Joxer's Quantum Leap, part 1
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by Anne Beaudry

Copyright 1999

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

Joxer / Sam - Joxer is the warrior-wannabe and is the body that Sam "leaps" into.
Al - Sam's only link with his own time, a holographic image that only Sam can see
Xena - Warrior Princess
Gabrielle - Xena's sidekick

"Come on Joxer, try it again! You can do it!" a dark-haired woman encouraged.

All of a sudden the person known as Joxer froze and then he looked around with a confused look on his face. He looked at the sword he held in his hand and then looked up at the woman towering above him, waving a sword of her own.

"Oh boy!" he said nervously.

The tall woman reached down and grabbed his arm, dragging him to his feet. She brought her own sword up and swung at him again.

"Can't we just talk about this? You don't have to kill me," he said and dropped his sword, "Look, see? I don't want to fight you!"

The woman didn't say a word as she bent down and picked up the sword and tossed it back to him. She looked at him closely and waited for him to catch the sword and prepare himself. When he brought the sword up, she charged and brought her own sword up for a powerful swing towards his head.

"AAGGHHH!!" he screamed and swung his sword blindly, ducking and backing away from the woman in fright.

"Joxer, calm down! Relax!" she grabbed his sword and held it, "Joxer, what happened? You looked like you didn't even recognize me."

Looking at him closer, she commented, "You still look confused. Are you okay? Did you hit your head?"

"No, no, I'm okay. I guess, I was just dazed for a minute, but I'm okay now. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Did I hurt you?" he asked.

She sheathed her sword and walked towards him.

"I'm fine! Let's call it a day. You did good today. If you keep working like that then you'll be able to take on Ares himself!" she grinned.

She patted his shoulder and walked towards a rough looking campsite. Joxer followed her and looked around. A light-coloured horse was chewing some grass at the edge of the camp, near where they were walking. It looked up as the two entered the campsite and stared hard at Joxer and flattened her ears, neighing a warning and backing up. Xena looked at the horse strangely for a moment and looked at Joxer again.

An attractive strawberry blonde woman was preparing something in a pot. She glanced up as her two friends returned to the camp and smiled.

"Hi Xena! How'd it go? Is he getting any better?" she asked.

Xena shook her head and decided that Argo must have been staring at something else.

"Hi Gabrielle, I really think he's improving. What's for dinner? Rabbit?" Xena asked as walked over to Gabrielle and looked in the pot.

"Mmmm. Smells good. What did you add?" asked Xena.

"I found some herbs and roots and you should have seen the size of the rabbit! It was huge! It came right up to me when I held out a root for it," Gabrielle said. Looking at Joxer she asked, "Are you alright? You don't look okay."

Joxer nodded and said, "I'm okay. So, is there anything I can help with?"

The two women glanced at each other and said quickly, "No!"

"We can handle it. Why don't you go look for some more wood?" asked Xena.

Joxer nodded and left the camp. He hadn't gone far when a white doorway opened before him, a person with a cigar stepped through and the doorway closed. The man looked around and smiled. "What a nice place. This is beautiful, Sam."

"Hi Al. Why am I here?" asked Joxer/Sam.

"Ziggy's working on that now. You look like you could use a bath. Okay, here it is." Al hit a small hand held computer unit. "You are..." he hit it again, "Jox..." hitting the unit again, he smiled and finished his sentence, "You are Joxer and this is... Ancient Greece! Sam! Do you realize what this means? This is the furthest you have ever leaped!"

"Ancient Greece? Oh no! Al, you've got to be wrong!" Sam cried. "I'm not supposed to leap past my birth! How could this have happened?"

"Ziggy says this is Ancient Greece and those two woman back there are Xena and Gabrielle. Apparently lightning struck both you and Ziggy at the exact same time as you leaped. We've got the people back home working on it. Ziggy seems to be okay, but we've still got some people looking her over."

"Okay, so why am I here?" asked Sam.

"Well, apparently you are supposed to save Gabrielle's life. Ziggy is going to search the database for more information," Al replied.

"When am I supposed to do this and where does this happen?" Sam asked.

"Sometime between now and tomorrow not far from here."

"Does Ziggy know who does this?"

"No. But we're going to do some research. This may take some time. I'll be back later." Al punched some buttons and the doorway reappeared.

"Al, wait! What am I supposed to do?" Sam asked.

"Well, get some more wood and help them with dinner. Don't worry, I'll be back," Al said as he stepped backward through the doorway and punched another button. Sam watched as the doorway closed and Al vanished.

Sam sighed and turned around, looking for more wood. He thought about the many different people he had "leaped" into. He laughed as he remembered being a mom to three kids, two girls and one teen-aged boy. The boy had been teased because he was still a virgin and ran away only to be kidnapped. Al found the boy and gave Sam directions where to find him. The boy had been kidnapped by two men and was tied up in the back of a van. Sam remembered getting the van to stop and one of the men getting out of the drivers seat. All the man saw was a mother trying to save her son, he didn't see the fist in his face until it was too late. He fell like a sack of potatoes. He saw the love and respect in the boy's eyes before he leaped.

He thought about some of the others -- a "Russian" wrestler born in Arkansas, a test pilot, a circus acrobat... there were so many, he couldn't remember them all. He tried to remember his own life but couldn't. Each time he "leaped" he forgot more about his own life. Without Al to help him remember, he could have forgotten himself totally. He almost lost himself once. He shook his head and came back to the present.

"You okay?" a voice asked behind him.

He jumped and turned. It was the young woman called Gabrielle. She looked concerned.

"Uh, yeah. I'm okay. How's dinner doing? I've got some more wood here," he said.

"Dinner's almost ready. Xena and I heard you talking to someone earlier. Who was it?" she asked.

"No one. I was talking to myself," he said.

Gabrielle looked at him and smiled to herself. Yep! That sounds like Joxer alright.

"So, what were you smiling about then?" she asked, smiling.

He glanced at her embarrased and unsure what to say. "Well, I was just thinking about, uh, you know..." he started.

"Do you remember when Aphrodite gave me that enchanted scroll and everything went nuts?" she laughed. "I was so mad when I saw what you wrote! One of me was enough, but three naked dancing me's? I could've killed you!"

Sam laughed, "Yeah, well, you know how I feel about you."

Gabrielle looked at him strangely. This was the first time he even hinted at his feelings for her. Finally! Maybe he'll say he loves me now!

"No, I don't. How do you feel about me?" she asked.

Sam licked his lips nervously, he had mistakenly thought Joxer and Gabrielle were a couple. "Oh, uh, well, I like you, and, uh..." he stuttered.

Gabrielle smiled and enjoyed watching Joxer sputter. Nuts! I was so sure he'd say it this time.

"It's okay Joxer. We'd better get back to camp before Xena lets the dinner burn," she laughed.

"Okay," Sam said, and started walking towards the camp only to trip over a large root in his path. He fell forward and dropped all the wood he was carrying. Gabrielle giggled and helped him to pick up the fallen firewood. Sam got up and dusted himself off. He took the wood from Gabrielle and carefully walked the rest of the way into camp with no more incidents.

"I'm sorry," he muttered.

Gabrielle looked at Joxer and smiled. She hoped he would never change. She knew how he felt towards her. He showed it in everything he did for her. She remembered when he traded his father's scabbard for a very expensive necklace for her. She still kept it in a small pouch on her waist. Touching it gently, she could feel the shape of the necklace and thought about Joxer again. He was annoying and clumsy and arrogant and ... sweet and generous and kind and sort of cute, in his own little way. She had been waiting for over a year for him to say something but he was so shy! She thought maybe if they were alone he might say something, but even when she asked how he felt, he still denied it. She sighed and walked into camp. Catching Xena's eye, she shook her head.

Xena smiled and poured some of the stew into a bowl and handed it to Joxer. She watched as he brought over to Gabrielle. She knew as well as Gabrielle did that he loved her and was just too afraid to show it. She couldn't blame him really. The way Gabrielle treated him sometimes would be enough to scare away most other suitors. Even she would leave if Gabrielle treated her like that. But Joxer didn't say a word about anything Gabrielle did. She could, and did, do anything to him and get away with it.

She poured some stew for herself and sat next to Joxer. She noticed he wasn't eating like he normally did and looked at him closely. There was something different but she couldn't figure out what it was. He looked alright, but... she shook her head. It was probably nothing. Jett was in prison and Jace was nowhere near here. There was no doubt that this was Joxer. She decided to leave it for now.

Sam picked at his food. He didn't really like the taste of rabbit, but tried to eat it anyway. Gabrielle was sitting next to him and he could feel the heat of her body. He tried not to think about it but found it harder and harder as everytime she moved, he could feel it.

"Hi Sam. I'm back... and I'm glad I am. Who is this? Oh, hold on, I know. She has to be... Gabrielle, am I right?" Al said as he reappeared behind Sam. Sam was thankful for the excuse to leave.

"I, uh, I'll be back in a few minutes. I have to, uh, go, you know..." he said.

"You have to go to the little boy's bush?" Gabrielle asked, enjoying herself as she watched the blush creep into his cheeks.

Sam nodded and left the camp and began to walk into the bushes.

"Gabrielle, do you notice anything odd about Joxer?" Xena asked.

"Odd?" she asked. "No. Why? You don't think that Jett or Jace..."

"No, no! Nothing like that!" Xena quickly reassured her friend. "It's just that he seems different. It almost seems like it's not him, like it's a stranger or something."

"Maybe he's just sick. You know, he didn't eat very much stew today and I know that it's his favorite."

Xena smiled at her friend and said, "Gabrielle, anything you cook is his favorite!"

"Do we have any of the herbs left that the last healer gave us? Maybe I should make him some tea. What do you think?" Gabrielle asked, looking concerned.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe it's just that he's sick. I think the herbs are in the saddle-bags. Do you want me to get them?" Xena asked.

"No, that's okay, I can get them." Gabrielle got up to get the herbs and Xena got some water to boil for the tea.

Sam walked a little way into the brush and looked back towards the camp. The two women were still sitting and eating, they were talking, obviously about him by the way they kept looking towards the area where he'd disappeared. He turned and saw Al standing a few feet away.

"Has Ziggy figured out who's going to try and kill Gabrielle yet? And why am I dressed like this?" Sam asked.

"What's wrong with the way you're dressed?" Al asked.

"Al, I have a spagetti strainer on my head for pete's sake!" Sam shot back.

"Alright, calm down! Why don't you take it off if you don't like it? Ziggy says that whoever kills her is immortal. Immortal? Come on, you stupid thing! What do you mean by that?" he smacked the machine in his hands a couple of times and cursed at it and finally shrugged. "Ziggy's sure that whoever it is, is immortal. I'll try to get some more information on it. Look out, the cute one is coming. You know, I think she really likes you, I mean Joxer." Al pushed a button on the little machine and disappeared through the doorway.

"Joxer, are you okay? Xena and I think you may be coming down with something and made you some herbal tea," she said.

"Thanks, but I'm okay. Really. I just need some rest I guess," he said and followed her back to camp.

Gabrielle sat him down and gave him some dark liquid with a few leaves and bits of bark floating in it. He took a sip and found the liquid to be bitter but he drank it anyway. He took the bark out and bit into it. He smiled as he realized that it was birch bark. I didn't realize they used birch in Ancient Greece, he thought.

"Are you okay?" Xena asked.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Would you like some help with the dishes?" he asked.

Xena and Gabrielle looked at him strangely.

"What?" he asked.

"Joxer, you know that it's Gabrielle's job to wash the dishes. Your job is to get enough wood for the night. Are you sure you're okay?" Xena asked, looking at him closely. She thought she could see something but she wasn't sure.

"I'm fine. I just thought that we could do them together and then you could relax early while I go get the wood. Okay?" he asked.

"That's very nice of you Joxer, but we really need the wood now so I can boil the water for the dishes. When you get back, you can sing us a song, okay?" Gabrielle asked.

"Okay, right. I'll go get the wood now." Sam said as he got up and walked back into the bushes.

Sam walked into the woods and looked for some good pieces of wood. He found a few and carried them while he was looking around for more. He heard someone behind him and turned to see Xena carrying some wood. She stopped for a moment and used her foot to kick a piece of wood into the air and catch it in her arms. She walked towards him and he nodded. "Hi Xena."

"Hi Joxer. I figured you could probably use the help, that way you could get back sooner and sing. You did promise us yesterday that you had a new song you wanted us to hear." she said.

"Oh, well, I'm really not feeling that good and my throat is sore and, you know, I think, maybe in a few days..."

"You sound fine to me. Come here," she balanced the load of wood in one arm and felt under his throat with her free hand.

After feeling around for a second, she said, "Your throat isn't swollen. Come on, let's go. I think we have enough wood now and I am really looking forward to hearing that new song of yours." She patted his back and led him back to the camp.

Gabrielle had some hot water and was already washing the dishes. She used a pine cone to scrub most of the food off and the hardened food she picked off with her fingernails. She looked up when she heard her friends return to camp.

Sam put the wood down away from the campfire and rummaged around trying to look busy. Xena pulled him over to a nearby log and forced him to sit. Handing him a stringed instrument, she sat down across from him and encouraged him to start.

"Go ahead, Joxer. You have your lute and a captive audience. What more could you ask for?" asked Gabrielle.

"Well, ahem, this is an oldie, but, uh, well, I mean..." he stuttered.

"Joxer, just sing," Xena said as she polished her shakram.

"Alright, here I go," he said and tried to strum the lute.

Xena looked up at him and Gabrielle dropped the dish she was washing. Sam flushed with embarrassment and shrugged.

"Oops."

Just then Al appeared beside Sam and looked around.

"Sam, okay, I've got the information here. What are you doing?" Al asked.

"I'm going to sing a song," Sam replied.

"Yeah, and we're still waiting," Gabrielle said.

"So what are you going to sing?" asked the holograph.

"I think I will start with Stand By Me," said Sam.

"That's a good one," replied Al.

"Never heard of it," said Gabrielle. "Is it one you wrote?"

"No, I learned it from a friend," Sam said and stood up. Clearing his throat, he began:

When the night has come and the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see,
No, I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me.

So darling, darling, stand by me,
oh, stand by me. Oh, stand,
stand by me, stand by me.

If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall,
or the mountain should crumble in the sea,
I won't cry, I won't cry, no, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me.

When he had finished, the camp was silent. Even Al, who has an opinion on every subject, was quiet. "So, was it okay?" Sam asked after a moment.

Gabrielle looked up with tears in her eyes and nodded. Xena smiled and nodded. "It was beautiful! I never thought you could write something like that." Gabrielle said softly.

Sam ducked his head and blushed. Gabrielle walked up to him and kissed his cheek. Xena simply nodded and smiled.

"Sam, I've got some information you might want to know. Tell them you need to go for a walk. Nice song, by the way. Very touching," Al said.

"Excuse me, I'll be back in a minute. I just want to take a short walk. I'll be back soon," Sam said.

"Be careful, there's a bandit around here. From what I've heard, he's known to be ruthless. If you get into trouble, give a yell," Xena warned.

Sam nodded and smiled, "I'll be okay. Don't worry." Sam walked off leaving the two women to discuss their friend's strange actions over the past couple of hours.

"Alright, what have you got?" Sam asked.

"Okay, Ziggy says there is a 97.58% chance that Gabrielle will die by... ah, here it is, she is going to die by... a god?" Al said with frustration. "Damn it Ziggy! How many times have I told you? The Ancient Greek gods did not exist!" Turning to Sam, he said, "She probably meant that Gabrielle is going to die by the bandit that Zo... Za..." Al paused trying to remember the name.

"Xena. Her name is Xena," Sam said. "I figured that out already, but when is it going to happen? What time?"

"Ziggy doesn't know. Sam, you have to understand that this is Ancient Greece, getting any information about this time is hard enough! Do you know that Ziggy had to go all the way back to 1944 to find any information on Xena at all? Apparently her scrolls were written by a travelling bard, my guess is the lovely lady that kissed you is the one who wrote them," Al said.

"Is there anything else you can give me?" Sam asked. "Come on, Al, I need more than this! What did the scrolls say?"

"Ziggy's still translating them. The bard liked to use a lot of poetry and and it's a little hard to translate. Ziggy's doing her best." Al said.

Sam heard a sound behind him and turned to see man with a knife in his hand approaching him.

"Watch out Sam!" Al cried.

Sam jumped high into the air and spun around. As he turned, he kicked the man in the face and knocked him backwards. When Sam landed he punched the man in the face and succeeded in knocking him out. Letting the man fall to the ground, Sam kicked the knife away from his hand.

"Well done. Now who are you?" A voice behind him asked.

Sam spun around to see Xena standing behind him with her arms crossed. She looked suspicious and was watching him closely.

"You know who I am. I'm Joxer. Your friend?" Sam said nervously.

"I don't know who you are, but I do know that you are not Joxer. Tell me who you are and why you're here, unless you'd like to see me angry?" Xena said.

"I think you should tell her the truth, Sam," Al said.

In a flash, Xena drew her sword and turned to where Al was standing. She looked confused as she looked around trying to find the source of the voice she heard.

"Where is he? What is this? What's going on?" Xena demanded.

"Oh boy!" Sam muttered.

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