Dogs In Clover, Show #9
The More Things Change

by Dharma Bum

Copyright 2000


                                 DOGS IN CLOVER

                            "The More Things Change"

                                     Show #9

                                          TEASER

               INT. COUNCIL HALL -- DAY

               GABRIELLE and RHYSIS are sitting at the long table at the 
               end of the hall. The table is covered with half-unrolled 
               scrolls, and perhaps a couple of sandwiches. Gabrielle squints 
               at the scroll she is reading, and SIGHS.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         You know...I'm beginning to think 
                         they might be right about the 
                         tradition.

                                     RHYSIS
                         How so?

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Because if I was a traditional Queen, 
                         instead of asking everyone what they 
                         thought about the issues, I could 
                         just tell them what to think.

                                     RHYSIS
                         Funny. I was just thinking the 
                         opposite; how much more interesting 
                         it is this way.

               Gabrielle tries to roll up the scroll but the end of it gets 
               away from her and falls off the table, unrolling across the 
               floor.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         That's one word for it.

                                     RHYSIS
                         Cyane can't get over it. She loves 
                         the way everyone's always debating 
                         things now. They're getting as bad 
                         as a bunch of Athenians.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         They don't even have a King in Athens. 
                         That's the way they run everything, 
                         by people discussing and coming to 
                         an agreement.

                                     RHYSIS
                         It's rather inefficient.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         It seems to work for them.

                                     RHYSIS
                         Yes, but Athenians are weird. That's 
                         a professional shaman opinion, of 
                         course.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Joxer's from Athens.
                              (a beat)
                         Okay, I see your point.

               Rhysis rolls up her own scroll.

                                     RHYSIS
                         Well, there is no precedent, as far 
                         as I can tell. I have no idea what 
                         the Hippolyta might decree. Damn 
                         Lysandra, anyway.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         All this darn fuss, just because I 
                         don't match her idea of what a Queen 
                         should be. There's no law that says 
                         we all have to be the same, or even 
                         agree on everything.

               She sits back in her chair and toys absentmindedly with her 
               ring.

                                     GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
                         I've found that there's almost nothing 
                         I can't learn to tolerate.

               LYSANDRA enters.

                                     GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
                         Eventually.

                                     LYSANDRA
                         Good morning! What a fine, fine day.

               She is in an almost gleeful mood.

                                     LYSANDRA (CONT'D)
                              (to Gabrielle)
                         A wonderful day for traveling. Are 
                         you packed yet?

                                     RHYSIS
                         Don't jump the bow, Lysandra.

                                     LYSANDRA
                         You know, you could just leave now 
                         before Hippolyta gets here, and save 
                         everyone a lot of trouble.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         Don't be so sure of yourself. I'm 
                         sure the Hippolyta is a reasonable 
                         woman. She'll see my side of it.

               She stands up. A very short, wizened LITTLE OLD LADY, who is 
               for some reason wearing Amazon dress, shuffles unnoticed 
               into the room.

                                     LYSANDRA
                         The Hippolyta is the spiritual leader 
                         of the entire Amazon Nation. You'll 
                         be lucky if she doesn't have you 
                         burned at the stake.

                                     LITTLE OLD LADY
                         Excuse me.

                                     RHYSIS
                         Lysandra, in this village we've 
                         learned to disagree with each other 
                         without having to resort to being 
                         petty and vindictive about it.

                                     LYSANDRA
                         Petty and--

                                     RHYSIS
                         Professional shaman opinion.

                                     LITTLE OLD LADY
                         I was looking for the Queen, and 
                         also I think I would like to have 
                         some tea.

                                     LYSANDRA
                         Go away.

                                     GABRIELLE
                         I'm the Queen, ma'am. May I help 
                         you?

               The little old lady walks up to Gabrielle and peers at her 
               closely.

                                     LITTLE OLD LADY
                         Funny. You don't look like a pervert.

                                     GABRIELLE
                              (taken aback; trying 
                              to remain polite)
                         I'm not.

                                     LITTLE OLD LADY
                         That's what Lysandra said.

                                     RHYSIS
                         Lysandra!

                                     LYSANDRA
                         I only call them like I see them.
                              (to the little old 
                              lady)
                         Run along now, Grandma, we have more 
                         important things to deal with. The 
                         Hippolyta will be here any minute.

                                     LITTLE OLD LADY
                         I am here.

               Gabrielle, Rhysis, and Lysandra stare.

                                     HIPPOLYTA
                         At least, I think I am.

                                     LYSANDRA
                         Ah. Ah, your Holiness, I, uh...

               Hippolyta gazes around at the blank faces.

                                     HIPPOLYTA
                         I like tea. Do you have any tea?

                                                                  FADE OUT:



                                         ACT ONE                INT. AMAZON CANTEEN -- DAY                This is the Amazon equivalent of a tavern, although it is                 free from the usual dirt and smoke of a tavern. Unfortunately                 it is also free of the usual noise and liveliness. There are                 Amazons in small sedate groups around the room, sitting at                 tables with drinks or plates of salad in front of them. There                 are a great many potted ferns hanging from the ceiling, and                 in one corner is a small fountain. XENA and JOXER enter the                 canteen, her leading, him following at a reluctant distance;                 he turns and makes a break for it, but she snags him by his                 collar and tosses him against the bar.                                      BARTENDER                          What'll you have?                                      XENA                          Two ales.                                      BARTENDER                          We don't serve ale in here.                                      XENA                          You don't.                                      BARTENDER                          We have carrot juice, sawgrass shakes,                           herbal tea, goat's milk...                                      XENA                          Yeah, yeah, yeah...whatever. Some                           juice thing will be fine.                The bartender produces two tankards of some juice thing.                 Joxer is still looking around for an escape. Xena waits until                 the bartender turns away.                                      XENA (CONT'D)                          Amazons make me sick sometimes.                She produces a flask from under her coat and adds whatever                 is in it (maybe it is Egyptian Sling mix) to the juice thing.                 While her attention is occupied Joxer starts edging away.                                      XENA (CONT'D)                          So.                Without looking she reaches over and pulls him back onto his                 stool with a thump.                                      XENA (CONT'D)                          You and I need to have a little                           ...talk.                                      JOXER                          I think I left the well running, I'd                           better go back and...                                      XENA                          Don't.                He doesn't.                                      XENA (CONT'D)                          So.                Trapped and desperate, with nothing to lose, Joxer charges.                                      JOXER                          Well, we are married. It's not like...                               (fishes for comparison)                          we're not.                Xena is drinking.                                      JOXER (CONT'D)                          And I didn't do anything. She was                           the one that went and got the spell                           put on her, and anyway it was all                           her idea. I mean, okay, it was like                           an idea I've been having, but I knew                           better than to do anything about it,                           I mean...                Xena is still drinking. She isn't looking at him.                                      JOXER (CONT'D)                          And, and, gosh darn it, you know how                           I feel about Gabrielle, you've known                           all along, so don't sit there and                           act like it's some big surprise or                           something.                                      XENA                               (looks in mug; to                                bartender)                          Give me another one of these.                INT. COUNCIL HALL -- DAY                Hippolyta is seated at the long table, peering unsteadily at                 a scroll. She has a cup of tea and some cookies on a small                 plate in front of her. Lysandra and Rhysis are hovering over                 her, and Gabrielle and CYANE are standing a little off to                 one side.                                      LYSANDRA                          ...and she keeps asking people for                           their opinions, and she doesn't make                           decisions on her own.                                      RHYSIS                          Which is fully in accordance with                           Amazon tradition of the tribe acting                           as one.                                      LYSANDRA                          And she has a rude housemate, and                           let me not forget the M-word...                                      HIPPOLYTA                          I like honey in my tea. A lot of                           people don't like honey, but I've                           always liked honey. In my tea.                                      LYSANDRA                          As in, a man. She has a man in her                           house.                                      RHYSIS                          Which nobody in this tribe has a                           problem with any more.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          These are good cookies. Do they have                           honey in them?                                      GABRIELLE                          Your, um--                She looks to Rhysis for help.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                          --Hippolytaness...                Rhysis winces.                                      LYSANDRA                          And I haven't even started in about                           the state of her yard. She has this                           hedge...                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Lysandra?                                      LYSANDRA                          Yes, your Holiness?                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Shut up, dearie.                                      LYSANDRA                          Yes, your Holiness.                                      GABRIELLE                          See...I can explain. There's this                           spell, okay, and then there's Xena                           and this god, and...                                      HIPPOLYTA                          You know, when I was a girl, Amazons                           used to wear purple a lot. You don't                           see a lot of purple any more. Did                           she say you had a man in your house?                                      GABRIELLE                          Ah...yeah. But, um, there's a story.                           You see...                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Oh dear.                                      LYSANDRA                          She's a pervert. That's why I asked                           for you to come here, she's a pervert.                                      RHYSIS                          She's not a pervert. She's just                           differently gendered.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Do you do nasty things with him?                                      GABRIELLE                          What!?                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Nasty men things. You know. I used                           to know but I think I've forgotten.                                      GABRIELLE                          Ah. I can't really go into that, you                           know...                               (waves hand, taking                                in everyone in the                                room)                          ...ah, now, in front of everybody,                           and...                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Some of them involved honey, I think.                She looks into her teacup. Gabrielle looks ready to drop                 through the floor.                                      HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)                          And war. Yes, that was one of the                           nasty men things, they were always                           starting wars.                                      GABRIELLE                          Starting w--oh. OH.                She regroups.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                          Oh. No. No, we haven't started any                           wars. In fact, it was actually Xena                           who almost--                               (catches herself)                          Joxer is a very, uh, non-war-starting                           kind of person. He's totally harmless.                                      RHYSIS                          He hasn't violated any of the laws                           of the community, and he was                           instrumental in the peace accord--                          that same peace accord that's the                           reason you live here, Lysandra.                           There's precedent for allowing anyone                           who's of service to the tribe to                           live with it, even if they are male.                                      LYSANDRA                          "Live with the tribe", yes. "Marry                           the Queen and make a laughingstock                           of the entire Amazon Nation", no.                           And not only does she have a man in                           her house, but that demon-child of                           Xena's--its father was male.                                      HIPPOLYTA                               (blinking)                          Wouldn't it have to be?                                      LYSANDRA                          It could easily bring the wrath of                           the other gods down on the village                           any moment now.                                      RHYSIS                          On the contrary, your Holiness, the                           spirits have been shielding the child.                           You know that Amazon spirits do not                           appreciate interference                               (aimed at Lysandra)                          from outsiders.                                      GABRIELLE                          Yes. See, that's why we need to stay                           here, because we have to keep Xena                           and Eve safe.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Well, that makes sense.                                      GABRIELLE                          Yes. Yes, you see my point then. How                           we really need to stay.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          You know what? Someone should make                           purple cookies with honey icing on                           them. I just thought of that. That                           way we could have purple, and honey,                           and good cookies, and it would be                           all together. Do you bake, dear?                                      GABRIELLE                          Joxer does.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Oh dear.                                      LYSANDRA                          Men can't cook. Everybody knows that.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Cyane.                Cyane, who has been quiet throughout, looks slightly startled.                                      HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)                          Cyane, this is your village. What do                           you think?                                      CYANE                          I think... I think Lysandra is right.                           Gabrielle's rule runs entirely counter                           to tradition.                Rhysis glares at her. Lysandra looks smug.                                      CYANE (CONT'D)                          But I also think it's been beneficial                           to the village.                This surprises Gabrielle.                                      CYANE (CONT'D)                          She's gotten everyone interested and                           involved in what happens, which I                           always wanted to do but never could                           achieve on my own. I think...all                           talk of Joxer and Xena aside,                           Gabrielle herself has been good for                           the tribe.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          There we go. And from what I see, I                           agree, dearie. You've been a good                           Queen.                                      GABRIELLE                          Well. Well, I, uh... Thank you.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Yes, and peace treaties, and yummy                           cookies. You've been a good girl.                She stands up.                                      HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)                          But you can't be Queen any more.                                      GABRIELLE                          What?                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Nasty men things, no, no. Against                           the rules. It won't do at all. I                           have to take away your anointing and                           everything.                                      GABRIELLE                          But...                Hippolyta waves her hand in Gab's direction.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          There. Poof. All done. You're not a                           Queen any more.                Gabrielle looks down at herself for some visible change but                 sees none. Everyone else starts to talk at once. Hippolyta                 waves them off and heads for the door.                                      GABRIELLE                          But, but we really need...                                      HIPPOLYTA                          I suppose this means that Cyane will                           be in charge again. I'll make the                           formal announcement after lunch. Are                           there any more cookies?                                      LYSANDRA                          I'll be glad to get you some cookies,                           Your Holiness.                                      RHYSIS                          Your Holiness, we really need to                           discuss this...                She and Lysandra follow the Hippolyta out the door, arguing                 over her head at each other, leaving Gabrielle and Cyane                 alone.                                      GABRIELLE                               (to the empty room)                          But we really need to stay.                                      CYANE                          I'm sorry.                                      GABRIELLE                          Yeah.                                      CYANE                          I mean it.                She does. Gabrielle looks at her.                                      CYANE (CONT'D)                               (gruffly)                          And I meant what I said to Hippolyta.                           You're a good ruler.                                      GABRIELLE                          You helped a lot.                                      CYANE                          I always wanted everyone to be as                           passionate and involved in things as                           they are now. I think, between your                           new ideas and my knowledge of                           tradition, we did a good job. It's a                           shame we couldn't have... I don't                           know, ruled together, or something.                                      GABRIELLE                          Thank you.                She SIGHS.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                          I can't... I don't want to leave the                           village. It's too important to me.                           And I know Xena doesn't want to leave                           either. But...                                      CYANE                          You're going to have to make a                           decision.                                      GABRIELLE                          I know. I...                She starts the habitual fidgeting with her hands, then lifts                 them and looks closer. After a moment it becomes apparent--                the ring is gone.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                               (resigned)                          Yeah.                                                                   FADE OUT:
                                         ACT TWO                INT. AMAZON CANTEEN -- LATER                Xena has apparently been working her way through both the                 canteen's stock of  various juices and the contents of the                 flask. She is in an extremely good mood. Joxer, for his part,                 has not yet been killed and is starting to relax slightly.                                      XENA                          You wanna know something?                                      JOXER                          What?                                      XENA                               (throws an arm around                                his shoulders)                          I'm glad it's you. I really am. Cause                           you're my bestest friend in the whole                           world, did you know that?                                      JOXER                          Awww.                She hugs him. There is a sound reminiscent of ribs cracking.                                      XENA                          My very very bestest friend that I                           don't wanna fuck of everybody.                                      JOXER                               (noncommittal: self-                               preservation instincts                                kicking in)                          That's nice.                                      XENA                          No, really. Cause everyone else I                           fuck sooner or later. But not you,                           'cause you're such a...                               (pause)                          ...a Joxer.                                      JOXER                          Gee. Thanks.                                      XENA                          Cause see, anyone else, Gabrielle                           goes off with 'em, and I'm stuck all                           alone again. But you--you I can push                           around.                                      JOXER                          Yeah.                                      XENA                          You I can say "Don't take off with                           her" and you won't do it, you'll                           stay right here on account of you're                           such a wimp. You're a good boy.                She pats him on the head.                                      XENA (CONT'D)                          I don't want for her to go away,                           y'know.                                      JOXER                          I know.                                      XENA                          I don't want for anyone to go away.                           People are always going away. I hate                           it. Bartender! Another one of these,                           whatever the hell it is. I don't                           even want for you to go away.                               (thinks about it)                          No, I don't. I wouldn't like that at                           all.                                      JOXER                               (perking slightly)                          Really? You really mean it?                                      XENA                               (thinks about it some                                more)                          Ah, probably not. But it's a nice                           thing to say.                Joxer looks willing to settle for this. Hippolyta comes up                 and leans on the bar next to him.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          May I have some tea?                The bartender ignores her. Hippolyta starts trying to climb                 onto a stool.                                      JOXER                          At this meeting they're having this                           afternoon they might decide I have                           to leave, you know. I know you and                           Gabby were like trying to hide it,                           but Amarice told me.                                      XENA                          Amarice talks too much.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          A nice pot of tea, with some honey                           in it.                                      XENA                          So what are you going to do?                                      JOXER                          I don't have any choice. I won't get                           you guys in trouble over me. Spell                           or no spell--I'll have to leave.                                      BARTENDER                          Run along, lady.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          I like honey.                                      BARTENDER                          That's nice, Grandma. You just go on                           home.                                      JOXER                               (to Hippolyta)                          Here--let me.                He helps her onto the stool.                                      XENA                          You still have that Furies problem.                           And the gods aren't going to be very                           happy with any friends of Eve's right                           now.                                      JOXER                          Yeah.                                      XENA                          Gabrielle wouldn't want you to face                           that alone.                She studies her drink.                                      XENA (CONT'D)                          You know she'd go with you if you                           asked.                                      JOXER                          That's why I won't. I mean, the two                           of you, you can't be apart. It                           wouldn't be...right.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Just a little pot of tea.                                      BARTENDER                          I'm busy.                                      JOXER                          And the tribe means so much to her.                           And to you, too.                                      XENA                          Bull.                                      JOXER                          Come on.                                      XENA                               (shrugs)                          Okay. Maybe a little.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          And maybe some of those nice cookies.                                      BARTENDER                          Beat it, Granny.                                      JOXER                          And I don't want to get in the way,                           I--Aw, c'mon, give her some tea.                           It's not gonna kill you.                                      BARTENDER                          I've got paying customers to take                           care of.                                      XENA                          All right, then--can we have some                           tea?                The bartender places a teapot and two cups down in front of                 them. Xena passes the tea and one of the cups down to                 Hippolyta.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Thank you, dearie.                She looks at them and squints.                                      HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)                          You're not Amazons.                                      XENA                          Gee. What gave us away?                                      JOXER                          Are you all set? Would you like                           anything else?                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Some honey for the tea would be nice.                           I like honey.                                      XENA                               (to bartender)                          Some honey over here, please.                She receives the honey and passes it down to Hippolyta, who                 adds some to her tea.                                      XENA (CONT'D)                          We're staying here with a ...friend                           of ours who is an Amazon.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          That's nice. Everyone should have                           friends.                She looks Joxer up and down more carefully.                                      HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)                               (to Xena)                          Is he a man?                                      XENA                               (amused)                          Rumor has it.                Joxer gives her a look.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Is he a good man?                Joxer prepares to give Xena another look.                                      XENA                          Yes.                This takes him by surprise.                                      XENA (CONT'D)                               (seriously)                          Yes, he is. He's a good man.                Joxer stares at her as if he's never seen her before.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Not a nasty man that starts horrible                           wars and things. That's good. You're                           nice young people.                She climbs down from her chair, holding her mug of tea.                                      XENA                               (smirking)                          Don't spread it around. You'll ruin                           my reputation.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Oh, no. That wouldn't do at all--for                           anyone to hear about the fearsome                           Warrior Princess being nice to a                           little old lady.                The smirk vanishes.                                      HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)                          Don't worry, dearie. Your secret's                           safe with me.                She walks off, cradling the tea cup and chuckling to herself.                 Both Joxer and Xena watch her go, flabbergasted.                EXT. COUNCIL HALL -- AFTERNOON                Gabrielle is sitting on the steps in front of the Hall, gazing                 at nothing. She starts to fidget with her hands out of habit                 before she looks down and remembers the ring is gone. She                 SIGHS, and slumps. Hippolyta walks up, still holding the                 mug.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          May I sit down, dearie?                                      GABRIELLE                          Oh...of course.                She moves over to make room for Hippolyta, who sits down                 next to her.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          You seem sad.                                      GABRIELLE                          Yeah...I guess I am.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          I'm sorry I had to take your Queenhood                           away. But the rules are very                           clear...no marriages.                                      GABRIELLE                          It's not your fault.                               (sighs)                          It's not your fault, it's not Cyane's                           fault, it's not even really Lysandra's                           fault. Heck, it's not even the fault                           of that stupid spell of Aphrodite's.                           Things just...happen sometimes.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Spells are nasty. What kind of spell                           was it?                                      GABRIELLE                          A marriage spell. See, there was                           this accident and I had a dream and                           because of it I wound up married to                           Joxer. Well... I was married.                She holds up her now ring-free hand.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                          And I was all mad at everybody,                           Aphrodite for tricking me into it,                           and Xena for thinking it was funny,                           and the village for giving me a hard                           time, and Joxer for...for being Joxer.                           But that was the thing. I had like                           this image of Joxer that wasn't him.                           I was married to a dream, and when I                           started seeing him as he really was,                           the spell was broken. And now... and                           now I'm not married any more.                               (half a laugh)                          And I'm not a Queen any more, either.                           Too late, I guess.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Would you have rather stayed a Queen?                                      GABRIELLE                          Not if it meant losing Joxer. Or                           having to be apart from Xena, or                           putting Eve at risk. I really care                           about the tribe...but I decided the                           people I love come first.                               (sighs)                          I suppose that makes me a bad Amazon.                Hippolyta looks into her teacup.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Do you know what an Amazon is, dear?                                      GABRIELLE                          Uh...yeah. Everybody does. It's,                           um... it's a woman who lives in a                           tribe with other women, and stays                           away from men, and...                                      HIPPOLYTA                          No, no, dear. That's what everyone                           thinks an Amazon is.                She puts the cup down.                                      HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)                          See, most women, most men even--they                           try to be who people tell them they                           are. But an Amazon is somebody who                           knows who she is. That's all. It has                           nothing to do with tribes, or men,                           or feathers, or any of that. There                           are many women living in Amazon tribes                           who still don't understand that...and                           some women who will never be part of                           a tribe that do. Like your friend                           Xena.                Gabrielle looks thoughtful.                                      HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)                          Or even maybe that young man of yours                           there. They're only themselves, not                           what anyone wants them to be. They                           may not fit the image of Amazons,                           but at heart they are. And you, now,                           from what you tell me...you may not                           be a Queen any more but you certainly                           are, and will always be, an Amazon.                                      GABRIELLE                               (after a beat;                                sincerely)                          Thank you, your Holiness.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Well, you're welcome, dear.                               (sips)                          You have good tea in this village.                                      GABRIELLE                          It's from Athens.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Athenians are silly people. That's                           what comes of not having a King.                                      GABRIELLE                          Yes, they...                She pauses.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                          Um...does being an Amazon have                           anything to do with having a Queen?                                      HIPPOLYTA                               (slightly reproachful)                          Haven't you been listening, dear?                                      GABRIELLE                          I...                               (stands up)                          Your Holiness, could you wait a little                           while before you announce your                           official ruling? Just for a few                           minutes...I'll be right back.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Where are you going, dear?                                      GABRIELLE                          To talk to Cyane.                She backs away.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                          I need to talk to Cyane, I...Just                           hold that thought.                She turns and literally runs off. Hippolyta shakes her head                 gravely.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Definitely Athenian influence.                INT. COUNCIL HALL -- LATER                The Hall is packed wall-to-wall with Amazons. The Hippolyta                 sits at the front table. Lysandra stands behind her at one                 side, unable to keep a triumphant smirk off her face, and on                 the other side stand Cyane and Gabrielle. Xena and Joxer                 slip into the back of the hall just before Lysandra starts                 to speak.                                      LYSANDRA                          Well. This is a great day for the                           Amazon Nation.                She rubs her hands together happily.                                      LYSANDRA (CONT'D)                          I am pleased beyond measure to                           announce there has been a change of                           leadership in this village. Starting                           today--                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Lysandra?                                      LYSANDRA                          Yes, your Holiness?                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Shut up, dearie.                                      LYSANDRA                          Yes, your Holiness.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Now, Cyane, I believe you have                           something to say.                                      CYANE                          Yes.                               (glances at Gab)                          We do.                Hippolyta looks up.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          "We"?                                      CYANE                          With your permission, your Holiness,                           we, uh...                She looks, surprisingly enough, at Gab, who steps forward.                                      GABRIELLE                          What Cyane is trying to say is...I'm                           no longer Queen.                A murmur rises from the crowd. Xena and Joxer look alarmed.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                          I'm not any kind of Queen any more,                           I'm just an ordinary Amazon. But, as                           you all know, when I was Queen I                           wanted the ordinary Amazons to have                           more of a say in the way the tribe                           was run. And there were some of you                           that used to agree with me, and wanted                           change, and there were some of you                           that used to agree with Cyane, and                           wanted tradition. And we always used                           to argue it out until we came to a                           consensus.                She looks over the room and takes a nervous breath.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                          And Cyane and I have been talking.                           And, what we want to do--if we can                           get the Hippolyta's approval--                               (deep breath)                          is to make that our official way of                           doing things. I'll still have a seat                           on the Council, representing the                           people who agree with me, and Cyane                           will be representing the people who                           agree with her. And everyone will                           vote on things.                The room is somewhat quiet.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                               (more nervous)                          It's like they do it in Athens.                ANGLE ON XENA AND JOXER                                      JOXER                               (sotto voce)                          They're going to buy their government?                                      XENA                          Shh!                                      GABRIELLE                          That is, if everyone agrees. I mean,                           it would be silly to have a government                           that ran on people agreeing if they                           didn't agree on it in the first place,                           and...                She realizes she is babbling and stops. The room is quiet                 for a long moment before someone speaks.                                      AMAZON                          If it's going to be like Athens,                           will we have to wear togas?                                      GABRIELLE                          No.                                      AMAZON                          Oh, okay then.                The room erupts in a babble of voices all talking at once.                                      LYSANDRA                               (appalled)                          Hey. Hey!                               (to Hippolyta)                          They can't do this!                                      HIPPOLYTA                          I don't see why not. I only told her                           she couldn't be Queen any more. I                           didn't say she couldn't be a                           politician.                               (thinks)                          Though I don't see why she would                           want to...                                      CYANE                          Sounds to me like the motion is                           carried.                                      LYSANDRA                          But she, he, they, perverts...                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Lysandra?                                      LYSANDRA                          Yes, your Holiness?                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Shut up, dearie.                                      LYSANDRA                          Yes, your Holiness.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          I think this is a nice idea you came                           up with, Gabrielle.                               (waves hand at crowd)                          There. Poof. All done. You're a                           democracy now.                                      CYANE                          That was easy.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          It's the last thing that ever will                           be.                                      GABRIELLE                               (looking out over                                room)                          Uh...if you will excuse me a minute,                           your Holiness, I need to...                Hippolyta follows her gaze, and sees Xena and Joxer at the                 end of the room.                                      HIPPOLYTA                          Go ahead, dear.                Gabrielle pushes her way through the crowd to the back of                 the room. She meets up with Xena and Jox and the three of                 them slip outside, away from the crowd.                EXT. COUNCIL HALL -- CONTINUOUS                It is late afternoon now, the sun low and the shadows getting                 long.                                      XENA                          So let me get this straight...you're                           not Queen, but you're still in charge?                                      GABRIELLE                          Kind of.                She slips between them and hugs them both, one arm around                 each neck, and stands on her toes to kiss Joxer on the cheek.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                               (to Xena)                          Eve can be safe, we don't have to                           leave the village, we even get to                           keep the hut. And...                Her face falls, and she untangles herself carefully.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                          ...and the spell is broken.                She turns to Joxer.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                          Which means you can go any time you                           want.                There is an awkward pause during which all three of them                 more or less look at the ground.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                               (smaller voice)                          If you want.                                      JOXER                          I...                                      XENA                          Oh, for gods' sakes.                She puts a hand on Gabrielle's back and shoves her forward                 so that she stumbles and falls against Joxer, who catches                 her instinctively.                                      XENA (CONT'D)                          If anyone tries to go anywhere I'll                           chop their legs off.                Neither Gab nor Jox seem to be listening to her.                                      GABRIELLE                          We can't be married, you know. Not                           right now. We're just getting started.                                      JOXER                          I know.                                      GABRIELLE                          It might never work out. It might                           all go wrong.                                      JOXER                          I... I'll take my chances.                                      GABRIELLE                          Then so will I.                She takes his face in her hands and kisses him. This goes on                 until Xena very loudly clears her throat, and Gabrielle backs                 off.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                               (to Jox)                          Can you do me a favor?                                      JOXER                               (expectantly)                          Anything.                                      GABRIELLE                          Remember that afghan, the one you                           made for Eve's room? Can you go home                           and dye it purple?                                      JOXER                               (thinks for a moment,                                then shrugs)                          Okay.                He backs away, not wanting to take his eyes off her, until                 he stumbles and thinks better of it; then he leaves. Both                 women watch him go with varying intensity of affection.                                      XENA                          Now that was the wild-goose chase to                           end all wild-goose chases.                                      GABRIELLE                          Actually, I'm totally serious. I                           know someone who could use a purple                           afghan.                She and Xena start walking together up the main road of the                 village.                                      GABRIELLE (CONT'D)                          Are you, um, all right with this? I                           mean, staying in the village instead                           of being out on the road?                                      XENA                          I have Eve to think about now. The                           road's not such a great place for a                           baby.                               (pause)                          And, I have to admit...it's not as                           attractive as it used to be.                                      GABRIELLE                          We could do worse.                                      XENA                          Much, much worse. I've had some                           nightmares that... Well, I wouldn't                           even want to tell you.                She shakes her head.                                      XENA (CONT'D)                          It'll be weird. Living in a house                           permanently, raising a family... but                           it's something I can live with. The                           alternatives, I wouldn't want to.                                      GABRIELLE                          So. We have a happy ending, then?                                      XENA                          Happy, yeah.                She throws an arm around Gabrielle's shoulders, and Gabrielle                 responds in kind.                                      XENA (CONT'D)                          Like goddamn dogs in clover.                They proceed down the street arm in arm, the camera slowly                 panning up and away.                                      GABRIELLE                          Did he ever try to explain that to                           you?                                      XENA                          Yeah.                                      GABRIELLE                          Did you understand any of it?                                      XENA                          Not one word.                They walk into the setting sun as we                                                                   FADE OUT: