Aphrodite's Favour, part 3
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by Jerry Hendy


Callisto slapped Gabrielle hard and had her tied very tightly to the chair she was tied to before. Her eyes echoed a mixture of anger and madness, and Gabrielle recoiled from the full force of the 'Scream'.

"You'll regret doing that! It won't make any difference, he can't go anywhere, he'll soon be back with us and then bye- bye Joxer!" Callisto hissed at her.

"You're not waiting for Xena, then?" asked Gabrielle worriedly.

"Oh no my sweet, I'm saving you for her, we don't need the Idiot as well." She crouched by the Bard, casually twisting a long knife, as it caught the sunlight glistening on the blade. "You know the story of Samson and the secret of his strength, don't you?"

Gabrielle nodded in taciturn agreement.

"I wonder if that applies to you as well? Let's see, shall we?"

And she gestured to a couple of her men to hold the chair and its captive steady, while Gabrielle's eyes opened wide with fright as Callisto slashed with her knife at Gabrielle's golden locks. Though she desperately struggled to break free from her bonds, the ropes held her securely and her screams for the treatment to cease went unheeded. A short while later, the shearing of her head stopped and as Callisto's men released the chair, Gabrielle's attempt to free herself from the chair succeeded, as the chair fell backwards and the back of the chair broke, freeing her.

Callisto's demonic laughter echoed around the hut. "I guess not!" and as she and her men left the building, the only sound that could be heard was Gabrielle's sobbing., as she sat on the floor, with her hands covering her shorn head.


Further down the road, Joxer was carefully approaching where he'd almost been ambushed before, using the cover of the trees, when he heard a female voice scream out, which he instinctively knew was Gabby's. His face grew dark with anger and he felt for his Sai in their scabbards, ready to draw them at a moments notice. He saw in the distance two men stopping his immediate approach, about 30 yards apart and one slightly nearer to him, the other further away from him and partially obscured by trees.

Joxer stayed hidden behind the large tree and looked on the ground for a moment and found what he was looking for, in the form of some stones. He tested them in his hand, weighing them up in his hands, discarding those too small, too large and the wrong shape. He selected several stones, put them in his waistcoat pockets, and closed range to his two opponents, stealthily moving forward when their fronts were turned away from him.

He pulled out a small stone and threw it at the tree nearest the man on to the left of him. The guard jumped in surprise and called his comrade over. Seeing nobody about to threaten them, they grew slightly less cautious, and walked forward to where they thought the stone may have been thrown, but were ambushed by Joxer who had got behind them and threw two large stones at the men, one being knocked unconscious by a lucky ricochet but the other only bruised.

Joxer drew his Sai and charged forward, easily brushing the hastily drawn sword aside and pinned the man to a tree, holding a Sai to his throat. "Not one word, else you can go straight to Tartarus, " Joxer said quietly, in a voice that sounded not unlike his brother Jett. The man glanced quickly at his captor, observed his set face, the eyes narrowed and the dried blood stains on the weapons threatening him and decided that life was worth hanging onto. He nodded in agreement, not daring to make any sudden moves.

"Where is the female prisoner?" and with a look that implied that untruthful answers would be frowned on, Joxer indicated that he could speak, easing a little of the pressure of the Sai against the throat. The man coughed noisily, until the airflow returned to his throat.

"She's in the wooden hut in the clearing up ahead by the road. Callisto's just having a little fun with her until Xena comes, then she'll kill the prisoner in front of her."

"How will she know when Xena is coming?" asked Joxer.

The prisoner pointed to the trees just past the hut, both sides of the road towards the village and Joxer could see the trees littered with men watching the approach from the village. Joxer took a heavy stone out of his pocket and stunned the man into unconsciousness. He thought about the possibilities open to him; Warn Xena - not possible, because of Callisto's men watching the road; Too many men for him to take on alone; He reflected for a moment, when Aphrodite appeared suddenly beside him, startling him.

"Hiya Sweetcheeks, how you doin'? Woah, I see you've been busy already!" she said, looking at the two prone figures on the grass.

"Hi, Aphrodite, good to see you - can you do me a favour? Can you go and tell Xena what's happened to Gabby and can you also warn her that Callisto's men are watching the road from the trees, so I'm going to try something, " he paused as he searched for the right words, " dramatic."

"As in foolish? Okaay, what-ever," and she vanished again.

As it was now dusk, Joxer reckoned he could get close to the hut without being seen and he sneaked up to the rear. He tapped lightly on a wooden panel and gently called out to Gabrielle.

"Gabby, are you there? Can you hear me, it's me, Joxer? If it's safe to talk, tap twice on the floor."

He heard a slight stirring of movement in the building and strained his ears to listen to the floor. Sure enough, two muffled sounds could be heard, so he crawled right up to the hut and called her to the back wall. He screwed his face up to the wall and could just make her out against the gloom of the darkness through a large knothole.

He called her again and he could hear her shuffling across the floor towards him. After a struggle, he found he could get a hand through a small gap underneath one of the wooden panels that made up the back of the hut and managed to lever some of the rotten wood away without making too much noise. He did the same with the two panels either side until there was a chink of light between the wooden floor and wall. He peered into the gap, his mind racing over what torture had been done to Gabrielle, and then saw her tear-stained face and what Callisto had done to his beloved.

"Gabby, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you," he said squeezing her hand in comfort.

"It's alright Joxer, you wouldn't have been able to stop them and we'd have both been captured."

"Don't worry about Callisto, Xena's on her way. There's too many for her to take on alone, so I'm going to create a diversion. Hopefully while all the attention is focused on me, Xena can rescue you and together we can take care of Callisto."

At her questioning look, he continued, " When I enter the camp, look surprised to see me and when I mention Charon, don't question me, just follow my lead, OK?"

She nodded in acquiescence and he rose to get up, but banged his head on the shed. He rubbed his head and bid her farewell. He's never going to change, she thought. She smiled wanly and wondered what he was up to.

He looked around quickly, dashed off stealthily through the wood to where the two guards lay unconscious still, and dug up a package he'd hidden nearby. He put his armour and helmet back on and swished his sword about - ineffectual though all 3 items were, he needed them all for the next part of his plan and at least he felt comfortable with them; it was like welcoming back an old, old friend.


After ensuring that Elena was in no danger from any of Callisto's men, by turning two into statues outside the entrance and having a quiet word with the three patients that Elena was attending to, Aphrodite had dropped by Joxer and seen his growing confidence and skills. The Fates had been less than kind to him, and considering all the knockbacks and criticism he'd suffered over the years, it was about time something good happened to him, and if that meant her lending a hand, well, so be it.

Admittedly, her family's involvement with him in the past had left him with bad memories, but this time would be different, she'd see to it personally. She'd thought about helping him out directly, but she'd thought better of it. Firstly, she didn't like the blonde anyway, although her hostility towards her had lessened for Joxer's sake. Secondly, this was about giving him confidence in himself and that wouldn't happen if he knew he was under some spell or charm. Thirdly, she had an image to uphold and helping out mere mortals would like really lose her loads of cred and damage her coolness. However, she'd be there for Joxer if she thought he was in serious trouble.

Xena was prowling about the village, where she and Gabrielle had been staying, wondering where on earth her best friend had got to, when Aphrodite appeared before her.

"You," said Xena evenly, feeling for her chackram in her belt. "What in Tartarus do you want now? Come back to change into my likeness again, while you put me in a trance?"

Acid dripped from her every word but the Love Goddess wasn't flustered by the angry shape of Xena before her. She held up a placating hand and spoke to her, as a mother would to a petulant child.

"Woah, don't get so negative on me, I only came by to let you know what happened to that prissy little bard, but if you're not interested, I can always go surfing, " and she made as if to go.

Xena looked startled at the hint Gabrielle might be in trouble, sighed and called her back. "So what's happened to Gabrielle?"

"You're sure you want me to stay?" she teased, raising her eyebrows. At an affirmative growl from Xena, she smiled beatifically. "Alrighty, she had a run-in with Callisto and her army, who's now waiting for you to show up. They're by that deserted house half a mile down the road close to my Temple, but there's men in the trees watching for your approach."

"So why are you doing this for Gabrielle, if you dislike her so much?" demanded Xena.

"Duh! Think, Xena! Who's my favourite worshipper, who gives me all those cool offerings? Besides, it gives me an excuse to mess up Ares plans again - who else do you think got Callisto out of Tartarus?"

Xena raised her eyes to the skies in disbelief. This whole affair was over Joxer and now Ares was using Callisto to get at her via Gabrielle as well; It just got better and better.

"Well, I can't hang around chatting with boring mortals all day, see ya!" and with that, Aphrodite vanished.

Xena sighed again, and made herself and Argo ready.


The men sat there in the trees, armed to the teeth, watching the road from the village like hawks for any sign of the Warrior Princess coming down of the road, when they heard a commotion from the camp and a furious sound of battle joined. The tree men quickly debated what to do; on the one hand, they had been given specific instructions not to stop watching the road until Xena was sighted, but on the other hand, she could have circled round and hit the camp from behind, while they were sat there in the trees. In the end, after a heated argument, it was agreed to send half the men back to see what was happening back in the camp, while the rest stayed put in the branches.

A few minutes after the first group had left, a faint sound could be heard from the village, and as it drew nearer, it became louder and was easily identified as a horse at a gallop. The men in the trees drew their swords, spears, knives and bows and waited for the horse and its rider to round the corner into view. The horse was clearly galloping as though the Furies were after it as it entered view and though the figure was dressed in a heavy cloak, it still made an obvious target and was hit by virtually every weapon thrown. The cloaked figure visibly slumped, but the impetus of the horse carried it forward for another fifty yards, until it was halted by one of the men.

They all crowded around the exhausted horse and its passenger, until the wind billowed the cloak aside to reveal a scarecrow tied to the horse's back.

"Looking for someone?" asked a voice behind them and the men whirled round to see Xena standing before them and her chackram flying towards them. Seconds later, she flew towards them with a flying leap, catching her chackram on its return flight, screaming her warcry "Yi-yi-yi-yi!" and easily despatching those still standing. She loosened the scarecrow from the horse and guided the horse back to where Argo was standing hidden in the trees, round the other side of the bend.

She moved carefully towards the building where Aphrodite told her they were holding Gabrielle, using the cover of the trees and bushes and from her vantagepoint high in the trees, saw a sight that almost defied belief.......


It was twilight when Joxer entered Callisto's camp, armour clanking, and sword at ready. It didn't take long for his barely concealed approach to be heard and duly noticed, and he was quickly subdued after a brief struggle. He was taken by swordpoint to Callisto, who was leaning casually on a tree. She uncurled from the tree and motioned for Gabrielle to be brought out of the hut where she was being held..

"Well, look who it is boys - A mighty warrior come to kill or imprison us! Oooh, I'm just quaking with fear!" Callisto laughed with the rest of her men at the very thought of Joxer taking them all on and winning.

She strode up to the hapless Joxer and indicated his ladylove, securely bound to her Amazon staff. "Ahh, he's come to rescue the blonde; how touching, how noble, how futile. Rather ironic, don't you think, for her to be tied up to her chief weapon, hoist by her own petard! "

Gabrielle saw Joxer and remembered what he'd told her previously. She looked shocked to see him, surrounded as he was by Callisto and her cohorts, and called out to him, "Joxer, run!"

Callisto turned round to look at her, an expression of glee on her face. "It's a bit late for that now dear - say bye-bye."

"I don't suppose there's any chance of a fight to the death, then?" Joxer asked her hopefully.

"Hmmm, let me think," Callisto stroked her chin thoughtfully. "No, you're not worth the effort," and drew out her sword to run him through.

"Wait!" Joxer struggled an arm free and put it in front of her sword. "Don't I get a coin for Charon?"

"No - I take money, I don't give it away. Now move your hand out of the way, before I chop it off," said Callisto shortly.

"Oh come on Callisto, what's one coin?" pleaded Joxer. "Any one will do, just so long as I can go to the Elysian Fields."

Callisto grinned at him. "So why should you get to have a good time in the Afterlife? You can suffer just like the rest of us and go through the same old routine of torture, pain and misery - give me one good reason why I should give you a coin?"

"Well, if you don't, I get to teach the whole of the Underworld my song; Just think, whenever one of you dies, the first thing you'll notice is the whole of Tartarus singing my song, day-in, day-out, non-stop. It'll be a kind of epitaph, really, and I'm sure you'll be humming the tune in no time at all," said Joxer, grinning back.

Callisto hadn't heard of his notorious song, but some of her men had, fighting under various Warlords in previous clashes with Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer. They visibly blanched at the thought of having to hear "Joxer the Mighty" every day in Tartarus for eternity. They all reached hurriedly for their money pouches, but Callisto stopped them.

"You're going to let him have a coin for Charon just because of a song????? - How bad could it be?" she said, knocking them to the ground.

Joxer caught Gabrielle's eye and they started to sing "Joxer the Mighty" together. After a few choruses, there was a stunned silence. Callisto kicked him in the gut just to stop him singing.

"Eternity?" said Callisto wearily.

"Eternity!" said Joxer happily.

She finally acquiesced and threw a coin at him. "There, happy now?"

"Yep, that's great; after all, it's not every fighter who can claim that he scared off Callisto from a fight. I'm sure that'll give Charon a big laugh when he hears about it," Joxer said, picking himself off the floor and pocketing the coin. "He won't believe it at first, but he will, he will."

"Just think of the notoriety that'll give you in the Underworld:- 'The man who Callisto was afraid to fight with.' Charon's an old chatterbox, isn't he?" Gabrielle chimed in, right on cue. "I'm sure he won't say anything about it to anybody. It'll just be one of those rumours that spread around the Underworld, won't it?"

Joxer nodded in agreement. "Everybody knows that those sort of rumours are totally untrue, no truth in them at all. And I'm sure Hades and Persephone won't believe the rumours either. Probably. Now where were we? Oh yes, you were just about to kill me." And Joxer rubbed his hands in anticipation of the chat he'd have with the Ferryman.

"Right! Now you've done it!" Callisto's eyes gleaming with anger. "I'm going to cut you up into pieces so small the worms won't even have to chew!" By this time she was so mad, steam was almost coming out of her ears.

Quick as a flash, Joxer cut the cord holding his armour in place and threw his sword at the sole guard by the Bard and stunned him, the sword wedged in the grass from the rebound off the guard. He threw the armour over his head and onto the men behind him, who collapsed under its weight, and he lifted the man to his left clean off his feet with a sweep of his helmet.

He smiled at Callisto, saying, "I do so hate crowds, don't you?" and pulled out his two Sai with a flourish. She gave a ear-piercing scream and charged him at fullpace. He ducked her swordstroke and blocked her backswing with his Sai, letting his instinct and Sai skills do the work. The strength of her swing forced him back, but he was quick to parry, and after blocking the swordstroke, he was able to release one of the Sai for a quick slash at her swordarm. No damage was done, but his skill and deftness of handling the two weapons surprised her.

Meanwhile, after Joxer had knocked out the guard by her, Gabrielle had edged over to where the sword had lodged in the ground and had cut herself free from her bonds against the edge of the sword. After getting feeling back into her arms and legs, she moved towards the group nearest her and started dealing out hefty whacks with her staff.

Callisto was getting more and more frustrated as her fight with Joxer progressed; though he hadn't caused here any serious damage with his weapons, he had given her many cuts, slashes and grazes - it was though he was playing with her, especially as he was taunting her with the 'come on' signal.

She laughed at him, "Nice moves! You're good, but not that good!" and leaped towards him launching some heavy kicks at him in passing.

He nimbly side-stepped her charge and turning to face her again, smiled grimly at her, "Not normally, no, but then you're not immortal any more, at least not against me. Didn't Hades tell you or did it slip his mind when he released you from Tartarus?"

The ex-Goddess stood transfixed to the spot, in shock at this revelation. Then she shook her head in disbelief, "Nice try, but Ares would never have allowed that. You almost had me believing that for a moment. You're getting sneaky; I like that in an opponent, it makes the fight last a little longer and so much more fun."

She cartwheeled towards him, hitting him with a combination of kicks and punches. He staggered back under the onslaught, his Sai helpless to help against this attack. As he floundered, he edged back to gain his breath back and try and restrain her, but she followed up with another combination and he lay helpless on the floor. As Callisto closed in, drawing her sword out, she lowered her head towards him, gloating so it seemed.

"Well, you've been a fun opponent, but all good things must come to an end; I've got villages to burn, peasants to kill, looting, you know how it is. Farewell, O Mighty One!"

As she finished speaking these words, Joxer seized his last chance and gave her a headbutt with all the strength he had left in his body. She was completely taken aback by this last-ditch tactic and he quickly jumped to his feet while she was still dazed and fired in a whirlwind attack from his fearsome blades. This time, it was her turn to fall back, under the ferocity of his Sai and his hits were now causing serious damage, in particular two vicious slashes to her right leg and another to her right arm.

"It would be difficult for Ares to disallow something he didn't know about, wouldn't it?" he said softly to her. "You've hurt Gabrielle, which caused me great annoyance and displeasure - Now let's just see how immortal you are," he advanced on her again, blocking her attack with her sword and cutting at her again.

Callisto looked startled over the change that had overcome Joxer; it was quite dramatic, a long way from the bumbling fool who couldn't stay up straight on his own two feet, much less able to use a sword, now a menacing hunter who could kill her without a second thought with a pair of weapons she was totally unfamiliar with. She was not without a few tricks up her sleeve still, and somersaulted up into a nearby tree, before whistling a signal to the archers of her men still standing.

Joxer whipped round to find Callisto's archers facing him, an arrow pointed at him from every bow. He looked for cover, but his new skills did not include the acrobatic ability to jump into trees, and there was nothing else that might hide him from the cloud of arrows about to befall him. He stood there for a moment, then used his remarkable new running speed to charge the archers to try and unsteady their aim, before they turned him into a human pincushion.

He was within 15 yards of them, when he heard a familiar 'whoosh' sound, all the bowstrings snapping as one, as she retrieved her chackram on its return flight, Xena admonished the archers,"Don't you know it's rude to point?"

"Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!"Her warcry echoed through the wooded glade, as Xena leapt down from the tree where she'd been stood in amazement at Joxer fighting Callisto with such skill and intensity, as she drew her sword out and slew those foolish enough to think they could best her in swordcombat, while Joxer shouted his thanks as she rushed by him, and after the rest had broken away in full retreat, he ran towards Gabrielle who was battling a couple of swordsmen with her staff, the others lay beaten on the ground.

At the sight of their leader disappearing and most of their comrades either dead, prisoners or run away, the two remaining in combat with the Bard, lost heart and fled. She sensed a movement behind her and jabbed her staff back in a sudden movement to attack her new assailant. Joxer coughed out in pain, as her staff hit him in the midriff, and then again in a movement to his head. He fell to the ground to avoid the blow, just managing to croak out,"Gabby, it's me, " before she landed a knockout blow.

After quickly scanning the surrounding area for any more foes, she turned to face him and helped him up from the ground where he'd thrown himself. He brushed the grass from his hair, shirt and waistcoat, with as much dignity as he could bring. Xena joined the two of them a moment later, after ensuring those that weren't dead or run away weren't going anywhere.

Now that Gabrielle was in the full glare of the moonlight that now reflected through into the clearing where they were standing, Xena and Joxer could see the full extent of what Callisto had done to her hair and their looks of relief also expressed a mixture of sadness and dark intent on both her friends' faces and Gabrielle was secretly worried about it.

"So, what do we do now?" asked Joxer, looking at Gabrielle and Xena. "We can't look for Callisto, it's too dark and we'd be chasing shadows in this wood. We can't camp here or the Temple, both areas are too exposed to attack. I suggest we take all the prisoners back to the village, confine them in a secure building and wait 'til morning before continuing."

The two women looked surprised at the soundness of this suggestion, then nodded in agreement. They looked at him thoughtfully for a time, as he cleaned and sheathed his blades wondering not only how on earth he'd got those two strange weapons, but such skill and agility to even come close to defeating Callisto, something only the very best warriors were able to do.

They exchanged meaningful glances, then Gabrielle tapped him on his shoulder, "Joxer, um, I don't know how to put this, but what happened to you? You weren't very good with a sword, you had that useless armour, the daft helmet, you were indecisive - what's brought on these changes?"

Joxer glared at her. "Thanks for reminding me of all of my inadequacies," he said sarcastically. She swallowed hard and tried again.

"I'm sorry if I offended you, but we're just curious about what's become of you since we saw you last - so many things seem to have changed. Come on, you can tell us, we're your friends," she said.

"Really? So would this be the same friends who said, "I know, let's dump him in a temple or something, why should I get lumbered with him to look after?" and he stormed off fuming in an absolute rage.


Ares was chuckling to himself, at the change of character he'd just put on Joxer. In time he'd become one of the best Warlords around, maybe even better than Xena and Callisto ever were. As soon as he killed Callisto, he'd get over that blonde bard he was always chasing and become the Warrior he'd always wanted to be, but with fighting abilities to match. The bitterness and resentment were just optional extras that he'd emphasised for the fun of it. He was still enjoying watching Xena and Gabrielle looking totally bemused at Joxer's sudden outburst, when the doors of his Temple flew open, shuddering into the walls, to reveal Aphrodite in an absolute pearler of a temper.

"Okay Bro', lay off my Boy NOW! He's mine, not yours, go and find some other mortal to annoy."

Ares relaxed in his chair and smiled grimly at his sister. "Sorry, Sis, no can do. The God of War giveth and the God of War taketh away, and he's just been taken!"

Aphrodite stood there quivering in rage, tapping her fingers impatiently against her thigh, "Ares, if you don't give him back to me right now, and I mean right now, I'm going to do something you'll regret."

"Like what? What are you going to threaten me with - a love potion?" Ares was totally confident that any threat was just words, and anyway, she was only the Love Goddess.

"Only the Love Goddess, huh?" She said, reading his thoughts. "Well, for a start...." and she snapped her fingers a few times. "You know that big battle in Sparta that was due in a few hours, three warlords and their armies, each about 5000 strong and reinforcements on their way?"

Ares grinned happily, in eager anticipation of all the deaths, blood, and glory that would be won and spilt in Sparta tonight.

"Sorry, that ain't going to happen now - 2 of the armies have felt the sudden need to settle down to a life of farming, and the other got distracted by a peaceful pilgrimage and decided to join it."

"WHAT!!" Ares jumped up from his chair and looked down into Sparta, where the empty battlefield remained empty and peaceful, the tools of war now being employed to till the soil.

"Also," continued Aphrodite, "that Warlord you had such high hopes of in Dacia is now Head priest in my Temple there; The King of Gallia you set up a few years back has just renounced his right to the throne for the love of his cousin, and his goody-goody brother has taken over; Jocasta the Warrior Queen who's killed hundreds, thousands even, destroyed countless villages, robbed Temples galore, sold slaves by the caravanload.."

"Yes, yes, what about Jocasta?" asked Ares testily.

"....is now a trainee healer with Hippocrates," finished Aphrodite triumphantly. "Who shall I turn next, I wonder? After all, I'm only a humble Love Goddess with no clout or power at all."

"Alright, alright, you can have the idiot back, just stop what you're doing to my Wars," pleaded Ares. "He's back with you again, exactly as he was before."

"I think you forgot these," said Aphrodite, indicating the pair of Sai that had just appeared on the table by Ares' chair.

"Sorry, they must have slipped my mind," and the blades disappeared again.

"Ooops, my fingers just slipped and now all the Rhoxolani who were leading a massive cavalry invasion of Sarmatia have changed their minds and have now formed a Home for old horses instead."

"Oh no, not the Rhoxolani too!" yelled Ares, his head in his hands in despair.

"Okaay, let's come to an understanding, shall we? You stay out of my Boy's life, and I won't interfere with your affairs of War, because Love is love and War is war and never the twain shall meet." Aphrodite had her arms folded in satisfaction, now that Joxer was back onside again.

Ares would have agreed to anything at that moment, just to stop his plans of War being crumbled into flakes of dust. She left in a flash of light, leaving Ares alone in his Temple, already plotting revenge....

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