Note: This story takes place after Ephiney's Janna: Amazon Warrior. You should read that one first.

Joxer was sitting by the fire, again, still, when Xena woke up in the morning.

"Another nightmare?" the Warrior Princess asked softly.

"Couldn't sleep." Joxer shook his head.

Xena sighed. She sat down beside her friend. "Joxer, this is a normal reaction to your first kill..."

"I know." He said sharply. "Gabrielle already gave me this speech."

"She did?"

"Last night." Joxer's eyes slid over to where Gabrielle was still sleeping. Her long strawberry blonde hair was spread around her head and shoulders like a golden flame. "She said that she had nightmares for months."

Xena looked over at Gabrielle. "She still wakes up screaming sometimes."

"Does it get easier?" Joxer asked with a remote look in his eyes, as if he wasn't really there.

"It won't for you." Xena said quietly. "I let it get easy, too easy. You're better than that."

That got his attention. "Huh?"

"My first kill. It was in a fight to save Amphipolis," Xena said softly. "I was younger than Janna is now. My sword went in to the soldier so easily, and I kept doing it."

"I killed a man from behind. I saw his back and I threw my spear." Joxer growled. "I saw him going for Jerrin, Jerrina. And I reacted. I threw my spear in his back and I wanted him dead. Then he was."

Xena nodded. "Instinct. You have to protect the ones you love. You did the same thing when I went after Gabrielle."

"I what?"

"You came at me like you were going to rip me apart." Xena smiled at him. "And If I hadn't hit you so hard you might have. Did I ever apologize for that?"

"You don't have to." Joxer shrugged. "You...weren't yourself."

"That's not an excuse." Xena shook her head, "I'm sorry."

"Forget about it." Joxer scrubbed a hand over his face. "Please, just forget it."

Xena nodded again, she understood. That was not a good memory for any of them. Finally she just put her arm around his shoulders and held him.

Joxer the Mighty made a hic-upping sound before the tears finally came. He had killed someone. He knew he could have just wounded, just crippled Crasix, but he had killed him in the cold rush of rage that anyone would dare try to hurt Jerrina.

Xena just held him and let him cry.

Gabrielle murmured comforting sounds from her bed roll. One of her lightly tanned hands reached out and patted Joxer's knee, "It's all right everything is going to be fine."

Joxer looked down at Gabrielle's face. She was still asleep. Gently he picked up her hand and brushed a kiss across the finger tips before tucking in back around the bard. He choked back the last of his sobs and stood up.

"I'm... I'll be back in a little while. If you break camp before I get back I'll catch up."

Xena didn't say anything as Joxer walked out of camp. She wasn't leaving without him, not when he was like this. So she let Gabrielle sleep on and waited for Joxer to come back.

"Hi, Studmuffin." Aphrodite said as Joxer stepped quietly into her smallest temple.

Joxer stared at her for a long moment. "I didn't think you even knew this one was here."

"Sure I did, sweetie. It's one of my favorites when things get hectic." The goddess of love held out a tray of candies to him. "Want one?"

"No, thanks." Joxer sat down on one of the benches. "Why are you here anyway?"

"You need me." Aphrodite shrugged making her blonde curls bounce around her shoulders.

Joxer blinked at that. "You came all the way to this tiny temple in the middle of no place, because I need you?"

"Duh. Look, Joxie, you're one of the few mortals who actually means something to me." She sat down beside him. "I know you're hurting, and it's something I can't just make go away, goddess or not. You could have gone to one of Ares' temples but you came here, and not to ask me to make the little bard fall for you." Aphrodite smoothed his hair out of his face. "I know what happened, and I know you're sick to your stomach about it. So I called in a favor from Hades and found out that Crasix's time was up. If it hadn't been you, it would have been Janna or even Jerrina. Anyway he'd still have died."

"He would have?"

"Uhhuh." Aphrodite nodded. "You were still trying to protect Jerrina, but even if you had just wounded him.... Well Hades would have gotten him an other way. And there was a nice hot place ready for him in Tarturus."

"This isn't helping you know."

"Yeah. Only time will do that."

Joxer rubbed the tears from his eyes again. "Everyone keeps telling me that. You, Gabrielle, Xena..."

"And if the three of us agree on anything, you know it's got to be true." Aphrodite giggled.

Joxer smiled reluctantly, after all she had a point. "Thanks, Aphrodite."

"Anything for my favorite studmuffin, especially the one who keeps leaving me such sweet little love songs." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and vanished in a swirl of flower petals, leaving the temple smelling like roses.

Joxer felt his eyes getting heavier. He yawned and realized that he was falling asleep for the first time in days. He tried to stay awake, but oblivion reached up for him anyway.

Aphrodite reappeared as Joxer slumped over on to the bench. She smiled down at him and turned it in to a soft bed with pale pink silk sheets. She might not be able to make the pain of having killed someone go away for Studmuffin, but she could give him a good sleep for a while.

Xena looked up when she sensed a presence nearby. It was almost like the one that told her Ares was near, but not nearly as menacing. "Aphrodite."

"Hi, Xena." The blonde goddess appeared on the other side of the fire. "I thought you might want to know that Joxer is asleep at my temple about a mile from here. He won't wake up until tomorrow, so you two might want to go there when Gabrielle wakes up."

"Why are you doing this for him?"

"Because. He's my friend." Aphrodite said slowly before vanishing again.

Please take the time to write to Mac at mac_xavier@yahoo.com and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Aphrodite, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. The characters of Janna, Jerrina, and Crasix, as well as the events in "Janna: Amazon Warrior", are © 1998-99 by Ephiney, Amazon Bard. They were used with her permission. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1999 by Mac Xavier and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.