The evening was exceptionally warm. They kept their smoky fire going because it was better to sweat a little than to deal with the bugs-or so Xena had claimed before she and Argo had galloped away to "go fishing" in the dark. Now it was just Gabrielle, Joxer, and the very warm night.

Gabrielle closed her eyes. This should be enjoyable for her, genuinely fulfilling. So what was wrong with her? She opened her eyes again and softly bit her lip. Joxer was pulling off his shirt. He shuddered briefly as a breeze blew across his damp bare shoulders, and smiled at the pleasurable sensation. He turned to her warmly.

Gabrielle sighed. She just needed to relax. That was what she kept telling herself. Relax, and they'd flow as readily as the ink from her pen. Oh, but they wouldn't! She nearly snapped her quill in frustration.

"You okay," asked Joxer.

"It's just," she shook her head in frustration, "my writing." Setting aside her ink and quill, she began to roll up her scroll. "It's hard to write by firelight anyway."

Joxer smiled sympathetically. "Stuck, huh? I hate it when I get stuck."

"You don't understand." Gabrielle looked irritated. "You're not a writer."

"Well, when I write my songs..."

"They're just silly, simple rhymes!"

"Hmph. That's what you think."

"Righting wrongs and singing songs," Gabrielle mocked, accentuating the rhymes.

"Hey." Now Joxer was irritated. "I like that part!"

Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "It's not that bad, I suppose, but you can't compare it to real writing."

Joxer silently acquiesced. Apparently, she was in one of those moods. A change of subject was in order. "Um..." He pulled his pack into his lap, remembering the thing Xena had given him to hold. "So," he said, rummaging through his stuff, "what's this thing for anyway?"

He produced an odd little shiny green box, and began to scrutinize it. "Good craftsmanship," he noted lamely. "Wait a second." He carefully angled it to catch the light. "Hey Gabby, there's writing on here. It's real hard to see, though. I..."

Gabrielle lifted the box from his hands, and let out a small gasp. It was surprisingly cool to the touch in the warm evening air. Her eyes darted across the strange little characters. They went all the way around the lid, and there were some more below the clasp that held it shut. Unable to read them, she shook her head. "Whatever it is, it isn't Greek. Maybe Xena can read it." Putting the box on her knee, she began to undo the clasp.

"Wait," said Joxer from his seat on the ground at her feet, "what are you doing?"

"Opening it."

"Are you sure you should do that?"

"Joxer, it's just a box."

"It's a weird box."

"You're a weird warrior."

"Yeah?" But whatever Joxer was going to say disappeared from his mind as the clasp slipped open, and Gabrielle peered inside. She pursed her lips in disappointment, and stared blankly into the satin- lined little space.

"It's empty."

"Oh," said Joxer. He supposed that was why Xena had let him hold it.

Gabrielle thought she could hear shared disappointment in the tone of his voice, and moved her attention to him. She didn't see him. After all, she never expected to see him. She expected to see the beautiful woman she was looking up at now. And this woman was beautiful, lit rosily by the fire.

It was a woman she admired-one of those who had an unselfish heart, who would always help if she knew how. She was brave in the face of tragedy, but she sometimes needed Gabrielle's help. Gabrielle would go through anything to help, to share the burden of pain with this woman. Gabrielle wanted nothing so greatly than to also share in this woman's most joyful moments, but this woman didn't need her for that. Gabrielle would have to be content to share the same air as this woman, and to be able to look into those beautiful eyes every so often.

And looking into those eyes now, warmth surrounded Gabrielle. This wasn't the sultry warmth of the night that pressed against her skin, that made the sweat trickle down her bare back. This was the warmth of euphoria. This was absolute contentment. Every intense moment in her worthless life paled in contrast to what Gabrielle felt now. This was the way she felt each time she had looked into those eyes since... that day. The most painful day she had ever been thankful to have. The one day the beautiful eyes had loved her back.

By nightfall of that day the love had gone, replaced by cruel ridicule. Xena had tried to comfort her. "If she ever..." Xena had begun. She grasped for the words. "If I ever lost her love..." She stopped there. It had been too terrible a thought for even the warrior princess to face, so instead of words Xena had given her a hug, which was expressive even with all their armor in the way. It was comforting that Xena understood-at least she had at the time.

This, however, was not the something Gabrielle dwelt on when she was gazing into those eyes. At the moment, she could barely think of anything. The warmth encased and paralyzed her, yet she didn't fight it. She allowed it to absorb her, and she settled into it. It was more important than freedom. Gabrielle smiled. The woman also smiled.

Gabrielle was comfortable now. Nestled. Slowly, she found she could feel beyond the feeling that had initially blinded her. Beyond was a violent flow of activity. Snippets and remnants and half-thoughts were forming, fragmenting, and fading. They were hopeful, angry, frustrated. They were whispers, roars. Was that music? They were a bubbling cacophony, the bits bobbing and sinking in turn like a stew about to boil over, though nothing was as clear and strong as the initial experience.

Slowly, Gabrielle became aware. She could see herself once again. These thoughts were not her own. The warmth was someone else's. The realization frightened her; she didn't want to lose the warmth. She needed it. She needed to stay here, but where was here?

There were memories here, unmentioned memories too close to unmentionable ones. They were painful to touch, but Gabrielle had to know. She summoned her strength and focussed.

"Momma?" Plaintive it was. "Momma, why?" It was a voice long gone.

"You're not sophisticated. Our family's statusƒ You have to be good at something, so... I know you like music. You make those songs."

"But Jett and Jace-"

"Jett and Jace. Well, Jett and Jace can fend for themselves. Come now, you've been singing that song. Joxer the mighty, uh, always plays inside-y."

"That doesn't rhyme. That's not how-"

"Never hurts the other boys, even when they steal his toys."

"Mom!"

"Hush. I like to sing it. It doesn't matter if you're weak."

"I don't think I'm weak. I just... I'm not weak, am I?"

"You will never be strong the way your brothers are. A mother knows, baby." You will never be strong. "There are other ways." You will never be strong. "You will have the lessons." You will never be strong. "Music has power, Joxer. You have to understand." Not strong. Not able. Not worthy.

"I understand," said the boy in a quiet voice.

Gabrielle soon retreated. These memories shone the harsh, painful light of reality into her burning eyes. She retreated into the warmth that lived unexposed, in blessed darkness. She had found her answer. She knew whose hidden warmth she enjoyed, and was thankful. "Here in the dark," thought the bard, "our two hearts are one."

The road stretched ahead through the muted moonlit world. Argo flew, her rider reveling in the power of their momentum. Xena could hear only the rush of the wind past her ears and the pounding of Argo's hooves against the hard-packed earth. The moving air felt wonderfully cool, and she wished she could keep going.

As she ran a hand through her wet hair, Xena reluctantly slowed Argo to a gentle canter. She didn't want to have Argo exert herself too much on so stifling a night, and she didn't want to wake Joxer as she approached camp (Gabrielle could sleep through a stampede).

With the fire reduced to embers, everything was hard to see, but Xena knew. Something was wrong. "Easy, Argo," she said, suddenly dismounting to continue her approach on foot. Gabrielle and Joxer were awake. They were sitting there,staring at each other happily. Something was definitely wrong. "Gabrielle?" There was no recognition. They were motionless.

Xena saw it then. It was the box. It was doing this to them. She snatched it up and snapped it closed, and was relieved when the trance immediately broke.

A violent chill ran though Gabrielle as she was shaken and torn from the warmth, and she felt herself falling. Strong bare arms held her close to a frantically beating heart, but still she was falling, sinking, drowning in the absence of that feeling that had at first barely let her breathe. It was as vital as the very air.

It was gone! No! She screamed. "No!" She could get it back. It was there... the box. She had to get it. Gabrielle scrambled out of Joxer's arms to tackle Xena. "Give it to me," she screamed.

Wide-eyed, Xena held the object away with one hand and stopped Gabrielle with the other. "Gabrielle! What's wrong with you? What is it?"

Gabrielle didn't answer. She only stood there with a wild look in her eye, and hugged herself to fight the cold aching emptiness. Joxer stepped toward her carefully, wanting to help, uncertain how. As Gabrielle looked at him, the anger hit her. He had kept it from her. Why? Why didn't he want her to share his joy? It made no sense. "How could you," she rasped. "Why didn't you want me to have it?"

He looked at Xena helplessly. Xena looked at him guiltily. Gabrielle's jaw quivered. She moved forward as if to strike him, but weakness overcame her and she collapsed into his arms again, unconscious.

Gabrielle squeezed her eyes shut tighter. She wished that the ache in her head would stop. She wished that the spinning sensation would stop. She wished for the warmth. When she finally opened her eyes, she discovered who else but Xena and Joxer, set against the starry sky, peering at her with worried expressions.

"I'm sorry, Gabrielle," said Xena. She brought the little green box into Gabrielle's view, and waited a second to be sure Gabrielle had really come back to her senses. Gabrielle had. "It's supposed to be a source of knowledge, so a person can learn anything... a gift for Joxer. I didn't know it would hurt you. I'm sorry, Gabrielle."

Gabrielle cautiously sat up. The night air felt cooler now. "It didn't hurt me, exactly." Gabrielle looked at Joxer through newly educated eyes. He still hadn't put his shirt back on. She swallowed. "And I did learn something." Joxer frowned. He understood now, and knew exactly what she had learned.

So did Xena. The guilt returned to her expression. "I have to go find Argo," she said, and without another word she escaped into the shadows.

Gabrielle motioned for Joxer to sit next to her. He did. "Why did you hide it, Joxer?"

Joxer looked up at the bright full moon. Though his eyes were on the brink of tears, he managed to hold them back. This wasn't what he wanted, but there it was. "I didn't... know how to make you understand. I didn't have the words."

She took his hand tenderly, and their eyes met. "What was wrong with 'I love you?'"

"A million things. I..." He shook his head. "You know it's not that simple, Gabrielle. You don't think of me that way." He couldn't look at her. "I just didn't have the words to make you see."

Gabrielle, with downcast eyes, nodded slowly, but she could feel the warmth of his hand in hers. She reached across to touch his cheek, to make him look at her, and to make him see the warmth in her eyes. "I have the words now.

"All my wealth is love. Love, which animates my heart, sweetens my disposition, and enlarges my soul. Love accompanies me, and every day I improve from so sweet a companion. When I look at you, I ponder what power lies in a smile to change the course of a life, the magic in the tilt of a head, the gentleness that strikes so deeply...

"Does that sound right?" Joxer pulled her in and held her closely. A hot tear slid down his cheek.

"Yes," he breathed joyfully, "it does."

"Joxer?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't breathe."

"Sorry." He reluctantly let go. She took a long breath.

"I still feel a little dizzy," she explained. "Joxer, I feel so overwhelmingly in your debt." She stopped his objection by placing her warm fingers to his lips. "And because of you, I see a night I wish could last forever. When I become more coherent, maybe I'll say more, but tonight this one thing seems to ring clearly: I love you."

Joxer was careful not to crush her in his embrace this time. He knew it was true. It was in the warmth of her voice. He laughed softly, and kissed her warm lips. The words no longer scared him. "I love you, Gabby."

They sat together in the pale moonlight, surrounded by each other's warmth, until Gabrielle's eyes began to close with weariness. It had been a long night. "Joxer," whispered Gabrielle, "tell Xena to come back to camp. She'll be cranky in the morning if she doesn't get enough sleep."

Joxer didn't want to say anything to that comment. He helped Gabrielle into her bedroll and cover, then looked out into the darkness. "Xena," he said, "it's okay. You can come back now." After a moment, Xena appeared out of the cool shadows.

"I'm glad you're both okay," she said.

Joxer placed a hand on her shoulder. "More than okay," he replied.

Xena smiled. "Get some sleep, Joxer. Goodnight, Gabrielle."

"We'd better cook the fish for breakfast," said Gabrielle through a yawn.

"Fish?"

"You did go fishing, didn't you?"

Xena chuckled silently. "Goodnight, Gabrielle."

Author's Notes:
None of these characters are mine. I stand to gain nothing more than satisfaction of writing from this work. A well-respected individual once said this: "Good writers borrow. Great writers steal". I aspire to greatness.

Please take the time to write to Liana at liathemighty@yahoo.com, and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. The lyrics to "Looking Through Your Eyes" are owned by the appropriate copyright holders. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 2001 by L.J. Paxton and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.