"I can cook."

"No, you can't."

"Yes, I can! I can totally cook!"

She threw down the pan, sending a flat glare at the lanky man next to her. "Joxer... do you forget the little thing with the Scythian army? Nay - the whole town? Going down to your - cooking?"

"Hey - that was not my cooking!" retorted Joxer, pointing at her. "That was a sheer uncontrollable act of nature! I can't help it if a sickness was in the water!"

"In the water?" laughed Gabrielle. "No, no no. In your cooking!"

There was a crunching of footsteps, and Xena walked into the little clearing they were camped in. Gabrielle and Joxer were knelt before the fire, absolutely preoccupied with their argument. Still.

"Are you guys still at it?"

"Joxer won't accept he's a lousy cook."

"Look, I don't care who cooks," said Xena, darkly. "As long as you make something soon, all right? I'm starving. If you don't make up your minds... I'm cooking!" She got up. "I'm going to go brush Argo down."

Xena stomped off to find her horse. Joxer didn't wait a moment.

"I have a way with herbs," said Joxer. "You wouldn't get it though. See, I was brought up in Athens - you forget that!"

"Oh please!" groaned Gabrielle. "The Bronze Chef you are not!"

"Gimme the rabbit."

"No."

Joxer jutted out his jaw angrily. "Why won't you just trust me on this one?"

"Cause I know better!"

"Look! If we don't cook this thing, Xena will cook it for us and you know how the rabbit tasted the last time she cooked it!"

Gabrielle and Joxer exchanged wary, knowing, fearful glances.

"I'll skin the rabbit, you get the herbs," muttered Gabrielle, grabbing a knife from her pack.

Xena rolled the portion of cooked meat around in her mouth, her brows knitting. Two pairs of eyes were on her - green and brown - both glinting with anticipation. She glanced to them, swallowing the rabbit gingerly.

"What did you do to it?"

"Herbs," said Joxer. "Nice... good... herbs."

Gabrielle swallowed, giving Xena a placatory smile. "I thought it would be good in a stew."

Xena looked to them, a faint smile on her face. She lifted the plate and nodded. "Well... it's great." She nodded again. "Really good."

They watched as Xena swiftly polished off her plate, eating a lot of the nutloaf that they'd bought a couple of days ago. The Warrior Princess thanked them, then retired to her bedroll.

They looked to the bubbling pot that sat ominously over the fire. Joxer glanced to Gabrielle.

"Well... we better eat before it gets cold!"

Gabrielle winced at him before reaching forward for the ladle. She scooped some out into the plate, handing it to Joxer. She then gave herself a portion. For a moment they both sat there, staring at the stew in their plates. It seemed to bubble back at them accusingly, angry at them for creating it.

Joxer cast Gabrielle a furtive look. "No time like the present..."

Flashing him a withering smile, she took her spoon and tried the stew, Joxer also tasting his own portion.

"GODS!"

"PAH!"

Both of them coughed, clutching their throats, eyes watering.

"Too much coriander!" croaked Joxer. "I must have heaped that teaspoon or something..."

"I thought you didn't put any in!" wheezed Gabrielle.

"I did!"

"OH..." She groaned. "I put some in cause I thought you hadn't..."

Exchanging a sorry look, the both of them broke into laughter.

"Let's just eat it..." said Joxer, a wry smile on his face.

"We need that nutbread..."

They finished it off as quickly as they could, and cleaned up the cooking implements and cutlery, exchanging glances and chuckles. Finally, they both crawled into their bedrolls, exhausted.

"We suck," said Gabrielle, defeatedly.

"Oh yeah," chuckled Joxer. There was a quiet moment, then he added. "At least we suck spectacularly."

"Absolutely."

Please take the time to write to Nancy at tosh@opera.iinet.net.au, and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 2006 by Nancy Lorenz and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.