CHARACTERS:
Our Beloved Trio:
Xena, Warrior Princess
Gabrielle, Queen and Bard
Joxer the Mighty

Hypocritus, Mycenaean Ranger
Nathaniel
Adrastea
Galmides, Hypocritus' Father
Aragulon, Evil warlord and master of... uh... evil
Various bad guys, and townspeople

Rating: PG-13 to R (Violence, strong language, really corny usage of popular culture)
Genre: Xena: Warrior Princess.
Violence: Worse than the show, but not as bad as a slasher flick
Subtext: Nope sorry, uh-uh.
Sex: Yes please ;-D (sorry).
Spoilers: Anything up to and including Family Affair (that's as far as I've gotten).

Note from the author: This is my first attempt at a Joxer fanfic. I've had this story running in my head for a while and finally decided to write it. If you don't like Joxer, then do not read on. Joxer and I are a lot alike, so don't even go there. I would appreciate good criticism (i.e., NO FLAMES). Hypocritus is nothing like me physically, except the eyes and hair. All I did was give him my past, and my spirit. So sit back and enjoy.

Chapter 1: Meetings

As the noonday sun burned high overhead, a pair of women walked the long road from Pheneos to Pylos. Gabrielle looked at Xena as they walked. A warlord neither had heard of was on his way there, and Xena hoped to get there before he did.

"So have you learned anything new about this warlord?"

"No. I figure I'll be able to find out more once we get to Pylos."

As they rounded a bend in the road, they saw a group of bandits attacking a lone man. Actually, the truth was that they were trying to attack, because the cloaked man was kicking serious ass. Gabrielle was about to rush in when Xena placed a restraining hand on her shoulder. "Remember Ulysses?" With a nod and smile, Gabrielle lowered her staff and watched the fight. Then, like their first meeting with Ulysses, another four thieves emerged from the forest, and Xena decided to get into the action.

A high pitched "Ayiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi" pierced the ears of the bandits, causing them to turn from their quarry as a flying body clad in black leather descended among them. Xena smiled wickedly as the bandits charged her. But some never got there. Three men fell almost instantly, dead, a small knife, barely larger than her hand, buried in each one's back. She didn't have time to think of that as the last five reached her. Blocking the first's strike she kicked him hard in the groin, sending him to the ground. The next to approach her received a devastating punch, knocking him into the third. Meanwhile, Gabrielle fended off another of the bandits, smashing his face and stomach with her staff. From behind the group, came a shout.

"Fear not, my warrior chums for Joxer the Mighty is her-aaaaaahhhh." With that, he fell flat on his face, losing his grip on his sword. It cartwheeled through the air, striking the fifth bandit on the back of the head, sending him into unconsciousness. The few bandits that could, grabbed their still living comrades and ran for the hills. Joxer struggled to his feet, and retrieving his sword, cried after them, "Yes, run, while you still can! Because I am Joxer, the Mighty, haha!"

Xena allowed herself a tight grin, then saw something quite unusual. The man the bandits had attacked was quickly removing the small daggers from the three dead men. He was tall; almost as tall, if not taller, than Hercules. His body was well hidden beneath an ankle length cloak that seemed more of a cape with a hood than anything else. But when she glimpsed the small pendant around his neck, she almost gasped.

Gabrielle, of course, had seen none of this, as she currently had Joxer's nose in a vise-like grip.

"What were you thinking!? You are so stupid. You could have gotten me and Xena killed," she cried. Just then, a black gloved hand grabbed her wrist. Turning, she saw a pair of steel blue eyes glaring at her from beneath a hood.

"He was only trying to help."

Incensed, Gabrielle shot back, "So? That sword could have hit either of us. He still could have killed us." She twisted Joxer's nose again.

"OW, OW-OW-OW, Gabby!?!"

"Let... Him... Go," the cloaked stranger growled menacingly. Almost in fear, she quickly dropped her hand and backed away. As the traveler turned to Joxer, Gabrielle whispered to Xena,

"Who, or what is that guy? And why is he helping Joxer?"

In a reverent voice that shocked Gabrielle, not only because of the respect and awe in it, but also because of the words themselves, Xena replied, "He's a Mycenaean Ranger."

{Cue Xena Theme:
*In a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings,
A land in turmoil cried out for a hero.
She was Xena, a mighty Princess, forged in the heat of battle.
The power, The passion, The danger.
Her courage will change the world*}

Chapter 2: Hypocritus

Gabrielle stared at her friend for a minute, then shook her head. "I must be hearing things, but I could have sworn you said 'Mycenaean Ranger'?"

"That's what I said all right Gabrielle, a Mycenaean Ranger. And from what I hear, he's probably one of the last in existence," Xena replied, seeming almost amazed at his presence.

Gabrielle merely shook her head in confusion. "Wait a second. Are you telling me that all those old legends about evil phantom warriors that strike without a sound are true?"

Xena again smiled slightly as she looked at the bard. "Not exactly. Those stories were created to make people fear the Rangers. When I was rampaging through Greece, I encountered one of them. He was trying to stop me from attacking. We fought, and I barely managed to defeat him. These guys are among the only ones who could possibly ever defeat me in combat."

"You don't have to be so dramatic, Xena. We're not that good."

Both women looked up in shock to see a handsome face smiling down at them; the steel eyes that minutes before glared in anger now laughed in mirth. His dark brown hair was long and unkempt, somewhat like Joxer's. Nearby, Joxer was sitting on a log, smiling at the thunderstruck expressions on his companions' faces. Joxer sported a cut on his forehead, where he had caught a glancing blow from a sharp rock. Receiving the "look" from Xena, he quickly dropped the smile.

"I am sorry if I startled you, but I would like to thank you for helping," the man said. Gabrielle was surprised that his voice was warm and mellow, not at all as dangerous as she had thought.

"You're welcome. It's really an honor to help someone of your breeding... I mean, uh," Gabrielle replied, stopping as she was unsure of what to call him.

Xena smirked and the Ranger laughed heartily at Gabrielle's flustered features. Xena then extended her arm in the warrior's greeting. "You obviously know me. This is Gabrielle, and that's Joxer," she stated, "and you would be...?"

"Of course. Where are my manners? My name is Hypocritus, and I should be the one honored to meet the famous Xena. I've looked forward to meeting you. In fact, it was one of my sword brothers that battled you, Jeorim was his name. He and I were close friends."

"I'm sorry..." Xena started to reply, when Hypocritus cut her off.

"No, don't be. You killed the Xena that I wanted to kill when you took up the cause of good. The world is better off forgetting about her," Hypocritus replied sadly.

Gabrielle, wanting to know more about the Rangers, quickly blurted, "We're on our way to Pylos. There's a warlord that's on his way there to cause some trouble."

His face grew dark as he said, "That's where I was headed as a matter of fact, but it was to visit some old friends."

"Maybe we can travel together."

"Hey, that's a great idea. We can all be one big bunch of warrior chums," Joxer interjected happily. Gabrielle almost said something to Joxer, but Hypocrites beat her to it.

"Sounds like fun, Joxer. Let's go." With that, the two men began to walk in the direction of Pylos; Joxer beginning his inane song.

"Joxer, the Mighty, roams through the countryside..." As the pair rounded the bend, Gabrielle turned to see Xena smirking as she grabbed Argo's reigns.

"Well, you wanted to find out about the Rangers..." Xena started. Gabrielle quickly whacked her in the backside with her staff. Laughing, the duo set off after the singing Joxer.

Chapter 3: The Story of the Rangers

Gabrielle jogged up to walk beside Hypocritus. She had wanted to talk to him ever since learning about who and what he was. Now, with Joxer finally walking quietly, she grabbed her chance.

"So tell me about the Rangers. I mean, I heard stories when I was a little girl, but they almost always described the Rangers as evil."

Hypocritus cringed, then replied, "One of my masters used to say, 'When telling a story, it is always best to start at the beginning, and when you reach the end, stop.'"

Gabrielle chuckled, "He sounds like he was very wise."

"Yes, he was." Taking a deep breath, he began the tale.

"A long time ago, when Mycenae first began to become the power it is today, traders would travel there to exchange items with other traders from Egypt, Crete, even Chin. Soon, though, marauders began preying on the traders, causing them to stop coming. As the traders stopped coming, Mycenae became poorer and poorer. Eventually, the king and his advisors created the Rangers to protect the trading routes, and to capture or kill the marauders."

"Before long, the Rangers were so effective that the Academy's council decided to diversify by letting the Rangers go out in groups or in pairs to work as a kind of 'Hero for Hire' service. After all, they needed to pay the bills somehow. This worked well for many decades. Rangers would go out to help a village or town that was having problems, and they would get paid. But it was never about the money. Then Vadronus came. He seemed to be the perfect Ranger candidate, strong and smart, but what no one knew was that he was power hungry. He only wanted to learn to fight against the good Rangers. And, just as one bad apple spoils the bushel, Vadronus' evil ways began to infect some of the other students. Eventually, he took over the academy, and began a wholesale slaughter of the Rangers that opposed his evil. It was around this time that the Rangers got the bad reputation. And that was, oh, about fifty years ago."

"But how is that possible. I assume you're a good Ranger, and yet you can't be more than twenty five or thirty."

"Yes, well, I was getting to that part. After a while, the remaining Rangers banded together, and drove Vadronus and his men away from Mycenae. They re-established the academy secretly, because of the stories, and that's where I was trained."

"Oh. So why aren't there more Rangers, if the academy is there again?" Gabrielle questioned.

Hypocritus looked upset, and Gabrielle regretted asking, when he replied, venom dripping from his voice, "Vadronus' son, Aragulon. He came back, with a large army and a group of evil Rangers that he had taught, and... and destroyed everything. And everyone he could."

"Except you, right?" He nodded his head slightly. "How did you escape?"

"I was on a mission to Athens at the time. But I wish I could have been there. Even if it had meant my death. But right now, I'd really rather hear some of you three's adventures together."

"All right. Let's see, one time, Xena and I were on our way to..."

Chapter 4: Where Do Broken Hearts go

Later that night, Hypocritus and Joxer sat across from each other at their campfire as they finished singing Joxer's song in a round. The two had been acting like old friends since they had met. Xena and Gabrielle were sleeping, at a separate campfire for the girls. The guys had chosen to alternate watches, Joxer first, then Hypocritus.

"Hey, you're a pretty good singer. I would never have thought to sing it like that."

"Thanks, Joxer. Actually, I try to sing as much as possible. Sometimes I just need to sing a song that'll bring a smile to my face, you know?"

"Yep, I know how that feels."

Silence reigned for a few moments. During that time, Hypocritus noticed the glances Joxer was throwing at Gabrielle.

"She's quite a woman, isn't she?" Hypocritus asked.

"Yeah," Joxer replied unconsciously, then amended hastily, "I mean, ah, she's a great bard, and a good fighter, but she's not as great as I, Joxer the Mighty, am."

Hypocritus just smiled, and then he whispered something that shocked Joxer.

"Does she know?"

"Wha, who, how, I mean, ah, oh, uh, er... What are you talking about?" Joxer innocently replied, hoping that Gabrielle was beyond earshot.

"Gabrielle. Does she know how you feel about her?"

Joxer's shoulders slumped in defeat as he quietly replied, "No she doesn't. And I doubt she ever will. How did you know?"

Hypocritus looked at Joxer for a few moments and then turned his attention back to the fire. They sat like that for some time, before Hypocritus again spoke.

"Can I tell you a story, Jox," he asked, his eyes still on the fire. Joxer looked up and could have sworn he saw tears in the warrior's eyes, but quickly dismissed it as impossible.

"Sure, I don't see why not." Hypocritus sighed, then looked up at Joxer. This time, Joxer could not mistake the tears in his eyes.

"Back when I was young, before I became a Ranger, I lived in Pylos. Looking at me now, you wouldn't believe it, but I was fat and slow, constantly picked on. My parents both taught at the school: my mother focusing on the younger students, my father taught the teenagers. So as you can guess, there was a lot of pressure on me to do well in school. My dad used to call me all sorts of things, and beat me, when I did poorly or misbehaved. I still hear his voice calling me stupid sometimes. My younger brother was born when I was four. I thought it would be nice to have a brother, but he just turned out to be 'Mr. Perfect' in my father's eyes. Better grades, better looking, better athlete, and he liked the things my father liked. He was just pretty much better than I was in all things, according to my dad."

"Anyway, I had a small group of friends that didn't try to insult me out of spite. It was more of a playful banter. One was my best friend Nathaniel. He had moved to our town when we were still toddlers, so we've known each other for most of our lives. We used to do everything together. We played sports, climbed trees, swam, you name it. We were inseparable. Then there was Adrastea." Hypocritus sighed longingly, then continued.

"She was another of my friends. When I first met her, she and Nathaniel were courting. She was fiery, had a real warrior's spirit, but she could sing as well as I could, even better maybe. She was beautiful; maybe not Aphrodite beautiful, but to me she was a goddess. She had these beautiful blue eyes that you could get lost in, and her hair was the color of ripe wheat stalks. And when she smiled, Gods, I would have done anything to see her smile. She and Nathaniel broke up a couple of years after I first met her. And not long after that, I fell in love with her."

Joxer was completely astonished. He had never thought that anyone could understand his own problems and trials. And yet here was a man who had experienced many of the same pains, although with less physical abuse.

"Anyway, because I wasn't strong or handsome, I thought I didn't have a chance with Adrastea. So I made do just being her friend, loving her from afar. But I began exercising and strengthening my body, hoping that I could win her heart, by becoming a warrior. And you know what, Jox?"

Joxer gulped, guessing the ending, "What?"

Hypocritus sighed sadly, the firelight dancing in his eyes. "She was raped and killed."

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Not as sorry as I was, Joxer. You see, I had never told her how I felt. So when she died, it was like part of me died with her. All I had left was this...emptiness. That and an all-consuming hatred and thirst for revenge against the bandits that did that to her. That's when I joined the Rangers, so I could strike against the ones that had caused my pain. Unfortunately, no one knew who had done it, so I just fought any and all who did evil, hoping to one day meet them. Because when I do, I'm going to look him straight in the eye and say, 'Hello, my name is Hypocritus. You killed the woman I love. Prepare to die.'" Hypocritus wiped the tears from his eyes and cheeks. Then stared hard at his new friend.

"You see what I'm talking about Joxer? Gabrielle told me some of you guys' adventures. That's how I knew. Selling your father's scabbard, standing against Callisto and Xena when her life was on the line, trying to give her memory back at the temple of Mnemosyne, placing the flowers at the altar of Dahok, the naked Gabrielles, Attis the Apeman," at this the young Ranger chuckled. "You keep trying so hard, but it's not about trying hard; it's about being yourself. You've almost lost her twice now. And in my village we have a saying. 'Third time's the charm.' Are you really willing to risk losing Gabrielle a third time, knowing that she doesn't know how you feel?" Hypocritus leaned back, letting that information sink into Joxer's brain.

"Why are you telling me all of this?" Joxer questioned. He was completely taken aback by the similarities to his own story.

"Because you remind me of myself, about sixteen years ago. So full of hope and promise, and yet, so insecure and helpless. Not that you're helpless physically, although you need to work on your balance and clumsiness, but emotionally you're like a little kid. I know the signs, because I lived the signs. You and me, we're brothers, Joxer. Maybe not by blood, but in spirit and life experiences. A lousy childhood, our brother shows us up, we try to be warriors for the wrong reasons..."

"What do you mean by that? I'm a warrior for the right reasons."

Hypocritus lowered his head, then returned Joxer's stare. "Joxer, can you tell me truthfully, look me in the eyes and say 'I am a warrior. In my fondest dreams, I always wanted to be a warrior. Not because of a girl, or my family, or the prestige, but because it's what I love to do.' If you can say that and mean it Joxer, then I'll teach you everything I know." Seeing Joxer's crestfallen expression, he hastily added, "But if you can't, that doesn't mean you can't continue 'righting wrongs and singing songs.' Gabrielle's a bard, not a warrior, but she still knows how to fight, and she still rights wrongs. You just have to follow your heart, Joxer. That's all anyone can do." Hypocritus spoke again.

"You know something? You are one of the luckiest men alive."

"Yeah, right."

"I'm serious. Gabrielle has almost died, or has and come back, twice now, if not more. You still have a chance to fulfill your dreams. Don't ever give up on that chance. Trust me on this Joxer. If you want, talk to Xena first. She'll be able to help you out, and maybe even put in a good word or two. But please, for Aphrodite's sake, don't give up. If you do, it'll destroy all your dreams and hopes. Like it did to me."

"Thanks. That means a lot to me. And as for the warrior thing..."

"Hold it. Don't answer now. Sleep on it. They say that dreams are a vision of your heart's desire, so tell me in the morning. It's my turn on watch now, anyway."

With that, Joxer settled into his blankets, unaware that no more than a few feet away, a blonde, green-eyed bard was crying herself to sleep.

Chapter 5: The Confrontation

Hypocritus moved stealthily away from the camp. He had no intention of leaving, but talking about the woman he loved had hurt more than he had first realized. Silently, he moved to a nearby lake, and knelt on the beach. He had hated lying to Joxer about why he joined the Rangers, but something made him keep it to himself.

"Adrastea," was the only word he was able to mutter before sobs racked his body. He thought back to that fateful night when he had found out. In his mind he saw...

The Academy, a secret network of caves in the hills near Mycenae, twelve years earlier. Torches provided the only light in the dank caves. Hypocritus was practicing his knife throwing, time and again hitting the bulls-eye. Suddenly, he spun around, sensing someone behind him.

"Who are you," he demanded, his eyes narrowing in suspicion at the figure in front of him. The man was tall, and frankly oozed power. His goatee and hair were black as night, and his leather armor matched his hair. His eyes seemed to glow in an unearthly sort of way.

"Now is that any way to speak to a god?" Questioned the being, raising his eyebrows mockingly.

"Yeah, right. Try another one." Hypocritus had figured that out from his first glance, but he hated to be interrupted in the middle of practice.

The dark being's expression turned grim. "I'm serious. And you shouldn't talk back to your elders." With that said, he shot a bolt of energy from his hand. But it didn't come close to hitting the impudent young boy, because he was no longer there.

"OK, so you shoot lightning bolts from your hand. Do you shoot fireballs from your ass, or what?"

The god whirled to see the youth leaning cockily against a door-frame. With a sneer, the god replied, "No, but I can, and will, destroy this place with a flick of my wrist if you don't start showing a little respect."

"Dark leather armor, even darker sense of humor. Ares, God of War, I presume," the young Hypocritus replied, looking straight at the god as he exaggerated a bow.

Ares returned the bow mockingly. "I am impressed by your powers of deduction, Hypocritus," The god laughed at the young man's shocked expression, "Of course I know who you are. I am a god, you know."

"Alright, introductions are over. What do you want."

"Merely to tell you of a tragedy. Aphrodite wanted to come, but she doesn't like caves, too wet and 'icky'. She wanted me to say, oh how did that go? 'Like, I know this is a total bummer, but that's life. That girl you like's kinda, like, dead.' At least, that's what she said..."

"What? What are you ... oh gods no." Hypocritus was suddenly struck by a terrible cold in his heart. "Adrastea," he whispered as he sank to his knees, the life draining from his body.

"Once again, I am impressed by your powers of deduction. Yeah, sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Your pretty little love," the last word left in a mocking tone, "is dead; raped and slaughtered."

He still remembered that scream. His master had run in to find him crying uncontrollably. Neither had said a word about the incident, but everyone at the Academy and even in the neighboring village had wondered at the scream; a scream that was called the 'Scream of Ultimate Suffering.'

For years, he had wondered what Ares had wanted, what he had to gain by telling him that. After that night, he had gone into the woods and planted a gravestone he had made for her. Every year following, he had visited it. He had never been to Pylos since that night when his soul had died; the memories would have been too painful.

"I sense something, a presence I haven't felt since..." Quickly, he spun around, his sword in his hand. The tip stopped over the heart of the last person he wanted to see.

"Ares," he stated coldly.

"You need to have more of a mocking tone when you say it. Other than that, it was good. Have you been taking lessons from Xena?" The god laughed at his joke, then smiled at the warrior before him. He had left the cape at the camp, and was clad in head to toe black leather armor, his hair rippling in the breeze, his muscles bulging. The only thing that marred the warrior's image was the tears in his eyes. I would never have thought he would turn out this well.

"It's been a long time, Hypocritus."

"Not long enough." The warrior's sword never moved from the god's chest.

"Oh, come on. You know you can't kill me."

"Really? Don't you think, as much as I hate you, that maybe, just maybe, I managed to kill one of the Hinds, before you gods destroyed them all. After all, I'm just crazy enough to do it."

Ares suddenly felt chilled. He's bluffing, he has to be. Then an idea suddenly wedged itself in his brain. I told him about the girl. He hates me enough that he could have... Ares' heart grew even colder as he began to feel the beginnings of an emotion that he hadn't felt since he had turned human... fear. Absolute and horrible fear for his life.

"Now, now, don't you want to know why I'm here?" he managed to choke out.

"Not really, but I think I'll indulge you before I kill you."

Ares fought back against the sick feeling in his stomach. "Your worst enemy, the one that fills your nightmares, he is the one you seek."

Hypocritus narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean? And why are you telling me this?"

"I'm a god, do I need a reason? As for the hint, you'll have to find out on your own, won't you."

Hypocritus cocked his head, shrugged and drove the sword into the god's heart.

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