Rating: PG-13.
Spoilers: The odd mention of certain episodes in season 5, and Xena's pregnant in this one. So if you've missed season five, keep that in mind.
Author's Notes: Thank you Greg. Thank you ever so much. This has been the most gruelling Lyrics Challenge I've ever had, and you beat me, you won. I couldn't write a story in the given criteria of two weeks to write and only four pages long. Couldn't do it. So you win you old pirate prick ;P (the name calling is a friendly Aussie thing - love ya Greggie-poos). Sorry for the length!

The young man staggered in the door, his eyes lit up like a Solstice night. Spotting who he was after, he strode forward, tumbling down the step from the door excitedly, landing at the woman's feet. He grinned up at her like a maniac, holding up a great big leather pouch in his hands.

"What on earth are you doing, you horse's ass?" the woman sighed, looking back to her weaving loom tiredly.

"Grandma!" the young man cried, "LOOK!"

The woman frowned, looking down at the satchel in the boy's hands. She heaved it up into her lap, eying him with wonder.

"What in Tartarus you got stuffed in here boy, rocks?"

The boy shook his head frantically.

"By all the bright beautiful Gods of Olympus!!!" Her voice was barely a gasp as she untied the drawstrings of the leather pouch, what seemed like thousands of dinars glinting up at her from inside. Her silver brows descended, and she set her hard glare at her grandson, "Where did you get all this? Huh?"

"The - the -"

"Casino! Again?!" the woman cried.

The boy shuddered, "It was just one game Granny..."

"It's you're last game!"

The boy nodded, "Yeah! You bet!! Cause like - guess what!!"

"What?"

"I got you a present!!"

The young man grabbed the old lady's hand, yanking her to the door.

"Careful you great brute!" she crowed, "I'm not as nimble as I - great Mother of the skies..."

The son guhurgled, tumbling down the front porch in a cacophony of steps. He proudly pointed to the thing that had invoked such awe in his grandmother.

It was a gleaming black chariot, great painted flames licking the side. At the draft pole sat two black horses with satin coats that shone blue in the sunlight, stamping the floor impatiently.

"It's the beast Gramama," he grinned, "I got it for you!"

For once in the stupid boys life, his grandmother smiled at him.

Gabrielle arced her neck up over the tightly packed hordes of city folk. She told him to meet her at the agora an hour ago, but there'd been no sign of him. And in the crush of locals she wondered if she ever would. She worked her way through the crowd, noticing an odd conglomerate of mismatched armour loitering in front of a flashy deep-painted object of apparent speed. She growled inwardly, approaching the man and seizing him in a rough grab of his poncho.

"Joxer," she hissed, "I've been looking for you for over an hour! Where in Tartarus have you been?"

"Oh," was all he could mutter, pointing at the vehicle in front of him, "Have you ever seen anything so - " He glanced to Gabrielle and tilted his head with a smirk, "But I guess you wouldn't get it..."

She narrowed her eyes, "A chariot? You kept me waiting for over an hour for a stupid chariot?!"

Joxer's jaw dropped, his brow creasing, "Stupid?! Gabrielle! It's a Corvettus!"

"It is not!" Gabrielle said with a curl of her lip, "It's a Holdenos with a Corvettus body, repainted and with a set of new Ford reigns attached."

Joxer blinked, bending down and taking a closer look at the wheels, "And these?"

Gabrielle pursed her lips expertly, "Oh, they're Corvettus. Only the metal rims are worn to disrepair. Those have been repainted too."

Joxer stood, glancing to Gabrielle sideways, running a hand through his hair, "You know uh... when you talk about that - stuff - you..."

She glanced to him, "What?"

"You sound kind of sexy."

Gabrielle's face froze, twitching between annoyance and a soft smile of pleasure, and decided to instead roll her eyes with the smile creeping through, her hand yanking Joxer by the collar as she stormed away from the chariot vender.

"Come on," she said drolly, "We gotta go get Xena."

It was almost relieving to hear Joxer express this kind of desire for her. After the time with Amoria, she'd feared the worse. The fact that she feared at all was still disturbing to her. She didn't want things to change. She liked the way things were. She liked how she could crash next to Joxer on her pelt and not worry about it meaning anything. She liked how he snored softly, and how when he got up, he always tried so hard not to wake her. But what was the point in wishing for things that were bound to be fleeting. Things changed. She had to get used to it.

Xena sighed, fingering the edge of her boot.

"My ankles are killing me," Xena said darkly, "And you think a black flat slimy worm is going to help me?"

The doctor, a small measure of a man with wisps of hair sticking out of his head at angles that seemed to ignore the basic laws of physics, nodded, rolling his lips over his toothless gums.

"Oh yesps," he said, "I'ff been pwactissing metissine fpor ofer fppspfforh-teeh yees!"

Xena curled her top lip, "You what?"

"I pssed, I haaaff peeen pwaactissing meh-tis-sine"

"For over 40 years," Xena said finally, cutting the man off and nodding, "I get you."

"Yesps," nodded the doctor, "Aken, I'm sowwy I am hawffing pwoblems ssspeak-king... dtoss daahned dentchurss."

"S'no problem," Xena waved a hand, "Just fix the ankles."

The old man shook his head, "I cansh, not wissout se leetches..."

"How in Tartarus is blood loss supposed to solve my problem?"

The lips of the old man compacted together his rubbery lips into a mess of wrinkles, his eyes winking together with silvery lashes.

"I - oh!" He bent over, pulling up a curl of wood and bone off the floor and stuffing it into his mouth, "Hang on - ungh ungh" He fussed with his mouth a moment more, "There we go... now ... I don't know *why* it works exactly, it just does!"

"Bulldust," Xena shook her head, "You got any other remedies?"

The doctor sighed, looking down at the scroll on the table, "You wont like it."

The warrior narrowed her eyes, "Tell me."

"Rest," the doctor said, "Lots of it."

Gabrielle tugged the collar of the man behind her. His grumblings weren't registering at all. Every now and again she'd glance back and catch herself smiling at him. It was moments like that she tried to snap out of it. He wouldn't have her so easy, not after Miss. Amoria "I-support-the-pushup-top-system". Joxer's face was twisted in aggravation. He yanked himself away, and in doing so, stumbled backwards, nearly upending a cart of leeks. He rubbed his neck, frowning at her.

"Sheesh, Gabrielle," he said, "Why you gotta push me around like that so much?"

Gabrielle blinked, flicking a lock of hair from her brow, "Whaddaya mean 'so much'?"

Joxer rolled his eyes, "Well I'm not going to pretend you hardly ever boss me about. You been doing it since we met!"

The bard felt her face soften at that thought. She smiled.

"Hmm...."

Joxer's face fell, "What?"

"Do you remember that?" She shook her head, "When we met. I just - I remember. We were so young."

"It was only four years ago," Joxer said, rubbing his shoulder as he fell into stride next to Gabrielle.

"It feels like - I dunno - ten."

Joxer's eyes looked to the distance, long dark lashes framing reflective pools of brown that were awash with nostalgia.

"It feels like yesterday..."

The words left his mouth so softly, so reverently. Gabrielle blinked slowly, watching his lips work around the words, his eyes blink over the emotion. He glanced to her, a crimson filling his creamy cheeks, and he ducked his head away as he covered his face with his hand. Gabrielle smiled, looking ahead. She tip-toed, waving madly.

"XENA!" she called. Her smile became firm as she saw the irritation in her best friend's eyes. Something was wrong. Hopefully it was nothing serious.

"Hi Xena," Joxer said, taking a bag from Xena's arms.

"What are these?" Gabrielle said, looking inside the bag.

"Relaxants," Xena said wearily, "Things to uh - um" The warrioress noticeably blushed, "pmmsssmmpss wmm..."

Joxer frowned, "Say what?"

"Pamper!" Xena hissed under her breath, glaring around her, "They're - nice things to pamper myself with!"

Gabrielle smiled, pulling out a loofah and tilting it to examine it closer.

"Pamper?" nudged the bard.

Xena rolled her eyes, grabbing the loofah and stuffing it in the bag, "Yes, I have bad news."

Joxer's face fell, seriousness gripping him, "Woah - is the baby-"

"The baby is fine," Xena said suddenly, a harshness in her tone, "But my ankles are killing me!"

Gabrielle nodded.

"So, I have to - " She swallowed, obviously disturbed by her diagnosis, "Rest!"

Joxer smirked, bringing the back of his hand up over his lips, trying to hide his obvious amusement. Gabrielle also fought with her lips as the corners twitched upwards, and as Xena glared at Joxer, she let loose a giggle.

"Yeah," growled Xena, eying Joxer, "Laugh it up, goofball!"

Joxer cupped his mouth, a snigger slipping from his mouth.

"I'm sorry Xena!" he gasped, "I'm sorry - we just-"

"I..." said Gabrielle, correcting him.

"Yeah uh - I, as in me, Joxer, I just - I thought it was serious!"

"It is serious," said Xena shortly, pouting darkly, "I hate staying in one spot I just I get-"

"Jumpy," finished Gabrielle.

"Yeah," nodded Xena, glaring at Gabrielle, "Jumpy!"

"I guess jumpy ain't good..."

Gabrielle and Xena shook their heads wordlessly.

A resounding clatter burst through the stalls behind the trio, the splinters of broken crates raining from tipped up carts and make-shift shelving. Angered screams and cries couldn't drown out the one sound that echoed through the crowded and now panicked square - a screeching noise that burst every ear drum within hearing range.

"EEEEEEEIIIIIIYAHAHAHAHAHHAAA!!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Xena, nearly giving birth from the sudden shock of the explosion of noise and movement, leant back against Gabrielle and Joxer as she regained her balance.

"What in Tartarus..." she swore, narrowing her eyes at the flash of black with red flame barrelling through the town square.

"What is that?" Gabrielle asked no one in particular, Joxer shrugging to much the same.

There was a rumble that loomed large in the distance, not unlike the rhythm of an untold number of horse hooves. Xena gulped.

"Get back!"

Leaping aside, yanking Argo's reigns with her, they barely escaped the clatter of the tangle of countless chariots, their mounts gnashing teeth and snorting in rage of their stolen space to gallop freely. Extending an arm, Xena grabbed, and pulling back she nabbed a villager.

"Augh!" the villager yelped, "Don' 'urt me!"

"I wont," Xena said, "If you tell me what in the Gods' names is going on around here!"

"It's the Little Ol' Lady!" the man said, obviously a farmer out for supplies.

Gabrielle rose the inner tips of her brows, "The Little Old Lady?"

The villager nodded, "From Pasadena!"

Xena frowned, her brow creasing in confusion, "That's a small town only a few miles from here..."

The man nodded, "Tha's right! Every day O' the sun, she come gallopin' through screechin' like a bloomin' banshee!"

"She rides all the way from Pasadena?"

"'A's right!" the man nodded, preening his oily grey hair a moment, "All a' way frum Pasadena, through 'ere - 'ere bein' Lokos Annui - then down ta Santos Diegos!"

"That's the Colorados Boulevard!"

"A's right!" the man confirmed again in such lazy greek that many tutors of the time would have had heart-attacks listening to his mode of speech, "An' ey all say there's nobody meana than 'er!!"

Gabrielle frowned, "Why does she do it?"

"Wha - race?"

"Yeah."

The man shrugged, "Cause she does! Er son - e's a right moron 'e is! E bought 'er it when he did struck it rich in the casina on 'e edge a' town!"

Joxer pursed his lips, "Why would a little old lady wanna race chariots?"

"Beats me," said the farmer, "But she says she ain't stoppin' till she be draggin' sommun' faster than 'er on that Colorados Boulevard!"

"What a strange old lady," mused Gabrielle.

"Very clean," muttered the farmer.

"Washing behind your ears does not give you license to endanger lives!"

Xena's top lip curled as she snarled, stepping forward. A hand clutched her shoulder.

"Xena..." Gabrielle said in a low tone of warning.

"Wait a minute," Joxer added through clenched teeth, "Down girl..."

Enraged blue eyes met Joxer's, the fool tiling his head with a smile.

"Doctor's orders, remember?"

Xena's form slumped against her friends' and she rolled her eyes.

"Well someone's gotta stop her!" Xena sighed in a way close to whining.

"I can!"

All eyes turned to the diminutive voice.

"You?" Xena breathed, narrowing her eyes.

The bard nodded, "Me."

Joxer remained oddly silent as the farmer snickered.

"She'll plaster ya!" he exclaimed.

"Not so fast," Joxer piped up, pointing at Gabby, "This little lady as had Amazon training!"

"That's right," Xena gasped, pointing at Gabrielle with Joxer, "Gabrielle, Joxer - I want you both to find yourselves a chariot. Don't make it too pricey!" She handed Joxer a small sack of dinars.

Joxer's brows lifted in inquiry. He ducked as a suddenly liberated chicken squawked with dismay, dive bombing over his head before crashing into a pile of broken crates.

Xena twisted her lips and blushed. "I have baby things to buy."

Joxer nodded, Gabrielle hiding a smile behind her fingers.

"Well good luck!" nodded the old farmer turning to leave, "You're gonna need it!"

He gave a final nod, sticking out his bottom lip, and with that he trudged off into the surrounding pandemonium. Gabrielle gasped as she took a good look at the square that was so quiet and sweet only a moment ago. Almost every stall and cart was on it's side, their goods smashed and pulverized into the cobblestone floor of the square. Joxer shook his head, scratching behind his ear in bewilderment.

"You'd think they'd know not to set up on a Sunday!"

"Um," Gabrielle glanced to Xena, then to Joxer, "We should go."

Joxer's brow rose in question.

"To buy the chariot?"

"Oh!" Joxer giggled, "Right, okay." He pointed to Xena and nodded, "We're going to buy the chariot."

"Right," Gabrielle nodded, "Joxer, give me the money."

"Now?"

"Yes now," Gabrielle stuck out her palm, glaring at Joxer with a steely calmness.

"It's just, I was thinkin', ya know since I used to work on a lot of T-XVI models back home in Athens..."

"Joxer..."

Joxer clamped his eyes shut, stuffing the dinar pouch into her hand and beginning his trek to the chariot dealerships on the southern end of town. The bard glanced to Xena, shaking her head.

Xena tilted hers, bringing up her hand and letting out an abrupt "Wshhh-kishhh!" with the mimed movement of a cracked whip.

Gabrielle's jaw dropped, and Xena shrugged, rolling her eyes a little.

"The nerve!" the bard breathed to herself, skulking off after Joxer.

Xena watched the grumbly bard set off, a definite aggression in her steps. Xena shook her head and sighed.

"That girl has him on a leash so tight it makes Ares' pants look breezy!"

Glancing about, she realised she was alone, and the only one to appreciate her humour was the golden mare gazing dolefully at her.

"Come on Argo," she said, "Let's go find somewhere to sleep, huh?"

"Hello ladies," Joxer smiled, "Woo, hel-lo! Ouch! You're too hot... specially at that price! Nice to look at though, so don't feel bad. Hmm.... too homely - you wont go anywhere lookin' like that!"

"Joxer!"

Joxer jumped, whirling about and catching himself before he fell.

"Gabby!" he gasped, "Hi!"

She smiled thinly, looking about herself as she approached him.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm uh - " he blushed, "Talking to chariots..."

She nodded, looking about her. There were numerous models and makes, each one slightly different from the other but sharing basic necessities - 2 wheels and some leather reigns.

"I can see that," she eyed him, "Why?"

"It's just," he shrugged, "You know ... gettin' the vibe. I mean - you don't want to ride just any old chariot."

"You don't."

"No," he shook his head at the bard, "It has to be the right one - kinda like the right woman."

Gabrielle found herself glancing away from him and blushing. Shooting out a frustrated breath, she sighed, "We just need a chariot that can go fast, okay? It's not a necessity that we get along with it!"

"Okay okay," Joxer waved a calming hand at her, "I know just the chariot - you wait here."

Gabrielle nodded, spotting a conveniently placed rock and taking a seat. Why did Joxer have to be so infuriating? she thought to herself. Or was he infuriating? Was it just that she found him infuriating and in actual fact he wasn't?

No, no, he was infuriating. He talked to chariots. What kind of moron talks to inanimate objects? A deep embarrassment seeped into her when she realised that often she'd swear at the kitchenware when she ruined a meal or at the occasional rock that would get in the way of her stead and trip her. But that was it, she wouldn't try to bond with...

It was then it struck her what an amazingly romantic idea it was, finding the right chariot for the race. Not romantic in the love sense, rather in the dramatic sense. Definitely dramatic. Romance love love and Joxer were not things she liked to think of in the vicinity of the same idea, or thought, or even train of thought. She glanced up, watching him chat to the dealer across the yard. As he spoke his hat would flop about with his wild movements. She laughed softly to herself, tilting her head. Then stopped.

"Ugh," she sighed, "I can't believe this."

That warm squelchy feeling was welling inside of her again. She pushed it down, gritting her teeth and clenching her toes. With another sigh she tried to think of it objectively. Now now, Gabrielle, she thought, you're just used to him following you around blindly. It would be healthy for him to find someone else to follow blindly who would follow him back. But then he'd be following someone and they'd be following him and they'd just get lost!

"Gods," she hissed to herself, "I'm not even making sense anymore! Okay okay - start again Gabrielle."

So she began at the beginning. Did she love Joxer? Yes. What kind of love? Just sister to brother love. Why was she so jealous then back in Melodia? Because she was used to the attention she would get from Joxer. Would she be happy without the attention? No - I mean yes! Dammit!!! She sighed again. She would have to get more probing with her thoughts.

Would she kiss Joxer? Well she had before... did she enjoy it? Yes - NO! NO no she didn't!! She didn't she didn't... he was stupid and klutzy and - oh no he wasn't who was she kidding?! Joxer was - well - silly, and a jovial man by nature, but that was a part of his charm. She wouldn't have him give that up for anything. Watching him with Amoria though, she had realised something that burned her up inside. He could be incredibly suave when he wanted to be. How dare someone else bring that out in him when all she could receive from him was idiocy in all the years she'd known him. What did Amoria have that she didn't? A better bra, came a decidedly evil thought. No, don't get bitchy!!

She sat there, burning up in confusion, when a pair of boots suddenly appeared a foot away from hers. She glanced up, swallowing. Joxer looked down at her, half empty dinar pouch in hand. As Gabrielle looked forward, she realised with some amusement that his crotch was only a foot or so from her face. She swallowed again, and looked up.

"Yes?"

Joxer's eyes glanced about and met hers again, "I bought the chariot."

"Oh..." She looked down, her eyes searching his armour as if for bearings, her thoughts thoroughly detaching her from all reality, "What did you get?"

It was then a chariot was rolled in behind Joxer and she froze.

"Joxer..."

"Isn't it great?" he grinned.

"Joxerrr...."

He looked to her, his face becoming even more pale than usual, "You don't like it?"

She stood bolt upright, smacking her hand to her face in rage. That hurt....

"This is the chariot I ragged on this morning!!"

"I know," Joxer nodded, helmet flapping, "I just couldn't leave it! I mean come on - corvettus parts!"

She clenched her hands, and swore to herself she would not lose her temper. She inhaled, exhaled, carefully and in measured breaths. Opening her eyes she looked to Joxer.

"Joxer, this is a wreck. It will not go! I asked you for a chariot that would just go!"

He leant to Gabrielle, a dung-eating smirk on his rubbery features, "This thing won't go!"

She narrowed her eyes in a venomous glare.

"It'll fly baby!"

Gabrielle felt her fist clenching and she send it barrelling into his arm. Spinning about she stormed off, swearing to herself.

"Ow! Gabby wait!" Joxer turned to the dealer, "We'll be right back okay? Thanks - GABRIELLE!"

Gabrielle refused to hear him. She stormed down the main street that led to the centre of town, reciting various mantras in her head to calm her. Joxer is an idiot, Joxer is an idiot, Joxer does not mean to be stupid, Joxer does not mean to be stupid...

"Oh for the Gods' sake Gabrielle, will you stop!?"

Sighing, she spun about, crossing her arms to contain herself. He jogged down the street, his armour clanking, and as he met up with her she could see his cheeks flushed slightly.

"Gods, you move fast."

She pursed her cupid-bowed lips in a firm scowl.

"What're you so steamed about? I got us a good chariot!"

"Joxer," she said as if she were spitting the name, "We're never going to beat that woman. We'll more likely get ourselves killed, all because of your stupid 'bonding' thing with that pile of shit!!"

The words smacked Joxer harder than she ever could, and his lips twitched as he recoiled at the words.

"Gabrielle..." His words were soft, filled with pain, "Don't you trust me?"

Her eyes fell closed, and she sighed, "Of course I do but - look what you bought!"

"We can fix it!" he said, "I know we can make this thing into a real lightening bolt! All it needs is some elbow grease!"

"Joxer, the thing needs a pyre..."

His features dropped in a frustrated pout, "Come here, come on!"

His hand grabbed the upper of her arm as he pulled her up the lazy slope to the chariot dealership. The brightly adorned lot, streamers dangling between posts, came into view and there at the entrance waited their chariot. Joxer let go, walking to the chariot and slamming his hands on the side of it.

"This, is our baby!"

Gabrielle felt a blanching at the words, and he strode back to her side. He crouched down a bit, his head next to hers, resting over her shoulder. She shuddered at the warmth the position created. He began to talk excitedly, the resonance of his voice moving through her.

"Now imagine - strip the wheels and add new rims - actually ditch the wheels, they're rotted. That baby has a reinforced Holdenus axle - strong as nails!"

"Won't that weigh us down?" Gabrielle said.

"Tartarus no!" Joxer exclaimed, "This thing won't be like the heavily decorated things back at your regular Amazon encampment. Light, durable. That's the way to go! Extra thin draft poles for the horsies! Gabby - I heard this lady has a Dodge for crying out loud!"

"A Dodge?" Gabrielle frowned, turning her head to Joxer, "Those are fast..."

"But vintaaaage," Joxer smirked, still crouching at her shoulder, "Our chariot will be a fusion of every great chariot that's been made since. We're gonna slaughter her!"

Gabrielle frowned, looking at the wreck of a chariot before her and humming to herself, "Maybe it's not what she's driving, but how she's driving it..."

"Oh - mm - absolutely," Joxer nodded with great enthusiasm, "Apparently she's a maniac! You saw her this morning."

Gabrielle nodded.

"We just gotta be meaner!"

Gabrielle smiled, looking to Joxer, "I think I can handle that."

Joxer smirked again, nodding, "Oh I know you can - you're gonna whip her ass!"

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