Joxer was strolling casually through a coastal village on his own, as he'd become separated from Xena and Gabrielle, after going home for a family visit. The atmosphere had been as strained as usual, the disappointment patently obvious in their expressions, despite who he was travelling with these days. Still, he'd known worse times, most notably when he'd left home; a frank, heated and animated discussion bordering on direct didn't even come close to the words that had been exchanged on that fateful day. At least this time, they'd been civil, even if the meeting lacked warmth.

As he'd left, his father had caught him up and pressed a bag of coins in his hand. "At least if you're going to be a warrior, you might as well look like one - if you have to wear armour, get some real armour, and buy yourself a decent horse - Try the horsefair on the coastal villages next week. And while you're there, see a swordsmith and get that sorry excuse for a weapon at least sharp enough to cut something - I couldn't even cut an apple with that!"

He took the bag of monies and put it in his knapsack, not showing the hurt he felt from his father's harsh words, well-intentioned though they may have been.

He arrived at the annual horsefair on the coast his father spoke of the next day and fortunately the fair was due to start the day following so he was able to find himself a reasonable looking tavern to stay. Once up in his room, he emptied the bag of coins his father had given him onto his bed, and counted up the amount. Nearly 300 Dinars! He'd never even seen that much money in his life, never mind had that much to spend. He sucked his breath in disbelief, unable to fathom so much money within his grasp.

A noise outside the tavern grabbed his attention, the horse traders and their caravans were beginning to arrive in their numbers, and the carpenters were hard at it, building temporary and makeshift stables for all the horses that were due. He took his armour off as it was a scorching hot day, and went to find a swordsmith while the village was relatively quiet. He passed most of the unloading caravans without a second glance, when a particularly fine stallion caught his eye, being led gracefully down the steps of the caravan. He stood out like a beacon, oozing elegance and class, then the caravan master saw Joxer staring at the stallion in awe.

"Fine creature, isn't he?" Joxer remarked.

"Yes he is, but way out of your league," the man retorted snootily, having looked Joxer up and down, not seeing any sign of quality and dismissing him as a mere servant. "Try the caravans with the draughthorses and the ponies over by the harbour, when they crawl in," he said disdainfully.

Joxer bridled at the criticism, but the caravan master's gaze had already passed him by, looking for richer clients. His mind elsewhere, Joxer's thoughts wandered to Xena and Gabrielle and hoped they were both alright without him.

Guess an offering to the Gods couldn't hurt, he thought, and looked around the villages for any Temples. He found one of Aphrodite's and went in, lighting a candle for his two friends. The Temple had a vacant feeling; no worshippers, not even any priests in attendance, which struck him as odd, just him and Aphrodite(!)

He did a double-take, seeing the Goddess sitting by her altar.

"What's up studmuffin?" she asked him casually.

"Hi Aphrodite, just lighting a candle for Xena and Gabrielle," he said, having recovered from his shock from seeing her.

"You mean my two greatest worshippers?" she said, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

"I know they don't do any offerings or prayers to you, but they don't knock your Temples down either," he protested. "I'm not asking for much, just to keep an eye out for them."

She seemed to consider this for a moment or two, then offered an alternative. "Okey-dokey; I'll watch out for blondie and Xena, if you do a little something for me."

"Me?" Joxer said in surprise, wondering what the Love Goddess had in mind for him. "What could I do for you?"

"Well, you could start by closing the Temple doors," she said with a smile.

He jumped up and pulled them to with a thud, the only light in the Temple now were the lit candles and the sunlight from the windows. He made his way to her side again, his mind racing with possibilities of what task or quest he could be asked to do.

"You remember when Bro' Ares was mortal for a week?" she asked him thoughtfully.

"You mean when he lost his sword and his Godhood?" Joxer answered her

"Totally bogus," she agreed. "All you mortals were just so uncool about it."

"Until Xena helped him out," Joxer reminded her.

"Yeah, what-ever," she said dismissively. "Ares was just giving some bad vibes about hard it was being a mere mortal, so I said "Puh-leeze! Like how hard could it be?"

Joxer just stood and stared at her, mouth agape. "Don't tell me you're a mortal. Please don't tell me you're a mortal for a whole week."

"Duh! Of course not!" Aphrodite replied and Joxer sighed with relief. "I'm a mortal for two weeks!"

"Well, I couldn't let him think that I, Aphrodite, the most bitchin' Goddess ever, wouldn't be able to cut it as an ordinary mortal," she added a trifle apologetically.

"Uh-huh," Joxer said, after a brief silence. "Anything Ares can do, you have to do more?"

"You betcha!" she said with a beam. "Cupie's taken over until this mortal lark's sorted. So can you help me out Jox?" she pleaded hopefully, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

"Why me, Aphrodite?" he asked her suddenly. "Why does it have to be me? After all the trouble you've given me, why do I get to help you and no-one else?"

"You are my best and favourite worshipper," she said, thinking of the many occasions he'd been inside her Temples.

"And has that ever done any good at all?" he said bitterly.

"Come on Jox, we've had loads of good times together," she argued.

"Good times together?" he echoed, "Name one."

"How about that time I turned you into Attis the Apeman? We just laughed and laughed over that," she said, remembering.

"No, you laughed, I was too ashamed to be with Gabby and Xena for weeks," he said, his face darkening at the mentioning of the affair.

"Well, what about I turned you into the ultimate hero? No man could stand against you, every woman wanted you, you were witty, charming, everything you ever wanted to be," the temporary ex-Goddess countered.

"Great, a spell that could be turned off and on, just at the ring of any bell. And every woman wanted me, bar one," he ended, giving her a very hard stare.

"Alright, maybe everything hasn't been as good as it could have been between us," Aphrodite admitted, " but if you help me out this time, I'll stay clear of you unless you ask for me. Please Jox?"

Joxer sighed openly. He was a sucker for damsels in distress, and they didn't come any bigger than Aphrodite.

"I'll help you," he said reluctantly. He thought for a while, then his face lit up as an idea occured to him. He looked at her carefully, sizing her up, then left the room. The sounds of doors and cupboards could be heard opening and shutting elsewhere in the Temple, and he returned a considerable time later, heavy laden with some dresses and some shoes. He laid the dresses over a railing and the shoes on the floor.

"Those? I haven't worn those in ages, they're like just so passe," Aphrodite said, recognising some old dresses she'd discarded and left in a wardrobe. "Lurve the shoes, they're just so me," she said approvingly of the delicately crafted pink shoes.

"You're wearing the dresses," Joxer said firmly.

"Am not!" she said petulantly.

"Look Aphrodite," he addressed her sternly, "as a Goddess you're totally bodacious, and can wear what you like, but as a mortal you have to wear clothes that are slightly more subtle."

"Mortality's a major bummer," she pouted. "So what's the plan, Sweetcheeks?"

"You're about to join the Aristocracy," he said with a smile, "you've got the style, the grace, the looks and the manner; All you need now is the clothes and the dinars to go with it. I can get you some proper clothes later, but these," he said, indicating the dresses he'd found, "will do for now."

"Aristocracy, huh?" she said, preening herself. "Totally!"

...More coming soon!

Please take the time to write to Jerry at studmuffin_jer@yahoo.com, and let him know how you like the story so far!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Aphrodite, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1999 by Jerry Hendy and is his sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.