Rating: PG-13 - serious themes
Violence: more emotional than physical
Sex: Sort of - none graphic
Note: A sequel to "Long Days Journey Into Night"

Looking back at it, Xena had to conclude that it all started with the diamond.

When Joxer woke up the morning after they had found him there, clutching the diamond in his hand, he had no explanation for where it had come from. The tavern was deserted when Gabrielle and she had arrived, except for Joxer, passed out on the table. The barkeep told them that their friend had been all alone, all evening.

Xena figured he had sold all he owned to get the stone for Gabrielle, but when she thought about it more, she realized he didn't own a whole lot, outside of what he carried on his back. When she pressed him about it, he continued to insist he had no idea where the jewel had come from.

For weeks afterward, Xena kept looking over her shoulder, expecting the real owner of the diamond to appear, demanding its return. They even made discrete inquiries as to its ownership, without giving too much information. Finally, they decided that whomever it had belonged to at one time, it was Joxer's now.

That was when he gave it to Gabrielle.

She didn't handle it very well, at first. She kept trying to give it back. Joxer finally convinced her that he wanted nothing in return, it wasn't meant as a pledge. There just was no one he would rather see have it than her. Joxer never noticed the tears in the bard's eyes when he said this; he was working so hard at just getting it out. Xena noticed, however.

She noticed that Gabrielle put the stone in the place she kept all her most treasured belongings. She put it in the bag that held her Amazon outfit, her wedding ring from Perdicas, and her first scroll. She noticed that Gabrielle wasn't pulling Joxer's ear or twisting his nose so much anymore. She noticed that as they went down the road, Gabrielle was most likely to be walking alongside Joxer, telling him stories or laughing at his.

Then, she left them alone together for a couple of days. She really should have known better, she supposed. They always managed to get in trouble when she left them alone together. There had been that bell thing, and the magic scroll. But nothing like this...

The first thing that struck her upon her return was the icy silence. It was as if neither of them could wait for her to come back, just so she could come between them. Gabrielle was angry, as if she had been on a slow boil for days, and was due to bubble over any time now. Joxer seemed sadder than Xena could imagine a human being could be, and guilty.

She tried talking to them, first one, then the other. With Gabrielle, she first tried the friendly approach, but was met with a stony stare. Then she tried persuasion, but that was failing, too. So she pushed a little harder, and the bard rewarded her efforts by bursting into tears and running off into the woods.

With some trepidation, the Warrior Princess approached Joxer. "Would you mind telling me what's going on here?" she asked, forcing a friendly tone.

"No, Xena, I did something really stupid, that's all. And I really don't want to talk about it." He, too, turned his back on her. But not before she saw the tears brimming his eyes.

They traveled on, although Xena had the distinct feeling that she would have had better company had she been alone. Joxer was frightening her, and she was not easily frightened. He only spoke if spoken to, and then his answers were grunts or monosyllabic. And as for Gabrielle - well, if looks could kill, Joxer would no longer be with them.

Weeks went by, with no thaw in the relationship. They each did their part, working almost mechanically through the everyday chores as well as the few altercations they encountered. Xena was trying to be patient, but she had almost reached the point where she was going to have to beat it out of one of them, when Gabrielle approached her one night after dinner.

It was Joxer's night to do the dishes, and he had gone off to the stream, silent and dutiful, to wash them out. Gabrielle sat down beside Xena, gathering strength before she spoke.

"I suppose you've been wondering what's going on between me and Joxer," she began.

"Well, I did notice that someone kidnapped my two best friends and replaced them with a harpy and a statue, yeah." Xena looked for a response and Gabrielle smiled thinly.

"Remember that night a couple of months ago when you went to visit your friend in Thebes?" Gabrielle asked. Xena nodded. How could she forget? It was after that everything changed for the worse.

"Well, Joxer and I... we were drinking... laughing, being silly... it was all a big mistake... I wasn't thinking straight." Finally she stopped fishing for a complete thought and looked at her feet.

"Xena, I'm pregnant."

They both heard the utensils crashing to the forest floor. Xena turned in time to see a last glimpse of Joxer disappearing in the trees.

"Gabrielle, don't you suppose you should have told him first?" Xena asked gently. Gabrielle was crying.

"No! I didn't even want him to know. I don't want this baby! All I can think about is Hope, and all the pain and heartache that caused. And besides, this is Joxer we're talking about - Joxer! I can't have his baby! I hate it."

Xena knew her friend was hurting, but her anger almost surged out of control before she pulled back. "Gabrielle, there is nothing wrong with Joxer. He's been our friend for a long time - I was starting to think you thought of him as something even more than a friend. Besides, it's not this baby's fault how it was conceived - you can't hate this child for something it had nothing to do with."

Gabrielle looked at the Warrior Princess with blank disgust in her eyes. Xena know she couldn't get through her friend's anger at this point - she was still in shock. "I need to go talk to him. I'll be back." Xena stood and walked toward the woods.

It took her a while to track Joxer down - he had hidden himself fairly well. She tried pointedly to ignore the streaks staining his face, and focus on the issue at hand. "Joxer..." she began, but he stopped her.

"No, Xena, whatever she told you about it, she was probably right. I thought she was starting to like me better. I thought she was interested. I took advantage of her while she was drunk, Xena. I hate myself." His words fought past the tears in his throat.

"Joxer," Xena said gently, "There are no two people I know better than you and Gabrielle. I know her well enough to know that if she wasn't interested, the Titans couldn't have gotten her in that room. I also know that if she had showed even the slightest hesitation, you would have stopped in your tracks. You would never take advantage of her - you love her."

She could see the tears were winning the battle. He forced himself to go on. "I do, Xena, I love her. I love her enough to leave her alone, since that seems to be what she wants. I loved her enough to stay in spite of the way she's been acting, because I wanted to make sure she was okay. She wouldn't talk to me at all. And I plan to stay until the baby is born, and do all I can to help, without getting in her way. Afterwards, if she still hates me, I'll go, but not without making some arrangements to take care of the child. I know she doesn't need my help, but it's my responsibility." He couldn't go on any more. Xena put her arms around him, and held him as he wept.

Weeks passed by. The strained silence remained, although they both were willing to talk to Xena when the other wasn't around. Xena noticed how Joxer quietly made sure that Gabrielle got the best spot to sleep, the most food, and often pulled Xena aside and told her to make the bard ride Argo rather than walk. The agony in his eyes was almost unbearable to watch. She knew he blamed himself for everything.

Gabrielle had started eating again, after a period of nausea. She had abandoned her snug skirt for a rough shift, to give her growing abdomen more room. She was writing again, which was good, and Xena noticed that she seemed to be coming to terms with the new life inside her, occasionally rubbing or patting the increasing bulge.

Late one night, after checking to assure herself that Joxer was already asleep, Xena tugged on Gabrielle's arm, pulling her away from the campsite. "We need to talk," she said. After they were a few feet away and safely out of hearing distance, she sat down on a fallen log and pulled the bard down beside her.

"Look, I think you need to lighten up a little," the Warrior Princess began. "This was not like the Dahak thing at all. You may have been drunk, but I doubt there was much disinterest on your part. Why are you letting him take all the blame? This baby is a part of both of you, and it would be a whole lot better if both of you worked together to bring it up."

Gabrielle patted her stomach unconsciously. She was becoming more comfortable with her pregnancy lately, both physically and emotionally. Still, she felt that if she let go of her anger, she would be admitting something about herself she wasn't ready to face. She nodded slowly, but didn't say a word. Finally, Xena gave up and went back to camp.

The bard stared into the darkness at nothing. At first, she worked at keeping her mind blank, but the thoughts danced in, unbidden. Her and Joxer, sitting before the fire, close beside each other, laughing at something. Joxer, barely able to stand on his own feet, with his arm around her, helping her to her room, sitting her down on her bed and turning to go. She asked him to stay a while. When they kissed, she was barely thinking, but her body was wide awake. It had been so long since... This was not his fault. He had been just as inebriated as she had been. She had been a willing participant. She just couldn't let herself feel that way, about him. He wasn't...

"Perdicas," she said out loud. Joxer was as much unlike him as she thought a man could be. Yet, there was something about him, something kind, and gentle, and... he loved her. He had given her a diamond - no strings attached - just because he loved her. And when he finally got something in return, something he never demanded - a little affection, a little attention - she turned on him afterwards, blaming him for something he couldn't help any more than she could.

She needed to get back to camp. She was so tired. But in her heart, she knew that they would talk in the morning.

"Gabby, wake up! Come on, wake up."

She opened her eyes, barely able to focus. "What... it's not even light yet. Go 'way." She tried to lie back down, but something kept pulling her up.

"Gabrielle!" Her eyes flew open - she had rarely heard that tone of voice from Joxer. "There's a party of marauders heading this way. Xena went on ahead to scout them out, and she told me to get you going. Now get up!"

He wrapped the pelt around her, and bodily lifted her to her feet. "Go get on Argo, I'll bring the stuff." She stumbled towards the horse, trying to get her body to awaken as much as her mind had.

"It's too late," Xena breathed, having appeared from the darkness. "They're almost here. Gabrielle, can you still fight with your staff?" She nodded mutely, not entirely sure she was being truthful. She hadn't fought since her shape started changing, and she knew she was moving differently now. Still, she was aware that she had to try.

Xena pulled her chakram from her belt, and Joxer unsheathed his sword. Gabrielle found her trusty weapon, hanging on to it for balance. She needed to wake up now, but the demands of the developing child within her sapped her strength, increasing her need for rest. Still, she shook herself again, and she knew she was as ready as she would ever be.

The first of the attackers appeared quickly, and were as quickly dispatched. But there were more, a lot more. Joxer tried his best to shield Gabrielle, but there were men everywhere, so his focus was constantly shifting. She felt herself picking up the rhythm, adjusting for her new center of gravity. Xena was doing the most work, and both Joxer and Gabrielle were fully aware of it. Still, before long the trio had done enough damage that they heard the warlord shouting, "Come on, let's go!"

Gabrielle would have been fine, but she turned at the sound of his voice. Her body, which had been a somewhat unwilling partner all morning, betrayed her. Her legs gave out, and she fell to the ground, right in the path of the retreating warrior. He never noticed, in his haste, that his horse had landed a hoof directly in the rounded stomach of the fallen woman...

It was some hours later, after the healer Xena had fetched from the nearby town had left, that the tiny still body was delivered into the shaking hands of the Warrior Princess.

After she was sure the herbs she had given Gabrielle had her sleeping soundly, Xena went looking for Joxer in the woods. She found him, carving a small shingle beside an inexpressibly small grave. "He was beautiful," she said, laying a hand on his shoulder. "He would have been a fine boy."

Joxer's eyes were without tears. "I wasn't sure what to put on the marker, so I just put 'Baby Boy.' I'm sure Gabrielle won't care." His voice was calm, emotionless. But then he looked at Xena, and his eyes hardened.

"I'm going to find him, and I'm going to kill him. Just like he did my son."

It was hours before Gabrielle awoke from her drugged sleep. Xena had convinced Joxer to come back to camp with her, and he was waiting outside the makeshift tent they had set up, when Xena emerged. His voice still had that cold, flat tone that it had held in the woods. "Is she alright?" he asked.

"About as well as could be expected," Xena responded. "She's in a lot of pain." Joxer stood up, and turned to walk away. "Don't you want to see her?" Xena queried.

He never turned around. "She doesn't want to see me," he said flatly, and walked off.

Gabrielle couldn't figure out what hurt so badly. She was groggy, and the pain was calling her, but she couldn't find it to answer it. She heard voices outside the tent, but not words. The voices, one in particular, sounded strange. She drifted back to sleep.

Joxer and Xena decided that Gabrielle needed to be moved to permanent shelter. They weren't far from the healer's hut, and Xena went there to see if room could be found for the bard there. After arrangements were made, she went back to the camp to fetch her injured friend.

Joxer was sitting outside the tent, as before. Xena thought that this emotionless Joxer was even sadder than the guilty, unhappy one he had replaced. Still, he needed a purpose. "Will you carry her there?" she asked him. He stood without responding and ducked into the tent. Xena watched through the opening as he picked up the fragile sleeping woman as if he thought she might break. He brought her out carefully, and followed Xena to the home of the healer, where he laid her in the bed just as gently.

He just stood there, still numb. Xena took him by the arm, and led him outside. Once there, he turned those empty dark orbs on her and asked, "Will you come help me?"

Conclusion >>>