It's late. I have homework. I'm tired. It was the best I could do. Please don't eat me... ;)

Rating: PG-13 for violence, although an R might be more appropriate.
Genres: Fallen Angel prequel, drama.
Spoilers: A Comedy of Eros, Callisto, Warrior...Priestess...Tramp, Ides of March, and Fallen Angel.
Language: A few bad words here and there.
Sex: Sexual activity is implied, but no smut
Violence: Mucho, mucho. People die. Repeatedly. (Yes, the same ones die repeatedly. Go figure. *g*)
Subtext: None.
Summary: In Fallen Angel, what did Joxer mean by 'bad dreams'? Speculative prequel.

A fire deep in the forest. Darkness surrounded him, and darkness filled his heart.

"Can you imagine the two of us in love?" the woman he worshipped told him. "Kinda makes you laugh just to think about it."

Ha ha, he thought. Ha ha.

Then more laughter rose from the forest; wild, hideous laughter like a hyena's howl. Two people stepped from the shadows, a man and a woman. They laughed as they raised their swords.

"Thank you, Joxer," the woman told him sweetly. She leaned forward until her face was brightly lit by firelight, her short-cropped blonde hair framing her face and her dark eyes burning. It was Callisto. "Thanks ever so much for leading us here. We never would have found them without you."

The man stepped forward as well. Joxer didn't recognize him. "Yes, Joxer," the strange man drawled. He didn't seem that he had been stabbed many times, though blood poured from his wounds. "I'd say we were in your debt--" He smiled. "But we're going to kill your friends, so I think that makes us even."

And then soldiers, soldiers everywhere--they seemed to come from the very sky, there were so many. Joxer grabbed for his sword, but somehow he couldn't move, couldn't scream. He watched helplessly as the soldiers seized Xena and Gabrielle. Callisto leaned in to the struggling warrior princess and delicately lifted her chakram.

"Say good-bye, Joxer," Callisto told him. She smirked. "It's too late to tell sweet Gabrielle you love her, anyway."

He screamed soundlessly as Callisto threw the chakram savagely at Xena's back. His screams were drowned out by the strange man's horrible laughter.

Snow fell in silver sheets, enveloping the world and muffling all thought or movement. Somewhere a fire suddenly flickered, all the more startling as it shone through the blank whiteness. It was beautiful.

Behind him he heard Meg stir, pulling the blankets up at the unexpected chill. He turned and saw her blue eyes turned to black by the dimness.

"Joxer," she said in a voice slurred by sleep, "come back to bed."

Another time, another place. A dagger in his hand and a slender girl bound and kneeling in the snow before him, her long blonde tresses covering her face.

"Go on, do it," said Callisto encouragingly. Her breath steamed in the frozen air. "Slit her throat. Join my army."

The girl stared up at him, fear stark on her face. She was Gabrielle. Joxer felt his heart break as he watched her terror.

"No, no," said Callisto impatiently. "You do it like this, Joxer." She seized his hand and moved the knife with it, putting the edge to Gabrielle's throat. "Like this."

Something akin to fear grabbed Joxer's heart. Kill Gabrielle? No. With all his strength, he wrenched the blade away, catching Gabrielle's hair on the blade. In fascination Joxer watched the light-colored strands be cut away, swirling away on the wind.

"No, Joxer," Callisto told him sadly. "I can't let you do that. Give me the knife now."

He couldn't help himself. Numbly he handed her the shining dagger. It twisted in her hands, writhing into the shape of a dull black hammer.

"Like this," she told him, raising the hammer high. "Watch, Joxer. You kill them like this."

"Joxer? Joxer, are you awake?"

Slowly he opened his eyes. The sun was beginning to rise. Slivers of brightness crept through cracks in the shutters on the window. Meg was sitting upright beside him, looking pale and small in the grey almost-light.

"You were talking in your sleep again," Meg said. "I didn't know if you were awake." She gave him a half-smile. "Sorry."

Joxer sat up. "No. No, that's okay." He shook his head to clear it. "I had another dream."

She became very still. "Another one? About Xena?"

"No. This was about Gabrielle. And Callisto--she was there. I had a knife, and she wanted me to kill Gabrielle."

"But you didn't, right?" Meg prompted. "I mean, you could never kill Gab."

"Yeah. I mean, no. I didn't. At least, I don't think I did." Joxer looked at his hands. "I gave her the knife. I gave her the knife, and then it was a hammer, and Callisto, she..."

Meg smiled at him. "Silly. It was just a bad dream, that's all. Now come on, let's go get breakfast."

"A dream," Joxer echoed. "Just a dream."

He could still feel the snowflakes on his skin.

Meg's place was always busy, even in the daytime. The girls and their patrons were constantly hurrying to and fro, giving the area an strangely professional air. Most of the girls gave Joxer a friendly wave as they scurried past his seat at the bar. Joxer was not exactly a customer, but he was nonetheless a well-known person at the brothel.

Joxer lifted his tankard so that Meg, who was wiping the bartop, could clean underneath. She gave his hair an playful swipe with the rag as she scrubbed past him. "Have you met the new girl yet?" she said as she poured water on a stubborn stain. "She only got here a week ago, but she's already very loyal."

"Seven feet tall?" Joxer inquired. "Eyes that could stop Medusa cold? Nasty-looking war axe?"

"That's Ataloa, all right," Meg said. "Nice and imposing-looking. So you have met her?"

"I've met her." He grimaced. "She nearly chopped my head off when I tried to come back in without paying. You owe me thirty dinars, by the way."

She shrugged. "She handles the boys when the drinking gets ugly. I'm thinking of making her full-time security instead of a worker. The girls might enjoy a guard who actually guards instead of following them around and drooling all the time."

"I think Ataloa would be great security." Joxer looked into his mug and took a deep breath. "Meg," he said, trying to sound entirely casual, "have you ever had a--" He searched for the word. "A pr-premonition?"

"A premonition?" Meg glanced up. "What's that?"

"You know. Like, an omen or something. Like you know what's going to happen before it's going to happen."

"Oh. Oh, that." She ceased scrubbing and stared at him. "This is about those dreams you've been having, isn't it."

"Yeah." Joxer looked back at her. "I think there's something going on, Meg. I think there's something wrong with Xena and Gabrielle."

Meg sucked in a breath and blew it out as an impatient sigh. "You're not an oracle, Joxer. It's just some bad dreams." She leaned forward. "So you haven't seen them in a while. That's no reason to get all panicky because your imagination's running away with you."

"How do you know?" Joxer said hotly. "Every night I dream about them! Every night, I see them die. What if they're really in trouble? What if they need my help?"

"For the love of Zeus, Joxer!" Meg burst out. "They're only nightmares!"

Joxer shook his head emphatically. "You wouldn't say that if you'd had felt them. They were so real. I could feel the cold, see this place I'd never been before so clearly." He gulped. "I could hear Gabrielle scream..."

Meg stared at him. "You're scaring me, Joxer," she said quietly. "You're my friend. This isn't like you. Are you going crazy or something?"

"If you're my friend, why won't you believe me when I tell you there's something really wrong?" Joxer snapped.

"Because I--" Meg began, but he cut her off.

"It's because you don't believe in anything," he told her. "You don't believe in dreams, you don't believe in yourself, you barely even believe in the gods." He stood up.

"Joxer, don't go," she said pleadingly. "Look, I'm sorry I said you were going crazy."

He looked at her. "Maybe I am." He turned and walked out the door.

Slowly, she began to scrub the counter again. She did not follow him.

It was late, late at night when he slipped in. Meg opened her eyes the moment he lay down beside her.

"I was wondering where you went," she said softly.

"I was out getting drunk." Joxer spoke to the ceiling, not looking at her.

She rolled over and gave his arm a tap. "You could have stayed in and done that." He still didn't look at her. "Oh, hell, Joxer. I said I was sorry. You're not going crazy, okay?"

Joxer took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "I didn't have enough money to get drunk, anyway. Ataloa has my last thirty dinars." He looked at Meg. "And I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"Good." She ticked his nose with a bit of straw. "Cause I hate it when we fight. It takes too long to get to the kissing-and-making-up part."

But Joxer wasn't finished. "Meg," he asked, "have you ever been in love?"

Meg groaned and buried her head under her pillow. "Gods, Joxer, what a question!"

"I'm serious. Have you ever been in love? I mean, flat-out, drop-dead, no-question-about-it in love?"

"Sure, with those pastries Falafel sells in the market." Joxer glared at her. "All right, all right." Meg considered. "Once," she said slowly. "I was very young, and he was handsome. He married someone else, of course."

"Just him?" Joxer blurted out. "I mean, I thought--you and me--I mean, you--I" He turned an interesting shade of red, visible even in the darkness.

But Meg shook her head. "This isn't love, Joxer. This is fun." She gently stroked his face. "You and I are too different, Joxer. I won't let someone tie me down. And you'd let Gabrielle tie you down in a heartbeat." Suddenly she giggled. "Sorry. That came out wrong."

Joxer was silent for a long time. Then he spoke, his voice almost a whisper. "I'm leaving tomorrow. To go look for them."

"I know," she whispered back. "You're a good friend to them, Joxer. So if you're leaving tomorrow, we'd better get done with the kissing-and-making-up part tonight."

"You're my friend, too, Meg."

She leaned over and kissed him.

It was cold in the room. He was standing in front of something, a slab of stone. Two figures lay on it, shrouded in white. Slowly he lifted the material.

Xena and Gabrielle.

Outside he heard the clink of armor. Joxer looked up. The soldiers were coming. They pounded down the door and ran toward him, moving in slow motion. They were Romans, keeping perfect step as they raised their swords.

It was freezing. Joxer blew on his hands to keep them warm. Gabrielle was very still where she lay, her face pale. He took her hand. It was so cold. He rubbed it and rubbed it, but her hand was so cold.

A cold slim hand stroked his forehead. Joxer jerked fully awake. His heart was in his throat. Gabrielle--?

Meg was sitting up beside him, white and trembling. She reached shakingly for his hand. "I had a dream," she said in a small voice. "I had a dream."

Joxer reached out and enfolded her in a hug. "I know. I had that dream, too."

They stayed that way for a while. Finally she pushed him away and looked up into his face. "You'd better go. Rome is a long way away, and you need to catch a boat."

She watched silently as Joxer packed his meager belongings. He placed his hat firmly on his head.

"You," Meg said. "You're what I believe in, Joxer." She stood up and opened the door. "Wherever they are, you'll find them. That's who you are."

He gazed at her for a long moment before he left. Meg hesitated, then closed the door firmly behind him.

Author's Notes:
Many thanks to the people at Whoosh for their Episode Guide, which saved me long hours of watching eps for research over and over. You're a lifesaver. Cherry-flavored.

"When She Talks" is my entry in the Fourth Round of Jennifer Campbell's/Rebecca Littlehales's Lyrics Challenge. My lyrics were "When She Talks" by Moxy Fruvous, sent to me by Rebecca herself. Thanks bunches, Zebbie-chan! This was difficult to write but fun. And you got somebody to listen to Fru in the bargain, eh? And yes, this story was inspired by "When She Talks", strange as it may seem. And there wasn't too much free-association going on, either!! ;-)

Please take the time to write to Kawcrow at kawy@cox.net and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Meg, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. The lyrics to "When She Talks" are owned by the appropriate copyright holders. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1999 by Kawcrow and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.