Copyright 1999
Myths have changed,
And we've often re-told the tale
Since old Homer made his first sale,
But the heroes were always male;
So today,
Renaissance Pictures took a whirl,
And instead of the standard males,
They made both the leads strong girls!
When subtext could mean girl and girl,
Or boy and girl, or both boy, girl and girl,
Xena knows:
Anything goes!
When Joxer falls for Gabrielle,
Who decides he's the one to ring her bell,
Xena knows:
Anything goes!
Callisto is good today,
And stone's wood today,
The suns' the moon today,
And May's June today.
On romance today
You'll take a chance today
Thin as Aphrodite's clothes.
Though Joxer's not a great romancer,
I know Gabrielle will answer, should he propose,
"Anything goes!"
[dance sequence for the next 23 measures]
(spoken during dance:) This is the part where Renée O'Connor's dance double makes poor Renée tap dance for
23 bars while Alexandra Tydings, who knows all the steps already, and Lucy Lawless are laughing on the
sidelines.
When Gabrielle becomes her own best fan,
And Joxer's left as Monkey Man,
Xena knows:
Anything goes!
When Joxer gives the girls the stomach flu,
Then he finds out he's got it, too,
Xena knows:
Anything goes!
If fighting warlords you like,
With crossed swords you like,
If surreal you like,
If Sal's deals you like,
Auto's cons you like,
Or Amazons you like,
Why, nobody will oppose.
When every night the Xenite crowd
Has got USA turned up so loud
An eardrum blows,
Anything goes!
[second dance sequence for 198 measures]
(spoken during beginning of dance:) Renée gets her revenge by making Alexandra and Lucy tap dance for the
next 198 bars! They rope Ted Raimi, Bruce Campbell and Kevin Smith into the number. Better have your tap
shoes on!
Callisto is good today,
And stone's wood today,
The suns' the moon today,
And May's June today.
On romance today
You'll take a chance today
Thin as Aphrodite's clothes.
Though Joxer's not a great romancer,
I know Gabrielle will answer, should he propose,
"Anything goes!"
If tales that are dark you like,
Chakram arcs you like,
If fierce sharks you like,
Or gold marks you like,
If love larks you like,
With Gab and Jox you like,
You'll be smelling like a rose.
Though Joxer's not a great romancer,
I know Gabrielle will answer, should he propose,
"Anything goes!"