Rating: Very PG
Violence: None serious.
Sex: Uh-uh.
Author's note: The song "Alone" was written by R. Steinberg and T. Kelly, and performed by Heart.

Thanks, Chris, as usual.

ALONE

I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here, the room's pitch dark.
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone.
And the night goes by so very slow
I hope that it won't end though...
Alone.

'Til now, I aways got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you.
And now it chills me to the bone-
How do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?

You don't know how long I have wanted
To kiss your lips and hold you tight.
You don't know how long I have waited
And I was going to tell you tonight.
But the secret is still my own,
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone.

'Til now, I aways got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you.
And now it chills me to the bone-
How do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?

Aphrodite woke up before the sun, stiff and more than a little sore. I really don't dig this sleeping on the ground thing, she thought, darkly. This was going to be the biggest drag, she could tell. I can't believe Daddy got so cheesed. I really didn't know...

This Heliotrope chick in Mycenae, she really deserved what she got. How was I supposed to know Daddy was planning to do the Alcmene thing with her, 'Dite sniffed. He really should, like, send out memos or something.

Everybody was carrying on about how gorgeous that girl was - and Heliotrope never told them to shut up. They went too far when they implied she should have her own temple, next to Aphrodite's. She made such a cool flower...

No wonder Hera was so hot on this idea, the former goddess mused. Zeus had been livid. He stripped 'Dite of her godhood for an indefinite period of time, and sent her here to the woods. At least he gave me some pelts and a little food, she thought. I hope Cupie and Bliss and the others can handle everything while I'm gone. She sniffed delicately. Aw, man, this mortal hygiene thing. Better take a bath. At least she had learned something when the little blonde turned her mortal last time. Good thing she was near a creek. She stuck her toe in... oh, Zeus, that's cold!

Aphrodite washed up, quickly. She was freezing. Wrapping herself in one of the pelts to dry off, she studied her clothing. Way cool for a goddess of love, but it really rots for running around town as a mortal in the cold weather, she thought. She decided that would be her first priority. She slipped into the filmy outfit and wrapped the dry pelt around her shoulders. Time to go to town...

She saw the dress as soon as she entered the shop. It was so last year, but it would work. The color would be good with her eyes, and maybe she could tear that slit in the skirt a little higher... She smiled engagingly at the shopkeeper. "Is there somewhere I can try this on?" she asked, in her sweetest voice. He grunted, and jerked his thumb towards a curtain in the back of the booth.

Once in the dressing - room? - more like a niche, 'Dite thought - she dropped the pelt and wriggled out of her goddess duds. She slipped the dress over her head - perfect! Now, how do I look? She brushed aside the curtain, and found a pitiful mirror - no more than a polished piece of metal really. But it served the purpose, and she could tell that, even for a mortal, she looked good. The shopkeeper's wife caught her admiring herself, and commented, "Well, dearie, that dress is lovely on you - and for only fifteen dinar, it's a great deal."

Aphrodite gulped. "Fif - fifteen dinar?" Oh, Zeus, where was she going to get that? Daddy had thought of food and bedclothes, but not money. She glanced furtively around the shop. The man in charge was trying to sell a bolt of linen to a housewife who obviously wasn't interested. The wife had vanished into the back. 'Dite figured it was now or never.

She hung her head and tried to look inconspicuous. She was almost to the door when she ran smack into some guy's armored breastplate. She looked up, and saw...

"Aphrodite?" Joxer yelped, his voice rising an entire octave with the one word. "What on earth are you doing here?"

She felt a large hand grip her shoulder, none too gently. "Trying to steal my dress, it appears," the shopkeeper growled. "Fork over the fifteen dinar, lady, or I'll call the authorities. You'd think a girl named after a goddess would be brought up better."

"I was just..." think fast, 'Dite, or you're toast "...going to find my boyfriend. He has all my money. Don't you sweetie?" She smiled at Joxer and took his arm while poking him in the ribs with her elbow, hard. "Joxer, honey, please pay the man fifteen dinars for my dress, so we can go." She muttered under her breath, "Pay for the dress, I'll pay you back later, just getmeouttahere!"

Joxer threw a handful of dinars at the man, too dumbfounded to even count them. Aphrodite dragged him out into the street. Joxer tried to speak. "Wha..." He gave up, and pointed back at the shop. "Why...?" he tried again. "How?" He finally gave up entirely, just looking at the ex-goddess.

Unaware, she kept holding onto his arm, while moving as far away from the shop as she could. "Daddy tossed me out on my rear. I screwed with some girl that he... oh, never mind. Anyway, he's like totally down on me right now, and he says I gotta be mortal for a while. He sent me some food and stuff, but he never thought about dinars, I guess. Anyway, it was way cold in that outfit, so I needed a new one, and..." she stopped, taking a breath for the first time. "Oh, man, Joxer, if you hadn't come along, I'da been history," she wailed, throwing both arms around the bewildered warrior and falling against his chest.

Joxer's heart was pounding. Here was the goddess of love, holding him in a way that few women ever had, at least not without some sort of a business agreement. She was treating him like some sort of savior. She was treating him as if he were a hero. She was crying her heart out. He panicked, but she was holding him so tight, he found it difficult to squirm loose. Finally, he regained his wits, and gently but firmly pushed her to arm's length away. He fished inside his breastplate and pulled out an almost clean piece of cloth, handing it to the weeping woman, who took it gratefully. No matter how beautiful she was, it was still appalling to hear the former goddess blow her nose.

"Aphrodite, we need to get you to Xena," Joxer announced triumphantly, after a few moments thought, "She'll know what to do with you." He took her by the arm, and led her out of the town.

"...and then Hades said 'You just kill me!'" Xena heard peals of laughter, and then Joxer's voice pleading, "you'll have to tell that one to Gabby - I'm sure she could put it in one of her scrolls." The Warrior Princess sighed. Who, or what, had Joxer picked up in town this time? The voice was vaguely familiar, but as she watched the pair approach, she was fairly sure that she hadn't seen this woman before. She looked closer. There was something about that girl that reminded her of someone...

Joxer caught sight of his friend. "Xena, you are not going to believe this..." he began, only to be interrupted by the woman at his side.

"Hey, Xena-doll, what's shakin'? Done any fishing lately?" 'Dite had regained her confidence during the walk from town, and was feeling just fine right now. She had really enjoyed the conversation with Joxer - he listened so well.

"Aphrodite?" The warrior woman was almost sure that this was not the goddess of love. For one thing, she was decently dressed. And her eyes were kind of red - as if she'd been crying. And she had no - Xena wasn't sure what it was, an essence, an aura - but all the gods had it, and this one didn't. "Are you alright?"

"Well, I've been better, fer sure. But I'da been totally gone if it weren't for Joxer, here. He, like, really got me out of a big one." She turned and graced him with a nearly godlike smile. Xena wasn't sure she liked what she was seeing.

"So tell me what's going on." Xena sat back, expecting Joxer to do all the talking, but he didn't stand a chance with 'Dite cranking. He could barely get a word in edgewise, and soon stopped trying.

"...so Joxer said we should come and see if you could help me." The former goddess had taken twenty minutes to tell about a five-minute incident. Xena could see that this was going to be one of the toughest battles she would ever face - how not to strangle this woman before she went back to Olympus. She really made Joxer look both brilliant and taciturn by comparison. He, on the other hand, kept smiling apologetically, and shrugging from behind Aphrodite's back. Xena shot him a deadly look.

"I'll get you for this," she murmured, just loud enough so he could hear it. He blanched. She turned to the former goddess. "So, we need to keep you alive until your father lets you back upstairs. We'll have to feed you, protect you and listen to you. What's in it for us?"

'Dite thought, hard. "You still interested in that Draco dude?" she offered, hopefully. Xena growled. "Oh, guess not. You got the hots for anybody right now?"

Joxer saw the storm building in the ice-blue eyes, and grabbed 'Dite's arm. "Aphrodite, don't." Her gaze traveled from Joxer to Xena and back again, and she shrugged. Xena uncurled her fists. Joxer looked hopeful. "Maybe Gabrielle could think of something Aphrodite could do," he tendered.

Neither woman saw his face fall slightly when he realized that of the three friends, he was the only one who really wanted what Aphrodite might offer, and he had decided long ago he wouldn't take her help.

"Naw," Xena finally decided, "We'll do it because it's the right thing to do." Joxer could tell she was trying to convince herself of this. "Let's go back to tell Gabrielle the great news." She turned on her heel, and strode off, like a woman who was used to people doing what she told them to, expecting them to follow. Joxer shepherded the ex-goddess along.

"So you're telling me she's human ...she's mortal?" Gabrielle was struggling with this whole thing. Sure, she knew that gods could lose their godhood - she had even been responsible for it once - but she didn't know that Zeus was so rough on his kids. She almost felt sorry for the woman, but then she thought of all the pain Aphrodite had caused her and others, and decided that it probably served her right. "Why do we have to watch over her?"

Joxer chimed in. "Gabby, if anything happens to her, one of the best things that the gods have ever given us - love - could suffer, too. I can't believe you'd want that."

Gabrielle sniffed. What did Joxer know about love? Still, what if he were right? Where would a bard be without love to write about? "Ooo-kay," she agreed, hesitantly. "For the sake of love." Joxer's heart jumped at the bard's words. Sure, she was talking about love in general, but still...

Aphrodite watched this exchange in silence, trying to decide what it meant to her. She could almost read the look on Joxer's face, but her insides were telling her that something here wasn't sitting right. Not familiar enough with the whole idea of instinct and feeling, she decided to worry about it later.

The ex-goddess' thoughts turned to human feelings and emotions. She had had so many new ones already. Fear, which is a real bummer, she thought; cold, relief, disgust, amusement, a little joy, and now... her stomach growled. "I'm hungry. Is there anything to eat?"

Gabrielle threw up her hands and walked away. "We weren't planning on a fourth for lunch," she threw back over her shoulder. "There won't be very much."

Joxer smiled. "I have some apples in my bag I bought for Argo. We can add those to the meal - it'll be plenty. Don't worry, Xena would never let anybody starve."

'Dite smiled back. Why didn't I ever notice how sweet this guy is? she wondered. I've been awfully hard on him. Maybe when I get home, I can make amends. She waited while he rummaged in his bag for the fruit, and then walked with him to the camp.

Xena hated to admit it, but Aphrodite really tried. At first, the Warrior Princess was sure that the ex-goddess would be just the same self-centered, petty snot that she had been as a god, only without powers. But this foray into humanity really seemed to have humbled her. Maybe she had learned something the last time, when Gabrielle had brought her down with her own spell. Still, she wasn't perfect, by any means. She was slow, and a bit clumsy. At least she had stopped talking all the time! And even as a god, she had seemed inordinately interested in Joxer, so the fact that she spent most of her time with him since her unexpected change came as no surprise. Still, Xena felt there was more beneath the surface than mere idle interest. She would need to get 'Dite alone and talk to her...

She had groused a little the first time she had to do the dishes, but Gabrielle had insisted that she pull her own weight, and Xena didn't disagree. She was more than willing to gather sticks and help pack and unpack the camp. Tonight, Joxer had even tried to teach the goddess of love how to cook. Xena almost laughed out loud - what a farce!

The old saw about "those who can't do - teach" certainly hadn't applied in this instance. So, after leaving the remains of the failed meal outside the camp (way outside the camp - Xena didn't need any animals eating that stuff and dying in their sleeping area), they had come to this tavern for dinner.

The warrior woman looked over at the former goddess. 'Dite, as she had insisted upon being called, was regaling Joxer and Gabrielle with stories from her childhood. The bard's quill was moving at lightning speed, trying to get it all down. Xena was having some trouble picturing Ares as a fun-loving adolescent, although, except for the scale of the pranks, he sounded a lot like her own brothers when they were young. Who'd have thought?

Aphrodite, for her part, felt she was getting the hang of this mortal thing. Xena had been a great deal of help, particularly with the many bumps and bruises the goddess had collected while learning the basic laws of gravity and physics that had never applied to her in the past. Gabrielle had pretty much ignored her whenever possible, although she did like her stories. 'Dite was beginning to realize that this was how the bard dealt with anything she was uncomfortable with - she just pretended it wasn't there. And Joxer...

Aphrodite was sure she would be dead by now if it weren't for the would-be warrior, at the very least from boredom and frustration. He was so patient with her, seemingly aware of how hard it was to try and be something you really aren't. He listened as she rattled on, laughing at the right places, and nodding sympathetically when required. He had even interceded with Xena once or twice when the ex-goddess had done something to push her buttons. All in all, he had been a real prince of a guy.

She thought back upon how she had treated him in the past. Not just him, she realized, but most mortals. She had been capricious and petty to the point of cruelty. Maybe, when she got back to Olympus that would change. She really hoped so - she was starting to like these mortals.

That night, after Xena and Gabby had gone to sleep, Joxer found himself restless. He sat up, throwing his bed covers off, and ran his fingers through his hair. Maybe I should take a walk, he thought. He looked around the camp, and saw a solitary figure sitting staring into the fire. "'Dite?" he whispered. "Wanna go for a walk?"

They wandered down to the creek, where the light was a bit better, and Joxer knew there was an easy trail. The goddess of love had been silent, and he wondered if something was bothering her. Finally, he spoke. "This has been hard for you, hasn't it?" He smiled, his dark eyes showing sympathy. "I remember how tough it was when I left home, and I hadn't lived anywhere near Olympus." She smiled back, and took his arm.

"I guess," she said quietly. "I do miss my family. But I just wonder what's going to happen to me. What if Daddy decides not to let me come back? How will I support myself? I can't even cook."

He laughed. "Me neither, and I'm still alive." They walked a little further in silence, while he thought. "First," he finally offered, "I doubt your father will exile you permanently. I think this whole thing is about learning a lesson. When he thinks you've got it, he'll take you back. Second, no matter how long it takes, you've got us. Xena would never turn you out. She's really the best. She's put up with me, and recently, even trusted me to do stuff. Nobody's ever done that before." 'Dite could hear the undercurrent of sadness in his voice. She knew his had been a tough life, but he usually hid it pretty well. It's a shame the gods hadn't been kinder to this gentle man. Herself included.

Joxer was thinking as well. She wasn't that different than he was, in some ways. Here she was, in a world that didn't really need her right now, with no one to count on. Sure, he had Xena and Gabby, but they could take him or leave him, he was certain. If he just wandered away someday, they probably wouldn't miss him. Her father had thrown her out, for some fairly minor offense (okay, maybe turning a girl into a flower was a little harsh), and left her to fend for herself, with no idea of how long she'd be in this state. He renewed his determination that she would have someone to count on, even if it was only Joxer the Mighty. He stopped walking. She wasn't a goddess anymore, and both of them needed their rest. "Let's head back to camp. It's pretty late."

Conclusion >>>