Author's note: I'm very bad at ficlets. They always end up far too long.

Gabrielle stared at the material in his hands, a nonplussed expression on her face. He lifted it again, shaking it.

"What?"

"This is it!"

"That's it?"

Joxer rolled his eyes and offered her the material again, this time proferring one to Xena as well. Xena frowned at it.

"You're kidding me," she said coolly.

"No!" exclaimed Joxer.

"It's a sheet," said Gabrielle, spreading out the material. It was a very nice sheet, of very fine linen, trimmed with gold and black square labyrinth motifs.

"It's a toga," said Joxer, exasperated. "The official dress of Athens. And if you're gonna go to my Mom's big bash and hunt down this warlord, you're gonna have to dress the part."

"People still dress like this?" asked Xena, frowning at her scarlett ream of fabric.

"Yes," said Joxer.

"What are you wearing?"

Joxer's pale cheeks went a deep red, and from his satchel he pulled a similar sheet of fabric, only it was much, much smaller.

Gabrielle coughed, glaring at the fabric. "That? You're wearing that?"

Pursing his lips, wringing them, he looked away. "It's tradition," he mumbled.

"You really want to impress your mother, huh?" said Xena, smirking.

He sighed, brandishing his toga. "I'm getting changed."

From outside the large, pillar-fronted Athenian building it was clear that a huge party was taking place. Light streamed from the large windows, music floated over the warm evening air. Laughter and raucous voices could be heard. Xena and Gabrielle gazed up at the place, both looking a little overwhelmed at the sight of the place.

"His mother is really rich..." murmured Gabrielle.

"His father is," said Xena dryly. "After making as much money as he could being a warlord, he bribed his way out of Mermimas and took up politics."

Gabrielle gave a thin smile. "Right." She straightened her toga. "Gods... I feel like this thing is going to fall off..."

"It's not," said Xena, confidently. "It's all pinned and tied into place. Besides - the weight of the fabric keeps it where it needs to be."

"Don't say a word."

They turned at the familiar voice. Gabrielle choked. One of Xena's brows lifted, and she smirked.

"Well, if you've got it, flaunt it."

Joxer wore a stark, white toga, edged in an angular orange and black pattern. On his feet were sandles, and the fabric about his shoulders hung down to his elbows fetchingly. Decorating one shoulder was a small bunch of grapes and some vine leaves. If it was possible, he was blushing even darker than he was before.

"Xena..." said Joxer in a hurt tone.

"No, I mean it," said Xena with a sparkle of amusement in her eyes. "Your legs look great."

"Xena, stop teasing him," sighed Gabrielle, also strangely red in the cheeks.

"What, you don't think his legs look good, Gabrielle?"

She glanced to them briefly, as if she were looking at him naked and gave a flustered ghost of a smile. "Yes, they're very nice. Can we just go in?"

"Good idea," sighed Joxer, leading the way into the huge house ahead.

The skin on the backs of their necks prickled and grew hot as they wove through the crowd to the main living area. There were too many people in normal clothes. Gabrielle kept shooting Joxer dark looks.

They finally found his mother, a lively, pepper-haired woman who was resplendent in warrior leathers. Joxer stepped over to her slowly, eyes wide, confusion on his face.

"...Ma?"

The woman spun about with glee. "Joxer!" The smile drifted off her face and she chuckled. "Oh dear... didn't you get the invite?"

Joxer gulped, looking about self-consciously. "No. I just got the messenger boy. He lost the invite."

She groaned. "Oh darling!"

"Why is everyone dressed like... like that?!"

He pointed. Indeed, everyone was dressed in pants and vests, cardboard armour and brandishing fake weaponry. His mother wore a leather bustier, gauntlets, and a long leather skirt. She sighed.

"Joxer, dear... it's a dress-up party! The theme was warlord!"

With a groan, Joxer looked about and sighed. "Great. I spent all that money on these togas for nothing."

"You look very nice, dear..."

"Yes, we were just saying what nice legs he has," said Xena. She was obviously in a devil of a mood. Gabrielle blushed and Joxer's mother giggled.

"Doesn't he, just? That's my beautiful boy!" She squeezed his cheeks. From a leather bag on her belt she pulled some dinars and piled them into his hand. "Darling, you go get yourself a proper costume. The tailor is open all night because he knows people will be coming here by the hundreds."

Joxer sighed and nodded. "Thanks, Mom." He turned away.

"Oh - darling?"

He looked over his shoulder and his mother tilted her head, putting her cheek before him and pursing her lips. He sighed and dropped a kiss on her cheek. "Back soon."

The night was dark as they trudged through the streets towards the stable that held Argo and all their warrior clothes. Joxer was inconsolable at the faux pas.

"Joxer, it was a mistake anyone could have made," said Xena.

He kept quiet.

The warrior princess gave up. Gabrielle, however, was just getting started. Her stomach growled.

"Damn it," she moaned. "I should have grabbed some food while we were at Joxer's place. I'm starving." She trailed off, noticing the grapes on Joxer's shoulder. Joxer was too sullen to notice her going quiet, or the hungry gleam in her eyes.

"Gabrielle..."

"Just one," she breathed, reaching for the grapes decorating his shoulder. She pulled on a particularly juicy looking one. The whole bunch came off in her hand, with the pin it was tied to. It was like a domino effect. The extra weight pulled on the other pin, and all of a sudden Joxer's toga was about his ankles. It was clear at that point that it was traditional not to wear anything under a toga.

Gabrielle and Xena froze. Joxer, too, was still if only for a moment.

"Aaah - shit!"

Without another word he streaked down the road, covering what he could with his hands, racing for the stable.

Gabrielle looked down to the bunch of grapes in her hand and popped one in her mouth. "I never thought I'd say this... but his ass isn't bad either."

Xena gave her an amused smirk. "Now you know why togas are such a tradition."

Please take the time to write to Nancy at tosh@opera.iinet.net.au, and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 2006 by Nancy Lorenz and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.