Rating: G - No sex, no violence, and no foul language.
Genres: Xena: Warrior Princess, drama.
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: Motherhood.
Author's notes: Thank you, Sue Ellen for sending these awesome lyrics. I wrote this in first person from Xena's POV. It deals with Gabrielle's possible reactions after Joxer's death and takes place a few months after Motherhood. The rest of the fifth season has not happened yet.

I gazed at my beloved friend sleeping in the firelight. The bard's face reflected the nightmares that still plagued her. Through the seemingly endless days and nights, Gabrielle had wrapped herself up in her own sorrow. I sighed as Gabrielle cried out and sat up.

"When will they end, Xena? When will the nightmares finally end?" she begged as she looked at me. The emptiness in her eyes was cruel to see. I shook my head, not knowing how to answer. Then she turned away and whispered, "Once I loved, but now my love is dead."

"Sometimes love is only sleeping, Gabrielle." I whispered.

Her sweet young face looked old as she said, "I can't cry. I can't feel. I can't give. I don't know why I am still trying." Her voice sounded so old.

I took her into my arms and held her close. Even after all the years we had spent together, I still felt unsure how to comfort her. "Joxer still loves you. He may be dead, but his love for you still lives. He would want you to be happy, Gabrielle."

"I didn't even tell him how I felt. I never told him I loved him. He died trying to save me and even as he was dying, I never told him..." Her voice caught in her throat and I knew she was crying.

I held her and rocked with her gently as I responded, "The dead can hear our thoughts. He knows you loved him. If you want, we can go to Hades' temple tomorrow."

For the first time in what seemed like forever, she smiled. "I'd like that." I felt her arms wrap around me and she held me tight. When she finally let go, she looked up at me and smiled, her tears glistened on her cheeks.

I kissed her forehead and smiled back at her. I knew the nightmares wouldn't plague her again for the rest of the night. "Get some sleep, Gabrielle. If we leave first thing in the morning, we could be at the temple by mid-day."

She nodded and lay on her pelts. I lay beside her and watched her for a few minutes. Her face seemed free of the worries of the past couple of months. The tears on her face twinkled in the firelight, making them appear like jewels. It only made her more beautiful.

I lay back on my own pelts and closed my eyes. I soon fell asleep listening to the sound of her soft, regular breathing.

I awoke just before the sunrise, as I normally do, and started preparing our early morning meal. Filling up a pot with water from a nearby stream, I added some herbs to make tea. I cut some cheese and bread and foraged for some berries. I prepared Gabrielle's plate and poured her tea, making sure to add some honey to her cup before I woke her. "Rise and shine, Gabrielle. I've got breakfast ready and made some tea, as well." I was confused for a moment as I saw the sorrow on her face, then I realized what I had said. "Oh, Gabrielle, I'm sorry! I didn't realize..."

"It's all right," she interrupted. She took a small sip of tea and winced. "Can you pass me the honey, please? It's too bitter."

I passed her the honey. "I added some already."

She put some more honey into her cup and took another tentative sip, then smiled. "That's better. It just needed a little more. I love tea, but I can't drink it straight like you do."

I poured myself some tea and took some bread, cheese and berries for myself. Some of the berries were not quite ripe yet, but I enjoyed the bitter taste. We finished our meal and Gabrielle took the dishes to the stream to clean while I packed our bedding into Argo's saddlebags. When she returned, Gabrielle put the dishes away while I finished cleaning the camp and ensured the campfire was out.

"Ready to go?" I asked with a smile. She nodded and we started off towards the Temple of Hades, the god of the underworld. We walked most of the morning and made good time. We got to the temple a little after mid-day. We decided that Gabrielle would go in alone, while I prepared the mid-day meal. I watched her climb the steps and hesitantly enter the building. She looked nervous. I didn't blame her.

I had almost finished eating when I saw her emerge from the temple. Her face had a glow of peace and she was smiling as she looked at me. I could see that she had been crying again, but this time it seemed as though the tears were of happiness, not sorrow.

"I saw him, Xena. Joxer came to me and we talked. I told him how I feel about him and he knew. All this time I thought I was hiding it from him, but he knew. He's at peace now, Xena. He's happy and he told me to tell you that he forgives Eve. He still loves her, and you, too. He said he'll wait for me to join him." Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks, but her smile was radiant as she continued, "He loves me, Xena. He never stopped loving me."

I took her into my arms as she approached and hugged her. As she pulled away and stood there, I could see how different she looked. Instead of the depressed, hunched-over woman that had been my companion for the past few months, this was the proud, strong, vivacious young bard who had been my beloved friend and travelling companion for many years.

I was overjoyed to see my friend's spirit lifted and couldn't restrain myself from swooping her into my arms and twirling her around as though she were a child. "Gabrielle, I am so happy for you! It is so good to see you happy again! Tell me all about it while you eat."

She sat across from me and began her story. Maybe I'll tell it to you, sometime.

Please take a moment to write to Anne at JoxerBuddy@hotmail.com and let her know how you liked the story!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, and all other characters who have appeared in either series, together with the names, titles and backstories are the sole copyright property of StudiosUSA and Renaissance Pictures. The lyrics to "Love Is Only Sleeping" are owned by the appropriate copyright holders. No infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan fiction. This story is copyright © 2000 by Anne Beaudry and is her sole property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.