Joxer -- Brad
Gabrielle -- Janet
Jace -- Dr. Frank-n-Furter
Strife -- Riff Raff
Discord -- Magenta
Meg -- Columbia
Xena -- Dr. Everett V. Scott
Hercules -- Rocky Horror Creation
Iolaus -- Eddie
Various villagers -- The Transylvanians

(Based on "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" written by Richard O'Brien and Jim Sharman)

Disclaimer: Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer and the rest of the characters that appear on Xena: Warrior Princess are not mine... but I like to play with them once in a while... *bg* Rocky Horror Picture Show isn't mine either... but I'd love to play with Frankie... *vbeg*
Rating: M-R. (About the same as the movie... so whatever that is)
Language: A few bad words here and there.
Spoilers: Callisto.
Sex: Nothing explicit, although there is one scene with M/M intimacy.
Author's Notes: I have written Gabrielle when she still had that "innocence" about her. I've loved RHPS since I first saw it when I was 14! This is the result of a rather vivid dream (that you guys don't need to know about!) *g* I've kinda placed this maybe mid third season. But I've decided that they've been together for a few years already... aw, heck, you guys figure it out! *g* BTW... I also left out several songs that didn't "fit" with what I was writing. So, you might notice a few things left out. I also left out the "Narrator".... also known as "The Guy With No Neck". Anyway.... I hope you enjoy!

A villager looked up toward the temple. "Here they come!"

Several other villagers cheered as a young man and woman emerged. They smiled and waved to the crowd as they made their way to a small cart decorated with bright colours pulled by two bays.

Joxer smiled and shook the man's hand. "Congratulations, Andrew!"

Andrew grinned and glanced at his pretty new wife sitting next to him. "I guess I finally did it, huh."

"I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Angela have been almost inseparable since you two first met back in Athens," Joxer replied.

Andrew grinned again. "Well, to tell you the truth, Joxer, she's the only reason I stayed in Athens in the first place!"

Angela giggled as she stood up in the cart and waved her bouquet of flowers above her head. "Okay, gather round!"

A group of women of various ages gathered in front of the cart. Joxer could see Gabrielle near the back of the crowd and grinned. He watched as Angela threw the bouquet. It bounced out of several grasping hands and then a hand reached out from the back of the crowd, catching the flowers as they bounced towards it. As the crowd parted, Joxer could see Gabrielle grinning happily as she held the bouquet tight. The other women smiled and congratulated her. Andrew smirked as he turned back to Joxer. "Looks like it could be your turn next, eh big guy?"

Joxer smiled. "Who knows?"

"Well, so long. See you around, Joxer. We'd better get going, Angela."

Andrew slapped the reins and the horses, shaking their heads, brook into a quick trot. Joxer stepped away and watched the happy couple leave. He heard someone approach and turned to see Gabrielle, still holding the flowers.

"Oh, Joxer, wasn't it wonderful? Angela was so beautiful! I can't believe it. An hour ago she was single and now she's the wife of Andrew the butcher!" Gabrielle's eyes misted as she thought about the wonderful ceremony she had just witnessed.

"Yeah, Gabby, Andrew's a lucky guy," Joxer commented.

Gabrielle nodded. "Yes."

"And everyone knows that Angela is a great cook," Joxer continued. Actually, she cooks worse than I do! he thought.

"Yes."

"And Andrew will be inheriting his family's business in another year or two," Joxer said.

"Yes," Gabrielle repeated a third time.

"Hey, Gabby," Joxer started.

Gabrielle looked up at him. "Yes, Joxer?"

"I've got... uh... something to say," he said.

"Uh huh?" Gabrielle responded hopefully.

"I really love... the... uh... skillful way...you beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet," he said.

"Oh, Joxer," Gabrielle smiled.

"Gabby, we've been going together for a few years now... and I... uh... well... the future is ours, so let's plan it."

The bard looked confused. "What do you mean, Joxer?"

Joxer took a deep breath and looked at Gabrielle. "I've one thing to say and that's Gabby, I love you! If there's one fool for you, then I am it. Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker." He fumbled in his pocket and finally pulled out a small golden band with delicate engravings and a small green stone. He held it out to her as he continued, "Oh, Gabby, will you marry me?"

The bard gasped as she took the ring and looked at it closer. "It's nicer than Angela had. Now we're engaged and I'm so glad. Oh, Joxer, I love you, too."

"There's just one thing left to do and that's go see the gal who began it," Joxer responded happily. "When I ran into you two on the trail it made me give you the eye and then panic."

"I remember. You tried to kidnap me and take me to Callisto," Gabrielle laughed.

"Yeah, and you beat me up," Joxer grinned.

The night was cold and the torrential downpour did nothing to dampen the spirits of the two young lovers. They cuddled closer and Joxer encouraged the horses to go faster. Suddenly a horse and rider galloped past them and disappeared into the night. Gabrielle looked over her shoulder, curiously.

"That's the third rider that's passed us. They're sure putting their lives in their hands, riding that fast along a road like this," she commented.

Joxer nodded. "Yeah, I guess they think their lives are pretty cheap."

They rode along for another mile in silence and Joxer squinted, trying to see around him in the rain.

"What's the matter, Joxer?" Gabrielle asked.

"I must have taken the wrong turn a few miles back. It looks like this is a dead end," he replied.

"Oh, but where did those riders come from?" she asked, looking around.

"I'm not sure. I guess we'll just have to turn back." He pulled on the reins, encouraging the horses to turn, but a crunch under the wagon prevented the wagon from going any further.

"What was that crunch?" Gabrielle asked nervously.

"We must have gone over a rock or something. I knew we should have stayed in that town we passed. Oh well, didn't we pass a castle a few miles back? Why don't you stay here and I'll go for help. Maybe I can borrow another wagon."

"I'm going with you," Gabrielle decided.

"Oh , no, darling. There's no sense in both of us getting wet," Joxer protested.

"I'm going with you. Besides, the owner of that castle might be a beautiful woman and you might never come back," the bard grinned and put a cloak over her head.

They walked back down the road together and eventually came upon a large iron gate that was closed. A flash of lightning revealed a sign that read, "Enter at your own risk!" Gabrielle and Joxer looked at each other nervously, but a loud crash of thunder decided them. Joxer opened the gate and the young couple entered.

Gabrielle looked up and could see a bright light in a tower window. "Joxer, look! There's a light."

Joxer glanced at the large building and saw something flapping in the wind. "I can see the flag fly. Just the same, there has got to be something better here for you and me."

As the two continued on through the storm, a figure watched their approach from an upper window. His eyes were expressionless and a slow smile slowly crept its way across his pale face. He slowly withdrew from the window and made his way downstairs, to the front door.

Gabrielle looked around nervously as the lightning flashed again and leaped back with a small cry as she saw a large gargoyle grinning at her from only inches away.

"Joxer, let's go back. I'm cold and frightened..." she said.

"Just a moment, Gabby. They might have a wagon we can use," Joxer interrupted.

At that moment the door opened and Gabrielle stepped back in surprise. A tall, slender man with pallid features stood on the other side, silently watching them for a moment. He rested an arm against the doorframe and glanced at the two, casually. "Hello," he drawled, his eyes roaming over Gabrielle's lithe form.

Joxer put a protective arm around the bard's shoulders and held his other hand out. "Hi! My name is Joxer and this is my fiancee, Gabrielle. Could you help us? You see our wagon broke down a few miles up the road and we wondered if you had one that we could borrow?"

The man ignored Joxer as he gazed at Gabrielle with open lust. "You're wet," he commented.

"Yes," Gabrielle answered. "It's raining."

"Yeah, it's raining," Joxer echoed.

The man looked past the couple, at the pouring rain. A flash of lightning made his pallid features even more ghastly for a brief moment. "Yes," he echoed. "I think you'd better both... come inside."

"You're too kind," Gabrielle smiled uneasily.

As they entered the castle, the bard looked around nervously. There were several animal heads on the walls and a large stuffed spotted cat posed on its hind legs with a large stuffed snake wrapped around its shoulders was placed prominently in the front hallway. "Oh, Joxer, I'm frightened! What kind of place is this?"

Joxer looked around and shrugged. "Aw, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos or something."

Gabrielle walked closer to the warrior wannabe and replied, forlornly, "Oh."

The man turned to them. "This way," he instructed and led them further into the house.

Sounds of laughter and music could be heard through a pair of large wooden doors at the end of the main hallway.

"Are you having a party?" Gabrielle asked.

The man glanced at her. "You've arrived on a very special night. It's one of the master's .... affairs."

"Oh, lucky him," Gabrielle replied.

"You're lucky! He's lucky! I'm lucky! We're all lucky! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Gabrielle turned at the voice and saw a woman slide down a stair banister. Her long dark hair looked like it hadn't been brushed in a few days and her pale face was accented by dark eye make-up. She laughed again as she saw Gabrielle back away from her into Joxer.

A loud bonging sound echoed through the hallway and Gabrielle and Joxer turned to see a large time keeper with a bell attached to it. The man grinned and glanced at the clock, then at the woman on the stair banister, then finally back to Gabrielle and Joxer.

"It's astounding! Time is fleeting. Madness takes it's toll. But listen closely..." the man began to sing in an upbeat fashion.

The woman continued, "Not for very much longer!"

"I've got to... keep control!" the man went on.

Gabrielle and Joxer tried not to let their worry show as they tried to back towards the front door.

"I remember doing the time-warp! Drinking those moments when... the darkness would hit me..." the man sang. The woman joined in, "and the void would be calling..."

Grabbing the couple's arms, the strange man and woman pushed them towards the large wooden doors which burst open as they hit them. A large crowd of people turned towards them and sang.

"Let's do the time-warp again!"

A man dressed in suit and bow tie spoke up. "It's just a jump to the left." The crowd jumped as one to the left. Another woman spoke up. "And then a step to the right!" The crowd followed the directions and joined in the song. "You bring your knees in tight! But it's the pelvic thrust... that really drives you insa-ya--ya-ya-yane! Let's do the time-warp again!"

Gabrielle tugged on Joxer's sleeve and tried to pull him back through the doors, but they bumped into the strange man and woman again who closed the doors behind them. Joxer put his arm around the bard, offering what little comfort he could, while backing away from the strange man and woman.

The dark-haired man and woman circled around the couple and were joined by another, younger woman with blonde hair.

"Well, I was walking down the street, just having a think, when this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink," the blonde sang. As she finished her verse, she squealed and began to tap-dance across the floor. As she reached the other end of the room, she tripped and fell to the floor with a squeak.

The rest of the crowd began to sing again, "Let's do the time-warp again!" They continued dancing until they all fell down to the ground in seeming exhaustion.

Gabrielle and Joxer stared at the fallen dancers and the bard poked Joxer in the ribs. "Say something!" she whispered.

Joxer tried to smile. "Say... do any of you guys know how to disco?"

Several of the dancers sat up and stared at them. Gabrielle tugged at Joxer's sleeve again and pulled him towards the doors.

"Joxer, please, let's get out of here."

"But we need help."

A steady thumping noise is heard through the room, softly at first, then slowly growing louder.

"But... it seems so .... so... unhealthy here!" Gabrielle whispered desperately.

"But it's just a party, Gabby," Joxer protested, still smiling.

"Well, I want to go!"

"Well, we can't go anywhere until we can get some help," Joxer replied.

"Then ask the butler or ... or... someone!"

"Just a moment, Gabby. We don't want to interfere with their... uh... celebration."

"This isn't the Amazon Council, Joxer!" the bard responded.

The thumping has grown steadily louder. Gabrielle grows more and more nervous and she looks around at the now recovering dancers. The strange man and woman seemed to leer at her and she felt suddenly claustrophobic.

"Aw, they're probably just foreigners with ways different than our own. Maybe they'll do some more... uh... folk dancing," Joxer said.

"Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared!" Gabrielle said fiercely.

Joxer hugged her close. "I'm here! There's nothing to worry about."

At that moment they turned and saw a tall man with dark hair, wearing make-up and a long cape that covered his body. Gabrielle uttered a small scream and stumbled back into Joxer's arms.

The strangely dressed man smirked as he watched Gabrielle slowly regain her feet. "How 'chu do? Ah see jou've met my feht'ful handyman. Hees name's Strife. She's Deescord and de udder's Meg. He's jus' a leetle brough' down becuz hwhen jou knock', he t'ought jou were de.... candyman."

The man noticed Gabrielle and Joxer's blatant stares at his choice of clothes and walked past him. "Don' get strun' out by de way ah look. Don' judge de book by de cover! Ah'm not much of a man by de ligh' of day, but by nigh' Ah'm one hell of a lover!" Throwing off his cloak, revealing an outfit that most woman only wear on their wedding night, the man put his hands on his hips and wiggled them suggestively. "Ah'm jus' a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Lusitania... we call eet de ol' country. Lemme show jou 'roun'. Mebbe play jou a soun'. Jou look lahk jou're bot' preetty groovy."

Gabrielle pushed Joxer forward. "I'm glad we caught you at home. Do you have a wagon we could borrow? We're... uh... we're in a bit of a hurry," he said.

"Right," Gabrielle agreed.

"We could just head back to the last village. We don't want to be any worry," Joxer added.

The flamboyant man smirked. "Hwell, jou got caugh' wit' a flat. How 'bout dat? Hwell, bebecita, don' chu panic. Ah get jou a Hispanic mechanic." He sat delicately into a large chair. "Why don' chu stay fohr de nigh'? Or maybe a bite? Ah could show jou my favorite obsession. Ah've bin mehkin' a man, wit' blon' hair and a tan, an' he's good for relievin' mah... tension."

The crowd parted to let the man through and he glanced at Joxer quickly, before stopping in front of Gabrielle.

"So... cohm up to de lab an' see whuz on de slab. Ah see jou sheever wit' anteeci...." he paused and Joxer and Gabby looked at each other nervously before looking back at him. "...PEHSHUN! But... uh... mebbe de rain isn' reelly to blehm. So, Ah'll remoov' de cause... but not de seemptom!" As he finished, he stepped into a small room and slammed the gate shut. A slight whirring noise was heard and the room began to lift.

Discord and Meg gave the two travelers a small towel each to dry themselves with.

"Thank you," Gabrielle said appreciatively and started to dry her hair.

"Thanks," Joxer said and dried his face off.

Strife began to take Gabrielle's clothes off, as Discord and Meg took Joxer's off. Gabrielle tried to push Strife's hands away to no avail.

"Joxer!" she cried out as her top was removed, revealing a small almost see-through tunic underneath.

"It's all right, Gabby. We'll play along for now and pull out the aces when the time is right," he replied as his pants were removed.

Meg licked her lips as her eyes roamed Joxer's body. "Slowly! Slowly! It's too nice a job to rush!"

Joxer tried to smile. "Hi, I'm Joxer and this is my fianc*e, Gabrielle."

"You're very lucky to be invited to Jace's laboratory! Some people would give their right arm for the privilege."

"People like you maybe?" Joxer asked sarcastically.

"Ha! I've seen it!" she retorted and threw his clothes onto the floor.

Gabrielle snatched her skirt back before she was pushed away and Joxer managed to grab a boot.

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