"My turn," mumbled Xena, grabbing the dice. "Here we go..."

Shaking her hand, she let the dice go. Joxer hissed.

"Oooh, snake-eyes!"

Xena snarled at Joxer and moved the brushed bronze minature shoe onto the inked cardboard square that said 'Go to Gaol' in clear, sharp letters.

"Oh, bad luck, Xena," said Gabrielle.

"Just you watch," growled Xena. "I'll bribe the guard to let me out-"

"You can't do that," said Joxer, shaking his head.

"What?" Xena blinked at Joxer.

"You can't do that-"

"Yes you can!"

"No you can't," said Joxer. "Not in Warlord Monopoly!"

"This is a stupid game!" growled Xena. "You made that rule up!"

"I didn't!" laughed Joxer, picking up the box and showing her the writing on the underside of it. "See? All the rules are here, where my Dad wrote them."

"What can I do then?" said Xena.

"You gotta roll the dice," said Joxer. "If you get two of the same numbers then you've conked the guard over the head and escaped."

"Great. Gimme the dice."

"No, Xena, it's my turn now." Taking the dice, Joxer rolled, ignoring the sighs of Xena and Gabrielle. "Oooh! Park Lane! I'm conquering it!" Taking a few painted wooden dinars, he dropped them into a box called 'bank'. This was considered paying the soldiers to over-run the property.

"You bastard!" cried Gabrielle. "You can't take that! I have the Mayfair Acropolis! That's not nice!"

"There's no such thing as 'nice' in Warlord Monopoly," said Joxer, tossing a die in a hand nonchalantly.

"You're cheating!" exclaimed Gabrielle. "You have to be!"

"Look, Gabby," said Joxer, "I've been playing this game since I was a kid, I mean - my Dad created this board game to get us kids in the right mind-set for being Warlords. I don't expect you guys to be great at it just yet."

"Speak for yourself," said Xena, pushing her little brushed bronze shoe about with a finger in its inked-in confines. "I was going great till I landed in gaol."

"So was I until Joxer stole Mayfair!"

"Er..." Joxer winced. "You were kinda on the verge of Army Collapse..."

Gabrielle glared at him. "What?"

"Well, your forces were thin as it was and if you hit my Regent Fields and took on my men, you would have lost cause you didn't have enough guys to keep an army going..."

"No!"

Joxer gave a little laugh at her indignation and nodded. "Yeah!"

Gabrielle scowled. "Well you don't have to be so Gods-damned smug!" She hurled a little wooden warlord tent at Joxer that bounced off his forehead right on the annunciation of her last word.

He blinked. "Hey!"

"What?" she said, folding her arms. "That not in the rules?"

"No, and neither's this." Grabbing a bunch of little warlord's tents, Joxer threw them at her - a number of them ended up down her top. He gulped as she slowly looked down to her cleavage, an unimpressed sneer on her face.

"Oh Joxer," she said, tilting her head. "Ohhhh, oh Joxer."

"...Now, now, let's not do anything rash!"

Grabbing a handful of dinars, warlord tents and deeds, she launched herself at Joxer, the both of them toppling away with grunts, squeaks and shouts. Xena watched them, brow tilted, a bored look on her face. Idly, she pushed her little brushed bronze shoe out of the gaol.

"Looks like I just snuck out free."

Please take the time to write to Nancy at tosh@opera.iinet.net.au, and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 2006 by Nancy Lorenz and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.