Aphrodite hadn't had this much fun in a long time. Even Xena is clueless, she realized. Nobody's gonna want to put that dumb perfume on my altars again, and maybe Miss Prissy Bard will get a clue about mighty boy.

Meanwhile, Draco was chewing out Metaxas.

"You know I came here to ask Gabrielle for her hand. How dare you even think you could take my place in her heart?"

"Draco, I don't understand what's come over me," the lieutenant responded with just the right mix of fear and respect. "I remember her from the temple of Hestia, and I thought she was cute, but she was yours and I thought no more about it. Then I heard her telling her story just now, and I just wanted to be by her side for the rest of our lives. I still do!"

"You fool, she'll choose who she wants. The way things are going, she might choose Joxer."

"That's impossible! She must choose me - I mean you, Draco!"

Most of his men began to grumble that they deserved Gabrielle themselves. Draco stared them down, but he realized their resentment would return.

A shouting match started between Dion and Nikias. "Look, shorty, she's not gonna settle down, and that means she'll go around the world with me!" Dion insisted.

"Yeah, right! The only thing that's gonna go around is her staff before it connects with your thick skull!" Nikias countered. "She's my type and my height, so don't be so loose with that 'shorty' thing, you phony!"

Shouts led to shoves, and soon a fistfight started, turning into a brawl as men stumbled into each other or struck the wrong targets. Draco knew he needed to do something to stop this before it got so far out of control that the women would have a free crack at Salmoneus.

"Do you want Gabrielle to see you like this?" he called out in a commanding tone. Almost immediately the fighting stopped, and men started to readjust hair and clothing and to dab at cut lips. Some of his soldiers rejoined him to protect Salmoneus.

"Let me at him," the woman who had complained first demanded. "That perfume's still no good."

"Wait," Donna advised. "I've smelled it on some of you, and it's not half bad. I think it's something else. Men usually act strange, but this is stranger than usual. Let's see what Gabrielle and her friends come up with before we jump to conclusions. You can always get your money back."

"Donna is right. I won't let Salmoneus leave town before this is settled," Draco confirmed. "I don't understand what's going on any more than you, but if Xena thinks Joxer has an idea, then I trust her judgement."

You had better be right, Xena. Joxer isn't that smart, Draco considered. It doesn't make sense. He said I'm under the influence of Cupid's arrows, but I don't feel any different. My men seem to be under a spell, though. He made a lucky guess, I think.

The men drifted over to the various stalls and booths, where they began to buy trinkets, jewelry and fancy clothing for Gabrielle, sparring over anything they thought she might like. Food vendors also did a brisk business. Many wives were discontented. They had trouble preventing their husbands from spending all their money, but in most cases love prevailed, as it had with Hower, and those men listened.

Salmoneus quickly sold out of his fancy wares. Packing up his stand, he had an idea and wandered the market himself, escorted by Draco, Metaxas and some of the mercenaries. Spotting the shop of a seamstress, he approached her with his proposal.

"Go away, you! My husband is infatuated with that Gabrielle because of that perfume of yours," she said

"It wasn't my fault!" he denied. "Besides, I've got an idea that could get you back in your husband's favor. How good are the clothes you sew?" he asked.

"That's a stupid question to ask of anyone. But if you must know, my reputation is supposed to be the best. A frock by Kamzollis fetches a good price around here."

"Then you can probably make what I want. It's a special kind of frock-" As he explained his notion, the eyes of the seamstress lit up. "Something new," Kamzollis approved. "Simple, but elegant. Women will like it. Their men should like it even more. I'll do it."

Aphrodite liked it too. Cool! My girl Arachne can make one for me! She departed to give instructions to her own seamstress.

Gabrielle brooded over her situation as they returned to Minya's. It's Joxer I can't fit into this puzzle, she thought. Hower rushed into the bath to look at me, but Joxer stayed out. Why isn't he affected? Could it be it's because he loves me? She looked at him, and he looked back, smiling. The same old goofy, dreamy look of his. But he's not trying to get any closer, or touch me, or - I'm not going there.

They re-entered the house. Hower leapt up to greet them, but Minya shoved her overeager fianc* into a seat with one powerful thrust of her arm.

"What is it with you two?" she demanded with a sharp edge to her voice. "The first time you came here, Hower fell for Xena. Now you come back and he wants Gabrielle! What next, both of you together?"

"It doesn't make sense to me either," Xena replied. "All the other men seem to be affected too."

"Except Joxer and Draco, but that doesn't help much," Gabrielle observed. "They already love me. That's it! Hower, tell me honestly. You love Minya, don't you?

The resulting struggle was plain on his face, but his answer was strong. "Yes. I love Minya more than anyone else in the world. But I need to be beside you every hour of every day. I don't know why, but I just have to. The other guys, too. Just like me, they long to be close to you."

"You see?" Joxer said. "That's what I was going to tell you. There's a spell on you, Gabby, and I'll bet Aphrodite put it on you."

"That's impossible, Joxer," Xena told him. "She hasn't been around, and we haven't been to any of her temples lately."

"I know it's a spell, Xena. When you're close to someone, you get to know her scent. It's faint, but it's Gabby."

"How would you know my scent?" Gabrielle interrupted, annoyed.

Joxer paled for a second under Xena's quizzical glance and Gabrielle's stern gaze. He took a deep breath before answering.

"Sometimes, when you're sleeping, I sit next to you and pretend, well, what it would be like if you loved me. That's all it is!" he protested as Gabrielle's hand went for his nose.

Xena gently touched the bard's arm to stop the motion. "I've seen him. He stares at you, but that's all. He's telling the truth."

"And you've kissed me once in a while, and there was that time with Cupid's arrow-"

"You win, Joxer," Gabrielle capitulated. "So what do I smell like to you?"

"It's something fresh and free, kinda sweet and tart at the same time, like wild strawberries. But when Aphrodite's got a spell on you, there's something else. Roses. I even smelled it on you when you were a statue."

"Roses-that's Aphrodite's sacred flower," Gabrielle mused.

"Minya, I think he found the problem," Xena announced. She moved closer to the woman, sniffed and frowned. "Still wearing the perfume. No roses." Then she sniffed Gabrielle. "Joxer's right. You've got a rose scent on you, just under the olive oil, so faint it almost isn't there. No wonder Donna missed it. It's the same scent you noticed earlier, Gabrielle."

"Could I please smell you, Gabrielle?" Hower asked. Minya glared at him.

"That wouldn't be a good idea," the bard replied with a knowing smile. "Kiss the girl you've got." She held up her hand. "Not me - Minya."

Hower pouted, then looked on his fianc* with a mixture of disappointment and affection. Then he kissed her. She pulled him close. After a while they broke off, and though Hower continued to look eagerly at Gabrielle, Minya was relieved.

"It's in his kiss," she said. "He still loves me. Thanks, Gabrielle. But you can't be around all the time to tell Hower to kiss me."

"No," Xena agreed, "and all the other men will be crowding you, too. Aphrodite's got a spell on you, all right."

"I still can't believe it's Aphrodite," Gabrielle protested. "Joxer, I thought she wasn't going to put any more spells on me."

"Well - not exactly. She only agreed not to make you fall in love with me. Nothing in there about not making other men fall in love with you."

"You're right," the bard admitted. "I hate it when you're right."

"There are only two ways to deal with this," Xena considered. "Either we find the flaw in the spell, or we make it cost her."

"I don't know. She could make it cost us if we mess with one of her temples again," Gabrielle said.

"Yeah. She almost got Gabby drowned," Joxer reminded them. "Not to mention skewered by those thieves."

"Oh, I haven't forgotten," Xena replied in a tight voice. "It's payback time, Aphrodite."

"What are you going to do?" Gabrielle asked, worried.

"Nothing that will put anybody in any real danger," her beloved friend answered. "You and Joxer stay here. This will work better if you don't know the whole plan right away. Joxer, you and Draco are the only men who can safely stay with Gabrielle right now, and I need Draco to control his men as best he can. Do you trust me, Gabrielle?"

The bard set her frustration aside. "I trust you, Xena," she replied. Joxer nodded his agreement, the movement so vigorous that his helmet slipped over his eyes.
"Minya, you and Hower come with me. Let's talk," Xena continued, taking them back outside. "Is there a temple of Aphrodite around here?" The voices became indistinct as they drew further away from the house, discussing the location of a nearby shrine.

Xena dispatched Hower to join the other men. "Find Draco. Tell him to keep guarding Salmoneus but not to be surprised at anything that happens otherwise. He's going to get his men back. Fewer rivals for you, of course." Hower smiled brightly and left.

"So what's my part in the plan?" Minya asked eagerly.

"Get together with the other women. Tell them about Hower still loving you and how he listens when Gabrielle isn't around. Then have them tell the men that nobody needs Aphrodite when they can worship Gabrielle, and send them to Aphrodite's shrine. That should do the trick."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm for the shrine now. I need to arrange a few things before the men get there. Then I'll bring Gabrielle over. A little play-acting and Aphrodite will be so jealous she'll fall all over herself to take off the spell."

The women separated to perform their missions.

Minya pulled aside a group of women who were busily knotting two ropes into hangman's nooses, one for Salmoneus, the other for Gabrielle.

"You don't need those! If you want your men back, just tell them to go to the shrine of Aphrodite," Minya told them.

"Aphrodite's going to fix everything for us?" one woman asked skeptically.

"Yeah. Xena's got it all figured out. Have them try to worship Gabrielle - they practically do now - and make the shrine hers."

"Hey, Aphrodite's a god," a second woman pointed out. "What happens to them when she takes her shrine back?" Several other women murmured their doubts.

"Aah, she's not much," Minya replied. "I met her once. She tried to make me kiss Joxer. Ugh!"

"You met Aphrodite?"

"Sure did. She was even mortal for a while. Stank to high Olympus! Xena's smarter than she is."

"Well, Xena and Gabrielle did save the village from being stomped flat by that giant," the first woman said. "Even if we weren't there to see it. I say we do what Minya says!"

A chorus of agreement met these words. Soon, the group was fanning out to spread the news among the other frustrated wives and sweethearts. It took time, as no one wanted to tell anyone about the plan when the men were around. Eventually, though, every woman save Kamzollis had been told, and Minya took it upon herself to whisper it to the seamstress while Salmoneus was sent to look for the bolt of black silk Kamzollis kept in a back room.

"What's up?" Minya asked after delivering her message, indicating the work in progress.

"Oh, Salmoneus there had an idea for a simple black frock. Comfortable fit, but flattering, simple pattern, hem up to mid-calf. It would go nice with some basic bracelets, earrings and maybe a pendant. Of course he gave me Gabrielle's measurements, though how he got them I'll never know-something about getting her a costume for a beauty contest, he said."

The entrepreneur returned with the bolt of silk. "Just right for Gabrielle! Or for a goddess, if you can't have Gabrielle." He helped Kamzollis lay out the pattern she had hastily designed.

"Maybe you shouldn't tell him," Minya whispered to the seamstress. "This dress looks like a good idea." She returned to normal conversational tone. "Good luck on the frock, Kamzollis."

"Thanks. I hope your little project works out, too." The seamstress winked, and Minya left.

Now it was time to tell the men what to do. The village buzzed with male excitement, and several eager lads took off at a dead run for the shrine. It looked like Xena's plan would proceed smoothly.

Then Gabrielle poked her head out of Minya's door to see what the commotion was. Metaxas, a skilled scout, spotted her instantly.

"Look! It's the goddess Gabrielle! Let's escort her to her temple!" he cried.

Gabrielle ducked back inside, but it was too late. A crowd of men immediately ran for the house. Deciding that it wouldn't be right to let them ransack the house in search of her, Gabrielle gathered up her staff and Joxer, pulling him outside.

"They're after me! Run, Joxer!" she insisted.

They ran out of the village, the men in pursuit. Draco stayed by the house of Kamzollis, where Salmoneus, blissfully unaware of the disturbance, was helping the seamstress with the little black dress. The warlord, mistakenly figuring this was part of Xena's plan, let the villagers and mercenaries chase Gabrielle.

At the shrine, Xena busily placed mirrors and smoke pots. A few simple appearance and disappearance tricks should convince the spellbound men Gabrielle was a goddess.

Gabrielle's a pretty decent actress, Xena remembered. Maybe someday she could write some plays and enter the Dionysian competition in Athens. Euripides and some of the others know her. They'll support her, even though a woman has never done it before. I suppose I'll have to put up with a tragedy about me-

Several men arrived. Xena, now wearing the tunic of a priestess over her armor and a tiara set with fake gems - a memento of Meg - greeted them.

"Welcome to the First Temple of Gabrielle. Wait here, bask in her glory, take care not to argue or fight with the others, and the goddess will be here shortly to hear your prayers."

The Warrior Princess then turned and departed, but as she emerged from the shrine to fetch her best friend she was met by a breathless Minya, who had run all the way from the village.

"Xena!" she gasped. "Something's gone wrong and the men are chasing Gabrielle again. I don't think this was part of the plan."

"It wasn't. Did they have anything in mind besides chasing her around?"

"Yeah. They shouted that they wanted to bring her here."

"That might work. You stay here. I'll make sure they don't hurt her."

Xena set out to find Gabrielle.

The bard and her clumsy friend spotted a dilapidated barn not far from the village. Its former owner had given up his farm as bad business, judging by the number of stones in the fields. Gabrielle knew that despite her head start she could not elude the crowd for long, especially Draco's swifter runners, so she steered her friend toward the building, hoping it could be secured in time. They gained the entrance, and Joxer quickly bolted the barn door behind them as Gabrielle did the same at the back.

Some seconds later a tremendous pounding shook the entire barn as the ensorcelled men sought entry any way they could.

"Please let us worship you!" Hower pleaded.

"Don't let them escape," a soldier warned.

"Get tools!" Orthus called out.

Metaxas thought he had a better idea. "No, a battering ram," he suggested.

The walls rattled and the shouting went on. Gabrielle and Joxer piled everything they could think of in front of the barn doors and barred all the shutters. She sank onto a pile of hay in despair. Joxer sat next to her.

"Gabrielle, we have to talk."

"Now? Are you crazy?"

"When they break through, they'll have to kill me to get to you. Then I wouldn't be able to apologize."

"Apologize for what? You're about the only man who isn't chasing me like a satyr."

He looked deeply into her green eyes. Searching his brown eyes, she realized he was serious. He had used her proper name, after all.

"All right, Joxer. Go ahead."

"I was telling some people a while back about what happened when you lost your memories, and how I blew it when I thought I could give them back to you."

"Yes-" Her voice hardened just a bit.

"This barmaid slapped me, and said I was sick in the head. Deprived, depr-I can't remember the word she used."

"Depraved."

"That was it. She said even though I backed out of it, what I'd done was so terrible I shouldn't be allowed near any woman."

"She never heard of forgiveness, Joxer. I forgave you a long time ago. Why did you do it in the first place?"

He lowered his tone. "I was- hurt. There it was, in the scroll about when you first met me. 'Callisto.' You said I was clumsy and inept. The saddest thing about it was it was true. So I lied. I wanted you to think better of me. I wanted you to-to-to love me. You're not ready for that. Neither am I. I'm sorry, Gabrielle. I got carried away."

She gave him a stony look. "That was a horrible thing to do to me, Joxer. What if I'd made love to you and then regained my memories? You didn't mean to hurt me, I know, but you did anyway. You were so immature."

"Yes, I was." His voice broke. "I'd do anything to make it up to you."

"You're doing it now. Besides, you did realize you were hurting me, and you backed off. I couldn't stay mad for long after that.

"Even when I said -"

"Don't say it again."

"All right. I'm sorry for that, too. It's just- well, I was trying to say I love you on that scroll, and those three- you know- and you're so beautiful, a sculptor-"

Gabrielle's voice got even harder. "I don't pose for nudes."

"I'm sorry. That didn't come out right. Everybody knows the human body is worth sculpting because it's beautiful. That's what I meant."

She remembered the figure of her he'd given to Xena. It was fully clothed. Then she remembered something else, and all the hardness vanished from her face.

"I've had enough of being a statue," she said wryly. "Come here." She hugged him tightly. "I forgive you. Now promise me two things."

"Anything."

"First, don't throw your life away when they break in. Give Xena a chance to rescue us, all right?"

"Okay. What's second?"

"Second, when this is over, I want you to spend a little time away from me-"

Saddened, he nodded.

"That's not what I mean. Travel around, make new friends. Like at Pyrgos. I wish I could have been there. Have your own adventures. You're beginning to grow up, Joxer. I'll bet there's a nice girl out there who'll take a real liking to you."

He wanted to deny this, but prudently kept his mouth shut. He kept his head down so she couldn't see the despair in his eyes, but she guessed what he was thinking.

"I forgot. I'm the nice girl you hope will take a real liking to you. Just travel around. Later, we'll get together and you can tell me all about what happened. I'll do a scroll just for you."

"Really?"

She smiled at him. "Really. So you see, I'm not sending you away. You need to find yourself. I can help a little, but you have to do most of the work alone."

The pounding grew harder and wood started to splinter. Gabrielle hugged Joxer again, then kissed his nose.

"That's for the times I've hurt you. You didn't deserve all of them."

"It never hurt very long," he replied.

Smiling once more, she took up her staff. She saw a pole leaning against the wall. "Use that," she told Joxer. "We don't want to hurt anyone badly."

The crowd of men finally succeeded in breaching the barn walls. They confronted the two friends, who stood side-by-side with staves raised.

"O great goddess Gabrielle!" Hower cried. "Let us carry you to your temple where we can worship you!"

"Don't come any closer!" she warned. "I'm not a goddess!"

"That's right," Joxer agreed. "Leave her alone, or face the wrath of Joxer the Mighty!"

Several men laughed. Orthus stepped forward, only to be laid flat by Gabrielle. Both she and Joxer administered a number of headaches, but the outcome was never in doubt. First Joxer was overwhelmed by sheer numbers, trussed and carried off hanging from his own pole. Gabrielle was treated much more gently, which meant quite a few men suffered painful bruises to ribs and limbs, plus ringing heads, but in the end two men pinioned each of her arms and legs, and she too was borne to the temple, still struggling, with Hower carrying her staff like a holy relic.

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