I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)

by Kawcrow

Copyright 1999

Rating: TV-14
Genres: Drama, romance, alt-fiction, angst
Spoilers: Xena: A Comedy of Eros, Forget Me Not, For Him the Bell Tolls, Fins, Femmes, and Gems; Hercules: Stranger in a Strange Land
Language: Joxer and Aphrodite swear at each other, no really nasty words though.
Sex: Eeeewww! None.
Violence: If you count Joxer and Aphrodite yelling at each other...
Subtext: Yes. No raunchy stuff, however.
Notice To Gabrielle/Joxer Shippers: The following opinions expressed in this story are some, but not all, of my own personal opinions. They do not necessarily express the views of most or even any members of the Gabrielle & Joxer Romantics Society. Please keep that in mind as you read. (See Author's Note: Part 2 at end of story- AFTER you read it!- for more details.)
Summary: Following Xena and Gabrielle's wedding, Aphrodite makes Joxer an unusual offer.

The ceremony ended with a chaste kiss and hug. Gabrielle had already shocked her parents once with news of the engagement; and Xena had agreed that there was no need to frighten them further with an all-out slobbery kiss while they sat less than ten feet away. But all assembled could see the fire in that hurried embrace.

Outside, they met their guests hand-in-hand, under the trees in the moonlight. Despite all her usual stiffness of manner, Xena was absolutely radiant, smiling and laughing like a schoolgirl. Gabrielle, who had no such emotional control, was bursting at the seams with happiness.

It took a long time to go through the receiving line. All of the guests were old friends, old lovers; there was so much to say, so much to leave unsaid. Everyone laughed and almost everyone cried- Lillah got so choked up at one point that it took several minutes of Xena's back-pounding until she was all right again. Autolycus proposed a toast, and then the throng began moving in the direction of the dining room.

All except the happy couple. Gabrielle had been scanning the crowd with increasing anxiety for the past few minutes, and even Xena was beginning to look concerned.

Finally Gabrielle said, "Where's Joxer? Didn't he come?"

Xena nodded, but her tone of voice was worried. "I know I saw him a minute ago."

But Joxer the Mighty was nowhere to be found.

He held a worn scrap of parchment in his hands, reading it over and over again. "Joxer the Mighty, you are cordially invited to the wedding..." He didn't read the next line.

Hadn't I known it would happen? he silently asked the clearing around him. Hadn't he seen the looks, the smiles, the touches over the years? But like a fool he believed--like an idiot he thought... Gabrielle and Joxer, the two of us in love...

"Kinda makes you laugh just to think about it, huh?"

What the hell...? Joxer spun around on the rock he was sitting on- falling off in the process. Ooo, THAT'S going to hurt in the morning... Someone helped him up, dusted him off, settled him again on the rock. He looked straight up into the golden face of Aphrodite.

"You never were the most coordinated guy, studmuffin," she drawled.

Joxer jerked back from her as though she were a rotting corpse. "What do you want?" he asked hoarsely. "Haven't had enough fun at my expense for one lifetime, you have to come rip my heart out in person?"

"Yeowch!" Aphrodite looked shocked. "That hurt! And after all I've done for you, too!"

"What exactly have you done for me, Aphrodite?" Joxer snapped. He held up one hand, ticking off fingers as he continued. "Turned me into a great warrior and lover so me and all the rest of the world can find out exactly how I'll never be and laugh about it. Turned me into a apeman so once again, big joke on Joxer. Made the woman I love fall in love with me, only to take it back and leave me still in love with her-"

"Hey! That was Bliss, not me!" Aphrodite protested. "Besides, you were already in love with her before the spell, and you know it!"

Joxer was silent, but his eyes were full of accusations.

"And those others, well..." she added uncomfortably. "Well, they didn't mean anything, you know. It was never personal."

"Damn you, Aphrodite," he snarled, "and damn your love that isn't 'personal'!"

"You sorry little- mortal!" Aphrodite screeched. "I came here to offer you the chance of a lifetime, and you're blaming me for your screwed-up insignificant problems! I ought to blow your ungrateful tiny head off your stupid-looking shoulders!"

Joxer paused. "You're right," he said in a level voice. "It's all my fault I'm an idiotic loser who will never find love again, and nobody else's. I'd appreciate it if you zapped me with one of those godly killing things." He bent his head forward slightly. "There, now you can get a better aim. Be as slow about it as you want."

Her mouth dropped. "Are you insane?!"

"No. Just... tired." Joxer looked at his hands. "I'm tired of feeling so bad all the time. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of putting on a happy face whenever Gabrielle tells me how much she adores Xena."

Aphrodite sank next to him onto the rock. "You hate the fact that they love each other so much?" she said.

His head snapped up. "No! I mean, yes. I mean... I'm happy for them both. They're my best friends, and I'm glad that they're happy. But-"

"-you wish it was your wedding day, to Gabrielle," Aphrodite said. She sat silently for a moment. Then she said, in a low voice, "What you said before- some of it was true."

"What?"

Aphrodite spoke slowly, as if the words tasted bad in her mouth. "There were things that Xena and Gabrielle had to do, in this life. Some of the things were connected, so I thought it would be easier if they were just together all the time, you know? And there were things that you had to do, too. And I thought I could lump you all together, but..." She looked at him with pleading eyes. "I didn't realize you were going to fall in love with her. And when I looked down from Olympus, it was too late."

Joxer said through clenched teeth, "Are you telling me that I love Gabrielle because you weren't paying attention?! That my loving Gabrielle is a mistake?"

"NO! No. It isn't a mistake for you to love Gabrielle." Aphrodite reached out and took his hand. "There's something my son Cupid says. He says that it's never a mistake to love someone, no matter how painful it is." She shook her head. "I thought that it was all just crud, but maybe... maybe he's right."

Joxer sighed. "Even if it wasn't a mistake, it doesn't change the fact that I love her. I'll love her til I die, and she'll never love me back. And there's nothing I can do about it."

"That's kind of why I'm here." She cleared her throat. "'Cause there may be something I can do about it."

Joxer looked at her in shock. "What do you mean? Even you can't change the past."

"But I can go around it." Aphrodite shrugged. "I called in a few favors on Mount Olympus. Did Xena ever tell you about Hercules' adventures in another other world? Where there are people who look like us? Are us, actually, only- different."

He nodded dumbly.

"Zeus has discovered that there are other worlds out there besides just one. With my help and the other gods', you can go to one of those other worlds. One where Gabrielle loves you!" She leaned forward eagerly. "Do you understand, Joxer? The world will be the same, but Gabrielle will love you! It's perfect!"

"But why?" Joxer asked in a dazed voice. "Why would you do this for me?"

Aphrodite smiled. "Because I like ya, studmuffin!" Then at his disbelieving stare, she coughed uncomfortably. "All right, all right. Because of me, your heart's been torn into little shreds at one time or another, so- I owe you. Big. And gods like to pay their debts quick. We'd rather volunteer something to do for you, than let you have time to think about it and maybe ask us to do something we really don't want to do. This way, you'll be safe and happy and outta my hair- and you never get to ask me for anything, ever again!"

While she was talking, Joxer was thinking. A new world, where Gabrielle loves me.

But she's not the real Gabrielle, a nagging little voice inside him said.

Does it matter? She'll love me!

But will you love her? it said persistently.

Of course I'll love her! It's GABRIELLE!

No, said the voice. It's someone who looks like Gabrielle. You love her for the person she is, and the person she is, is not in love with you. If she's in love with you, will she be the same person?

And that was that.

"Aphrodite?" he asked. "In this world, Gabrielle does not fall in love with me, right?"

She shook her head. "Not in this lifetime, anyway."

"Aphrodite," Joxer said slowly. "This may be the stupidest thing I ever do. But I can't take your offer. I can't go to this other world."

Aphrodite's jaw sagged open. "You're kidding. You have got to be kidding me. Why the hell not?!"

"Because... I love Gabrielle for who she is. And in this life, loving Xena is part of who she is." Joxer shook his head roughly. "She doesn't love me, and I guess I finally accept that. If I go against Gabrielle's heart so that she loves me, then it isn't real. It isn't Gabrielle."

Aphrodite was crying. "You're an idiot, you idiot," she sobbed. "And you're making me cry. I hate it when I cry. It makes me look like a wet rug." She sniffled. "And my nose runs. Gods' noses aren't supposed to run!"

Joxer looked down at the piece of parchment still clutched in his hand- his wedding invitation. He handed it to her. "Here. Use this."

"Thanks." She blew her nose with a loud honk, then looked at him. "So if you're not taking my deal, then what are you going to do?"

Joxer looked at the darkening sky. "First, I'm going to get some sleep. Then in the morning I'll go by Xena and Gabrielle's house and apologize for skipping out on their reception."

Aphrodite gave him an odd look. Then suddenly she hugged him. "You may be an idiot, but you're a great guy, Joxer."

"Aw, shucks." Then Joxer looked at Aphrodite, a sly twinkle in his eye. "Not in this life?"

"No." Then realization dawned. "But-"

"Let's just leave it at that, shall we?" They stood up. Joxer offered her his hand. "See you next lifetime, huh?"

Aphrodite hesitated, then took his hand and shook it. "You betcha, studmuffin," she said with a grin. "Next time around, she's all yours."

She faded out. Joxer stood and looked at the stars a while longer, then went to his bedroll and settled in for the night. He knew in his heart he had made the right decision.

But it was a long time before he slept.

Joxer knocked on the door, hoping against hope that no one would answer, and he could continue on his way. Neither of them were early risers, after all. But, naturally, Gabrielle opened the door immediately, with a surprised expression of "Joxer! Come in!"

"Hi, Gabrielle." Though outwardly calm, Joxer felt like jelly inside. Gods, he still loved her! But that was over. It was the past.

She shut the door behind him. "When we couldn't find you at the reception yesterday, we thought you'd... left." She looked at him in concern. "Is everything all right? Do you need to talk?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm fine. I just needed to....think for a while, that's all."

"Joxer..." Gabrielle stared at the floor and took a deep breath. "I know that- that you had... feelings for me, years ago. If I had known... I never meant to hurt you, Joxer," she said pleadingly. "I love you. I would never hurt you. Please understand that."

Gently he brushed a tendril of hair back from her face. "That's in the past now, Gabrielle," he said softly. "It's okay. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. Are you happy?"

She looked at him, eyes shining with tears. "Oh, Joxer. I've never been happier."

"Then I'm happy for you. Both of you." He gave her his most lopsided grin. "Can we still be friends?"

Suddenly she threw both arms around his neck and hugged him, hard. "We'll always be friends, Joxer," she said fiercely. "Best friends, always. Don't you ever forget that, okay?"

"I won't, Gabrielle." For a fleeting moment, Joxer allowed himself to think on what might have been... Then he took those thoughts and put them firmly in the back of his mind. He loved Gabrielle, and he probably always would, but she was happy. And if Gabrielle was happy, Joxer was happy.

It was going to be a beautiful day.

The End

Author's Note (Part 2): This is the shortest time period in which I have ever written ANYTHING, and I'm beginning to honestly believe that I was possessed while writing it. Looking back over this story, a lot of the opinions expressed here are at odds at what I really believe. I am a Gabrielle/Joxer Shipper- which means I believe that Gabby and Joxer are meant to be together, that their love is not a mistake, and that loving Joxer will not make Gabrielle a completely different person- and if you read the story, that's not what the story says. I started out to write it to see if I could. And I did. With (to me, at least) slightly frightening results.

Please take a moment to write to Kawcrow at kawy@cox.net and let her know how you like this story!

COPYRIGHT NOTICE:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Aphrodite, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1999 by Kawcrow and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.