"Father of Mine"

Father of Mine

Father of Mine
by Everclear

Father of mine, tell me where have you been.
You know I just closed my eyes, my whole world disappeared.
Father of mine; take me back to the day.
Yeah when I was still your golden boy, back before you went away.
I remember blues skies, walking the block.
I loved it when you held me high.
I loved to hear you talk.
You would take me to the movies.
You would take me to the beach.
Take me to a place inside that is so hard to reach.

Father of mine, tell me where did you go.
Yeah you had the world inside your hand, but you did not seem to know.
Father of mine; tell me what do you see.
When you look back at your wasted life, and you don't see me.
I was ten years old, doing all that I could.
It wasn't easy for me, to be a scared white boy in a black neighborhood.
Sometimes you would send me a birthday card with a five-dollar bill.
Yeah I never understood you then, and I guess I never will.

Daddy gave me a name.
My daddy gave me a name.
Then he walked away.
Daddy gave me a name.
Then he walked away.
My dad he gave me a name.

Daddy gave me a name
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
My dad he gave me a name

Father of mine, tell me were have you been.
Yeah I just closed my eyes, and the world disappeared.
Father of my mine; tell me how do you sleep.
With the children you abandoned, and the wife I saw you beat.
I will never be safe; I will never be sane.
I will always be weird inside; I will always be lame.
Now I'm a grown man, with a child of my own,
And I swear that I'm not going to let her know
All the pain I have known.

Then he walked away.
Daddy gave me a name.
Then he walked away
My dad he gave me a name
Then he walked away
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
My dad he gave me a name

Then he walked away
Then he walked away
Daddy walked away.

Joxer sat looking down at his mother's grave and sighed. Janna and Jerrina hadn't come since the burial, and knowing Janna, she'd never come back to Corrinth now. Not that he could blame her. There was never any doubt in his mind that she still loved their mother, but he didn't think she would ever forgive what Mom had done to her. Joxer wasn't sure he could forgive her.

"I'm surprized to see you here, boy." The voice was hard with a deadly edge that Jett had managed to pick up, but Joxer never had.

"Hello, Dad." The adventurer and hero closed his dark eyes and sighed. His father, just what he needed right now.

"She was weak." Jesten said with a growl.

Joxer only sighed again. "Shouldn't you still be in prison?"

Jesten tried to hit his son with a back handed blow that had always cowed him before. But Joxer wasn't there and the older man found his feet swept out from under him.

"Don't." Joxer said his voice shockingly flat. "Don't you ever raise your hand to me again."

Jesten only grunted. He shoved himself to his feet. "Where'd you learn that, boy?"

"From the Amazons." Joxer shrugged not caring what his father thought of that.

"Joxer?" The voice was soft, warm, and so out of place anywhere within a hundred miles of the warlord Jesten. It belonged to his friend, Gabrielle. "Joxer, are you still back here?"

"Get out of here, Gabrielle." Joxer called back to her.

"Why? What's wrong?" The bard stopped when she saw the man with Joxer. "Who's he?"

Jesten drew his sword. "You must be the little nothing that helped Joxer here put his brother in jail. I wonder if you bleed like everyone else."

Gabrielle held her staff ready, but it wasn't needed. Joxer held his short spear easily with the point of it pressed tightly under his father's jaw. "Don't go near her."

"So you are soft for her. Or is that hard?" Jesten grunted.

"Father of mine; tell me how do you sleep. With the children you abandoned and the wife I saw you beat?" Joxer's voice was dangeriously soft. "I've killed now, Father. I killed a man who used to work for you. You do remember Crasix, don't you? You called him a madman as if it was a compliment. Did Jett tell you he has a daughter? Did you know Crasix was going to kill her? Do you know how easily my spear went into his back? Tell me!"

Joxer was starting to rant and he knew it, he just couldn't bring himself to really care. All he could see was that bloody red haze over everything, like when he realized that Crasix was planning a few things worse that death for Jerrina. He didn't even see the thin line of blood trickling down his father's neck from where the spear point had broken skin.

"Joxer." Gabrielle stared at the man she had known for years. This wasn't like him. Of course killing Crasix had changed him, but this was his father. "Joxer, don't. He's your father. You can't kill your father."

Joxer blinked. He finally saw his father, for the first time he actually looked beyond the bluster and intimidation of the man. He saw fear and pride.

"Do it boy." Jesten said. "Just give it a push, then lead my army."

Slowly Joxer brought down his spear. "No. I'm not you. I'm not going to become you."

"Pity." Jesten spun aiming his sword for his weakling son's guts.

Joxer smashed the blow aside and cracked the older man across the head with the blunt end of his spear. "A pity indeed." Joxer sighed. "A pity Jett and Jase couldn't be more like Janna."

Joxer and Gabrielle left Jesten there and walked away. The tall lanky warrior doubted he'd come back to Corinth now. There wasn't anything to come back to.

The End

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COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, and all other characters who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. The character of Jesten was created by Ephiney for use in this story. The lyrics and music to "Father of Mine" are owned by the appropriate copyright holders. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 1999 by Ephiney and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.