"Whoa, hold everything!" 'Dite said in a shocked voice. "You want the hind's blood dagger?"

"Not to kill him," Xena said hastily, "just to persuade him to let Gabrielle live."

"Hello? Why would Herc release the Hind's blood dagger, just to save your friend?" said the Goddess impatiently. "I like Herc and everything, but he's such a goody-goody. It's a big downer for you, but he's not going to drop everything - "

"Wrong," said the son of Zeus from behind them, standing with Hermes beside him. "Hello Xena, Sis."

"Hercules," Xena said with relief. "How did you get here so quickly?"

"Hermes came to me with a message from Artemis and he transported me here, once I retrieved the dagger," Hercules explained. "Look after it, Xena," he said as he handed the dagger over to her.

"Hi Bro', Hermes," Aphrodite greeted him. "Why Artemis?"

"Because she's an Amazon," Xena said flatly.

"What-ever," the Goddess said and vanished.

"Right, let's go," said the demi-God, but Hermes put out a hand to stop him. "Sorry Herc, but you gotta go back to Sarum. There's a cyclops there, remember?"

"But - " Hercules protested.

"No buts," said Hermes determinedly.

"Good to see you again, Xena. Be careful," Hercules said, clasping her hands within his before Hermes and he both vanished

Xena came out of the Temple to find Jace and Jett being none too gentle with Callisto, dreaming up nasty forms of torture for her, Joxer was standing away from them.

"Joxer, I have to talk with you," Xena called to him and he wandered over to her side. "Callisto doesn't know the cure for the crossbow bolt she fired at Gabrielle - Ares told me when I went to see him in his Temple."

"She doesn't?" Joxer said in surprise. "But I suppose that's just like her, to poison Gabby and pretend she knows the cure, then throw the truth back at us."

"There's more," she told him conspiratorially. "I think she can get in touch with Ares; something she hinted at when you captured her. Also, Hercules has brought me the Hind's blood dagger to deal with Ares," and she showed it to him.

His eyes opened wide in shock at the sight of the dagger again, then a gleam appeared in his eyes that Xena didn't see. "Hmm, now that is interesting - time we had a talk with Callisto."

"Jace, Jett," Joxer addressed his brothers sternly, "there'll be no talk of torture to Callisto while I'm around."

Jace and Jett gave him a look of disgust, Xena looked baffled, whilst Callisto gave a whoop of delight. "Ha! I always knew you were a jellyfish!" she cried out.

"Well, not quite..." Joxer said. "Well Callisto, it just hasn't been your day, has it?" he said sadly. "First you lose in a fight with me, then you lose your warriors, then you lose to me again, then you lose your life."

"So, do you kill all your prisoners or just me?" Callisto demanded to know.

"Oh no, You're special," said Joxer, "say goodbye Callisto."

"Huh?"

"No, Goodbye," Joxer corrected her, and he opened his waistcoat jacket to reveal a familiar-looking crossbow bolt within an inside pocket. He heard Callisto drew her breath in as she recognised the design and bloodstains on the tip. "Recognise it Callisto? You should, you're the one who fired it at Gabby. And now you're going to die the same way," and he thrust it home into her left leg above her ankle, her ear-piercing scream shattering the peace and tranquility of the valley villages.

"I know Xena has something similar with her 'pinch', but this is more poetic, don't you think?" Joxer continued, as he saw Callisto straining at her leg ropes.

"Just think, in an hour or two, your skin will be as black as your leather armour," Jace chortled.

The first blackness appeared on her leg where the bolt had penetrated and was gradually creeping downwards to cover her foot, then her foot and leg began to convulse. She began to panic, her good leg and crippled arms desperately trying to break free, but Jett held her arms securely and the ropes still held her legs together.

"You can't leave me like this, Xena, Joxer..?" she called out hopefully.

"Just think, you've got about two hours left, and there's no-one to help you, just like there was no-one who could save Gabby," Joxer said malevolently.

"Oh no? Ares!" Callisto yelled with all the strength she had left, and the God of War appeared before her, looking well pissed.

"I knew I should have got Discord to do this," he said despairingly. "All I asked you to do was kill the blonde and the idiot, but Nooo, you had to make Xena suffer, and now look at you, killed by your own crossbow bolt. Serves you right," and he turned to leave. "Oh, before I forget.." and he fired a bolt of lightning at Joxer.

Instead of killing him however, Joxer remained totally unharmed, leaving Ares looking utterly dumbfounded. Xena, Joxer and Jace raced to attack him, but he drew out his sword and met them each as they attacked, Joxer's Sai, Xena's sword and Jace's rapier. The weapons all clashed and Ares fell back under the onslaught, Xena darting round the back of him and the two brothers either side of him.

"So, fighting unfair are we Xena?" said Ares with a quick look over his shoulder, "time to even the odds a little." He muttered something under his breath, then aimed a lightning bolt at Callisto, throwing Jett back and freeing Callisto's legs from the rope and eliminating the wounds from the crossbow bolt and Joxer's Sai. She picked up a dagger from inside her boot, and lashed out at Jett, who winded though he was, still managed to evade her attack, and whipped out his assassin's long knives.

"Jett, no! She's mine!" Joxer yelled out to his brother, and he turned about to take Callisto on. His attention drawn for a moment by Joxer calling to him, Jett missed Callisto leaping over him and stabbing the dagger deep into his back.

"One down, three to go!" Callisto shrieked with laughter at the body of Jett keeled over on the dirt.

"Callisto!" Joxer screamed and he ran at her with his legs pumping an incredible speed, Callisto counter-charging, then leaping upward to take him from behind as she had his brother, the dust obscuring the view from the still fighting trio, and she landed behind him, but there was something wrong.

Instead of attacking Joxer as she had Jett, the dagger fell from her hand and she dropped to her knees, an expression of shock and horror on her face, and she rolled onto her back, revealing both of Joxer's Sai jutting out of her chest.

"Guess that stuff you taught me works after all Xena," he said sardonically as he ran to see to his brother lying on the ground, turning his back on the astonished faces of Jace, Xena and Ares.

Jett wasn't looking too good, he was coughing violently and blood was seeping out from where Callisto had stabbed him. Joxer raised his head from the ground, supporting it with his arms and the weapons rejoined in battle behind him.

"Great, 12 years of assassination and I don't get a scratch, five minutes with you and I'm dying," Jett said bitterly.

"Jett, don't worry, we'll get you to a healer and -" Joxer said.

"No point, brother. After all the years in my business, I know a mortal wound from a fixable one," said Jett and he gritted his teeth as the pain increased from the hole in his back. "At least you got her, must be your warrior streak coming through at last," he joked, his laughing turned into another coughing fit, blood coming out of his mouth.

After a deep breath, he spoke again. "Well, don't just sit there - go get Ares and save the bard; That's what we're here for isn't it? I don't want to die for nothing."

Joxer took his waistcoat and rolled it into a ball for Jett to rest on, then laid him on his side. The battle behind him was still going on at a furious rate, neither giving way and each matching blow for blow. Joxer retrieved the Sai from Callisto's corpse and threw both at Ares without a moment's hesitation, aiming at his swordarm, and though both Sai flew straight through his sleeve, his arm was forced back, leaving himself wide open to rapier and sword, which pressed into his stomach.

"Xena, you and your friend appear to have me at a disadvantage," Ares said calmly. "So what now?"

"Take the effect of the crossbow bolt off Gabrielle," said Joxer, joining the others and picking his Sai up from where they'd landed.

"Of course," the God replied, looking shocked at the idea of doing anything else, and stepped back to give himself some room, and vanished. Xena threw her chakram at where he'd disappeared to, but Joxer put out a restraining arm to stop her.

"Wait," he said. Ares re-appeared as quickly as he'd gone, looking baffled at still being there. "Back so soon Ares?" Joxer mocked him, "I thought you had somewhere to go?"

"How did you do that?" the furious War God demanded.

"Sorry Bro', can't let you blow just yet, not 'til you nix that bolt thing on the irritating blonde," Aphrodite said as she materialised behind her brother.

"You! I should have guessed!" Ares snarled at the Goddess. "Always interfering, never minding your own business-"

"Yada, yada, yada.." said 'Dite, stifling a yawn. "Like you always leave Xena alone? Just let the girl go and you're out of here."

"No chance," Ares said defiantly, arms folded, waiting for a response.

"So how about if we kill you instead?" Xena asked casually.

"And how were you planning on doing that?" Ares said, not fazed by the sword that was pressing against his throat.

"I could always use this," said Xena confidently, pulling the Hind's blood dagger out from where she'd sheathed it, with her other hand.

"You could," Ares admitted, "but that wouldn't get you very far either. You kill me and I can't take the effect off because I'm dead, or you don't kill me and I don't take it off anyway."

"Good point," Joxer said, "but if you die, who becomes God of War?"

"The one who kills him and takes his sword," Xena said.

"Go on Xena, you know you want to," Ares taunted her, "think about all the times I've hurt you and your friends, push it home and become the new Goddess of War."

Xena looked sorely tempted to kill him, but the horror of becoming the Goddess of War halted her. She looked thoroughly downcast until Joxer whispered something in her ear, when her expression changed to that of mischief.

"So what would happen if someone other than me were to kill you, like Joxer for instance?" she asked with a grin.

"Him? He wouldn't dare?" Ares scoffed.

"Try telling that to Callisto," Joxer said savagely, "my best friend and my brother are both dying, what have I got to lose?"

"Well, he'd be the new God of war and-" Ares stopped midflow, realising what was on Xena's mind. "You wouldn't - couldn't - not the idiot, anyone but him - War would be outlawed in every country within 3 months - you can't do this to me Xena!" he roared, his head in his hands.

"Now you know that's not the way to talk to your successor," Joxer gloated, as Xena passed him the dagger. "What does happen to Gods who are destroyed, Xena?"

"I think they just become floating dust, don't they?" Xena said with an evil grin.

"And of course," Joxer continued, "as God of War, I'd need an assistant to help me out from time - what do you think, Jace?"

"Me?" said Jace, "But those Temples would definitely need a new look, none of those dreary dark colours, and the weapons would have to go too. Some curtains would be good, a few murals maybe?"

"Sounds good to me," Joxer agreed, "and of course, I'd have to take it easy for the first year or so, just allow a few family squabbles and village rivalries. I'd like to say how much I'm going to miss you Ares, but as we all know, that'd be a complete and utter lie."

"Don't talk to me about Ares," Xena sighed sadly, "he's stopping Gabrielle getting well." She sighed again heavily. "If only he'd been more flexible..."

Ares saw the point immeadiately and brightened up considerably. "Well, I'm not totally committed to that."

"Really?" Xena in pretended surprise.

"Absolutely not. Oh no. Flexible's my middle name, I'm sure I could find a way," said the War God.

"Could you?" Joxer said in wide-eyed amazement, picking up Xena's cue.

"The only problem would be that it would need me to cancel all effects of the crossbow bolt, whereas the idiot - Sorry, Joxer would need time to get used to all his powers," said Ares, rapidly adjusting to the new situation.

"Well," said Joxer, "being God of War isn't nearly as important to me as having Gabby well again."

Ares muttered something under his breath and fired a thunderbolt in the direction of the village. "Alright, she's back to rude health - Can I go now?" he said to Aphrodite.

"I'm sure you won't mind me checking," Xena said, leaping onto Callisto's horse, "I'd hate to find you weren't telling the truth."

"While we're waiting for Xena to come back," Joxer said conversationally, his hand holding the dagger not wavering for a second, a foot away from Ares, "can you help Jett out at all? He has killed hundreds of men and women in your name and he'll be doing it for years to come yet, if he lives."

"Only if you give me the Hind's blood dagger," Ares said firmly.

"Hang on Sweetcheeks, don't do anything yet," Aphrodite asked Joxer and she vanished. She came back a moment later, and nodded to him. "It's okay kid, she's back on her feet again, you can give him the dagger now."

"Well, you know my price," Joxer, said looking at his prone brother, still breathing, but only just.

"And you know mine. Everyone has their price, don't they?" said Ares, looking greedily at the dagger.

"You first, Bro'," the love Goddess insisted.

"Fine," Ares said, and fired both hands at Jett, one firing a lightning bolt, the other a thunderbolt, combining in a force to pick up the assassin and throw him at a treetrunk as if he were a mere scarecrow. Jett picked himself up dazily as if he'd never been injured at all, though the knife hole in his jacket and the dried wound were still there.

"It's all in the hands," Ares shrugged. "Now you," he said.

"You're sure?" Joxer asked Aphrodite.

"Certain," she answered him, "a bargain's a bargain. Give Ares what he deserves."

He passed the dagger over to the God of War, who whooped with joy and promptly vanished. At that moment, Xena and Gabrielle came back, riding on Argo and Callisto's horse, both quickly dismounting.

"Where's Ares?" Xena asked, looking around for him.

"Gone with the dagger, in return for giving Jett back his life," Joxer said evenly.

"You gave Ares the Hind's blood dagger," Xena said in tones of disbelief, looking as though she was about to explode into a real temper.

"Actually, he hasn't," Aphrodite interrupted. "He's given Ares a dagger, but not the dagger. I said to give Ares what he deserves, and that's what he's got."

"But I sensed it was the real Hind's blood dagger," Xena protested.

"No, that was just a little spell I put on it to make it seem like the real one," the Goddess explained. "And that was what convinced Bro' that it was the real dagger, that you and Studmuffin believed it was. And once you've seen one dagger, you've seen them all."

"And the bloodstains?" Gabrielle asked.

"Are just a few grains and powders that little cutie down at father's Temple in the village made up for me,"said 'Dite. "Good to see you back, blondie. Try and be nice to my boy, won't you? Gotta blow, surf's up!" And she vanished in a cloud of light and rose petals.

Gabrielle and Joxer stared at one another for what seemed like an eternity, then rushed into each other's arms, him sweeping her off the ground in his joy to see her again.

"Oh Gabby, you can't know how glad I am to see you again," he said happily, still holding her tight as though he was keeping her safe as long as she was within his arms.

"Actually, I think she does," Xena said with a laugh. "I got there just as she was waking up from her deep sleep, and the first thing she said was, "Where's Joxer?"

Gabrielle made a face at Xena, who laughed again. "I heard you killed Callisto," the bard said to him quietly. "Do you want to talk about it yet?"

"Not yet, Gabby," he responded. "I'll talk to you when I'm ready."

"Do you want to travel with us for a while?" she asked him. "I've missed having you around, you know. We're friends for all that we've been through together."

"If Xena doesn't mind," he said cautiously.

"Why should she mind? You don't mind Joxer travelling with us, do you Xena?" she called to Xena.

"Mind? The man who single-handedly slew Callisto and defeated Ares?" Xena said with a twinkle in her eyes. "No bandits would dare attack us while we're with you, Joxer."

"Well, when you put it that way..." Joxer said with a wide grin. "What are you going to call your horse?" he asked Gabrielle.

"My horse?" Gabrielle asked.

"You can ride, I can't, so you may as well have the horse. Besides, it'll give Argo a bit of company!" he said cheerily.

"I'll call her Thuella," Gabrielle announced, "she is black like a stormcloud, after all."

"What about you and Jace? What are your plans?" he asked Jett.

"I'm going back home to see mother and father; after that, I don't know," he answered his brother. "I'll say hello from you and Jace. Thanks for saving me Joxer, you're coming good at last," he shook him hard by the hand and he left them on the road to Corinth.

"I'm going back to my ballet school," said Jace. "The Gods alone know what they've been doing without me there to keep an eye on them, they'll be very slack, but I'll soon whip them back into shape!" He hugged Joxer and bid him farewell, following his brother down the road.

"So that's your family," Gabrielle observed. "Considering, you turned out well."

She put her arm around his side, he nearly jumped in surprise at the sign of affection from her. "Joxer, I want to talk to you about what you said to me before," she said to him.

"Oh," he said despondently.

"We're best friends and that counts for a lot, but for now, I can't offer anything more," Gabrielle said.

"For now?" Joxer queried hopefully.

"Maybe in time...." she left the sentence unfinished and they walked back together to Xena and the horses. Xena and Gabrielle mounted up, and they trotted on towards the village, Joxer walking alongside them.

"Joxer, how did you know that Ares wouldn't be able to leave the area of Aphrodite's Temple?" Xena asked him.

"It was something Aphrodite had set up when she got Jace and Jett to join me," Joxer answered her. "If I was able to get Ares to come to the Temple, she'd trap him there until he gave up on Gabrielle. That was why I shoved the crossbow bolt in Callisto's leg, to force her to call Ares, after you said she might be able to call on him."

"Thought it was something like that," Xena nodded. "So how come you weren't harmed by that energy bolt Ares threw at you?"

"As long as I was within the confines of her Temple, I was under her protection," Joxer explained.

"So how long will it be before Ares finds out he hasn't got the Hind?s blood dagger?" Gabrielle asked.

"I think as soon as he tries to use it on Hercules or any other God he's got a gripe against," Xena chuckled. "I wouldn't like to be Ares when that happens!"

"So let me see if I understand this," Gabrielle said. "Ares had me and Jett at death's door, and restored us both back to life for a dagger that he thought was the Hind's blood dagger?"

"Umm... Yeah!" Joxer said with a laugh. "So where are we going now?"

"Well," said Xena, "I thought we might go to see Princess Diana. We haven't seen her for ages, it'd be good to catch up with old friends again."

"Sounds good to me," Gabrielle said.

"And me," Joxer agreed.

Aphrodite watched them go from her Temple. She was quite fond of Joxer, in a sort of motherly way; that blonde he was so hung up on had finally clued in on his feelings for her, admittedly with a little help from her, giving her a few pushes in the right direction, but at least Joxer had her by his side now.

Of course, there were bonuses to this affair; like Ares when he finds out he doesn't have the Hind's blood dagger, that sweetie from the village who helped her out with the fake Hind's blood dagger - maybe she could fix her up with somebody as a way of showing her gratitude - Joxer was more self-confident now and could at least defend himself properly; and Herc was happy because he'd helped Xena out without getting the real Hind's blood dagger out, after she, Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, suggested a way around his problem; and most importantly, showing Ares that War was totally bogus compared to the totally excellent Love thang.

As days go, this was a total blast and a bitchin' time away from Olympus and the Surf. Even Goddesses as way cool as she was, needed a break from the rest of her family from time to time, and helping her fave worshipper out gave her an even warmer glow than she had naturally. Oh well, time to spread a few rumours around how Ares had been totally suckered, and she vanished from her Temple back to Olympus.

Epilogue

Callisto was back in Hades' realm again, after Joxer had killed her.

"Hello Callisto," he greeted her. "Back again? Who killed you this time? Xena?"

Callisto was not about to admit to anyone she'd been killed by Joxer, least of all to The God of the Underworld, so she grabbed the lifeline he'd just given her. "Yep, Xena - twin daggers through my chest," she said, indicating the holes below her leather armour.

"Again? Can't you stay out of her way for once?" Hades said shaking his head in disbelief. "Well, I've saved your old place for you, with a few little extras. It's just like you've never been away."

"Extras? What kind of extras?" Callisto said in puzzlement..

"You'll see," he said as he left her, chuckling to himself.

As she was secured in her old place, she noticed one wall to her left had a curtain over it and a large box to her right, just out of reach. As her guards left her, one of them tore the curtain off the wall, revealing a montage of a very familiar Warrior and lutist in various poses, and the other opened a box, letting out two young Harpies.

The two Harpies showed no inclination to leave Callisto and instead broke into a chorus of Joxer the Mighty, singing every verse ever sung about the Warrior.

Hades heard Callisto's screams of anguish from his Castle and roared with laughter. "Xena indeed!" he snorted. Who did she think was trying to fool? Particularly as it was he who'd given Joxer the option of being able to kill her.

This was Tartarus after all, it was just another form of suffering.

Please take a moment to write to Jerry at studmuffin_jer@yahoo.com and let him know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT NOTICE:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Ares, Aphrodite, Callisto, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. The character of Elena was created by the author for use in this fiction. This story is copyright © 1999 by Jerry Hendy and is his sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.