Filk: "The Day That Joxer Died"

Filk: The Day That Joxer Died
(To the tune of "American Pie")
Music and original lyrics © 1971 by Don McLean

Not so long ago
I can still remember how those stories made me smile
And if the J-phobes has their say
That Joxer would go far away
But I knew that wouldn't happen for a while

But the spoilers made me shiver
Every e-mail I delivered
Brought bad news of his death
I couldn't take one more breath

I just remember how I pined
When his contract began to wind
Down, and 'twas far less than kind
The day that Joxer died

{Chorus}
So bye, bye, to our favorite guy
We were cryin' when he's dyin'
And we ask ourselves why
And them powers that be, they're gonna sit back and sigh
Singin' this'll be the day that he dies
This'll be the day that he dies

Did we ask for a season five
Full of horrid stories and a ratings dive
(If the subbers tell 'em so,)
We still believe in GJR
And we're quite content with where we are
(That is, when Joxer's still alive)

Well, we knew those gods were goin' fast
Cause that baby arc was done and passed
Our heroes were human prey
Man, he coulda saved the day!

He was a wanderin' warrior with a love so true
For his Gabrielle, and how it grew
Until he turned a shade of blue
The day that Joxer died

I started singin,'
Bye, bye, to our favorite guy
We were cryin' when he's dyin'
And we ask ourselves why
And them powers that be, they're gonna sit back and sigh
Singin' this'll be the day that he dies
This'll be the day that he dies

Now for four years we've been patient, sure
Knowin' he'd somehow endure
That's not how it was meant to be
When Livia came with her whiny scream
The demon spawn of a warrior queen
And a voice that spelled doom from you and me

Oh, and while our boy was saving Gab
That bitch, she got him with one stab
His tale was at an end
No justice, no revenge
And while Eli flapped his angel wings
Callisto played with her new things
All they said was "Man, that stings,"
The day that Joxer died

They were singing
Bye, bye, to our favorite guy
We were cryin' when he's dyin'
And we ask ourselves why
And them powers that be, they're gonna sit back and sigh
Singin' this'll be the day that he dies
This'll be the day that he dies

Up and down through the February sweeps
Eternal Bonds was made for keeps
Our spirits high, then sinking quick
Those spoilers start to make me sick
St. Chris, she tried for one last hope
With remaining writer sitting smoking dope

Now the GJR was in arrears
When they jumped forward twenty years
How we wanted to dance
But we never got the chance
'Cause the writers tried to pander and
Our Joxer aged, a changed man
No hope for any other plan
The day that Joxer died

We started singing
Bye, bye, to our favorite guy
We were cryin' when he's dyin'
And we ask ourselves why
And them powers that be, they're gonna sit back and sigh
Singin' this'll be the day that he dies
This'll be the day that he dies

So quickly it was over, too sad
And Joxerphiles were hopping mad
With a rotten season at an end
So come on, fanfic once, and letters twice
We're sick and tired of being nice
'Cause no one in this fandom is our friend

Oh and as we watched him slowly pass
Our tempers grew, he's gone too fast
No baby come from hell
Could lessen Joxer's spell
And as Xena sang a funeral dirge
To end his life and spirit purge
We heard the taunts like some dark bell
The day that Joxer died

So go to Meg, and try to choose
Just who will give her such bad news
But she just smiled and dried her tears
Up in Joxer's tavern there
Were relics of friends everywhere
But the owner said he'd haunt the place for years

And outside, all his the scions screamed
Their father gone, but we could dream
Just one thought as he parted
So many left brokenhearted
And the women that he loved so much
Paid respect with a loving touch
A bond so deep required such
The day that Joxer died

And they were singing
Bye, bye, to our favorite guy
We were cryin' when he's dyin'
And we ask ourselves why
And them powers that be, they're gonna sit back and sigh
Singin' this'll be the day that he dies
This'll be the day that he dies