Back in late 1996, when I first saw Xena on telly, I found assorted FanFic on the Web. So I thought I'd give it a whirl. And this was it. Almost gave it to Hudson at the London XenaCon this July, but my courage failed me :0(

When villagers fled from a storm into a cavern
A minstrel entertained them as though in a tavern
He produced a certificate with aplomb and gusto
And related of the unofficial Loveslave of Callisto

One night he had a vision of Callisto the Fair
Her sword sliced a head which span through the air

After becoming a Goddess, she thought what to do next
Of her nemesis Xena, who had her perplexed
Two suitors came calling declaring their affection
Both thinking the other was a dubious selection
Said she, "Here's a challenge, the reward will be tasty
But fail and you'll be headless, looking very pasty"

Said one, "I'll use my strength, no doubt I'll win,
I'll ambush her with some warriors at a nearby inn."
The second thought and said, "I'd better beware,
I'll be crafty and entice her to CallieÕs lair."

So the first man and his horde waited at a pub
For Xena and her mate to have a soapy scrub
He thought to catch them unawares in a bath
But met instead with the full force of her wrath
All but the suitor had met their match
Wounds caused were minor, barely even a scratch
Alone, he fought on 'til all were tired out
Then an amazon staff blow knocked him completely out

He awoke next morning, a note found in his hand
Telling Xena of his dastardly plan
Escaping from his bonds he ran back to Callie's lair
To try again he vowed and plan this time with care
When suddenly there was a situation he did not like
Callisto wielded her sword, leaving his head on a spike

So the other suitor laid low in a faraway village
And waited to hear rumours of a blood spillage
A minstrel he'd become, to sing songs and tell tales
To double-cross your rival is a ploy that never fails
A well-feted musician and story-teller of the land
Is a better way to get information than from second-hand

Rumours were confirmed of the quarry coming his way
Callisto got a secret message to arrive without delay
And so the trap was carefully set and then sprung
But all ambushers were slain and the minstrel hung
So is this the end of the hero, deep in trouble?
No, he was smart and hired himself a double

The real trap is now fallen into, so simple was it
After despatching an ambush, they plunged into a deep pit
A pre-agreed signal, on a Horn the Minstrel blew
Callisto the Goddess appeared quicker than if she'd flew
Freezing her adversaries to decide their fate
The Minstrel and Callie agreed on him for her mate
So according to her will, she would call him hither
And he'd appear before her, and never dither.
Chasing him back with a signed fireball to whence he came
A moving target, so she'd never tire of this game.
As the minstrel finished, the Certificate flickers
He vanished, saying "Time to get in her knickers!"

Please take the time to write to Jerry at studmuffin_jer@yahoo.com, and let him know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Callisto, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1996 by Jerry Hendy and is his sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.