Just a quick note, this does NOT follow cannon because as far as I'm concerned nothing has happened (except in my imagination) since Looking Death In The Eye, there was no ice prison, Joxer never married Meg (ick), Virgil never existed (at least not yet *G*), and Xena never had to kill the gods they just faded away on their own. I also tried to go for a specific feel to this story and particularly this series and for anyone who knows my usual work, you can see that this is a bit of a departure for me. Well, withouth further ado...

Still Crazy After All These Years
Paul Simon

I met my old lover
On the street last night
She seemed so glad to see me
I just smiled
And we talked about some old times
And we drank ourselves some beers
Still crazy after all these years
Still crazy after all these years

I'm not the kind of man
Who tends to socialize
I seem to lean on
Old familiar ways
And I aint no fool for love songs
That whisper in my ears
Still crazy after all these years
Still crazy after all these years

Four in the morning
Crapped out
Yawning
Longing my life away
I'll never worry
Why should l?
Its all gonna fade

Now I sit by my window
And I watch the cars
I fear I'll do some damage
One fine day
But I would not be convicted
By a jury of my peers
Still crazy
Still crazy
Still crazy after all these years

It has been five years since we were awaked from death on the crosses in the Roman encampment, and five years of major changes in my life. After we had gone to reunite Xena's chakram pieces and fought off the foreign god Kal and his Greek counterpart Ares, Joxer had told me he loved me. That moment set off an epiphany that brought me to this place in my life.

Tonight I sit in front of a hearth that is not my own, as I have so often done in the past. The food at the inn is good solid food, and the rooms are quiet and homey. I feel a sense of having been here before, even though this is not a town I have ever stayed in. A shiver runs down my spine as I pause to reflect on the journey to this place and the reasons for it.

I had been in the marketplace of in a small town outside of Athens, searching through bundles of teaching scrolls when I saw him. Bold as brass and clear as day, in disguise and in the company of another old friend. I almost laughed out loud when I saw them; Autolycos, King of Thieves and the salesman Salmoneous!

They were dressed as merchants from Chin, all long flowing black beards and curly moustaches, silk robes with what were supposed to be symbols of power in Chin but what really seemed to be a recipe for prawn soup. Despite their disguises, I knew them well enough to know it was them beneath those flat round hats and in those wooden sandals. I knew the thief's voice anywhere and the salesman's prattle was unmistakable. They were trading new lamps for old, with the explicit promise that the new lamps were solid gold and each had a Djinni inside, guaranteed to grant three wishes or your money back.

Hiding a smile I approached their stall, pretending not to know it was them and wondering if they would reveal themselves to me. Salmoneous was just winding up his pitch to a crowd of eager onlookers, all clutching their lamps. I let him prattle on as I studied the wares at the table, while Auto hovered nervously nearby.

"Ah yes miss, do you see someting you rike?" he said with the most horrible accent I have ever heard.

I bit back a sharp reply and smiled sweetly at him, leaning in close.

"I know it's you Autolycos. So cut the Chinman act and take me inside the tent." I hissed at him under my breath.

He raised an eyebrow at me in that saucy way he had and then said in a loud voice, "Ah so, I have some very fine and speciar specimens inside foh you. Please, pletty rady, come in side and see my wares!"

I choked on a giggle as the crowd clamored at Sal to see what I was getting that they weren't. Auto grabbed me by my elbow and shuffled into the tent, slapping the flap closed behind us. As I turned to look at him, his face was livid but I could tell by the look in his eyes he was glad to see me.

"Whadaya think you're doing Gabrielle? Trying to get us killed?" he yanked off the hat with it's attached beard, wig and moustache before continuing. "This is a risky scheme in the first place, especially since we had to pull of a pretty big heist to get this shipment of lamps!"

I met his gaze evenly until he looked away and threw his disguise in the corner of the tent. He sighed, looking older than I had ever imagined him looking. Concern overcame me and I did something I had never done for him while he was in his own body before, I held out my arms for a friendly embrace.

He looked at me for a moment and then sighed, putting his arms around me without any of his usual attempt to get intimate. We held the embrace for a moment or two, enjoying the feel of each other close to, missing the old times when things had been different, when we had all laughed. I suppressed a twinge at the thought of days gone by. It would do no good to go down that particular memory lane. Unfortunately, Auto didn't have the same twinge.

"Don't you miss her Gabrielle?" he said softly, his voice reverberating in his chest.

This set off the tears that I had never let fall, after the last goodbye, after I made my choice. He held me as I wept and when the flow finally dried up, he spoke again, gently.

"She's in Amphipolis for a month, recuperating from a fall. Eve is with her and Cyrene is taking care of her."

I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, which were full of tender emotion. He was one of the few that knew what that information meant to me. He studied my face for a moment, then with a shake he released me and sat wearily on a stool nearby.

"So how is that husband and family of yours? How's my old pal Joxer? The kids must be half grown by now and you don't even look like you've had any!" he chortled, the old Autolycos again.

I had to take a deep breath before I could speak.

"Fine, everyone is fine. In fact, we're here to see about getting a tutor for the girls at the Academy in Athens. Xeno is just 3 you know and just as clumsy with a sword as his father!" I prattled, hoping the pain in my heart would go away.

He saw through me and shook his head.

"You didn't have to cut her out of your life, you know?" he said, his eyes dark and understanding.

I looked away, studying my feet. His voice invaded my private toe study again.

"You should go see her. Take the family. I'm sure Joxer would love to see her too, and the little ones to see their Aunty Xena!"

I glanced up at him and felt the familiar wings of panic begin to flutter inside of me. The panic that came whenever I thought too much of the my other best friend. With a painful look of apology, I fled from the tent and made my way back to my husband and children.

And so, that brings me to this hearth and this place and this moment, as I write these words and wait. Cyrene brings me another tea, and in the corner Joxer reads to our triplets Faith, Charity and Grace, our son Xeno, named for his aunt, asleep in his lap, the girls piled on any available surface to get close to their adored father. As I study them, my joy and my life, I think back to the road I traveled to find this place within me.

After the resurrection and traveling around together for a while, Xena's pregnancy and all that followed, I became increasingly aware of feelings growing inside me that I had not been aware of before. Joxer had stopped mooning around after me and was now cautiously polite one minute and purposely goofing around the next. And yet I wasn't annoyed by his presence, I was just...excited about him.

His very presence made me feel more alive than I ever had with Xena, my desire to be on the road began to wane and a life with Joxer looked more and more appealing. I became irritable about this and after the birth of Eve my mood turned black. I was moodier than ever and soon I couldn't predict my reactions to anything. Finally, Xena had taken Eve and left Joxer and I in the night. She had left a note slipped inside my bag that said simply "Choose, before you break all our hearts.".

I knew she was right. We were all dying inside. I had to make a choice. And now five years later, with 4 children and a joyous marriage to a man whom I adored and who adored me, I sat at the hearth of the home of my other best friend, waiting for her to return from a therapeutic horseback ride with her daughter, waiting to see her one more time and see if she was same inside as I am.

I can hear the clip clop of a horse outside, Joxer looks up from his place with the children, a smile playing about his lips. I smile nervously back at him. A grinning Cyrene comes from the kitchen where she is preparing a meal. She opens the door and I can hear a child's piping voice, and then the deeper one, husky and low, but still filled with the laughter and danger I remember. I will have to go outside. I will finish this tale later.

It is late now, the fire burned down to embers and I am very weary, but my heart is lighter than it has been for a while. I never liked the way we left things and our reunion earlier was better than I could ever expect. I miss the road and her and all the things we did together. We are mother's for real now and changed in ways we can barely see, but this afternoon proved that we are still crazy after all these years.

I can continue my life in the peaceful knowledge that I made the right choice; took the right road. She has promised to come visit us, I offered our home as a haven when she and Eve need it. Maybe we can sit and watch the people passing by, while the children play out front and remember the roads we've taken.

Please take the time to write to Janet at ishtar@golden.net, and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Autolycus, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. The lyrics to "Still Crazy After All These Years" are owned by the appropriate copyright holders. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 2001 by Janet Elizabeth and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.