Teaser: When Joxer is left in charge of Eve as Xena and Gabs go to do the hero thing, it's discovered by Herc, Iolaus and Auto that Joxer is Gabrielle's now full-time lover, there's shock had by all.
Genre: Joxer/Gabrielle. Herc/Xena, Iolaus/Gabrielle implied

The horses clomped down the beaten path, heads leaning forward. Once in a while, their muzzles would drift together, as if having a silent conversation, until either rider would dig in or pull on the reins, and then they would pull apart, quickening the pace.

Sitting atop the golden mare, the Warrior Princess stared ahead her, body straight, her eyes hooded and her expression focused, waiting for any sort of trouble that might loom out of the trees that surrounded them.

Casting a quick glance behind them, she pursed her lips thoughtfully, and then looked forward again. The sun was almost setting. It wouldn't be long. He was always punctual.

The bard was strangely silent behind her, and when Xena turned her head to give her companion a closer study, it was clear that the bard was not paying attention to pretty much anything.

"Gabrielle?" The blonde haired Amazon appeared not to have heard her. Her green eyes were dark with anticipation, as she craned her head back to also look down the path where they had come from.

"GABRIELLE!" This time, Xena accompanied her call with a shake on the shoulder. Gabrielle's eyes flew toward hers, and immediately she blushed.

"Oh... sorry," she said, wiping her bangs out of her face in a nervous gesture. "I'm just... nervous is all. It's the first time since-"

"I know," Xena gave her a sympathetic smile, and nodded. "He'll be fine."

"I hope so," was the wistful sigh. Gabrielle took in a breath, and tried to concentrate on the road ahead, but as they traveled farther and farther away from the town that held both Xena's child and her lover, she couldn't help but ache a bit inside. It felt as if a very piece of her was missing, and although she knew, logically, it was better to leave them while they took care of the missing child, she couldn't help but think she'd much rather have them both here, with her and Xena, safe and sound.

Xena gave a small shrug, and the two continued riding in silence. Gabrielle's hands were tensely wrapped around the reins, and when she looked back what seemed a hundredth time, a swell of amusement rose in Xena's chest and she only chuckled.

Pulling the horse to the stop, she flicked her eyes towards the town, and said to a surprised Gabrielle, "Twenty minutes. Then get back here."

Gabrielle stared at her blankly for a minute, until Xena's eyes bore into her own and her own widened in realization. A beam spread across her face and without another word, Amber was turned around, and the bard disappeared down the road in a haze of dust.

Xena shook her head slightly, and just smiled, sliding off her horse and pulling off, settling to wait for Gabrielle to say another good-bye to her clumsy lover. Xena hated to admit it, but she was just as nervous herself. Although the Gods had yet to outright come forward with armies to kill her own child, she knew they were biding their time, and leaving Eve with Joxer, no matter how much she trusted him... it was a risk.

Taking a breath, she looked up the road, and a familiar call made her suddenly smile.

"Perfect timing," she drawled, standing and leading Argo gently forward.

Hercules kept walking, knowing she was waiting for him to come to her. His steps faltered a little as he laid eyes on her. When they had last seen each other, it had been months, she had been heavy with child, and he had been heavy of heart over the murder of his own father.

Time had changed both those situations, and once again, Hercules felt his own heart shudder at the beauty of the Warrior Princess. How was it that this woman managed to stay so striking so that even he was suprised at the brilliance in her eyes whenever they met?

She was a woman of few words, it was he that broke the silence first, watching as she reached up and slid her hands through her hair, such a deliciously simple movement that was so graceful and powerful it held his gaze for a full minute. "You know I'll come whenever you need me, Xena," he said, his voice warm at the reunion with his old friend.

Xena grinned, coming forward, and pulling him into a strong hold, pressing him firmly against her in her happiness to see him. "Well met, old friend," she whispered, pulling back, her smile genuine and broad.

Hercules took a breath in, feeling his heart ready to burst at the sight of her. He had forgotten how much he had missed her. "How've you been, Xena?" he asked.

"Well aside from the War with the Gods, and the occasional battle with Mother who insists on trying to marry me off, I think I've been wonderful," she said, a twinkle in her eye. Hercules laughed, extending a hand to Argo's muzzle, petting it affectionately.

"And Gabrielle?"

"Better than ever," was the husky answer. "She'll be along oh... in half an hour. Just saying good-bye to Joxer."

"Joxer?" Hercules' eyebrow furrowed at the mention of the clumsy dork who had followed Xena and Gabrielle around for years. "He's still around?"

Xena smiled affectionately. "Never leaves our side, it seems. He's our boy."

"I bet." Hercules dismissed the metal clad wannabe, and instead crossed his arms. "So? What's the big emergency? I'm due to meet in Iolaus in town in about ten minutes. Where are you and Gabrielle needed?"

"Queen Diana's. One of my many look-alikes.," she answered. "Diana's child has been kidnapped, again. Gabrielle and I are going to get her back."

Hercules' smile widened. "Sounds like fun. Let me go get Iolaus and we'll be ready to go-"

"Actually," Xena smiled a bit and stopped him with a hand to his chest. He paused, looking down at the contact. Most of her hand was settled on the cloth of his shirt, but a finger had slid into his chest, and her touch seemed to burn. But when his eyes locked on hers, she seemed to notice nothing, instead pulling back, and crossing her arms. "Gabrielle and I can handle that. But... I was hoping you could do me another favor. It's very important to me, and... I think you're the only one I could trust to handle it."

Hercules felt his mouth pull into that wide grin, and suddenly realizing he must have looked like an idiot, he quickly straightened it.

"Sure, Xena. Anything."

She smiled, a beautiful, slow sexy grin, and she nodded. "Thank you."

"BABY-SITTING?!"

Hercules almost recoiled at the incredulous anger in Iolaus voice, and he merely shrugged. "That's what she said."

Iolaus apparently was still having problems coming to terms with this little fact. "Let me get this straight. So while she and Gabrielle go and save Diana's child, we have to stay in this town and watch over Eve?"

"No, not exactly. Joxer will be watching Eve. He knows her and how to handle her and all that. We'll just be watching him."

"Oh even better, Joxer-sitting," Iolaus muttered under his breath.

Hercules merely crossed his arms, understanding his friend's frustration himself. "Look, Iolaus, it's not as bad as it seems, okay? The Gods are after Eve and Xena would feel better if we keep an eye on the both of them while they're gone. Apparently Joxer's like family to them."

"Or a wounded puppy that won't go away," Iolaus muttered, shaking his head. Hercules gave him a look, and he just sighed. "Yeah, I know. Be nice." he clucked his tongue, and sighed. He thought for a bit, "so there's a chance we could be fighting Gods?"

"I think so." Hercules felt himself grin. "And, if you take care of Eve and become rather close to her, there's a chance Gabrielle might be very impressed. You know Eve's like a daughter to her."

He weighed the possibility and smiled. "Well then, that's a bit more like it. Come on, let's find Eve."

Hercules chuckled and slapped Iolaus' shoulder. Much like his infatuation with Xena, Iolaus had a crush on Gabrielle that never seemed to go away. Although Hercules was never sure if his intentions were serious, it was fun to see. Iolaus was a man who liked to vary his taste in woman, and the fact that he had been able to hold his affection for Gabrielle this long proved how much he cared about her.

The demi-god wondered briefly if perhaps Gabrielle would be the one to tame Iolaus's heart. She and Xena both were very special women.

He felt his own heart beat harder at the thought of the Warrior Princess and smiled. Weaving through the town square, Hercules searched for "helmet head", as Iolaus called the young man Joxer, and instead his eyes fell on another familiar face.

"Hey," he nudged his blonde haired friend, and motioned. "Isn't that Autocylous?"

Iolaus turned to look, and his eyes widened in surprise. "Certainly looks like his back."

"Wonder what he's up to?" Hercules asked suspiciously. Iolaus gave him a grin, and both men walked up silently behind him.

When he was tapped, Auto jumped, looking on either side of him.

"What?! Oh... it's you." And with that, the professional thief turned away, dismissing them both.

The men passed surprised looks, and Hercules felt himself chuckling. "What are you doing?"

"Checking my eyesight," he muttered, never looking at him. "Do me a favor, take a look over there and tell me if I'm seeing what I think I'm seeing."

Hercules looked in the direction of the Autocylous's pointed finger, and squinted, finding a tavern, chairs and tables surrounding it in the patio.

"I don't see anything out of the ordin-OH." Hercules felt his throat suddenly go dry in shock, and his literally thought his eyes were going to go out of his sockets.

"I... uh... I ... no way."

Iolaus apparently said it for all of them. Hercules must have been dreaming. He had to be dreaming.

Because there was no way he would ever see Gabrielle sitting in Joxer's lap.

"Mmmm," Gabrielle giggled against his lips, pulling back and sliding her hands up to cradle his face between her palms. "You're so good at that."

He blushed, leaning forward and gently nudging at her neck. She sighed raggedly, craning her neck and resting her forehead against his ear.

His lips slid up her slender neck to her own and she returned the ardent kiss eagerly. When her mouth opened, he moaned and pulled back, his eyes darkened with ardor.

"Gabs, you need to go before-"

"You don't think we have time for that?"

He grinned and whispered, "Not how I want to."

Her heart melted and she smiled, kissing him against quickly, and sliding off of his lap. "Okay, she's going to kill me as it is. I better go."

"Yeah," he agreed huskily, before kissing her again. "Thanks for coming back," he rasped between kisses.

Another embrace was all she could allow before she gathered her gumption and pulled away. "Okay, I'm going, I'm going," she said, as if to convince herself, and then she smiled, and pecked him once more. Turning, she picked up a scrambling Eve who struggled gleefully. "Okay, you be good to Joxer. We'll be back soon." She looked at Joxer once more, and deposited the baby in his arms.

At the look on his face, her own grew concerned. "What? What is it?"

"Ah... nothin'. I just... come back soon, okay?"

She smiled and leaned forward, reaching up and pressing her lips against his briefly. "I promise." With that she pulled herself away, and he walked with her to where Amber was waiting patiently a few feet away. Sliding onto the horse, she glanced to the road and stiffened.

Joxer saw the expression and curiously turned, looking to see what had caught her attention.

"Oh..." His felt his heart tremor slightly, and his eyes shot up to Gabrielle, feeling suddenly anxious. Although Gabrielle claimed to have gotten over the ... trepidation's she had over a relationship with him... she had managed to really hurt him... and he sincerely prayed that seeing Hercules, Iolaus and Autocylous staring at them both twenty feet away with such... obvious shock on their faces...

Well who could blame her?

"Uh... So... see ya later," he said, nudging at the rump. She jerked her eyes back to meet his, and stared at him for a few seconds, as if she what he was thinking. Her expression softened, and then very slowly, and very deliberately, she leaned down against the saddles, tipping his chin up with her finger.

Gabrielle's kiss was slow, languid, and very, very sensuous. Her mouth moved against his possessively, nudging into his own, and then pulling away.

His eyes were startled, but she only let her own twinkle back at him as she whispered, "I love you," and then turned, galloping toward the three men.

"Hercules!" she said waving, leaning down to shake his hand. "Iolaus!" Iolaus looked too dazed to do anything but stare. "Auto," she smirked, patting the top of his head. "I'm in a hurry, but I'd love to catch up when Xena and I get back."

"Oh! Um... sure, Gabrielle," Hercules said hastily, still confused as hell, if Joxer could read his expression right.

Gabrielle smiled and then looked back to where he was standing. "Do me a favor?" she said, smiling. "Take care of my lover."

And with that, she galloped away, leaving all three men to stare after her in open mouthed shock.

Joxer's heart was beating rapidly, and he never was so in love as the moment her eyes had met his.

Damn... she really loved him. She really... to them.

Them were standing and staring at him, and Joxer felt his joy suddenly squelch when the three heroes suddenly started forward.

Joxer the Mighty felt himself slump slightly, and holding Evie to him, he swallowed, forcing himself to straighten to his full height.

"Umm... hi guys!" he said cheerfully.

When no one answered, all he could do was gulp.

He had seen a lot of things. He had seen gods beaten and he had stared death in the face more than once.

Seeing Gabrielle in Joxer's arms was the one thing that did it.

Iolaus seriously questioned his sanity and his eyesight. He swallowed, looking at Hercules, then at Autocylous, who was giving Joxer an genuine smirk.

Joxer, the little dork, smiled happily at them all.

"Hi guys!"

He stepped forward, offering Hercules a shaking hand, and as a quiet Hercules extended his own, Iolaus jumped.

"What did you do to her!"

Hercules' eyes widened as he saw Iolaus grab poor Joxer by the lapels of his shirt, shaking him, and consequently, Eve, in an angry tirade.

"Gah, I umm.."

"Iolaus!" he began, reaching forward.

"What did you do! Did you convince Dite to give you a spell, did you poison her- what?!"

"Hey, calm down!" Auto joined Hercules in his attempt to extract the blonde haired warrior from Joxer's body, but the man kept shaking.

Joxer himself was too busy dangling from the man's grip. "Hey! Iolaus! You... can we talk about this- hey- leggo!"

The shaking continued, and the startled child began to cry. Hercules swallowed when Joxer looked down at the child, and suddenly scowled.

"You made her cry! Leggo- I said leggo!"

The forceful hiss, accompanied with the kick to Iolaus' midsection took them all by surprise, as Iolaus stumbled back into Hercules' grip.

"Why the little-"

"Woah, woah. Peace, my gallivanting friend!" Auto grabbed one arm while Hercules grabbed another, and all three turned to watch Joxer's reaction to the furious Iolaus.

But Joxer paid them no attention. Instead, the pale young friend of Xena and Gabrielle was seated on the ground, cooing to the baby softly, who was screaming at the top of her lungs. Joxer's eyes narrowed up at the three men.

"You see what you did?! You made her cry!" And he continued to rock the baby, kissing the top of her head with a wistful sigh. "s'Allright, Evie," he whispered. "We'll getcha some milk. You want milk?" His head jerked up and landed on the three again. "Can I get some milk please?!"

Auto looked puzzled, Iolaus looked furious, and only Hercules finally shook himself out of his astonishment to being pulling assorted things out of Joxer's pack.

"It's not... where... it's not in here-"

"NO, in the other bag. Under the diapers."

Hercules' eyes swept the courtyard and found another bag. "Oh." He immediately began to dig in.

Joxer's eyes widened. "No, not that bag that's got the-"

Hercules' face was a mask of disgust when he pulled out a hand stained brown.

"Pooped ones," Joxer finished, forlornly.

Hercules shot him a glare and he grinned weakly. "Sorry."

Hercules took a deep breath, and let it out, reminding himself he had come to protect the big dork, not kill him. "Where. Are. The. Real. Ones." he managed, wiping his hand on the soiled rag.

"Uh... here." Joxer scrambled up, placing the child in Hercules' arms. "Hold her. I'll get it."

Hercules looked down at the child in mild surprise as Joxer scampered off. He stood, shifting the weight of the crying child, and coughed, looking up at the two men who were still staring.

"A little help here?"

Autocylous cast a quick look at Iolaus, who seemed to have calmed down somewhat, and stepped forward, eyeing the child.

"So that's the little girl who's going to bring down the Gods, huh?" He mused, hand on his beard in thought. "Looks like Xena."

Hercules rocked the child, an almost comical sight considering the man's size. "She's certainly got her yell down."

Iolaus finally came forward, peering into their faces angrily. "Am I the only one having problems here?!"

Hercules shot him a look, and Auto merely shrugged. "Three men and a baby. It's a play waiting to happen."

"NO!" the sidekick's foot almost stomped in frustration, as his hand motioned to Joxer's form, who had tripped with the bag and was now picking up the strewn contents twenty feet away. "I mean with him?!" he hissed. "And Gabrielle! Was I the only one who saw her kiss him!? Willingly?!"

"Iolaus," Hercules began, his breath heavy.

"Don't 'Iolaus' me," he blurted. "It's Joxer!"

Auto merely crossed his arms. "What's the big surprise? It was bound to happen." When both men gave him a blank look, he shrugged. "What you mean you never saw it? He's been in love with her for years."

"Who hasn't?!" Iolaus blurted, and when Auto shot him a puzzled look, he blushed. "Look. The point is. They don't fit. Something's wrong. Herc, you gotta talk to Dite, she did something-"

"Hey guys! Here! I got the bottle." Joxer came up behind him, taking the baby from Hercules and gently rocking the child. Eve immediately quieted, reaching up to take the skin from the lean man as he smiled down at her. She giggled in return.

In the quiet that followed, he finally swallowed, looking up at them. "Is he gonna kill me?" he asked Hercules in a meek voice, looking toward Iolaus.

"No, Joxer. He's not going to kill you. But I believe you owe us an explanation."

Joxer looked completely puzzled. "You want me to teach ya how to feed a baby? Weren't you a dad before?!"

"No. Joxer, Gabrielle. They want to know about Gabrielle," Auto sighed, rolling his eyes and planting a hand on his friend's shoulder. "And does this mean Meg's available?"

"Gabrielle? She went with Xena. I wanted to go, you know me being the sidekick warrior guy and everything, but Xena the most important job I could do was watch Eve and-"

"Joxer! What is going on with you and Gabrielle?!" Iolaus interrupted, face livid with frustration.

Joxer the Mighty was trying very hard not to quake in his boots. It was really a strange moment. He had often dreamed of the moment when he could kiss Gabrielle and hold her and see the look on these very men's faces, these heroes, and grin and tell them that Gabrielle loved him and wanted him. But now, here... it felt... weird. Private. Gabrielle and him... well there was him and Gabrielle and Xena and Eve.

It was weird talking about it to anyone else. Even these guys.

"Uh... Xena didn't tell you?"

"No."

"Oh." Joxer sighed, shifting the child, and then stilling, mouth drifting into a frown. "Awww. She pooped." He turned, picking up the bag and heading towards the Inn.

"Joxer!"

He rolled his eyes, irritation at their ignorance of the child's needs taking over his momentary fear of the legendary warriors behind him. "What?! She's needs to get changed, and I don't about you, but I don't wanna see Xena and Gabs face when they find out Eve got diaper rash!" With that, he turned, disappearing into the doorway.

Auto just smiled, and jogged forward. "So Joxer 'ole boy! About Meg!"

Hercules gave Iolaus a resigned look, and with a sigh and a shrug at each other, both men followed.

"He's getting a spine. And he's not as annoying," Iolaus mumbled into his ale, eyes hooded as he watched Auto and Joxer sitting at the bench with Eve. "I don't like it."

Hercules sighed, leaning back, looking around the tavern, eyes searching for any sign of trouble. "It has been a while since we've seen him. Or them for that matter. Maybe things changed."

"Changed!?! What changed! Have we changed?!"

Hercules smirked. "Besides you dying and coming back?"

Iolaus took another drink of ale. "She wasn't supposed to fall in love with him, okay? Gabrielle's a hero. And heroes... fall in with heroes." He shook his head morosely. "He's not a hero."

"Iolaus, you know better than anyone, that a hero is not defined by deeds, but by a heart."

Iolaus narrowed his eyes at him. "And you know better than anyone that he's a big dork."

Hercules raised his hands in exasperation, looking back to the younger man sitting with the thief.

Okay, Iolaus had a point. Joxer wasn't really the most... obvious choice for Gabrielle. And despite Hercules apparent acceptance of it, even he was trying to rationalize the relationship in his head. It was very disturbing.

It was all very disturbing. Somewhere in the middle of all this Joxer falling in love with Gabrielle and her... seeming to reciprocate (not that he was tossing out the possibility of Aphrodite's meddling ways, not by a long shot) his feelings, disrupted something huge.

Mainly... Iolaus's inevitable reunion with Gabrielle.

What could Gabrielle see in Joxer?

"So exactly what does she see in you?"

Joxer gave Auto a scowl, but shrugged. "Tell you the truth, I dunno. Said I grew on her."

"Ah." Autocylous leaned back, studying the man curiously. "So that's the secret, huh?"

"There's no secret!" Joxer said indignantly. "We fell in love." With that he slid the baby up on his shoulder, patting her gently.

"Joxer, don't take this personally. Well it is personal, but honestly," Auto leaned in, patting the young man sympathetically, "you gotta understand where we're coming from here. The thought of Gabrielle, who's uh... well... ravishing beauty with the ability to kick butt... gorgeous eyes that we can never tell whether they're blue or green, that tight little body-"

"Hey," Joxer almost growled, if Joxer could in fact, growl, "that's my Gabby you're talkin' about."

"My point exactly, young friend." Auto added smugly. "That in itself is an oxymoron."

The baby let out a loud burp, and Joxer first narrowed his eyes at the thief and then smiled at the child, bringing her down and kissing her forehead. "Here, hold her while I get her an extra set of clothes."

Auto shrugged, and picked the child up, who in turn regarded him suspiciously. "Well, hello there, little one. I am Autocylous, King of Thieves. At your service." He finished the introduction with a kiss to her tiny hand, and the baby smiled, laughing delightfully.

"You really think Gabrielle couldn't love me, do ya?" Joxer said, plopping down the clothes.

"Now I didn't say that, Joxer," Auto muttered, eyes on the child. "I personally can learn to accept even the most improbably situations, after all. I'm a thief. I live on impredictability. Makes me a master. A king. A wizard-"

"There was a point in all that somewhere, right?"

"Joxer, interrupting is quite rude," Autocylous admonished, shaking a finger at him. "Now as I was saying, I can accept anything. If Gabrielle suddenly decides she wants you as a lover, good for you. You two are friends, you're practically joined at the hip. She's saved you on numerous occasions and she does care about you. I've seen it with my own eyes. And despite the fact you sometimes have the brain of a pea," Joxer glared at him at this point, "and the fact that Gabrielle likes... burly men... you two seem to get along well together. Therefore it is not hard for me to believe, despite a moment of shock, that you two are something more than friends. but they-" his shook his head towards the two men seated at the tavern bar, staring at the two of them.

"Might be a little harder to persuade," Iolaus spoke up, coming toward them, eyes hard.

Hercules merely looked resigned.

If Auto had looked any more smug, Joxer would have kicked him. He felt a surge of anger flow through him, and with a yank, he took the baby back into his own arms, hugging her protectively and glaring at the handsome man.

"Look, Mr. King of Thieves, and you big blonde bimbo!" he began angrily, ignoring Iolaus' look of surprise. "I don't care if you believe it or not. I got nothing to prove. Gabs loves me,and I love her. And I love Eve and Xena. And together we're a family. We're not perfect. But we're real. And we love each other. And I don't care if YOU or Hera herself has a problem with it. You guys may be stronger and... have more social skills... but I know 'em. And I love 'em. I know what they like, and I know what they don't like. I know how they sleep, and I know Eve. You guys are so busy off saving the world and junk you don't care about them. Didn't even know we were in Egypt for the past few months, didja? Huh?"

"Joxer," Hercules began.

"No! I'm not of scared of...umm.. you." Joxer gulped slightly, bringing Eve closer. "I'm not here to prove stuff. I stayed cause Gabs and Xena asked me to. And I know they sent you here to protect me and stuff but I don't care. If you're gonna be looking at me like that for the rest of the week you can just leave. Cause I don't need it. I'm not a moron. Gabs and Xena taught me that." He swallowed, then picked up his bag and slammed his hand on his head, marching with the baby and the various bundles up the stairs, leaving the men open mouthed.

"My, that kid has a mouth on him," Autocylous said, rolling his eyes. "Got to admit, the guy makes sense, though."

Hercules sighed, sitting down on the bench,running a hand through his hair. "He's got a point."

"What... what point?!" Iolaus sputtered.

"He's not a moron. And he ... does... know Gabrielle and Xena better than any of us," Hercules added.

Autocylous raised his eyebrow and looked toward Iolaus, pursing his lips. "Three of us got too much going on in our lives, we forget that they mean something to us. He never did."

Iolaus took a deep breath, settling down at the table with them. "She wasn't supposed to end up with Joxer. She was... she was supposed to end up with me."

"When, Iolaus," Hercules said, propping his head up to regard his friend. "When? When we're done? When are we going to be done?"

"Didn't expect the ole' girl to wait for you did you?" Auto added, looking thoughtfully into his ale.

Hercules was quiet as he looked at the two men, the air over the table decidedly somber. Gabrielle definitely wasn't the type of person who would wait. And neither... for that matter... was Xena.

He gave a heavy sigh, planting a hand on Iolaus' shoulder. "Come on, let's get some sleep. We've got a long day tomorrow."

Conclusion >>>