A comfortable seat had been provided for Gabrielle near the fire. Her voice was back almost to normal, so she decided she would tell a story or two. She silently called on Euterpe, the Muse of lyric poetry, and reached into her shoulder bag, drawing out a scroll at random.

She unrolled it and was appalled. It was "The Bitter Suite." She had not told anyone the story before. Besides Xena the only other person who knew it in full was Joxer, and he knew only because he'd read her all her scrolls trying to restore her memories outside the temple of Mnemosyne.

I'll have to tell it sometime. It might as well be now.

And so she began. Every eye was riveted on her as she told how Xena and she had tortured themselves to the point of madness, how Xena had succumbed, and she herself had, too, after Xena had stripped her of her last protection.

So that's what she meant when she said Joxer had already done the same for her, Tegan realized. And he never let on. I've never known him not to boast before, but here's the proof.

Gabrielle continued, telling of Illusia and how she and Xena were healed. She even essayed a couple of the songs she remembered, and if her voice cracked once or twice from her illness, she was forgiven.

There was a hush in the room as she finished the tale, and for an instant she feared it was not a good one, but then the silence was followed by applause that filled the inn with joyous sound.

Whew! That was close. All right, Euterpe, you owe me. She pulled out another scroll. Oh, no! "The Quill Is Mightier?"

This time she had her audience in stitches almost from the very beginning. They howled when Aphrodite fell on top of Ares, and whenever poor Joxer never quite understood that the universe considered him a jerk. Her own mistakes produced as many laughs. Then there were her three - ah, dancing - selves and Xena's battle using fish as weapons. All in all, a successful story. Leave 'em laughing, Gabrielle. Besides, if I try another random scroll it might just be "A Comedy of Eros"...

As others took their turns with songs and tall tales she put back the scrolls. Her fingers touched a small cloth-wrapped bundle, which she removed and unwrapped. It was the necklace Joxer had bought her. She fingered it gently. She hadn't worn it since he gave it to her, mainly because she didn't trust it to the rigors of the road. It was just as beautiful in the firelight as she remembered it had been in daylight. Careful not to snag it on her long hair, she put it on.

Gabrielle didn't notice Tegan watching her closely. Now I understand, the innkeeper thought. Joxer's usually a loudmouthed, obnoxious twerp, but here she tells a story where he risks his life for her, and another where he gives up a prized possession for her. I'll bet that's the necklace she was talking about. I wonder when she'll figure out he loves her. Maybe she has, but doesn't want to think about it because there's a chance she loves him. Ouch, that's a scary thought. He's got a lot of growing up to do before she gives in to that notion.

The evening seemed to end all too quickly. Before going up to bed, Gabrielle handed most of the dinars she had received to Tegan.

"That's more than the usual split," the innkeeper noted.

"I know. I didn't want Xena to pick up the whole tab for me."

"Fair enough. I'm glad you're looking a little stronger."

"Well, you and Xena were right. Rest, fresh air and food. I might even be up for a little exercise tomorrow."

"You wouldn't have a long walk in mind, now, would you?"

Gabrielle grinned. "Only around here. I will keep an eye out for bandits, though. You heard the news."

Tegan nodded. "Xena may have met up with them. A traveler told me somebody took out four of them at once near Pyrgos. It had to have been her, because the fellow described Joxer, and you know how he likes to 'borrow' her achievements."

"So he's out there, too. I hope he ran into Xena."

"I'll bet his nose doesn't think that way."

They both laughed.

Gabrielle went upstairs and washed up a bit before undressing. She carefully packed the necklace away and pulled a pink nightgown from her gear. She smiled, remembering how silly Joxer had looked in it. Better than seeing him naked, though.

Her brow furrowed. Why is everything reminding me of Joxer? It's Xena I should be worried about. Oh, well, she can take care of herself, and the best thing I can do for her is to do the same.

Dismissing Joxer from her mind, she put on the nightgown, took some more herbs for her congestion and settled down to a long, dreamless sleep.

For some in Pyrgos, the night was too long. A few of the younger men had seen no fighting in their lives, and so were too excited to sleep well. Others, men and women, tossed and turned in their beds with worry. Most managed to sleep soundly, including Xena, though one or two villagers may have fortified themselves a bit too much with wine, and would regret it with pounding heads in the morning.

Joxer managed a little rest, but well before dawn he found himself pacing the town nervously. He wasn't sure if he was more afraid of succeeding or of failing - which meant dying. He fought in his mind for focus, finding it in the image of Gabrielle smiling at him.

Xena's right. I want Gabby to be happy. Which means I have to be someone she's happy to see. Maybe this will do the trick. Even if it doesn't, it's still worth it, for my friends.

When the time came for the pre-dawn watch, Joxer woke Xena up himself. Standing outside the door to her room, he simply spoke her name.

She was instantly awake and alert. "Restless, eh?" she observed as she emerged.

"Yeah. I trust you, only..."

She moved one hand in a circular motion. "Only..."

"Only what if... well, I don't want to let you down."

"You won't. It's natural to feel like that. Don't even worry about what Gabrielle will think. You don't have to prove anything to her."

"I don't?"

"No. Just be yourself." She sprinkled a little water on her face. "Walk with me, Joxer. I could use some companionship."

They made the rounds of the sentry posts as quietly as Joxer's armor would allow. Men exchanged sleepy greetings as the previous watch was relieved. They were mostly farmers like Agricola, with a few artisans and others. One young couple, recently married, stood watch together with spear and staff in hand and their free arms around each other's waists. They scanned a patch of road and field, barely lit by moon and stars. Other watchstanders told jokes or munched on an early breakfast. A herdsman was softly singing as if to his cattle, though they were safely penned in the village. Each in his own way was alert and prepared. These were their homes and families, friends and neighbors they were defending.

A little of Joxer's restlessness eased as he saw them. He knew they didn't really need him, yet he didn't feel useless, because like Xena they had accepted his help. A new feeling of confidence grew in him. Whether he succeeded or failed, he wouldn't let them down. And Xena thought he could win.

Perhaps the Warrior Princess was restless, too. She pointed out the approaches a raiding force would take, and how the defenders could take advantage of them. Strategy was a little too advanced for Joxer, but somehow she just needed to talk.

"...then, when you push on this beam, it acts like a lever on the barrels. They roll into the path and block the enemy's retreat," Xena was saying.

"You miss Gabrielle, don't you?" he suddenly asked.

Though it was obviously true, still the question brought Xena up short. "I've worked without her before," she replied.

"Not often, and not lately. You look lonely."

"How would you know that?"

"I see that look every time I see my own reflection. Except sometimes when I'm with you guys I'm a poor substitute for Gabby - for one thing, I'm not nearly as pretty - but I could give it the old gymnasium try."

Xena smiled despite herself. "You're right. I do miss her, and I am turning to you. I can't think of too many other people I'd want to have around besides you. Your friendship means a lot to me."

"Is that why you've been opening up lately?"

"I guess it is. We have a special bond, too. You remind me sometimes of myself when I was younger, with all the bravado to take on the world but something missing inside. I learned slowly. Not about being a warrior, but about being Xena. Then I met Gabrielle. She was so young, so eager, so determined. Like you, she's a dreamer, too. I made a decision to follow her path as best I could. It seems like she's inspired you to make a decision, too. You're deciding to be Joxer, not 'Joxer the Mighty,' and I like that Joxer."

He was very quiet as he considered this. They kept walking, saying nothing. Joxer looked thoughtful, not sad or depressed. Then he smiled, a genuine smile, not his usual goofy look.

"It's just like Jett said once. You remember, 'Don't let anyone tell you who you are or who you could be.' Thanks, Xena. I feel better already."

"So do I."

Joxer reached into a pouch. "Want some bread and cheese? Agricola makes some outstanding stuff."

Xena accepted the offering with a warm smile of her own. Joxer had rarely seen that sort of look on her face. They ate as they continued to walk. Everything seemed to be caught up in breathless anticipation as dawn broke over Pyrgos. Somehow the feeling was reassuring. This was going to work.

Pyrgos began to wake up. People were dressing, washing, making a hearty breakfast for the long day to come. Mothers hustled complaining children to the pantheon, where some of the more worried citizens were praying to almost every god they could think of, from Apollo to Zeus. The young woman who had escaped Talthybius's attentions stuck with Terpsichore.

"How is the Muse of dance supposed to help you?" one of her friends asked.

"You saw how Xena took those goons out. If that wasn't Terpsichore, I don't know who was helping me."

Several people surveyed the preparations one last time, racking their brains to see if anything else could be done. Agricola and Panea, hand in hand, caught up with Xena and Joxer as the Warrior Princess showed her friend how to properly sharpen his sword.

"Now we hurry up and wait," Panea said.

Xena nodded. "This is always one of the hardest times. You have to be ready for anything, but if you have to wait too long you lose your edge. It won't be long today. Aralaus can't hold his men together long enough for us to become lax." She started to do some stretching exercises while Joxer continued to hone the edge of his blade.

"Are you ready, Joxer?" Agricola asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be," he replied. He handed his sword to Xena for inspection. She nodded in approval.

Nemus came running up. "They're coming," he announced.

Gabrielle awoke suddenly with a feeling of anticipation. She dressed quickly and went downstairs.

"You're up early," Tegan greeted her.

"This is it. Joxer's going to fight Aralaus, just like in my dream."

"Joxer? Are you sure?"

"I saw Xena hand him his sword, then he was fighting."

"You can't get there in time, Gabrielle. You look better, but you still need to take it easy."

The bard accepted a cup of sweet cider. "I know. I will. Besides, for some weird reason I'm nervous but not for Joxer. Maybe it's because of Xena. She relies on him a lot more than I ever did."

"Do you pray to the gods?"

"Sometimes."

"Then pray for him. That's one way you can help right now."

Gabrielle took a fresh cup and poured a libation. She bowed her head and prayed: Virgin Huntress Artemis, I know Joxer's hardly one of your followers, but please hear me out, if only because I'm one of your Amazons. Guide his hand today and protect him. Whatever Xena has in mind, please let it work. He's a real jerk a lot of the time, but he's my friend, too. Don't let him throw his life away. Please. By your will, holy Artemis.

"Now it's in the hands of Artemis," she said.

"Good choice," Tegan approved. "It's in Xena's hands, and Joxer's, too."

"Artemis help us all."

Aralaus and his host approached confidently. These were villagers, after all, and they couldn't be much if Xena was relying on a single combat. To the people of Pyrgos, the army didn't look like much, either: noisy, filthy, unruly. A couple of the men, plus Talthybius and Aralaus himself, looked dangerous, but that was to be expected. Besides, they had Xena and Joxer on their side.

The fat warlord eased himself off a horse sadly abused by his weight and beckoned Talthybius to him.

"Yes, milord?"

"Tell them if they give up now, they get to live. Otherwise we take their spoils and their lives. Xena's first."

"Very well, milord," Talthybius responded doubtfully. He took off at a jog.

Aralaus used the horse to cover his next act, which was to apply the Egyptian poison to his sword. One person saw him, however.

"I was right," Xena told Joxer. "It's poison on his blade. Don't try anything fancy, just disarm him when you can. Keep your guard up."

Approaching the sentries, Talthybius slowed to a purposeful stride, holding his empty hands out to indicate he wanted to parley. Xena, Joxer and Agricola met him at the edge of town.

"Well, Talthybius, what'll it be?" Xena asked.

"Lord Aralaus will graciously spare your lives if you surrender now. If you do not, we take everything, and you will all die, starting with Xena."

"Nice work, if you can get it," she smirked. "But you won't get it, no matter how hard you try."

"You haven't got a chance, Xena, and you know it. I'm going to enjoy taking you apart," he said to Agricola. "And especially you, Joxer the Dorky. After that, I kiss the girls and make them die."

"Any time you want, smart mouth," Joxer said grimly. "IÕm ready."

"Yeah, like Xena's made a Meleager out of you in one day."

"No, just Joxer. So, Aralaus is too chicken to fight me, huh?" He raised his voice and cupped a hand to his mouth. "Buck-buck-buck-baCAW!" he clucked.

In the distance, Aralaus could be seen gesticulating angrily. He had heard the taunt.

Xena raised an eyebrow, but chose to let Joxer handle it his way.

"You tell that overstuffed bullet my challenge still stands," he continued, his voice going up nearly half an octave but remaining steady. "He can fight like a man or he can be a chicken and attack now."

"I'm gonna love watching Lord Aralaus kill you,"Talthybius replied.

"Lots of worse men have tried and failed," Joxer said. "That didn't come out right."

The Warrior Princess gave him a friendly chuckle. "So have lots of better men, Talthybius. Tell Aralaus that, too."

"It's your funeral," the lieutenant muttered. He turned around and went back to his master.

Agricola clapped Joxer on the back. "If there was any doubt Aralaus would accept the challenge, you ended it with that chicken cackle," he told him.

"Yes," Xena said. "There's a drawback, though. He's going to try that much harder to kill you. Warriors hate being called cowards, even when they are cowards."

"I never heard a warrior imitate a chicken before. Where did you pick it up?" Agricola asked.

"Gabby told me a story once about when she was a little girl. She and her sister were gathering eggs, and this old rooster started chasing them around the hen house. She made those sounds. It was funny!"

Xena smiled sadly. She remembered the story, too. It was just one more poignant reminder that the person she loved most wasn't there beside her.

Talthybius was talking to Aralaus now. The warlord backhanded his minion and advanced on the village, the army slowly following. When he stopped at the outskirts, he pointed at Joxer.

"All right, dead man, come on out. You wanted a challenge, it's yours."

Joxer immediately stepped out to face Aralaus, but Xena stopped him.

"I think you're forgetting something," she said, handing him his sword.

"Oh. Thanks, Xena."

"Remember what I said. When you see that one chance, you'll know what to do."

"Right. If I don't pull this off, tell Gabby I always loved her."

"I won't have to do that."

"Come on, come on," Aralaus snorted. "Don't waste my time."

"Take your best shot," Joxer replied, and immediately had to jump back to avoid a vicious slash he barely saw coming. "Hey, don't do that again!"

Aralaus only growled at him. They circled each other warily. Then the warlord aimed a thrust at one of the joints in Joxer's armor, which was parried. Xena had pointed out that spot long before.

Though angry, Aralaus did not attack wildly, but conserved his energy, applying one skillful attack after another. Joxer remained on the defensive as planned. Then he stumbled, and Aralaus nearly caught him with a well-aimed cut, but at the last second Joxer managed to move away and the point of the warlord's sword only carved a tiny furrow in Joxer's round breastplate. The army shouted its approval.

"Who's the chicken now?" Aralaus taunted. "You don't even attack!"

Smiling, Joxer said nothing. This wasn't his opening. He continued to parry and dance away, occasionally offering a feint when it was safe. Seeing a possible chance, Aralaus slashed at Joxer's knee. Down came Joxer's sword on the warlord's wrist, and the poisoned weapon fell to the ground. The villagers gasped, then cheered.

Aralaus wasn't finished by a long shot. He smashed his greave into Joxer's face and forced him back. But before the warlord could recover his sword, Joxer drove his left fist into Aralaus's gut. It sank into the bloated midriff but not very deeply, as the blow lacked full power. Still, Aralaus doubled over in pain, fell to his knees and then on his face while Joxer kicked the sword away.

Even Talthybius was at a loss for words as the villagers cheered again and Xena hauled Aralaus to his feet. Something went out of the army when their leader had gone down. They looked from Joxer to Xena and back again, and the more they looked the more demoralized they became. If someone like Joxer could defeat their hitherto unbeatable leader, what chance did they have?

Joxer sheathed his sword and faced Aralaus again.

"All right, Aralaus, now you have to honor your word. Disband that riffraff of yours and leave this village alone. And don't turn around and attack some other place, either!"

"Bah! You wouldn't be so cocky without Xena standing behind you!"

"If Xena weren't here, he wouldn't stand alone." Agricola stepped forward, pitchfork in hand. "I stand with my friend."

"So do I." Panea took her husband's arm.

"And I." "And I." "And I." One by one, the villagers joined Agricola, a fire burning in their eyes that cowed the once-menacing warriors.

"Well, what are you standing around for? ATTACK!" Aralaus screamed.

"AI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!" Xena shouted her battle cry and charged. Joxer, Agricola, Panea and the other villagers charged alongside her. They didn't have to strike a blow, as the warlord's men turned and ran for their lives.

"Not so fast, Talthybius," Joxer said as he grabbed the lieutenant by the scruff of the neck. "I still owe you for threatening my friends." Talthybius drew a dagger, but Joxer staggered him with a punch and the weapon fell to the ground. They traded blows, Joxer getting the worst of it. Still, he refused to give up. Blood filled his eyes and he swung more and more wildly. Then he remembered what Xena had said: Don't try so hard that you lose control. Talthybius picked up his dagger and charged Joxer, intending to kill him. Wiping the blood from his eyes, Joxer saw the ruffian coming. For a second he blanched. "Waaah!" he cried. But he dodged the strike and caught Talthybius in the throat with a stiff forearm. The latter went down and stayed down, unconscious.

Meanwhile, Aralaus had not joined his men. Taking up the poisoned sword, he squared off against Xena. If he drew blood, victory would be his. For her part, Xena declined to die. "Give it up, Aralaus. Your army ran, you've been beaten and you'll never get near me with that poison," she told him.

"I'll kill you, Xena!" Aralaus grunted. Their swords rang.

"You shouldn't get so excited," Xena advised as they exchanged attacks and parries. "It's bad for your blood pressure." Then she disarmed him as easily as Joxer had. "YEEE-ah-IEE!" she cried, flipped over Aralaus and landed on the deadly blade, snapping it under her boots. "So much for that." She spun Aralaus around and held her weapon at his throat.

"I don't feel like getting my sword dirty to see if there's any blood mixed in with your slime, Aralaus. Now, do you end this nonsense or do I turn you over to Joxer? He doesn't take kindly to poison either," Xena snarled.

Aralaus turned to face the bloody Joxer. The defeated warlord was thoroughly frightened. "I - I - I give up."

"Then pick up your litter and get out of here," Joxer ordered, pointing at Talthybius. Aralaus went to his fallen lieutenant and half-carried, half-dragged him out of town. A girl handed Joxer a wet rag which he used to clean his face.

"It's over," Xena announced. "They won't be back." The villagers cheered. Then Xena began to sing the last song anyone would have ever expected to hear from her:
"Joxer the Mighty,
He roams through the countryside;
You don't need a place to hide
When he's standing by your side."

The people joined in:
"When you're in jeopardy,
Caused by the enemy,
Don't call the cavalry;
There's a better remedy."

Agricola sang:
"He's every man's trusty,"

Panea:
"Every woman's friend in need,"

Xena:
"A truer friend you'll never meet."

All:
"Look out! He's Joxer the Mighty!
"He's Joxer - Joxer the Mighty!"

As everyone cheered again, Xena told Joxer: "Enjoy it. You've earned it." Sturdy hands lifted the two heroes into the air and carried them off to an impromptu celebration at the travelers' lodging.

There were many requests for Joxer's song, but after a few repetitions even he got tired of it. "Does anybody have a lute?" he asked.

One was quickly found, and he strummed it experimentally. It had a good tone. Then he began to sing, not tunefully, to be sure, but at least on key:

"Xena is a warrior
Whose heart is fair and true.
Her partner's name is Gabrielle.
She's kind and caring, too.

"Together they fight misery
And bring joy to the land.
If you should find yourself in need,
Just reach out for their hands.

"Xena, tall and dark and strong,
Fears no god nor man.
No matter what the danger is,
She helps the best she can.

"Gabrielle is fair and light,
Her soul is always pure.
She'll stand beside you with her staff
And you know you'll endure.

"With chakram, sword and whistling blow.
With stories from the heart,
Together they will touch your life
And nevermore depart."

The applause was tumultuous, and he had to repeat his new song several times so people could copy it. Even Xena was impressed. Joxer then deferred to other villagers. The girl who worshipped Terpsichore favored everyone with a dance, and there were more happy songs.

Xena allowed herself to relax for a few moments. The danger was over, people weren't fawning over her, and Joxer was behaving himself.

No one killed. Gabrielle would be proud of me. Wait... why am I thinking this? Am I jealous of Joxer? No, there isn't any competition here. She smiled, and sipped at a cup of wine. She would remember every detail of these past few days. Of course, Gabrielle would never forgive her if she forgot anything. Xena sometimes thought her best friend was a little obsessed with her scrolls and her writing, but she had to admit there was no one better at the art. Was Gabrielle in for a surprise when she found out what Joxer had been up to!

Conclusion >>>