Xena caught up with the strange parade as it re-entered Laurel on its way to the shrine. Luckily she had not removed the tunic, and she quickly replaced the tiara on her head. She stepped into the road and raised a hand before Hower, who was leading the group to the shrine.

"Hold!" the Warrior Princess cried. "This is how you would honor the great goddess Gabrielle when you escort her to her temple?" She managed to catch Gabrielle's eye and wink, whereupon the bard ceased her futile struggles against the strong hands that held her. She glared at Xena instead.

"Don't you know how to form a proper procession?" Xena asked the men scornfully. "Set her down and line up ahead of her. I must confer with the goddess as to how best to answer your petitions."

The men obeyed, with Hower returning Gabrielle's staff to her. Metaxas and a few men remained at the rear, correctly suspicious that the bard might attempt to run away. Xena could not persuade them to release Joxer, but she gave him a thumbs-up, which calmed him down a little.

"You might have shared your plan with me," Gabrielle whispered angrily to Xena.

"I wasn't sure I could set it up without being seen," Xena replied. "I needed time, and I couldn't risk them spotting you if I brought you to the temple early. We got lucky: the traveling priestess is somewhere else on her rounds. Otherwise she would have given me an argument you wouldn't want to have heard. Forgive me?"

"Always." Gabrielle's anger vanished, and she smiled. "So you're behind this goddess business?"

"Yeah. Now here's the plan..."

As the procession continued, it passed Kamzollis's house. There she had drafted a couple of assistants and Salmoneus to complete the sewing in record time. Doubtless an adjustment or two would be necessary, but the frock was ready to be fitted to Gabrielle. Securing her cooperation would be another matter.

Salmoneus emerged with the little black dress, Draco immediately moving to stand beside him. Naturally he made a beeline for Gabrielle, but Xena intercepted him.

"Look, Xena! I've created - that is, Kamzollis and I have created this wonderful dress for Gabrielle. Let me present it to her!"

Gabrielle gave Salmoneus a sour look, but Xena took the frock and studied it closely. "I shall see if the garment pleases the goddess once we arrive at the First Temple of Gabrielle." As others broke from the line to offer gifts, she held up her hand again to stop them. "The rest of you may make your offerings at the temple. Back in line!"

Xena turned to her friend again. "It's real silk," she whispered. "If it fits, you might wear it. Part of the act." She raised her voice. "Summon Kamzollis to us. We may need to make alterations."

Still skeptical, Gabrielle nodded. "I'll try it on then. But black? Couldn't Salmoneus have picked a nice color like forest green?"

Here we go again, Xena thought. Some day I'll have to tell her I hate that color on her. But she does like that top.

Kamzollis joined them, and the group soon arrived at Aphrodite's shrine. While the men went in the usual entrance, Xena, Gabrielle and Kamzollis chose the back door. Alone in one of the rear rooms, Xena finished giving details of her plan while Gabrielle changed clothes. The dress fit well, though it was a little loose. Kamzollis quickly made adjustments, and Xena borrowed a few pieces of jewelry from the shrine to complement the dress.

"It's comfortable!" Gabrielle exclaimed in surprise. Then she saw her reflection in a mirror. "And beautiful. Who would have thought Salmoneus could come up with something like this? Thanks, Kamzollis!"

"You're welcome," the seamstress replied. "It's simple, yet flattering. I'm going to make one for myself after this. A slightly different pattern, of course, but the same basic idea. I think it's going to be a hit. After all, fashion is not simply a matter of clothes. Fashion is in the air, borne upon the wind. One intuits it. It's in the sky and on the road."

"You look great, Gabrielle," Xena said. "This will help the plan. Are you ready?"

"Ready when you are," the bard replied.

The main chamber of the shrine was getting a little crowded, what with all the men who were crammed inside. Stavro and Orthus set Joxer down roughly but made no move to untie him or remove his gag.

"How come he gets to approach the goddess and we had to march to the temple with barely a glimpse of her?" Stavro complained.

"If he pleases her so much," Orthus replied, "he'll make a great sacrifice." As he moved to light a fire, Joxer thrashed around in despair but could not loosen even a single bond. Many men shouted their approval of the human sacrifice idea.

Salmoneus turned to Draco. "Are you going to let them kill him? I mean, I don't want Joxer cutting into my time, either, but if we want to win Gabrielle's heart we've got to follow the greater good, don't we?"

Draco nodded, then slowly strode toward the bound Joxer.

"Untie him," he ordered.

No one made a move.

"I said, untie him! Metaxas, help me."

"Draco, I cannot. He stands in your way, too. The goddess will be pleased with his sacrifice."

"You're all fools. That's not what she wants. Back off, then, and I shall free him by myself." Blocking Stavro's punch, Draco quickly knocked down the men around him. Dion attempted to club him from behind, but the warlord simply reached back, grabbed his weapon and lifted Dion completely over his head, tossing him into the men regrouping before him. Metaxas drew his sword and was immediately disarmed by Draco in one smooth motion as the latter drew his weapon in self-defense. Still the men pressed in on him, hampering his movements and not permitting him even one free second to slash Joxer's bonds apart.

Attacked from all sides at once, Draco managed to thrust the circle of his foes away once, but a heavy candlestick crashed against his head and he went down, unconscious.

Metaxas and several of the mercenaries lifted Joxer on his pole again and prepared to hang him from the fire. Suddenly they froze at the behest the one voice that could command them.

"Stop!" Gabrielle cried. "Don't hurt him!"

A smoke pot went off, and everyone turned to see the bard floating in the air before them. She now wore the little black dress. With her arms extended she gestured toward her friend.

"Set him down gently and release him. NOW!"

"But Great Goddess Gabrielle," Metaxas protested. "We offer him as a sacrifice to please you!"

"If you harm him, you will incur my wrath, and I will curse you all with blindness!" Several more smoke pots exploded, and for a few moments the men coughed and rubbed stinging eyes. Joxer, being bound, suffered worse, and tears streamed down his face. "Yes, you will be unable to look upon my glory!" She appeared to vanish.

"No!" Nikias cried. "Don't abandon us!" He rushed along with several others to get Joxer free. Salmoneus began to tend to Draco, who stirred and tried to get up.

"Stay down for a second," the entrepreneur advised. "Let your head clear. That was a nasty blow you took."

His head spinning, Draco complied.

"That's better," Gabrielle said. Her image now appeared in another part of the temple. She and Xena were actually hidden behind a set of screens, with mirrors rigged to show her in various places. Gabrielle could see what she was doing in another mirror.

"You're doing fine," Xena whispered to her. Now crank it up a little."

"Okay," Gabrielle agreed. She remembered something Xena had said earlier and looked at her friend with a smirk. "There is no need to risk my displeasure by killing the competition," she declared. "If I want a man, I shall HAVE him!"

She glanced significantly at Xena, who set off a flash and another smoke pot. With this distraction the Warrior Princess was able to sneak into the group and remove Joxer. Xena put a finger to his lips, keeping him quiet, then took him to one of the back rooms before returning to Gabrielle.

As this was going on, Aphrodite, sensing the crowd at her shrine, decided this would be the ideal time and place to show off her own new dress. She appeared in her usual spot near the altar, only to discover it had been screened off with Gabrielle and Xena working their tricks.

Bogus! Motormouth is wearing the same dress as me!

Somehow, in a coincidence with odds much worse than a billion to one, Arachne and Kamzollis had produced identical designs.

"Now take care not to desecrate this temple," Gabrielle continued. "Just pretend those statues of Aphrodite are actually me. There have been several Goddesses of Love. There is only one Gabrielle."

Aphrodite, only slightly mollified that her shrine would not be trashed, made herself visible and took Xena aside before Gabrielle, still busy with her pronouncements, could see that the goddess was now present.

"Oooh, you guys make me so mad!" the Goddess of Love said.

"It's your own fault," Xena replied evenly. "When you made Gabrielle irresistible to men, you set her up to replace you."

"Get real. That little blonde can't replace me!"

"Welcome to the First Temple of Gabrielle."

"Hey! This is my temple!"

"Not any more. Look. She doesn't want to be worshiped any more than you want her to be worshiped instead of you. So why don't you take the spell off before somebody hurts her, and we'll call it even."

"Even? You took the mystic diamond away from me."

"It wasn't yours to begin with. We put it back where it belongs. Gabrielle almost died because of what you did to us then. Think about how much love could have been lost."

"Yeah, yeah, you love her, she loves you, mighty boy loves her, too. When are you guys gonna straighten that mess out?"

"You know that's up to Gabrielle. Even Joxer knows it."

"Too bad I cut that deal with him. Those two have great potential, and you know that."

"I know. So will you take the spell off?"

"On one condition. You grease the skids for studmuffin and his little Gabby."

"No dice."

"What? You can't put in a good word for him now and then?"

"I'm already doing that."

"Then we have a deal. Bye-eee." Aphrodite waved her hand in dismissal and disappeared.

"We do NOT have a deal!" Xena shouted.

Aphrodite reappeared next to Gabrielle, pulled aside the screen and gestured. A flash of sparks surrounded the bard, causing the men to blink. When their sight cleared, they were astonished to see the Goddess of Love. They cowered in fear.

"O Mighty Aphrodite, forgive us!" Hower pleaded.

"Yeah, sure. Make me some nice sacrifices - no fish! - and go back to your wives and girlfriends. Leave the blonde alone. She's got a boyfriend."

"Aphrodite, what in Tartarus are you talking about?" Gabrielle protested.

"You wanna get out of this mess, or what? Besides, you've got that walking disaster who loves you." Aphrodite took Gabrielle's arm and steered her away from the men.

"That disas - Joxer - is not my boyfriend."

"That's what you think.

"He loves me enough to respect my feelings. Why don't you?"

"Honey, I do. Remember what I promised him? Answer me this: when are you gonna respect your feelings?"

"What?" Gabrielle was shocked. "But I...I always...I..."

"See, girl? You think about it. I'm going snowboarding in the Alps."

Then Gabrielle was alone.

Xena came up to her and put an arm around her shoulder. "Are you all right?"

"Fine," the bard replied in a detached manner.

"What happened?"

"She took the spell off, and gave me something to think about."

"Come on, let's pick up Joxer and get out of here."

Xena wrapped a bandage around Draco's head. He was still a little woozy, but would be his powerful self in a matter of days.

"Now I understand what happened. Aphrodite put a spell on Gabrielle making her irresistible to men. So why wasn't I practically her slave as the others were?" he asked.

"Because you love Gabrielle," Xena replied.

"Joxer said I love her only because of Cupid. Is this true?"

"Yes. I thought the exercise in following the greater good would be a challenge for you. If you want, I'll have Cupid take off the effect of his arrow."

Draco thought about this for a few moments. "No," he decided. "It has indeed been a challenge worthy of my skill. It was hard to keep an army together without looting and plundering the countryside, but now I have men I can rely on - when Aphrodite hasn't besotted them with her spells!"

They both chuckled at the thought.

"Besides," he continued, "I still have a chance to win Gabrielle. Of course, if she chooses Joxer instead of me, you should talk to Cupid."

"Are you sure? You don't want to have to rely on a spell to be able to be a good person."

"I understand. Eventually it needs to come off. But not yet. I know I can still kill someone with impunity for any little frustration. I know, it's not professional, but then again you used not to have any qualms about killing."

"You're lucky. I had to straighten myself out."

"But you have Gabrielle to help you, and all I have is a false love for her. No matter. I shall continue as I have. Perhaps when we meet next we could have a sparring session. I would dearly enjoy testing my skill against yours once more in a fair fight."

"I'd like that, Draco."

Gabrielle and Joxer joined them. Draco rose and took Gabrielle's hand, kissing it gently.

"Goodbye, Gabrielle. I still love you, but we each have a lot to learn, and it's time we went about learning it."

"Thanks for your help, Draco," the bard replied. "You learn fast."

He left then. Meanwhile, Minya had retrieved from her house the lute intended as a gift for Joxer. She now came in with Hower, who had an arm around her waist.

"Here you are, guys. Thanks for straightening everything out," she said.

"That's a pretty cool lute," Joxer remarked. "Are you taking it up, Gabby?"

Gabrielle took the instrument from Minya and held it out to Joxer. "No, actually it's for you. From me and Xena."

"But...but..." he stammered.

"You've been a friend to us for a long time now, and it's time we showed you how much we appreciate it. When you sing that song you wrote about us, now you can play along. It's something you're good at," Xena told him. Then she kissed him on the cheek, as did Gabrielle. He blushed all the way to his toes.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"You can play for us before you have to leave for Corinth," Gabrielle said merrily.

Salmoneus entered as Minya and Hower left to resume their necking. "Speaking of which, I'm headed there myself," the entrepreneur said. "That little black dress is everything I thought it would be, so I thought I could have more made up in the city. Say, you're not wearing it, Gabrielle!"

"No, it's a little bit fancy for travel. Joxer sure liked it, though."

"I'll say. Gabby tweaked my nose for staring too hard," the erstwhile warrior agreed.

"Here it is back," the bard said, producing the dress.

"No, you keep it. Consider it a peace offering for the trouble I put you through."

"Most of that was Aphrodite," Xena said.

"I know. That's all right. Anyway, it was designed specially for Gabrielle. You two get invited to parties, don't you?"

"Sometimes," Gabrielle acknowledged. "Okay, you win. I'll keep it."

"There's something else," Salmoneus told them, handing Gabrielle a large sack of dinars. "Your share of the profits from Gabrielle No. 5. After the spell was removed, most of the men liked it on their women, so I didn't have to refund too much. I think I'll retire the House of Gabrielle, though. No sense looking for more trouble."

"I think we've had enough trouble for the rest of the week," Xena observed.

"Come on, Joxer. Now that I have a few dinars of my own for a change, I could use a guard," Salmoneus said. "Take care, Xena...Gabrielle."

"You, too, Salmoneus," the Warrior Princess replied.

"Joxer, I want to know everything that happens to you while you're gone," Gabrielle reminded him. "Thanks for helping us figure out what Aphrodite did."

"But...but I didn't do anything. I just had an idea."

"Your love for Gabrielle gave you that idea and proved it to be true," Xena pointed out. "Don't sell yourself short."

Joxer smiled. "Hey, I'm Joxer the Mighty! How could I sell myself short?"

"Joxer..."

"Just kidding, Xena. See ya, Gabby." He clasped hands with the two women, then departed with Salmoneus, delivering a "Farewell, my warrior chums!" as he left.

"He is something else," Gabrielle said wistfully. Then she slapped herself.

"Aphrodite must have given you something important to think on," Xena observed.

"But I don't love him, Xena!"

"Maybe you're not in love with him, but I think you do love him. I know I do."

"Xena? I thought Draco got hit with that candlestick, not you."

The Warrior Princess laughed. "He's our friend, and on the road he's family, too. You told me that yourself. That's the kind of love I mean."

"Oh," Gabrielle said softly. "You're right."

But as they departed the shrine, Gabrielle knew there was more to it than that. She began to consider the matter, just as Aphrodite had advised her. She was very quiet for a long time.

The End

Disclaimer:
No bees lost their lives by stinging Joxer during the writing of this story. Joxer, however, had to go into therapy for his newly-developed fear of flying insects. There is no truth to the rumor that "Coco" Chanel copied her most famous fragrance from a recipe found in an ancient Greek scroll.

Author's notes:
Although Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel did not invent "the little black dress," she was certainly responsible for popularizing it. The quote about fashion is hers. She also was one who liked to dazzle people with smoke and mirrors, which is reflected in the temple scene. I hope you enjoyed my little spoof of the House of Chanel.

Donna and her daughter Karan were named after another fashion designer, while Kamzollis is named for Motel Kamzoil, a character from Fiddler on the Roof I had the honor of playing twice. Motel is, of course, a tailor. Dresses, by the way, are not designed and sewn as quickly as the story depicts, but then again XWP defies the laws of physics, so why not?

Lutetium is the ancient name for Paris, and means "swamp." Roma and Athenai are Rome and Athens respectively.

The second tale of King Midas was altered by me to create a different moral. In the original, Midas got his donkey ears, and had to hide them under a special hat. Only his barber knew the truth. Sworn to secrecy, the barber was so frustrated that he dug a hole in the ground and whispered the secret into it. Later, reeds sprang up on the spot, and whenever the wind blew one could hear the words "King Midas has asses' ears." It should also be noted that Midas's daughter is not part of the original myth and was probably invented by Nathaniel Hawthorne.

In a later story I will explain how Arachne ended up as Aphrodite's seamstress.

After I finished the third part of the story, Scott "Miltiades" Langman pointed out that Aphrodite's spell was similar to the effects shown in the movie Love Potion No. 9. This is entirely coincidental, however.

Episode references:
Athens City Academy of the Performing Bards, The Greater Good, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, A Day in the Life, A Comedy of Eros, Warrior...Priestess...Tramp, The Quill Is Mightier..., Forget Me Not, and Fins, Femmes and Gems.

Song references:
"The Girl From Ipanema," "The Wanderer" (sung by Dion, of course), "The Shoop-Shoop Song" (it's in his kiss) and "Close to You." "Sweets for your sweet... sugar for your honey" is also from a song, whose title I forget.

Other references:
Absolutely Fabulous, M*A*S*H, The Patty Duke Show, The Swiss Family Robinson and my stories "Educating Joxer" and "Stone in Love".

Please take a moment to write to Phil at BroadwayPhil@yahoo.com and let him know how you liked this story!

COPYRIGHT NOTICE:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Aphrodite, Minya, Hower, Salmoneus, Draco, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. The Chanel logo is a registered trademark. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1998 by Philip D. Hernández and is his sole property along with the story idea. "Gabrielle No. 5" and the characters of Orthus, Stavro, Metaxas, Dion, Nikias, Donna, Karan and Kamzollis are his own creations. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.