Joxer read the words again. He was sure this had to be a mistake... she didn't really think that did she? He had read the unflattering words of her other scrolls, but these newer ones... He blinked back some painful tears that threatened his quiet composure.

And so Joxer, the bumbler and fool, travelled south, as we did north. Relieved was the Warrior Princess, as was I. Of late I had been growing tired of him. I doubt one has ever met such a senseless man as he. Every step is a stumble, every word is a stutter. His heart is good, but there are times where I truly dislike him.

He glanced up as she scribbled in a new scroll, reclining against the log, the pelt rolled out to comfort her.

"Um - when did you write this scroll?" he asked, holding it up.

She narrowed her eyes, and touched the end of the scroll. Its end was a different gold to the others, and she recognised where she bought it, "Is that the one about the road trip with Xena to Macedonia?"

Joxer nodded fractionally.

"Oh that was a couple of months back."

She returned to her writing, the quill scribbling furiously. Not a reaction. Didn't she know what was in this scroll? Didn't she realise how it hurt him? It seemed whenever she brought him pain, she skipped along, getting away with it. And she was so beautiful, so very beautiful. With a salt tear he knew - she could get away with it. But not tonight. He cleared his throat. The pain in him welled to a bitterness.

"So - how many of my steps are stumbles Gabrielle?"

She glanced up from the scroll again. "Oh - what?"

"My steps, Gabrielle," he said, repeating himself, "How many of them are stumbles?"

Gabrielle rolled her eyes, "I was describing you," she said, "It's all a part of being a writer!"

He nodded, "I guess as is detailing how clumsy and foolish I am..." His words were mumbles, shaking with an anger he must have been hiding for an age. He glanced to his arm, the bruise still shining purple up at him. He lifted his arm, putting it forward in the firelight.

"Is that a part of being a writer too?"

Gabrielle sighed, "Joxer, you deserved it!" she said, pushing his already bruised upper arm for emphasis.

"Did I?" he asked, "What did I do?"

"You were - were - " She stopped, blushing a crimson, "Oh you were just being you!! The food's almost ready!"

"The food can wait!" Joxer said, a strength in his voice that shook him. Gabrielle glanced up at him.

"Joxer, calm down," she said with fear.

"I am calm," he said, leaning back to his place, "And I am a fool."

She opened her mouth, but he lifted a hand to silence her.

"No - don't say anything," he said, "I'll heal, like I always do."

"Joxer," she said softly, kneeling closer to him, "I'm sorry..."

"You're not," he said, "You dislike me - you said in your scroll. Well I'm the sorry one Gabrielle. I'm sorry I ever started hanging out with you guys, I'm sorry I can't be the perfect companion like Perdicas or Prince Sarpedon or Orion! And I'm real sorry I ever fell in love with you!"

His tongue stumbled over the silence that followed, his alarmed glare meeting hers.

"What did you say?"

He shook his head suddenly, gathering up his pelt around him, stammering madly, "Nothing, I - I'm gonna move on, perhaps find Xena."

He rose to his feet but in the tangle of blanket and pelt, he stepped backwards to free himself, the log behind him colliding with his feet and with a whoosh of air he disappeared behind it with a clank and a thud. Gabrielle frowned.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah," he said gingerly, sitting up, his legs draped over the log, "Like you care anyway..."

"I do care, Joxer," she said softly.

He narrowed his eyes at her, "Yeah sure."

Taking the scroll, she unrolled it further. She pointed to the end of it.

"See look..."

He took the scroll, crawling over the log and settling on the pelt. He looked to the end of it, "Uh - it's - "

"Unfinished," she said, "The other part is here..."

She pulled out another scroll from her leather satchel, untying it and letting it drop open in his lap. He began to read...

"But for all these faults that plague him, I can honestly say that I could not live a life without his abiding - op - optimism -" He stopped, choking on the words, a warm regret welling within him, "and friendship."

"Keep going," she said softly.

Joxer looked to her green eyes, so full of support. He swallowed, and continued.

"Truly, he is beautiful. Not like Aphrodite is beautiful, or Ares, or Narcissus or even myself and Xena. No, he has a special beauty. It lies within like the heart of a sacred egg of jewels* only the lucky possess. If you dig deep enough, you find this heart of jewels, shining with a fervour few can claim to have."

He licked his lips, lying the scroll closed in his lap, "Oh Gabby, I'm sorry..." He felt a warm hotness spill down his face, "You - this is so beautiful. I don't think anyone has ever written anything so..."

"It's okay," she said, stroking a lock of his hair back and laying her arm over his shoulders, "I would have been upset too. It was an honest reaction... And I'm sorry to have upset you. I didn't word it right," she said, holding up the other scroll, "I mean - I never dislike you. I get annoyed with you. I get annoyed with Xena too, sometimes. I'll fix that wording..."

Grabbing her quill, she touched her tongue with it, then whilst tongue pressed on bottom lip, she scribbled over the symbols of 'dislike' and wrote 'feel he annoys me'. She frowned, tongue still out. She didn't think it'd fit. It looked messy, and it irritated her, but the amendment made it worth while. She heard a giggle, and looking to Joxer her brows knitted in questioning.

"There's a patch of ink on your tongue," he grinned.

"Oh!" she giggled, wiping her tongue on the back of her hand, "Nemnemnem - yech!! That makes Xena laugh too when I do that. Nmyeaaah!"

Joxer smiled, his heart melting at her cleaning her tongue. He didn't know how he could ever have been angry with her. All he felt now was that ever burgeoning love he had felt dashed to the winds not moments ago. Love? Oh gods - she knew!!

"Well - I'll sleep in the other clearing tonight - if you like..."

"What on Gaia's green earth for?" she said, brows knitted, a soft smile on her lips.

"Well - I said I loved you..."

She met his confused gaze. Pursing her lips with some discomfort, she shrugged.

"Yeah I know, cause we're friends right?"

Joxer blushed, shaking his head and picking at the woollen blanket draped over his legs, "I ah - I - duh d-didn't mean it like that..."

He looked up, and saw her jade eyes gazing at him. Tears looked to be brimming there.

"I know," she breathed roughly.

"And you don't love me back, I - " He swallowed, his heart ready to crash to a thousand pieces, "I understand..."

"No, no," she shook her head, "That's not it at all. Joxer, I don't know how I feel about you."

He glanced up, "You - you don't know?"

She shrugged, "I really care about you in so many ways. I don't know if it's romantic or not - I've been through so much I don't even know if I can think a straight thought sometimes," She swallowed, stroking his cheek carefully, "I'd hate myself if I hurt you because of my own problems..."

He placed his hand over hers, pulling her hand down and holding it in his hands.

"It sounds like you know how you feel to me," he said, "Don't you?"

She'd ignored me for a few minutes, but my incessant whistling was sure to have gotten on her nerves enough to make her stop or tell me to shut up. She kept on walking though. With those nerves she made the most glorious warlord. I smiled. Those were the days.

"So," I started, "Aren't you even going to say thank you?"

"Thank you," she said darkly. And shut up. I sighed.

"You're not wondering why I'm bothering you?"

"Maybe you're trying to irritate me into submission," she said, glaring at me. I pouted my lips askew.

"You look crueller than Athena when you look at me like that...."

"Athena's a wise woman, I'm not surprised."

"Athena is a woman set in her prejudices," I said, "Once she has made judgement she often sticks to it. Big sister syndrome - you know - the 'I'm always right' mentality."

"You're trying to tell me the Goddess of Wisdom has such an arrogant trait?" Xena said, voice dripping with doubt.

"We all have our vices," I said, "Even the Goddess of Wisdom."

"I guess so..."

I looked to her in the moonlight. Her features were hard with a hatred I knew well.

"Alternatively, we also have our more positive attributes."

Xena scoffed.

"I'm serious," I said.

She narrowed her eyes, "Yeah well pardon me for not trusting vicious bastard like you!"

I shrugged, "It's up to you."

She puffed a sigh, "You said it!"

"Would you like to know what I did tonight?"

"No!"

"I was at a family celebration," I continued nonetheless. Her face grew more haggard as I continued, "Psyche and Cupid's union - you call them wedding, though it was more than a wedding. It was a fusion of souls."

"I said I didn't want to hear about it."

I nodded. We trudged down the road further, the silence overwhelming.

"I was the centre of the arguments again it seemed..."

Xena rolled her eyes, "How awful for you."

"It was," I said, "What was worse was that Athena started it."

"Yeah right," she growled, "Why would Athena do something like that?"

"She was drunk," I said, "She does stuff like that when she's sloshed silly."

She glanced at me darkly, "Oh really."

I nodded.

Then there was a sparkle in her eye. A sparkle of curiosity perhaps. Maybe she just forgot herself in the stunningly beautiful setting of night, a lonely road, and a forest.

"What did she say?"

I smiled inwardly, and said nothing.

"I said - what did she say?"

"Hmm?" I suddenly acted like I heard her, "Oh it was nothing really."

"Stop baiting me and answer the God-damned question!"

I sighed, "She asked me if I killed any innocent people lately."

"And what did you say?"

"No of course."

She glared at me.

"I didn't personally kill anyone," I said, "I made sure a couple of wars started that needed to be started but that's not the same as killing some one."

"Could have fooled me," Xena scowled.

"Well, either way, she pretty much had the same reaction as you to my reply. Cupid heard us disagreeing, and the sot went so far as to accuse me of bragging about my exploits. Wouldn't be so bad but it makes me sound like a terrible liar. I've been resting up the past while, reserving myself for a few things coming up."

"What sort of things?" she hissed. I smiled secretively.

"Before I knew what was happening," I said, "I had half my family down my throat again. I stormed out."

"I guess you expect me to feel sorry for you," she said in a harsh tone that chilled me, "Well I don't."

"Funny," I said, slowing down and turning to her. She stopped next to me, "You demand a lot of compassion from people yourself. You receive it in abundance. I wonder what makes you so different from me."

"I do NOT!"

"Back the horsey up a minute," I said, lifting a finger, "You waltz into a town. People see you - they see Xena. Last they knew of you were destroying nations. Yet you expect them to be civil to you and not throw you in the clink..."

"I don't expect anything," Xena said, "I just receive."

"Mmm," I nodded, "It's funny. You kill and maim for a while till you have the fear of nations at your voice, and the world seems to forgive you. Me - I do the job I was born to do - propagate war - and it's murder."

She narrowed her eyes at me, "What you do, and what I did is different!!"

"Oh I agree," I nodded, sniffing and rubbing the bottom of my nose a moment, "You went power-hungry and tried to destroy the world for the death of your brother. I was - doing my duty as the God of War."

A pair of hands thrust me into a tree as those blue eyes raged at me, "YOU SHUT UP!"

I smiled smoothly.

"You're pure evil, you know that?"

I just gazed into her eyes.

"I don't know how you can even compare the BIGGEST mistake of my life to something you take pleasure in for the sheer cruelty of!"

I pouted, "Taking a life - it's the same thing. We've both done it. You got away with it, I didn't."

She snorted, pushing me into the tree once more before stalking onwards.

"I've tried to make up for it," she said. "You just keep on with your terror..."

I sighed, catching up with her. "Oh, I'd love to do the good guy thing," I said, "But I have a job to do..."

"So you keep saying..."

"It seems the rest of the world is too willing to kick me in the head for doing the job - " I laughed with a bitterness I'd kept locked away for a very long time indeed, practically shouting it into the heavens with my heart, "That the rest of you don't have the guts to do."

She stopped walking, examining me carefully with those eyes of hers.

"Honestly Xena - we've been through this - " I stepped forward till my lips were a breath away from hers, "No one else can do the duty I was born to do. And I'm hated for the one thing I was created for. It wasn't my personal choice - your anger, your hatred, your violence. It was your choice..."

"Shut up," she growled, her nose accidentally touching mine.

"You're beautiful," I whispered. Woah. Wasn't sure where that came from. She snarled with disgust and I'm sure my pants shrunk.

"You're a dog," she said, then shook her head, "No you're worse than a dog - I don't even know why I'm here talking to you!"

"You know I'm right," I said with a sneer. I stepped about, then faced her again, standing wonderfully close. "You know, all Gods exist because we were needed. We were made to have purpose - by mortals..."

"Yeah, so?"

I shrugged, "I guess I wouldn't be here if I wasn't needed. Everyone in the cosmos acts like all the bad stuff that happens is my fault."

"It isn't?" she shot dryly.

I merely shook my head, "No, no it isn't. It's my duty from birth. Just as yours is to live, breathe and procreate."

"You'd like me to believe that wouldn't you?" Xena spat. She turned away from me and I joined her in the trek towards the camp.

To be honest I didn't care if she believed me or not. The fact was I said my piece to her, and of all the people in the world, it seemed Xena was the only person I wanted to have understand it more than anything else. I watched her sculptural profile in the blue hue of moonlight. Aaah, with all truth I doubt even Pygmalion could carve a beauty like Xena's. She took my breath away with her strength. I sighed.

"What is it?" she asked sharply.

"I was just thinking," I said, "That time on the island, when we were going after Sisyphus..."

"What about it?"

Looking up into the sky, I felt a true sadness take me.

"It's probably the only time in my life I felt anyone really cared about my safety. I mean -"

Xena glared at me.

"For the right reasons," I continued. "My mother is totally selfish in her concern for me. For a moment... I saw it in your eyes..."

She snorted, "I wasn't myself then quite honestly."

"Don't deny it," I said, "I saw your care. You're afraid of me. Why?"

"You know why," she said huskily, "I don't want to be that person I was ever again. The person I was with you."

I cocked my head, "I've been trying to get you to return to me for years and you haven't. Why should that change now?"

"It only takes carelessness..."

"Somehow I think," I smiled, "I would miss the new you."

She blinked, seeming truly surprised. All of a sudden, she glanced around herself. "I - I'm - "

"Back at your camp," I said, "I know."

She frowned, as if her mind broiled about a thousand things. She looked ready to dive into the bushes and go back to her friends. I wished she'd at least say goodbye. She met my gaze a moment longer, judging my composure, the way I looked at her. Her hair flowed like I saw it in the pool of water in my realm. Reaching forward, I let my fingers run through it softly. Her hand snatched mine with a vice-grip. It faltered a moment, gripping my warmth with what for a moment seemed like a need. She threw my hand off and I let go, letting her spin about. With one last glance she leapt into the undergrowth with as little as a tiny rustle.

Gabrielle met the eyes of Joxer as the question left his lips. He held her hands, trying crazy not to sweat or tremble. He knew that maybe, he would be heartbroken tonight. All the faith, the hope and the love he'd poured into his life with Xena and Gabrielle may have crashed down around him.

"Joxer," she breathed softly, meeting his eyes, "I feel comfortable around you. You make me laugh. You have a love of life I thought I could never get back. You sit at children's puppet shows without the tiniest hint of embarrassment. I don't know if this is love... I don't know what love is anymore. I felt it once... I thought I'd never feel it again."

Joxer nodded tentatively. He felt the warmth of a hand at his face.

"Oh Joxer," she said, "I need time. I really do. But by the Gods, I care for you so much!"

She leant forward suddenly, taking him into her arms, clutching him close to her body. Joxer felt the lump in his throat grow to a happy one, a tentative fear inside of him. He never thought he meant that much to her...

"You - you care for me?"

She nodded, leaning back, holding his face. "And I think, maybe, one day when I'm ready, I could love you. In a way other than friendship. I want you to know Joxer - no one else is as close to me as you and Xena are. I want you to be in my life - always..."

Joxer cracked a smile, "I'll do my best," he said, gripping her hands gently. Leaning forward, the bard planted a tender kiss on the tip of his nose. She leant back, and with a soft smile, she kissed his lips, very gently, once.

"What was that for?" he breathed, concerning the last kiss.

"Mmm, a deposit," she grinned, "I want that little investment to grow."

Joxer blushed bright red, "Oh okay..."

"You are beautiful," Gabrielle said, wrapping an arm around Joxer and sitting next to him in front of the fire, "You're beautiful like you..."

Disclaimer:
Joxer's arm was not badly bruised in the making of this short story. However he did bruise his bottom rather significantly. This is not the fault of the author. I can't help it if Joxer's a clumsy oaf! ^_^

* Author's Note:
The jewelled egg Gabrielle referred to was a geode. Whether they knew about them in ancient Greece or not is unknown to me. I do know in some ancient civillizations they were regarded as magical.

Please take the time to write to Nancy at tosh@opera.iinet.net.au and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Ares, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. The lyrics to "Beautiful" are owned by the appropriate copyright holders. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1999 by Nancy Lorenz and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.