by Dharma Bum
Copyright 2000
DOGS IN CLOVER "House Party" Show #8 TEASER EXT. QUEEN'S HUT -- MORNING INT. QUEEN'S HUT -- CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON KITCHEN TABLE XENA and GABRIELLE are sitting at the table. Xena is reading the morning scroll. There is a cloth bag at her feet. Gabrielle has a bowl of PORRIDGE in front of her, of which she gulps down a couple of spoonfuls before pushing it away and standing up. XENA You didn't eat your breakfast. GABRIELLE In a hurry. She pushes the chair back under the table. XENA You should slow down in the mornings. GABRIELLE Gotta get to work. JOXER walks in through the back door, carrying a bucket. JOXER I got the spring water for you to do your hair, Gabrielle. I can put some lavender in it if you like, and then-- XENA (to Gabrielle) Aren't you forgetting something? GABRIELLE (thinks for a minute, snaps fingers) Oh! I forgot to say goodbye to Eve! Joxer puts the bucket down. JOXER I can go get her. XENA I'll get her. She gets up from the table and goes into the nursery. Gabrielle calls after her. GABRIELLE Hurry up, I'm running late! JOXER I am in the room, you know. GABRIELLE Oh, not now, Joxer. This is important. Xena returns to the room with EVE, who is yawning. GABRIELLE (CONT'D) Aw, there's Aunt Gabby's little girl. She and Xena cluck and coo over the baby. JOXER I'm important too, y'know. XENA Yes, but your family's not quite as important as hers is. JOXER (missing the joke entirely) My family is very big in Athens. Xena and Gab both groan in the manner of women who have heard this same story too many times before. JOXER (CONT'D) My uncle Vitus is very highly placed in the entertainment industry there-- XENA (covers Eve's ears; to Gab) He owns a chain of bordellos. JOXER --and my father-- GABRIELLE (rolls eyes) We know, Joxer. Your father is a garbage warlord. JOXER (outraged) He controls the garbage collection in over half the city-state. GABRIELLE (to Xena) I'll see you later. She leaves. JOXER (shouting after her, frustrated) I'll have you know there's a lot of money in garbage! XENA It's okay, Joxer. We don't think you're garbage. JOXER I come from a decent family. Well, a respected one. Well, feared. Anyway. And everybody in this village treats me like I'm some kind of, of-- XENA Man? JOXER No, that's not it. XENA Joxer, no one in an Amazon village is going to respect you because they don't respect men in the first place. JOXER You guys respect me, though, right? XENA Of course we do. She picks up the bag and tosses it at him. XENA (CONT'D) Those are Eve's diapers to be washed. Don't forget to put lavender in the rinse water. She and Eve exit, leaving him holding the bag. FADE OUT:
ACT ONE INT. QUEEN'S HUT -- MORNING Joxer is sitting at the kitchen table, an unrolled leather GO BOARD with a game in progress on it in front of him. Eve is sitting on the table across the board from him. Joxer looks fairly worried. Xena enters from the nursery. She walks past the table, turns around, walks back, and looks at it. XENA Joxer, are you letting her play with those stones? JOXER (distracted) Uh-huh. XENA You're letting her play a game. (watches) You're letting her win, too. JOXER Who's letting her? Xena walks to the front door, where her sword and scabbard are hanging on the wall along with her cloak. She takes the sword down and puts it on. XENA I'm going out for a while. Can you take care of Eve? JOXER (still distracted) Sure. XENA Don't let her swallow those things. She puts on her cloak. XENA (CONT'D) Make sure she goes for her nap in a couple of hours. She starts for the door but stops in mid-stride, and turns back. XENA (CONT'D) And break up that group in the corner, because she's about to cut you off there. JOXER Yeah. Xena leaves. Joxer continues to stare at the board. He puts a stone down. Eve LAUGHS, and takes two fistfuls of Joxer's stones off the board. He SIGHS. There is a KNOCKING at the back door, and AMARICE peers through the lattice. JOXER (CONT'D) (not looking up) Come in. She enters. AMARICE Xena, come quickly, I... (sees Joxer, face falls) Oh. It's you. JOXER Xena went out. You just missed her. AMARICE Did she tell you where she was going? I need to talk to her. It's really important...Are you playing stones with the baby? JOXER (looks up) What's wrong? AMARICE Are you losing? JOXER I can help. Whatever it is. AMARICE Boy, you'd better do something about that group in the corner. JOXER What is going on? AMARICE (gazing at the board, distracted) Oh -- the Huns are coming. JOXER What?! AMARICE It's okay. They pass through every now and then and do some trading. They're usually no trouble, but Cyane likes everyone to be on their toes, just in case. Listen, I'm gonna go find Xena and let her know. You stay inside, okay? Joxer moves a stone, slamming it down on the board for emphasis as he turns to Amarice and speaks. JOXER I know about Huns. Eve makes her move, then starts scooping all of Joxer's stones off the board. JOXER (CONT'D) I'm not totally incompetent, you know. AMARICE Yeah...whatever. JOXER I know what's going on. He turns back to find that Eve has all of his stones in a pile on the table in front of her. AMARICE (pats him on the shoulder) That's nice. You just stay here and watch him. JOXER Her. AMARICE I wasn't talking to you. She leaves through the back door. JOXER (yelling after her) I AM in the room, you know! He sulks. Eve plays with the pile of stones and LAUGHS. JOXER (CONT'D) Don't rub it in. Eve is unintimidated. She continues playing with the pile of stones while he glares at her, and after a moment he relents. JOXER (CONT'D) Oh, come here. He picks Eve up and she COOS happily. JOXER (CONT'D) You know, Evie, when I was your age I used to think I was going to grow up to be somebody. Not just a, a cook and a dishwasher and a babysitter... Eve makes a face. JOXER (CONT'D) No offense. It's just that...I wanted to be somebody important. Somebody people would look up to. EVE (gurgles) JOXER Okay. Somebody Gabrielle would look up to. But that part came later. He jiggles her thoughtfully. JOXER (CONT'D) You're part-a-god. You don't get it. (thinks) Although I guess you probably get the part about not living up to your father's reputation. There is a loud noise or collection of noises from outside, galloping hoofbeats which resolve themselves into a series of horses snorting and whinnying, while loud rough voices shout unintelligibly and random thumps issue every now and then. The effect is as if a motorcycle gang has just pulled up outside, sans motorcycles. Someone KNOCKS at the front door. JOXER (CONT'D) I'll get it. He puts Eve back on the table, walks across the room, and opens the door. GENGHIS KHAN, a mild-looking barbarian about Joxer's own height and build, is standing there. He has a large group of HUNS standing behind him. GENGHIS KHAN Hi. I'm Genghis Khan. (indicates Huns) And this is my horde. Say hello, guys. HUNS (various) Hello. JOXER Uh...hi. GENGHIS KHAN We heard the Avatar was in this village and we wanted to take a look. JOXER Avatar? GENGHIS KHAN You know...the Savior, the Harbinger of the Twilight, the Death of the Gods. JOXER (comprehending) Oh. You mean Eve. GENGHIS KHAN You know her? Cool. Joxer blinks. JOXER (slowly) Yeah. In fact...in fact, she's right over here. Let me go get her. He goes over to the table and picks up Eve, while the Huns filter into the hut and stand around, shuffling their feet and looking ill-at-ease. Joxer carries her back to the group. GENGHIS KHAN Huh. So that's the Avatar. He peers carefully at her. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) Awwwww! Isn't she cuuuuuute! He makes faces at Eve, who LAUGHS. The Huns gather around and make cooing noises at the baby. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) (to Joxer) Who are you? Are you like her prophet or something? JOXER (missing the opportunity) No...I'm her babysitter. GENGHIS KHAN (impressed) The Savior's babysitter. Wow. Joxer is starting to get a little puffed up. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) So what's she like? JOXER Oh...she's a good girl, Eve. Sometimes she floats stuff around and things. (pause) Want me to get her to do it? HUNS (various) Yeah. Can you? That'd be cool. JOXER (to Eve) Eve, do you want to play another game of stones? Nothing happens. Joxer lowers his head a little closer to hers. JOXER (CONT'D) (sotto voce) C'mon, Evie. Do me a favor and Uncle Joxer will buy you a racing chariot when you're old enough to drive. A FRYING PAN comes floating out of the kitchen. JOXER (CONT'D) (to Eve) Close enough. He reaches up and takes the frying pan in one hand, trying to juggle both it and Eve without dropping one or the other. JOXER (CONT'D) (to Genghis) There. GENGHIS KHAN (very impressed) You can get her to do stuff like that? Cool. The Huns all nod agreement, and murmur among themselves. UNFORTUNATE HUN Unless it's done with wires. GENGHIS KHAN It's not wires. UNFORTUNATE HUN It could be. You could take wires and like-- GENGHIS KHAN (to Joxer) Excuse me. He walks over and breaks Unfortunate Hun's neck. Unfortunate Hun drops to the floor, where the other Huns shuffle aside so as not to step on him. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) Someone take him away so he doesn't mess up this guy's house. He walks back to Joxer, who is of course very alarmed by all this and twists away slightly, shielding Eve. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) Sorry about that. We don't want to be disrespectful to the Avatar. HUNS (various) No. No way, man. GENGHIS KHAN We Huns do not like it when people are disrespectful. Don't allow it. Anybody else around here acting disrespectful to her we can take care of for you? JOXER (hackles falling slightly) No... GENGHIS KHAN 'Cause you're the man in charge. You name it. Joxer puffs up again, larger than before. JOXER Well, she doesn't need to go for her nap for another couple of hours. If you wanted to stay and see if she'll Avatar some more... EXT. QUEEN'S HUT -- AFTERNOON INT. QUEEN'S HUT - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON FRONT DOOR Gabrielle wearily pushes her way into the hut. GABRIELLE Hi honey, I'm h-- She stops in her tracks. ANGLE ON ROOM which is full of Huns. Huns on the floor, Huns in the chairs, Huns playing dice on the floor, Huns playing go at the kitchen table, Huns examining doilies, Huns drinking, Huns eating, Huns talking. Joxer and Genghis are sitting on the couch with Eve. JOXER Hi, Gabrielle. I'd like you to meet Genghis Khan. GENGHIS KHAN Hi. I'm Genghis Khan. JOXER (indicated room) And this is his horde. GENGHIS KHAN Pleased to meet you. JOXER This is Queen Gabrielle. She's... (thinks about it, decides to go ahead) my woman. GABRIELLE (very very pleasant) Your what? GENGHIS KHAN An Amazon Queen? (punches Joxer on the shoulder) Way to go. Gabrielle walks a little further into the room. GABRIELLE (still very very pleasant) What are these...people doing here? JOXER Oh, they came to worship Eve. Eve waves her hands at Gabrielle and gurgles in agreement. GENGHIS KHAN Yeah, he invited us in. He's a pretty cool guy. GABRIELLE OUT! Everybody -- OUT! The Huns look at her with mild interest. GENGHIS KHAN Pissy little bugger, isn't she? JOXER You don't know the half of it. Gabrielle stamps her foot, and points at the door. GABRIELLE I MEAN it! GENGHIS KHAN (shrugs) We were gonna set up a barbecue anyway. Come on, guys. The Huns troop towards the exit. Joxer puts Eve down on the couch and walks Genghis to the door. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) (to Joxer) We'll come back and do some more worshipping after dinner. JOXER Okay. See ya. GENGHIS KHAN Later. Try to calm her down, okay? He leaves. Joxer starts looking for a place to hide, but it is too late. GABRIELLE Huns?! How could you? JOXER Xena's told me about Huns. She says if they're going start smashing things they usually do it right away. I figure as long as we treat them with a little respect we'll be fine. GABRIELLE Fine?! You're insane. No. You're stupid. You're stupid AND insane. That's a very bad combination, Joxer. JOXER Look. They don't mean any harm. I wouldn't have ever let them in if I thought they were gonna hurt Eve, you know that. GABRIELLE I don't know what I know any more. I thought you were over this. JOXER This what? GABRIELLE This...this "insane stupidity" thing of yours. You just do these weird things, and you don't think, and...and I thought you had changed. JOXER I have changed. GABRIELLE No, you haven't. You... JOXER I have! I'm not just, y'know, "Joxer, do this" and "Joxer, do that" and "Joxer, go over there and do men stuff and don't bother us". I'm important! People respect me now. Like Amarice. Well, kinda. And those Huns. Genghis Khan thinks I'm a great guy! And just because somebody around here wants to talk to me for a change instead of to you or Xena, you get all, all... GABRIELLE (very angry; stands on toes and gets right up in his face) Joxer, don't you even think about saying it... LYSANDRA (O.S.) (outraged) Gabrielle! Gabrielle, there are Huns in my yard! Jox and Gab glare at each other. The door slams open, and LYSANDRA enters. LYSANDRA (CONT'D) Your Huns are barbecuing my horse, and they trampled my petunia bed all to hell, and I want to know what you're going to do about this, and I want it fixed now. GABRIELLE (still glaring at Joxer) I'm on it, Lysandra. She backs away, not breaking eye contact. GABRIELLE (CONT'D) Excuse me, Joxer. I have to go deal with something IMPORTANT right now. She and Lysandra leave. Joxer is fuming. JOXER Did you see that? He looks around the room and realizes there is no one there to talk to except Eve. He goes back to the couch and picks her up. JOXER (CONT'D) Did you? She thinks she can talk about my friends like that...The Huns aren't such bad guys, are they, Eve? Eve looks solemn and doesn't answer. Genghis and some of the horde reenter. GENGHIS KHAN You ought to come outside. We're having an Avatar party. We got steaks and everything. Not from your stable, of course. JOXER Uh...I'm not all that hungry. GENGHIS KHAN You sent your woman packing? Good for you. JOXER Uh, well, she's not really... GENGHIS KHAN Can't let a woman talk back to you, that's what I always say. Genghis leans over and makes silly faces at Eve. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) Coochie-coochie-coo. Yeah, we'll have a nice dinner and then we'll leave. We're going to need some like diapers and stuff. Does she like beets? JOXER Diapers? GENGHIS KHAN You're such a great guy and everything, you can keep the mother. We'll kidnap a wet-nurse from somewhere. JOXER For what? GENGHIS KHAN For the temple. He sees Joxer is staring at him without comprehension. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) (helpfully) We're gonna take her back with us and put her in a temple where we can worship her properly. JOXER (tries to smile) Oh, really. GENGHIS KHAN Yeah. Right after dinner. He chucks Eve under her chin. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) Coochie coo. So how long does it take the local horses to cook, anyway? Joxer is still trying to smile, but is looking more than faintly ill as we FADE OUT:
ACT TWO INT. QUEEN'S HUT -- LATER Gabrielle and Xena enter through the front door, Xena looking back over her shoulder out at the yard. XENA ...don't worry. GABRIELLE How can you say not to worry? XENA Joxer's right, incredibly enough. If they were going to rampage they would have done it earlier. Joxer is waiting for them. He has his hands on his hips and he looks uncharacteristically solemn. XENA (CONT'D) There you go, Joxer. You were right for a change. Don't say I never did anything for you. JOXER Xena, we got trouble. Their steps slow as they realize he's serious. JOXER (CONT'D) The Khan told me they were going to take Eve with them when they leave, so they can keep her in one of their temples. Gabrielle looks aghast and starts to say something, but Xena holds up her hand for silence. When the silence unexpectedly stretches out, Xena prompts. XENA And? JOXER And that's it. I don't know any more, except they're going to finish up with their party before they go. Xena and Gab exchange glances. XENA No... I mean the part where you tell me how it's not your fault. JOXER It is my fault. I let them in here, I screwed up. Xena approaches him, looking genuinely concerned, and lays a hand on his forehead. XENA Are you feeling all right? JOXER I mean it, Xena. You can do whatever you want to me later, but right now...right now you got to think of something to save Eve. GABRIELLE We could fight. We'd have the whole village behind us, we probably could win, but... JOXER (finishing her thought) ...But too many people could get hurt. Maybe if you guys took her and got a head start, before the Huns realize she's gone... GABRIELLE (finishing his thought) ...but they've surrounded the house, and we have no way of getting her past them without them knowing... Xena, who has remained calm and composed, holds up a hand for silence. XENA No. We don't have to do any of that. She takes off her cloak and hangs it up. XENA (CONT'D) (unruffled) They don't want Eve. They want the Avatar. GABRIELLE But she is the Avatar, she... XENA But what if she wasn't? Enjoying their discomfiture, she nods a very self- satisfied Xena nod. EXT. QUEEN'S HUT -- NIGHT The remains of the Huns' bonfire (and several smaller ones, including one in the thatched roof of Lysandra's hut) are still flickering. INT. QUEEN'S HUT -- CONTINUOUS Genghis and all the surviving Huns troop into the house. Joxer and Gab are in the main room. GENGHIS KHAN Good party. Shame you guys missed it. JOXER We were...busy. GENGHIS KHAN (approvingly) Ah! He punches Joxer on the shoulder again. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) You dog, you. Well, it's been great, but we don't want to outstay our welcome, so if it's all the same to you we'll just take the Avatar and go. GABRIELLE Of course. Just a minute. She turns toward the nursery and bumps into an invisible object, makes a face and ducks underneath it. Genghis watches her. Xena comes out of the nursery with Eve. JOXER Ah, here she is. He turns around and bumps into whatever it was Gab hit. It takes him a minute or two to figure out how to duck under it as well. Genghis Khan frowns and reaches out in front of him, groping for whatever it is. JOXER (CONT'D) All set to go. Genghis finds the object, pulls his sword, and cuts it. GENGHIS KHAN Hey, man. What's this wire doing here? JOXER Wire? What wire? GENGHIS KHAN (holding up its end) This wire. GABRIELLE Oh...that wire. (pause) Nothing. Genghis frowns at her as she backs away toward the coat-hook by the door, behind the group of Huns. Xena steps forward with Eve. GABRIELLE (CONT'D) Well, here she is. JOXER The Avatar. GABRIELLE Yes, here she is, the Avatar. And here's her stuff. Give the bag to the nice man, Evie. Eve waves at the diaper-bag, which is sitting on the kitchen table. It lifts off and slowly heads toward Genghis. There is an audible creaking. GENGHIS KHAN (to Gab) What are you doing? Gabrielle, who has been fussing with the coat-hook or something near it, looks up guiltily. GABRIELLE Nothing. She turns around. GABRIELLE (CONT'D) (big smile) Nothing up my sleeves. See? Even though she is not wearing sleeves, she produces both hands for inspection. As soon as she takes them from the wall, the bag drops to the floor with a thump. One of the Huns picks it up. OBVIOUS HUN Man! It is wires. Xena gives Joxer a look. XENA Joxer! What did you do? JOXER Nothing. XENA Joxer, were you telling people Eve was the Avatar again? JOXER No! She shifts Eve to one arm and grabs him by the ear with the other hand. JOXER (CONT'D) Ow! I mean, yes. XENA Joxer, we've been over this. (to Genghis) Delusions of grandeur. GENGHIS KHAN (frowning) But... XENA (rolls eyes) I suppose he told you he's married to the Queen, too? GENGHIS KHAN (hard look at Joxer) As a matter of fact, yes. GABRIELLE Eeww--gross! Xena gives Joxer a shake and lets him go. XENA I'm terribly sorry this happened. Joxer, go apologize to the nice man. She takes Eve in both arms and glares at him, until he wilts and walks up to Genghis. JOXER (mumbling) I'm sorry I told you Eve was the Avatar. GENGHIS KHAN So she's not after all? JOXER Yeah. She's just a regular baby. He rubs his ear and glares over his shoulder at Xena. JOXER (CONT'D) When the Avatar was here, I was thinking it would be cool if Eve was one too, is all. OBVIOUS HUN The Avatar's gone? JOXER (looking at floor) Yeah, her mother took her and rode off with this big army a couple months back. They were going to Egypt, I think. Kept saying something about Cleopatra. The Huns look at each other and murmur. Xena holds Eve closely. GENGHIS KHAN Just a normal baby? (sighs) Well...guess we'd better move on, then. The horde starts shuffling and muttering to itself. Gabrielle, safely out of sight of the Huns, smiles in relief, and Xena walks to the kitchen table with Eve and sits down. JOXER I'm really sorry about the misunderstanding and all. GENGHIS KHAN Yeah. JOXER I guess I just got carried away. GENGHIS KHAN Don't sweat it. I know how it is. JOXER I hope you find the Avatar soon. GENGHIS KHAN Yeah, so do I. We wasted a lot of time here, y'know, worshipping the wrong baby and all. He doesn't change his tone or miss a beat. As quickly as he broke the Unfortunate Hun's neck earlier, he draws his sword and lays it against Joxer's throat. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) I mean, assuming she was the wrong baby. The room falls silent. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) Assuming you weren't just trying to talk us out of taking her. But if you really were lying to me that was disrespectful, and I gotta cut your head off. From where Xena is sitting at the table she would have trouble bringing the chakram into play even if she was not holding Eve, and Gabrielle has an entire horde of Huns between her and Joxer. Both of them look stricken. JOXER Are you still going to take Eve? GENGHIS KHAN We don't need any normal babies. Just (sword blade presses into Joxer's neck) the Avatar. Joxer swallows (very carefully, considering) and speaks. JOXER Eve's a normal baby. She's not the Avatar, and if I told you she was I was lying. So...do what you have to do. There is a beat. GENGHIS KHAN Aeh. As quickly as he drew the sword, he puts it away. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) Usually we show up some place, people freak, there's a big hassle and we have to rampage all over the damn place before we can get a little respect. You were nice to us right off, invited us into your house, showed us the baby, gave us some drinks, we had a good time--I'll cut you some slack on this one. Gabrielle slumps against the wall. GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D) Come on, guys. Let's go see Cleopatra. The Huns file out of the house. From outside come a lot of loud whinnying and stamping and shouting noises, then the sound of horses galloping off into the distance. Nobody moves until the hoofbeats fade. XENA Well. She gets up from the table. XENA (CONT'D) This has been an interesting night. Just like the old days. She studies Eve and frowns. XENA (CONT'D) And you know--I haven't missed them at all. EVE (coos) XENA (shakes head) I'm going to turn in, I think. It's been a long day, and I wasn't even here for most of it. Joxer is still standing in the middle of the room, rubbing his throat. Gabrielle remains slumped against the wall. Neither of them move when they speak. JOXER G'night, Xena. GABRIELLE Night. Xena takes Eve into the nursery. No one says anything for a minute. GABRIELLE (CONT'D) Well, there you go again, doing insane stupid things. JOXER Yeah. GABRIELLE Insane, stupid (pause) ...and incredibly brave. JOXER I don't feel brave. GABRIELLE How do you feel? JOXER Like I'm going to faint. GABRIELLE Maybe you'd better sit down. (thinks about it) Maybe I'd better sit down, too. They both stagger to the couch and sit down heavily. Joxer studies the floor. Gabrielle sits back and stares into space while she starts fussing with her RING. GABRIELLE (CONT'D) How did you know the Khan wasn't going to kill you? JOXER Actually, I figured he was. Gabrielle looks at him. JOXER (CONT'D) I couldn't let him take Evie. I mean, even if it hadn't been my fault, I couldn't have let him. GABRIELLE It wasn't your fault. JOXER Yes, it was. I... GABRIELLE Joxer, you can't second-guess yourself all the time, because that just makes you crazy. I ought to know. He makes a vague I'm-listening noise. Gabrielle looks into her lap. GABRIELLE (CONT'D) And when you saw you had done something wrong, you admitted it and you went back and you fixed it. You're right, you know--I guess you really have changed. (toys with ring) I don't know what I would have done if he'd gone ahead with it. JOXER You would have thought of something. You and Xena, you guys always think of something. GABRIELLE That's not what I meant, I... Joxer doesn't hear her. He stands up. JOXER I'm gonna go... I don't know, out, I guess. He starts for the door. JOXER (CONT'D) You know, with the trouble with the Council, and Lysandra, and now this with Eve, I'm thinking maybe Cyane and everybody are right, and I'm causing too much trouble being here. Maybe I should just...go away for a while. Gabrielle stands up. GABRIELLE Joxer, don't even think about it. He stops in his tracks. After a beat he half-turns and looks at her. She walks up to him, her movements assured until she reaches him. Then she slows and becomes more hesitant. They study each other for a moment, then kiss. AUDIENCE Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. INT. QUEEN'S HUT -- MORNING ANGLE ON KITCHEN TABLE Xena and Gabrielle are sitting at the table. Xena is reading the morning scroll. Gabrielle has a bowl of PORRIDGE in front of her, which she is not eating. She is, in fact, not really doing much of anything. Xena glances sideways at her, frowns, and glances again. XENA You look awfully happy this morning. GABRIELLE Mnmh. She is more or less staring into the middle distance, a dreamy expression on her face. XENA Why? GABRIELLE (a few seconds before she answers) Hmn? Oh...oh. No reason. She stares dreamily at the porridge, and bestows a beneficent smile upon it. XENA Don't you have to go to work? GABRIELLE Uh...yeah. Work. She stands up and wanders out of frame, same dreamy smile on face. Xena watches her go dubiously. There is a clattering, and Joxer wanders into view. He has an expression remarkably similar to Gab's. He trips over a chair and goes straight to the floor. Xena's gaze follows him as he falls down, gets up, and wanders aimlessly out of frame as well. Her own expression becomes slightly sour, and she shudders slightly. XENA (to herself, almost under her breath) Eewwwwwwww. She pulls the bowl of porridge towards her, looks in it, shudders again, and pushes it away. FADE OUT: