by Dharma Bum
Copyright 2000
DOGS IN CLOVER
"Less Than Perfect"
Show #3
TEASER
INT. INN COMMON ROOM - MORNING
The morning after the fadeout of the previous episode. It
seems to be a pleasant, happy morning here. People are
sitting at tables, chatting and laughing. Someone in the
background is WHISTLING a merry little tune, which goes on
throughout the scene.
ANGLE ON
GABRIELLE, sitting at a table with a BOWL of porridge in
front of her. Someone sets another bowl in front of her to
the side, then walks around behind her and sets a pitcher on
the other side, then walks behind her again and places a
napkin around her neck, then walks back to the side and puts
a mug on the table--
GABRIELLE
Knock it OFF!
JOXER, who has been the one arranging the table, fumbles
nervously with the mug and drops it, then sits down.
JOXER
I'm just trying to help.
GABRIELLE
I'm fine. I have breakfast. I'm
fine.
JOXER
Do you want me to get you anything?
GABRIELLE
No--I'm all set.
She picks up a SPOON and dips it into the porridge.
JOXER
I'll get you some honey for that.
He starts to get up.
GABRIELLE
Stoppit!
He sits back down quickly, and holds still for at least ten
seconds.
JOXER
That needs milk.
He starts to get up again.
GABRIELLE
Married! Not enslaved!
JOXER
(subsiding)
I'm just trying to be helpful.
GABRIELLE
I don't need any help. I'm just
eating breakfast.
JOXER
I'm supposed to be helpful. That's
what married people do.
GABRIELLE
We're not that married, okay?
JOXER
(warningly)
I could get Furies.
GABRIELLE
The Furies are not going to come
after you because you didn't get
milk.
JOXER
Yeah, but they could nail me on
neglecting my duties. Which reminds
me, we need to have a talk about the
sleeping arrangements.
Gabrielle grabs up a KNIFE from the table and SNARLS.
JOXER (CONT'D)
(quickly)
Later.
GABRIELLE
Joxer, look.
She gestures as she's talking, but doesn't realize she's
still holding the knife. Or does she?
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
This whole thing is temporary. We
just have to do the bare minimum not
to get the Furies mad, or wrath of
gods, or any of that stuff, until we
can get the spell broken.
And with any luck that'll be as soon
as possible.
She watches him for a moment to ensure he isn't about to
protest further, then puts the knife down and goes back to
the porridge. Joxer taps his fingers together nervously
before he speaks.
JOXER
Soooo. Did Xena say...
Gabrielle SIGHS, and puts down the spoon.
GABRIELLE
Not yet.
JOXER
We gotta do this pretty soon.
GABRIELLE
I know, I know. I'm just waiting
for the perfect time.
JOXER
I don't think there's gonna be a
perfect time.
GABRIELLE
Oh, no...I think right now is fine.
It's a nice day, y'know, everyone is
happy.
She gestures around at the room, at the cheerful people, the
chatter, the WHISTLING in the background.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
It's a good morning. We'll tell her
as soon as she comes down.
JOXER
Okay.
She starts eating again.
JOXER (CONT'D)
How about some bacon?
GABRIELLE
Joxer, don't start with me--
XENA arrives, carrying EVE. Baby is gurgling happily. Mommy
is not.
JOXER
Hi, Xena. Nice day, isn't it?
XENA
Don't start with me.
Xena kicks out a chair and sits down.
XENA (CONT'D)
My back is killing me. Where is
that innkeeper? He calls that a
bed? I've been in more comfortable
racks.
GABRIELLE
(smiling a little too
much)
Oh, but it's such a nice morning.
I'm sure your back will feel fine in
a little bit.
XENA
I doubt it.
GABRIELLE
Why don't you have some porridge?
The porridge is really good.
XENA
I hate porridge.
Joxer hunches a little, fingers still working nervously.
Gabrielle turns up the smile another notch.
GABRIELLE
Yeah. Listen, Xena, it being such a
nice day and all. I wanted to tell
you something. It's, um, pretty
important. I mean, not really, really
important, sort of, y'know, semi-
important. But not that "important"
important, just kind of--
XENA
Excuse me.
She shifts Eve to one arm and snatches up her CHAKRAM in the
other hand, throwing it out of frame in a single smooth
motion. The WHISTLING that has been going on all this time
in the background stops abruptly, and the chakram sails back
into frame. Xena catches it and puts it back at her waist.
She does all this very casually.
XENA (CONT'D)
Now then. What was it you wanted to
tell me?
Both Joxer and Gabrielle are staring at her like deer in
headlights. Gabrielle manages to pull the smile back into
place.
GABRIELLE
Nothing. Nothing at all.
FADE OUT:
ACT ONE
INT. INN COMMON ROOM - MORNING
A little while later. Joxer is being very quiet. Gab is
unconsciously fidgeting with the RING on her finger. Xena
now has a bowl of porridge in front of her, which she is
ignoring. She is talking as the scene starts.
XENA
...and my back still hurts.
GABRIELLE
You know what? You need a footstool.
I'll go get one.
She gets up, very quickly, not taking her eyes off Xena.
JOXER
I'll help you.
He gets up, very quickly, not taking his eyes off Gab. Xena
places Eve on the table, cooing to her, and ignores Gab and
Jox as they walk over to one wall of the common-room where
the innkeeper has thoughtfully and very conveniently placed
a storage area with some extra chairs, a couple of barrels,
and a FOOTSTOOL. Gab picks it up, and almost immediately
Joxer takes it away from her.
GABRIELLE
(low voice)
Stop that.
JOXER
I'll carry it for you.
GABRIELLE
I'll get it myself.
JOXER
No, you go sit down.
GABRIELLE
No, you go sit down.
ANGLE ON TABLE
Xena is morosely watching Eve play with the SILVERWARE. She
calls back over her shoulder without bothering to turn and
look.
XENA
What are you two doing?
ANGLE ON GAB, JOX, AND THE FOOTSTOOL
They (Gab and Jox, that is) turn and smile in her general
direction.
BOTH
Nothing.
The smiles vanish. They glare at each other, muttering
unintelligibly while they have a small tug-of-war over the
footstool. Gab wins and takes it back to the table, Joxer
trotting right behind her.
ANGLE ON TABLE
Xena watches the approach of the footstool with indifference.
A couple of the pieces of silverware are now floating in the
air in front of Eve, who is COOING happily. Gab kneels down
and puts the footstool in front of Xena.
GABRIELLE
Here you go.
She picks up Xena's feet and places them on the footstool.
Xena's expression remains sour.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
There. That's nice.
She sits back on her heels and looks satisfied at the
arrangement, Joxer leaning over behind her and nodding in
agreement.
XENA
What is going on around here today?
GABRIELLE
(looks up and smiles)
Nothing.
Joxer nods his head in agreement again, then changes his
mind halfway through and starts shaking it "no" instead.
Xena frowns and looks as if she may say something herself,
but just then there is a commotion o.s. behind her and all
three of them look up and/or around as the case may be.
ANGLE ON DOORWAY
The door opens with a loud noise, and a VERY LARGE WARLORD
steps into the doorway. He looks left and right and then
walks further into the room. He is followed by a not-at-all
large balding, weasely-looking man, FANG. Fang ducks into
the room and scurries up to stand near Very Large Warlord.
Without looking at him, Very Large Warlord snaps his fingers.
FANG
(clears throat)
Boss says good mornin.
There are various groans from the people in the room,
including one from an INN GUY seated at the table next to
Xena's.
INN GUY
Oh, terrific.
VERY LARGE WARLORD
(grunts)
FANG
Boss says he wouldn't mind breakfast.
INN GUY
Pain in the...
He gets up from his table with a very heavy, put-upon SIGH
and walks off. Xena, who has been no more than mildly
interested in any of this, now turns away and ignores the
whole thing. There are now about half-a-dozen pieces of
silverware bobbing in the air around Eve's head, and she
LAUGHS and claps. Very Large Warlord looks down at Gab, who
is still kneeling on the floor.
VERY LARGE WARLORD
Yo. Blondie. Get me some juice.
XENA
(to the room at large)
I hate juice.
VERY LARGE WARLORD
(snaps fingers)
Come on, come on. Hop to it. I
know they didn't hire you for your
brains, but this isn't Euclidean
geometry here.
Gab rolls her eyes and ignores him. Joxer looks up at Very
Large Warlord, and his lip curls.
VERY LARGE WARLORD (CONT'D)
(sighs, hands on hips)
Ain't it always the way. The smaller
the top, the smaller the brain.
Joxer straightens up.
JOXER
Excuse me.
He strides over to Very Large Warlord.
JOXER (CONT'D)
I want you to apologize to her.
Now.
VERY LARGE WARLORD
Why?
Joxer walks up closer to Very Large Warlord, who is taller
than him by about a foot, and tries to stare him in the eye.
This doesn't work, and Joxer goes back to the table, grabs
Xena's footstool, puts it down in front of Very Large Warlord,
climbs on it, and stares again.
JOXER
Because nobody comes in here and
speaks like that to my wi--
Very Large Warlord picks Joxer up, carries him across the
room to the storage area, and places him carefully face-down
into a barrel. He turns around, sighs, and theatrically
wipes his hands--one, two, three.
VERY LARGE WARLORD
Now then. Where was I?
FANG
You was sayin how much you liked the
little blondie chick.
GABRIELLE
Hey!
It is unclear whether her outrage is over what happened to
Joxer or at being called a little blondie chick, although
her demeanor strongly suggests the latter. Meanwhile the
barrel is visible in the background. Joxer manages to tip
it over on its side with a great thump and after rolling
around a bit wriggles himself free from it. No one takes
any notice of this at all.
VERY LARGE WARLORD
You got spunk.
(considers)
I hate spunk.
GABRIELLE
Oh, that's original.
Joxer, shaking bits of barrel debris off himself and looking
very annoyed, comes up and interrupts the conversation.
JOXER
Look--
GABRIELLE
(to Joxer)
I'm handing this.
JOXER
I'll handle it, thank you.
GABRIELLE
Joxer. Go sit down.
JOXER
Don't tell me to--
Gabrielle turns to Very Large Warlord.
GABRIELLE
(politely)
Would you please excuse us for a
moment?
She turns back to Joxer.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(not politely)
Come over here.
She grabs him by the arm and they retreat to the middleground,
where they start arguing in low, unintelligible voices.
Very Large Warlord watches them. Xena looks up at him.
XENA
(indicating bowl)
You want any porridge?
VERY LARGE WARLORD
I hate porridge.
XENA
Yeah. Me too.
VERY LARGE WARLORD
Anyway. Fang
(snaps fingers)
FANG
Boss says, you tell little blondie
chick, boss is comin back to see
her.
VERY LARGE WARLORD
(grunts)
FANG
When she's done bein a little
loudmouth blondie chick.
VERY LARGE WARLORD
Catch you later.
He snaps with both hands. Fang turns around and scuttles
out of the room ahead of Very Large Warlord, who saunters
after him. Xena turns and looks at Jox and Gab, who have
not yet noticed the subject of the debate has left the room.
XENA
(loudly)
Is everything all right over there?
Jox and Gab stop arguing almost immediately, and smile.
BOTH
Fine.
XENA
Get over here.
They hurry back to the table. Joxer pokes Gab in the ribs.
JOXER
(sotto voce)
Now.
GABRIELLE
(same)
Not perfect.
JOXER
(same; a little sing-
song)
It's only getting worse.
GABRIELLE
Not 'till it's perfect.
Joxer gives up and sits down at the table, at a noticeable
distance from Xena and Gab. Gab brings the footstool back
to the table and starts to move Xena's feet onto it again,
but Xena waves her off irritably. Eve is still playing with
the floating silverware.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(brightly)
Well. Where were we?
JOXER
You were gonna tell her someth...ow!
He glares under the table at whatever it is that did whatever
it was to him.
XENA
I hope it was about leaving.
GABRIELLE
Uh...yeah.
Joxer makes an exasperated gesture at this, which goes
unnoticed.
XENA
Unless you want to stay and wait for
your friend.
GABRIELLE
Oh, please.
XENA
He said he was coming back to talk
to you.
Joxer pricks up at this.
JOXER
Oh, he did, did he?
GABRIELLE
(snorts)
How quaint.
JOXER
We'll just see about that.
He gets up and leaves. No one is paying attention.
XENA
I swear, if one more stupid thing
happens before we leave this town
I'll have to kill somebody.
GABRIELLE
Would you like anything else before
we go? How about some milk?
XENA
I hate milk.
GABRIELLE
Maybe you'd like to go outside and
get some fresh air.
A faint crashing noise can be heard o.s., muffled as though
it is coming from the aforementioned outside.
XENA
(voice raised slightly)
Well, I'd be getting lots of fresh
air if we'd stayed outside of town,
wouldn't I?
GABRIELLE
Well, we're leaving today. It's
such a nice day for traveling. Lots
of fresh air, sunshine--
XENA
I hate sunshine.
GABRIELLE
(voice starts to rise
as well)
Oh, for pity's sake. Why can't you
ever--
(catches herself,
speaks sweetly)
I mean...Well, I suppose you're right.
Xena is rubbing her temples. Now she stops and looks
suspiciously at Gab.
XENA
What is wrong with you?
GABRIELLE
Nothing's wrong with me.
XENA
Why are you Little Miss Sunshine all
of a sudden?
GABRIELLE
I'm just being helpful.
Xena sits up straight and looks at Gab. She has to push
aside one of the pieces of floating silverware to get a clear
view.
XENA
(to Eve)
Not now, sweetie, Mommy's busy.
(to Gab)
You're not being helpful. You're
being weird.
GABRIELLE
I am not.
XENA
You've been acting weird for the
past two days. Now Joxer's started
acting weird...er...
The crashing noises repeat, louder this time. There is
indistinct muffled shouting outside. The Inn Guy walks across
the frame towards the door, muttering to himself.
INN GUY
Now what?
He continues o.s.
GABRIELLE
Ah...
XENA
He's even more underfoot than usual
today, and you're acting like you
swallowed a honeycomb, and between
the two of you...
Gabrielle takes a deep breath and collects herself.
GABRIELLE
Fine. Fine. Um. I can explain.
Xena sits back and folds her arms.
XENA
Go ahead.
There are more crashing noises.
GABRIELLE
Okay. Um.
(laughs)
Oh, you're not going to believe it.
It's really so funny...
Xena doesn't seem to think so.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(stops laughing)
Um. Well. Anyway...
(sober-faced)
You know how sometimes things happen
that seem really awful at the time,
but later on you find out they're
really not so bad after all? Even
though they seem really awful at the
time.
(pause)
Really, really, really, awful...
(voice trails off)
Xena glares. Gab fidgets with the ring, and takes a deep
breath.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
Okay. Okay. I'm just going to come
right out and tell you. This is it.
No more beating around the bush.
I'm going to come right out and say
it. Just come right out...
(deep breath)
The Inn Guy comes back into frame.
INN GUY
Hey, everybody, come look at this.
There's a pretty good fight going on
out there.
Most of the people in the room, except for Xena and Gab, get
up and head for the door.
INN GUY (CONT'D)
You'd better hurry if you want to
catch it before it's over. That
idiot's gonna get pounded.
XENA
Which idiot would that be?
INN GUY
The one from out of town who didn't
have enough common sense to ignore
that jerk who was in here earlier.
Xena holds up a hand for silence.
XENA
We'll be with you in a second.
(to Gab)
What is it you wanted to tell me?
Gab smiles.
GABRIELLE
It can wait.
FADE OUT:
ACT TWO
INT. INN COMMON ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
The breakfast crowd has left, and the room is empty except
for Gabrielle and Eve. While Eve plays with a floating spoon
Gab keeps glancing at the door and fidgeting unhappily.
After a few seconds the door opens and Xena comes in, dragging
a mussed-up Joxer by the scruff of his neck. She hauls him
into the middle of the room and gives him a final shake before
letting him go.
XENA
What was that all about?
JOXER
(resentful)
Leggo.
He stalks away a few paces, shaking himself out.
XENA
Do you have some sudden desire to be
stomped into pita bread? Because I
can do that for you.
JOXER
I couldn't let him get away with it.
XENA
Get away with what?
GABRIELLE
(quickly)
Well, it's all over now, let's just
calm down.
Joxer gives her a look.
JOXER
Yeah. In fact, it would be a really
good time to explain--
GABRIELLE
(sweetly)
I don't think so.
XENA
Explain what? Why you jumped some
town bully for no apparent reason?
JOXER
I had a reason.
XENA
I mean a reason that makes sense.
You never learn. You never, never
learn.
JOXER
I do so. I've learned
(pointedly aimed at
Gab)
unlike SOME people around here, to
accept MY responsibilities.
GABRIELLE
Imagined responsibilities. We've
been over this...
She sees that Xena is looking at her.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(inoffensively sweet
once more)
I'm sure he had a very good reason.
XENA
Like what?
There is a pause during which it becomes apparent Gabrielle
is not going to answer, even though Joxer is giving her an
overly obvious go-ahead signal.
JOXER
Like...
GABRIELLE
(very quickly)
The horses!
(puts Eve down
carefully and stands
up)
I forgot all about them! We were
getting ready to go and I forgot to
go get the horses. I can't imagine
where my mind is lately. I'll just
go out and get them...
But this would require leaving Joxer alone in the room with
Xena, wouldn't it?
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
...Joxer. Joxer will go get them
ready.
JOXER
Not me.
GABRIELLE
(sweet smile, but
less sincere this
time)
Responsibilities. That's why...that's
why he went out in the first place.
Isn't it?
JOXER
(tight)
I hate horses. You know that. Dear.
GABRIELLE
(same)
Yes. But you wanted to be helpful.
Dear.
He starts to reply.
XENA
Joxer. Do what she says. Go get
the horses.
JOXER
But--
XENA
Now.
He doesn't move. This is insubordination.
XENA (CONT'D)
Is there something going on I should
know about?
(no answer)
Then move.
Joxer stomps irritably for the door.
JOXER
It's a guy thing. You wouldn't get
it.
He leaves, slamming the door behind him.
XENA
(shouts after him,
too late)
It's a scared of horses thing, if
you ask me.
Gabrielle stands still and smiles inoffensively. Xena turns
back to her.
XENA (CONT'D)
Don't say anything.
If I hear one more thing I don't
want to hear today...
The door opens, and Very Large Warlord comes swaggering back
into the room, Fang scuttling around from behind him.
VERY LARGE WARLORD
(grunts)
FANG
Boss says, he's back.
Xena and Gab both GROAN.
XENA
Lovely.
She sits down, disgusted. Very Large Warlord looks around
the room, and GRUNTS again.
FANG
Boss says, is that annoying guy here
any more?
GABRIELLE
He's out in the stables. And I think
I'm going to go give him a hand.
She starts for the door, eyeing Very Large Warlord while
walking around him in an exaggerated arc.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
It's less smelly out there than it
is in here.
Very Large Warlord moves between her and the door.
VERY LARGE WARLORD
I still don't have my juice.
XENA
(sighs)
Oh, leave her alone.
GABRIELLE
(not at all intimidated)
Why don't you go squeeze it yourself?
Because I'm never going to squeeze
it for you.
XENA
Gabrielle...don't.
VERY LARGE WARLORD
You know, I'm starting to hate spunk
even more than usual right now.
XENA
(deceptively quiet
voice)
Let's just stop now before this gets
out of hand.
FANG
(to Gabrielle)
Boss says, you're makin him mad, I
think.
XENA
Excuse me? Am I in the room?
FANG
Boss says, you wouldn't like him
when he's mad.
XENA
Wouldn't like HIM.
VERY LARGE WARLORD
(to Fang)
Get lost.
GABRIELLE
(to Fang)
Yeah. Get lost.
Xena stands up, kicking the chair back under the table with
a loud BANG. Gab, Very Large Warlord, and Fang jump at the
sound. Eve claps her hands.
XENA
That's IT. I've been surrounded by
nothing but MORONS for the past two
days, and I've HAD it. I'm tired of
every single time I try to sit down
and relax I've got warlords or gods
or idiots picking fights and I can
never get a word in edgewise.
Everybody--grow up!
Gabrielle starts to say something.
XENA (CONT'D)
(cutting her off)
And that includes you too, missy.
As for the rest of you, you
(to Very Large Warlord,
who cringes)
get a haircut, and you
(to Fang, who cringes)
get a real job, and all of you, get
OUT of my sight before I have to
make an example of somebody!
Very Large Warlord, Fang, and Gabrielle all look at each
other, then scramble for the door.
XENA (CONT'D)
NOT you!!
Gabrielle stops dead in her tracks while Very Large Warlord
and Fang exit.
XENA (CONT'D)
One more thing. I swear to Ares,
one more thing...The next person who
messes with me today...
She slaps the chakram at her waist.
XENA (CONT'D)
I swear I'm gonna...
There is a noise outside, as if someone has dropped a
saddlebag.
JOXER (O.S.)
You!
VERY LARGE WARLORD (O.S.)
Don't start with me.
JOXER (O.S.)
I'm gonna...
VERY LARGE WARLORD (O.S.)
(sighs)
There is a loud crash. Gabrielle hides her face in her hands.
XENA
(furious; yelling)
Joxer!
There is no response.
XENA (CONT'D)
JOXER! Get in here!!
The fighting noises subside for a minute, and the door opens
enough for Joxer to poke his head into the room.
JOXER
(annoyed)
I'm TRYING to have a fight out here,
okay?
XENA
Joxer, you get in here right now and
you...
JOXER
Not NOW!
He withdraws, and the fighting noises pick up again. Xena
is frozen for a minute in disbelief.
XENA
That's it. That's it. I'm going to
kill him.
GABRIELLE
Oh, Xena...
XENA
No, I've had it. I'm gonna kill
him.
Her hand twitches near her chakram, like a movie gunslinger.
XENA (CONT'D)
Or maybe just...maim him.
GABRIELLE
(suddenly panicked at
this)
Xena, you can't!
XENA
Sure I can. He doesn't dodge that
well.
GABRIELLE
No, I mean you can't can't!
XENA
Why not?
Gabrielle closes her eyes and winces, as if avoiding a blow.
GABRIELLE
(takes a deep breath
and blurts it out)
Because I'm married to him!
She remains like this for a moment or two, then opens her
eyes cautiously to find that Xena is giving her The Look.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(almost a question)
It was an accident.
XENA
(calmly)
You can't get married by accident.
You can get
(fingers chakram)
dead by accident.
GABRIELLE
It was one of Aphrodite's stupid
spells from the fight.
Xena says nothing, but has an air about her that suggests
she would still like to put the chakram into play at this
point.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
It's only going to be for a little
while. Just until we can break the
spell.
Xena stares levelly at Gab. Gab can't take it and winces,
shutting her eyes tightly once again. Finally Xena speaks.
XENA
(normal voice)
Oh, is that all.
Gab opens one eye, then two.
XENA (CONT'D)
You were acting like it was something
important.
GABRIELLE
(miffed)
It's a little important.
XENA
So that's what all this nonsense was
about?
GABRIELLE
Uh, yeah. I had to, y'know, talk to
Aphrodite, and I had to find Joxer,
and I had to wait until everything
was perfect, and...
XENA
Why didn't we just do all this
yesterday afternoon?
GABRIELLE
(stammering)
Well...well, I wasn't sure how you
would, y'know, take it.
XENA
What the hell did you think I was
going to do? Take a chakram and cut
off--
GABRIELLE
Well, you're so touchy sometimes.
XENA
I have a baby that needs to be fed
every four hours. I don't have time
to be touchy.
She goes to the table and picks up Eve.
XENA (CONT'D)
Well, come on. We may as well stop
you from becoming an overnight widow
again.
She walks calmly to the door, followed by a couple of pieces
of floating silverware and the footstool, which has also
taken to the air. Gab stares after her, flabbergasted, for
a few seconds, then follows.
CUT TO:
INT. INN COMMON ROOM -- LATER
ANGLE ON TABLE
Joxer is lying on his back on the table with a COMPRESS over
one eye. Eve is sitting on the table next to him, chortling
as the compress repeatedly floats up to join the silverware
and Joxer patiently pulls it back down again. Gabrielle is
standing next to the table with the Inn Guy, who is ticking
off on his fingers as he speaks.
INN GUY
...six dinars for the water barrel,
twelve dinars to fix the porch, twenty-
five dinars for lost business. And
a dinar for the footstool.
Gabrielle pulls out a money pouch, but pauses before opening
it to look meaningfully at Joxer.
GABRIELLE
You don't need any house slaves, do
you?
INN GUY
Lady, you couldn't pay me enough.
He takes the money from Gabrielle and leaves. Xena enters
from outside, dressed in her traveling-coat.
JOXER
(to Gab)
How about now?
Gabrielle starts to say something, stops, and smiles rather
nastily.
GABRIELLE
How about if you tell her?
XENA
Tell me what?
This time when the compress floats away Joxer lets it go.
He raises his head and looks at Gab for a long moment.
JOXER
(to Gab)
Fine.
(to Xena)
She and I got married because of
something Aphrodite did.
XENA
Yeah, I heard.
JOXER
Oh. Okay.
(to Gab)
See? That wasn't so hard.
He lies back down. Gab takes a deep breath, gesturing in
preparation for something she's about to say to him, but is
interrupted by Xena.
XENA
Well, everything's all set. Did you
pay the inn guy? Joxer, go out and
watch the horses until we're ready.
If you're going to be married, you
should try to be a little helpful.
JOXER
(sits up, aggrieved)
That's what I've been trying to tell
her.
He gets off the table and leaves the room.
GABRIELLE
You think this is funny.
XENA
No, I don't.
GABRIELLE
You do so.
XENA
Okay, I do.
Gabrielle sulks. Her expression looks remarkably like Joxer's
when she does this.
XENA (CONT'D)
Oh, come on, Gabrielle. We'll find
some way to lift the spell and
everything can go back to
(picks up her god-
sired avatar child
that is a
reincarnation of her
mortal enemy)
normal.
GABRIELLE
Oh, perfect.
XENA
No, not perfect. A little less than
perfect, I should think.
They walk to the door and exit. The last few pieces of
floating silverware fall to the table.
FADE OUT