the first time I was here."
"Yes, there was," she chuckled. "Queen Gabrielle."
"She needed a friend," he said quietly.
"I know what you mean. There are times I couldn't make it if Coronis weren't around. Has the queen figured out you love her?"
"What, do I have 'Joxer Loves Gabrielle' written on my breastplate or something?" Lysis smiled at him. "Yes, she has. And I told her, too."
"But she doesn't love you."
"No. She didn't turn me away, either."
"So why are you here and not with her?"
"She wants me to find myself, she said. Maybe I'm supposed to figure out if I really love her or just have a crush on her."
"What difference does it make, if she doesn't love you?"
"Because I don't want to hurt her. Ever."
"You don't want to get hurt, either. I can tell."
"No, I guess not."
"Look, Joxer, what makes you think she might want you? Or any man?"
"I dunno, something in her voice, in her touch, even when she twists my nose half off. They say a woman needs a man like a fish needs a chariot, but that's not the whole truth. Most people need other people, Lysis. Friends, lovers, companions. You Amazons sure don't need men, but you've got each other, don't you? Otherwise you couldn't set yourselves apart so easily."
"We can't accept a world dominated by men. In one or two places, women are full citizens. In too many others, they're actually owned by their fathers or husbands. We're stronger than that, but not every woman is a Gabrielle or a Xena, a poet and teacher like Sappho, or a clever housewife who runs the show and lets her husband think he's in charge. Some of us don't care for men at all, it's true, but most of us have the usual urges." She shrugged. "There are so few men out there who treat women as human beings. If I found one of them and he liked me, well, maybe I'd marry him, but I don't see myself leaving the Amazons any time soon."
Joxer pondered this. He had tried to impress Gabby in all the wrong ways, trying to be dominant. That was why Xena had told him to respect Gabrielle. I can stop playing one of my games at least, he realized. "I need her," he finally told the young Amazon, "even if she's never more than a sister to me. I'm glad she thinks of me as a friend."
"You're a nice guy," Lysis asserted. "Whatever you come up with, I hope both of you will be happy."
They continued along the trail in silence for a time. Eventually Lysis regaled him with stories of life in the Amazon village. Like most young people, she and her friend Coronis had a great deal of surplus energy that hard military discipline couldn't absorb, and the two girls had a capacity for mischief-making and getting into trouble that even Joxer and Gabrielle couldn't approach.
For instance, Lysis told him about the time she and Coronis had spread a lot of finely chopped boar's bristles on Phye's saddle just before she mounted. They had thought the tall warrior had been just a little too hard on them in training, finally suggesting the two go to a farm somewhere and become milkmaids. They had their revenge: Phye had been unable to ride for several days after picking bristles out of some very tender places. After Lysis and Coronis had done their usual punishment turns in the kitchen, and their victim had beaten them black and blue in staff practice, Phye hadn't held a grudge. It was simply accepted that the two would keep getting into trouble until they grew out of it.
When something really mattered Lysis and Coronis put aside fun and games and were as devoted as any other Amazon. They had learned that lesson the hard way after they had offered no resistance to Xena when she dragged their queen out of the village behind a horse. Gabrielle had nearly died, it was impressed on them; they would never let her down again.
Though the Amazon village was large and sturdily constructed, it also appeared temporary. Indeed, from time to time the site was moved as the women did not like the idea of settling down, fearing that it would make them weak. However, there were some places they preferred to use repeatedly, and this one was ideal, with springs of water on the site, allowing for hasty fortification if necessary; as in other favored locations, supplies were also stored underground. Invasions of Amazon territory occurred, and were occasionally successful, but always cost the invaders dearly.
Joxer and Lysis were greeted by Amazons working in the fields, forging weapons, training with staff, spear or bow, learning lore or simply standing guard. Many remembered Joxer from the time he was laid up after Xena knocked him out when he defended Gabrielle from her. Lysis took him directly to a larger hut decorated with skins, feathers and painted symbols indicating that this was the official hall used for many ceremonies, judgements and the queen's court. The regent, Ephiny, was visiting nearby villages with her centaur son Xenan, leaving Eponin in charge. The dark, sturdily built leader clasped hands with the would-be warrior.
"Welcome, Joxer. We're always pleased to share our hospitality with a friend," she said formally.
"Thanks, Eponin. I guess I got lost."
"There's always a purpose in everything. You were meant to come here."
"I don't feel like that."
"Gabrielle isn't angry with you, is she?"
"No, thank the gods." He explained why Gabrielle had asked him to travel alone for a time.
"The queen is wiser than she herself realizes. Gabrielle always seeks what is in the heart. Since your interest in her shows no signs of disappearing, she wants to see the inner you before she decides if she too is interested. You've done such a clever job of hiding yourself away, you're not even sure yourself what sort of person you really are."
"You mean she might love me?"
"It depends on what you find." The countenance of one of the other Amazons in attendance visibly darkened. She glanced a question at Eponin, who nodded. The Amazon warrior drew herself up to her full height and left the hall.
"Please excuse Phye," Eponin said. "She doesn't care much for Gabrielle, and I suppose that extends to you, too." Phye had been part of Velasca's faction, seeking a return to supposed glory days. She resented the fact that Gabrielle proved more worthy of the throne, but when Velasca became a minor goddess and attempted to extract revenge, Phye's loyalty to the Amazon nation proved stronger than her personal preferences. She willingly backed Ephiny and the other leaders, though her allegiance to the queen was still grudging.
Nor was there any love lost between Phye and Xena. When the Warrior Princess sought to kill Gabrielle in revenge for the death of Solan, Phye was the first to engage Xena, and the first to be defeated. Though Gabrielle did not die, Phye always believed Xena should have been punished more severely for the havoc she had wrought.
When Joxer had been named a friend of the Amazons although he had failed more pathetically than Phye, it was nearly the last straw. She underwent the purification ritual in protest, then volunteered to lead every long-range patrol until Gabrielle, Xena and Joxer were gone again.
"It's all right," Joxer assured Eponin. He puffed himself up to brag, then caught himself, deliberately deflating. "I was about to say something stupid about her resenting a mighty warrior, but you guys know better. I saw Phye fight Xena. She's very brave and true.
"So are you. Not just for taking Xena on barehanded, but for admitting the truth about yourself. Keep it up, and Gabrielle will like what she sees.
"A few months ago I decided I didn't want to be alone any more. I even shouted it to the trees. But I'm not used to opening up. People hurt me all the time. I pretended I was mighty so I wouldn't feel it so much. I guess the only one who got fooled was me.
"You're trying not to pretend any more, is that it?
"Yeah. It's hard."
"Stick with it. Leaving a safe place is always hard."
"Thanks, Eponin."
"My pleasure. I must get back to preparations for tomorrow's ceremonies. Artemis has decreed a special day of atonement. You are welcome to join us if you want. Meanwhile you can guest in the same house as last time. Lysis, go fetch Coronis and help Joxer settle in, will you?" The young Amazon smiled and left on her errand. "That should keep them out of mischief for a little while. I can't have them on patrol all the time." Eponin clasped hands with Joxer again. "Stay as long as you think you need to."
Laden with cargo, the 'Cradle of Hermes' didn't roll as much as other ships Gabrielle had known. Wending its way down the Cyclades, there would be plenty of time for the bard to enjoy the sea breeze and watch flying fish break from the blue-green waters of the Aegean. Each island was a jewel, green with vegetation or marble-white. They were scheduled to make many stops, spending the nights ashore while olive oil, silver jewelry, Athenian pottery and lead were traded for fruit, iron and precious metal among other goods. During the Aegean summer, the prevailing winds from the northeast could be tricky. Locals dubbed them the meltemi, and the wind often brought storms so severe that they injured crops.
The first segment of the voyage was an easy one, however, as the ship passed by the southern coast of Attica on the way to Ceos, her first port of call in the Cyclades. Xena was often aloft, unsnarling rigging, hoisting or lowering the sail, sometimes seated on the yardarm looking westward with her bittersweet memories of an ambitious Roman and his destiny. Late afternoon found the travelers in sight of the eucalyptus trees and golden sand of Korissia, and soon the ship was moored to the dock. Several Athenians were going only this far, planning to visit the temple of Apollo set amid the whitewashed houses with red-tiled roofs on the acropolis of nearby Ioulis.
Xena stretched complaining muscles - it had been some time since she had worked rigging - put her boots back on and helped with the cargo before going ashore with Gabrielle for a hot meal and some wine in a dockside tavern.
"So, Gabrielle, do you have your sea legs yet?" she asked.
"Thank the gods for pressure points," the bard replied. "This wine is settling my stomach, at least. I could go for some fish chowder right about now. The best part," she smirked, "is that I don't have to watch you catch the fish without a line - or clean them!"
"What's the challenge in using a line? You want to outsmart the little buggers!"
"Xena, I think I'm smarter than a fish."
"Wanna bet?"
"Xena!"
"Sorry. Of course, you're smarter than a fish, Gabrielle. It's just that they... they... they're on their home turf," Xena finally managed to conclude.
Gabrielle was not mollified. "Fish do not have 'turf,' Xena."
"You know what I mean," the Warrior Princess pouted.
Her best friend smiled. "I know. So how about we fill up on chowder, and when we get back to the ship I'll give you a good back rub. I'm sure you were using muscles you forgot you had."
"I'm certainly remembering them now," Xena replied.
"I keep offering to teach you yoga. It'll keep you limber."
"Gabrielle, I am very limber. You try going aloft and see how you like it."
"Oh, no, you don't. Just because you say I have the hands of a sailor doesn't mean I'm going to try it any time soon. No, this little Amazon stays as close to terra firma as she can get."
They both laughed, and presently they dug into steaming bowls of chowder and a huge platter of barley bread. Afterwards they strolled along the beach together until sunset, then boarded the ship again, where Gabrielle delivered the promised back rub.
The ship rocked gently in the harbor, sending the two women quickly to sleep in their hammocks.
Joxer, a warlord's son, was used to rising with the dawn - sometimes earlier - from his youth. It was something he didn't share with Gabrielle, which he found a constant source of wonder. After all, Gabby was a farm girl, and farmers always got up before dawn. Most people did, in Greece, anyway. Maybe it was one way she could rebel against her staid upbringing. Gabrielle's late rising was a steady vexation for Xena, but Joxer handled it by letting the bard sleep in when he could. For his Gabby he even stood a double watch at times. Xena would snap at him for doing that, but never maliciously. She understood why.
He washed up and put on fresh clothing, wishing there were something to eat, but he knew the atonement ceremony was so important that all would fast until it was over. He left the provisions in his pack untouched.
A commotion greeted him when he stepped outside the guest hut. The Amazons were rarely confused, and did not act so now, but there was a problem. Choosing not to bother anyone, he simply watched, and eventually saw two strong Amazons carrying a covered form from another hut. Someone died last night. A bad sign.
It was worse than that. Coronis now ran up to him. "Awful news," she reported. "The scapegoat hung himself."
Joxer shook his head, not understanding.
"The person who accepts our sins and takes them away. We pick someone who has willfully violated our land and hospitality. There's always a rogue who thinks he can make off with one of us to be his lover. We tie a fern branch to him, then transfer the sins. He has to run naked to the river and bathe. Then he unties the fern branch. The river carries off the branch and our sins go with it."
"That doesn't sound so hard."
"Do you realize what it means to carry the sins of an entire people? Sometimes it can harm a person. Some think the burden never goes away. He must have believed that, and killed himself to avoid the pain. Now there is no one to perform the task. One of us will be chosen by lot."
"Not if I can help it," Joxer asserted. "Take me to Eponin."
"Joxer, she's too busy to see you," Coronis protested.
"She won't be," he replied without further elaboration. Coronis shrugged and escorted him to the leader.
As anticipated, Eponin scowled at Joxer in annoyance. "I want to help," he said before Eponin could voice her displeasure.
"You can't, Joxer. We'll handle this."
"I'll be your scapegoat," he offered.
"You've done nothing to hurt us. The Amazon nation will not punish an innocent man."
"Like I've been good all my life? You're Gabby's people, and she's my friend. You guys said I was your friend too, and friends help each other out."
"This is too dangerous for your soul, Joxer. I cannot accept your offer."
"Yet you'd pick one of your own girls - sorry, women - and she'd do it whether she wants to or not?"
"It would be her duty as an Amazon."
"And it's my duty as a friend. A willing scapegoat would be more effective, wouldn't it?"
Eponin ceased arguing and considered the offer. "It would," she eventually conceded. "Joxer, do you understand what you would be doing?"
"Not really, but I owe you guys for letting me help Gabby and taking care of me when I was hurt."
With obvious reluctance, Eponin gave in. "We shall prepare you, then. Coronis, take Joxer to the bath. Have Lysis collect his things." Eponin grew quieter and less official. "Thank you, Joxer. Perhaps this is why you were meant to come here."
Next, he lay on a cot, where Eponin herself softly switched him with the branch of a fig tree. "Protect his spirit from the sins he will carry, holy Artemis," she recited. "Protect our friend from our sins. Protect his soul, holy Artemis, and reward him well for the service he has volunteered." This was not normally part of the rite, but the switching was done on the infrequent occasions when an Amazon had to be the scapegoat. It was a great honor, though Joxer was not aware of it, and in fact it was better that he didn't know, lest he grow self-important and spoil the ritual.
Eventually he stood outside, naked before the Amazon nation. None stared at him, which was a relief, and he bowed his head with the gravity of the occasion. Lysis and Coronis stepped up to him, having asked to perform the next act, which was to tie the fern branch to Joxer's waist. Then they rejoined the circle of Amazons. All the women raised their hands over him.
"Holy Artemis, you know our sins, as individuals and as a nation," Eponin pronounced. "We have set them right and accepted our punishments as the law dictates. Now let these sins pass from us to this man, that he may take them from us and send them away forever. Help us, and our friend, to sin no more in your sight and the sight of the other gods. Purify us, holy Artemis, and make us whole. Remember those who are not with us today: our queen, Gabrielle, our regent, Ephiny, others on their travels or who have left the Amazon nation, and especially those who have died since the last atonement. Remove their guilt and place it upon Joxer, that he may carry it away also. Purify them, holy Artemis, and make them whole. Watch over Joxer that he may faithfully execute his duty. Cleanse us as we have cleansed him. Purify him, holy Artemis, and make him whole."
Eponin clapped her hands once and lowered them. The other Amazons
did the same. The circle parted.
"Do not speak, Joxer," Eponin advised. "It is unlucky. Your
things have been placed by the riverbank so you may dress and continue your
quest once you have immersed yourself and untied the fern branch. Do not
return to us before the moon has fully waned and waxed once more, but afterwards
you will be made welcome again with full honor. May Artemis protect
you while you carry our sins, and may she help you on your own journey. Go
quickly now. Hail our friend, Joxer!"
All the Amazons except Phye took up the shout: "Hail, Joxer!"
Joxer bowed respectfully to the assembled Amazons, then set off at a fast trot for the river. The route took him out of Amazon territory, and rather near the place where human and centaur lands met. He saw a cairn that had been raised to appease the souls of those who had been killed by Callisto and Hope. Stopping, he picked up a stone and threw it onto the cairn. Then he ran on.
He reached the river without incident and plunged in. The water was icy, and he spluttered and fumbled at the bindings that held the fern branch to him. Finally they were untied and the branch floated away downstream. Joxer ducked his head under once more, then pulled himself onto the bank, gasping. He couldn't help sensing some foreboding. A leaden feeling had descended on him when the Amazons placed their sins on him, and he couldn't seem to shake it.
That's why that guy killed himself, he realized as he dried off and dressed. Something bad is going to happen to me. I asked for it. I'll just have to put my trust in you, Artemis. Another thought came to him. I'll carve a figure of her no matter how this turns out, and give it to the Amazons. Yeah, I like that. Not that I'm forgetting you, Aphrodite. I wish you wouldn't pick on Gabby. If something happened to her...I lost her once. I couldn't take that again.
It was time to move on. Joxer chose to go north.