CAST OF CHARACTERS:

Milo, a bartender
Simka, a waitress/bar wench
A Mysterious Patron- I'll let you guess!

Author's Notes: Read it, enjoy it, archive it if you wish, just don't claim you wrote it, or The Underwear Gnomes will get you..
The Easy Reader says "This story is easy to read!"
Special thanks to Sara for providing the lyrics to what may be my shortest Lyric story ever.

The sounds of destruction had faded now, but Milo was stll too afraid to venture forth from his hiding place behind the bar. He looked over at the equally terrified serving wench cowering right next to him. "Go and have a look around," he whispered.

Simka gaped in disbelief. "Are you insane?" she hissed. "What if he's still there? You're the boss. You do it!"

Milo nodded. "Right. I'm the boss. That's why you're going to do it- if you still want to have a job."

She shook her head. "If I'm going out there I demand hazard pay!"

"Fine, fine, whatever you say," shot back Milo. "Just go see if he's gone!"

She crawled slowly to the edge of the bar. Everything was quiet. Quiet as a tomb. She gulped.

"Hello?" Her voice quavered only a little. "Mr Angry Guy?" Still nothing. "I'm going to stand up now, so please remember that I'm only a harmless waitress and no threat whatsoever..."

Taking a deep breath she slowly stood up and peeked over the top of the bar.

"Well?" asked Milo.

"Coast is clear Boss," she replied. Heaving a sigh of relief, Milo stood up, only to let out a cry of horror. "Auuuugh! My bar! My beautiful bar! That maniac wrecked the place!"

Simka nodded. "Yep. He did more damage than a boatload of drunken pirates."

And indeed he had. There wasn't a table left intact, a chair unsplintered. Ale mugs and crockery lay smashed everywhere the eye could see. Every window was broken and the door was bashed off it's hinges and lay flat on the ground. Milo craned his neck around trying to take it all in. When his eyes lit upon a small pile of debris on the floor, he totally lost it and began to sob hysterically. "He even smooshed up the bar snacks!" Simka clucked her tongue in sympathy.

"There, there Boss. It'll be all right."

Milo sobbed louder. "All right? All right? It'll never be all right. I'm ruined!" Suddenly his moaning took on an petulant tone. "Somebody oughtta make him pay for this!"

Inwardly Simka smiled then nodded. "Right. How about I go out and chase after him? He can't have gotten too far. I'll bring him right back and you can make him pay for damages."

Milo blanched. "Well, perhaps it is time I got out of the booze biz. Maybe try for a more homier type of place, a real, I dunno, family style establishment. Maniacs never bust those up..." He wandered off to the back room while Simka attempted the nigh impossible task of cleaning up as she wondered what could have set that guy off so badly. Then she noticed a small pile of parchment wadded up on the floor where he had been sitting just before he went off the deep end. Curiosity got the better of her and she unwadded several of them. Each of them had a few lines of writing on them, all cossed out, each one more and more sloppy, as if the writer were becoming more and more frustrated and angry with each failed attempt. She sat down and began to read ....

Xena,
If there's anything that you want
If there's anything I can do.
Just call on me and I'll send it along
With love from me to you.

Xena,
I got everything that you want
Like a heart that's oh so true.
Just call on me and I'll send it along
With love from me to you.

Xena,
I've got arms that long to hold you
And keep you by my side.
I've got lips that long to kiss you
And keep you satisfied.

The last parchment was nothing but a giant smear of ink, as if the writer had tipped the inkwell over on top of it. She shook her head. Men. Who could figure them?

Disclaimer: Milo's bar was harmed during the writing of this Fanfic.

Please take the time to write to Greg at zafnak@rochester.rr.com, and let him know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess and all characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. The characters of Milo and Simka are the creations of the author. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 2002 by Greg Gruschow and is his sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.