"Why Should I Cry For You"

Why Should I Cry For You

Genres: Drama, Angst, Vignette
Spoilers: Livia, Eve, Motherhood
Language: Mild swear words.
Sex: None.
Violence: None.
Subtext: None

Why Should I Cry For You
By Sting
Under the dog star sail
Over the reefs of madness
Under the skies of fall
North, north west the stones of Faroes
Under the Arctic fire
Over the seas of silence
Hauling on frozen ropes
For all my days remaining
But would north be true?
All colors bleed to red
Asleep on the ocean's bed
Drifting in empty seas
For all my days remaining.
But would north be true?
Why should I?
Why should I cry for you?
Dark angels follow me
Over a godless sea
Mountains of endless falling
For all my days remaining
What would be true?
Sometimes I see your face
The stars seem to lose their place
Why must I think of you?
Why must I?
Why should I?

Why should I cry for you?
Why would you want me to?
And what would it mean to say
That, "I loved you in my fashion"?
What would be true?
Why should I?
Why should I cry for you?

My son girds himself for war.

That's a funny word. 'Gird'. Rhymes with 'bird'. It sounds as though it should be some kind of rare squirmy animal. My son squirmy animals himself for war. Ha.

But it means to prepare oneself for action.

My son prepares himself for actionable war. He polishes the sword you gave him, last year on Solstice. He didn't like it. Remember? He thought it was gruesome. He didn't like the thought of spilling someone else's blood.

Now he polishes it like a favorite toy, with a lover's caress. My son speaks of war, and betrayal, and revenge. All he sees is blood. My son tells me to be angry. He says that those who have wronged us will are damned to suffering. He says he will never rest until he rips their beating hearts from their chests...

I never saw how much he loved you.

How much I loved you. Three little words that I hardly ever said because there was so much time to say it in. Oh, my love. It was never supposed to go this far. We were a little fling, that's all. A bit of casual romp-and-play like all the others I know we both had, and then good-bye. You weren't supposed to creep into being my world. I was used to being alone. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you!

Sometimes I see your face. Dark-eyed; dark-haired; arms so strong they could hold me forever. I'll catch a glimpse of you out of the corner of my eye; I'll turn around to ask you a question, and you're not there. I wake up in the darkness and reach out for you, and you're not there. You're not there. You promised to be there!

You were wrong to die. You were wrong. I know you were trying to be the protect the ones you love...I know you were doing what you thought was right--but that wasn't the way. Why should I cry for you? You were so wrong!

My son loved his father. Now he wants to write that love with blood. But blood won't bring you back. Blood can't wash our tears away. But he won't see. All I have in my power is love...and that's not enough this time.

My love, be happy that you did not live to see the day when Olympus fell dark and silent forever. Be glad that you did not live to see Cupid fly out with death in his eyes.

You were my heart, Hephy.

The End

Please take a moment to write to Kawcrow at kawy@cox.net and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT NOTICE:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. The lyrics to "Why Should I Cry For You" are owned by the appropriate copyright holders. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 2000 by Kawcrow and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices