Copyright 1998
Note: Scansion on this song is variable, as in the original.
(to be sung by Joxer)
I want a new bard:
One who won't tweak my nose;
One who won't write that I'm a klutz;
One who won't ever wear drab clothes.
I want a new bard:
One who won't laugh at me;
One who won't leave me Monkey Man
Swinging up in a tree.
One who won't make me feel like
Tartarus or Hell;
One who makes me feel like I feel with Gabrielle...
When I'm with Gabrielle.
I want a new bard:
One who won't pull my ear;
One who won't treat my love with scorn
And make me cry ninety-six tears.
I want a new bard:
One who won't throw a fit,
Try to push Xena off a cliff
Or jump in a pit.
One who will sing my theme song
And make it sound real swell;
One who makes me feel like I feel with Gabrielle...
I love Gabrielle...
I love Gabrielle, honey...
I want a new bard:
One who won't make me sore;
One who won't bash me with her staff,
Her fist or an oar.
I want a new bard:
One who's real smart;
One who won't think that I'm a jerk;
One who loves me with all her heart.
One who won't follow Xena
Through every little dell;
One who makes me feel like I feel with Gabrielle...
I love Gabrielle...
I love Gabrielle, honey...